Cindy P Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I have a big situation and need advice. When at the pet store one day recently, I seen the brother of an ex boyfriend of 22 years ago. I did not want to speak to him so I made a quick exit. Not that he would recognize me anyway. It left me wondering what ever happened to my ex. I have thought about him over the years may times. We were together in 1988. [COLOR=#1f497d]I dumped him because when we were dating he brought baggage to the relationship. He still wasn’t over his previous girlfriend. Being young and stupid I thought that moving in together would fix it. Well it didn’t and I was tired of him putting up with him pining over this woman so I left him. BUT, there was this girl who lived in the building who always thought he was nice looking and a nice guy. And he was a nice guy and that is not why I left him. Anyway, when I did leave him, I told this girl he was available and she went after him. About 6 months after I left him, he started dating her. And I was happy for him because I told him when I left him to get rid of his baggage so that he could move on. [/COLOR]So I guess they have been together ever since. Her name is Monique. So I decided to go on facebook to see if I could find him. I sent him a message asking him how he was. He said that just a couple of days before he was thinking of me when he was at the tire store getting tires for his truck. Then he said lets keep in touch and signed it "hugs". I facebooked him back and told him that I would love to keep in touch but I did not want any problems with Monique because she was a possesive person which I found bizarre because I hooked them up and once they were together she did not want him talking to me. I told him that if she was going to be a problem, we should not keep in contact. After sending that message, I typed in her name on Facebook and made the grave discovery that she died! Thinking it may have been a mistake, I typed her name into the archives of a local newspaper and her obituary was there. She died one week before christmas in 2008. I felt so bad. Only because he is a nice guy and he did not do anything to me. So I facebooked him again and apologized and told him that I am so sorry, I did not realize she passed away or I would never have asked him that. I told him that I was so sorry he had to experience such a thing and again please accept my apologies. Even if he did accept my apologies, my fear would be meeting with him again. I have gained 100 pounds since we knew each other and he is still thin and looks good. That rejection would kill me. Any advice?
cerridwen Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Hi Cindy, I think you should keep in touch with him but not run too far into the future with this just yet. You don't know what else (or who else) he may have going in his life so don't assume you'll be meeting up just yet. Take things slow--so you don't set yourself up to be hurt and so maybe if things look promising, you find this motivating and buy yourself time to lose some weight. I am assuming you're interested in a relationship right? I couldn't really tell from your post.
Author Cindy P Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 I am still interested in him. I know he is a nice guy. My fear is that he won't like me because I am so much heavier now than I was then. I am working on losing the weight, and I did mention that in the reply. Is there any way I can get an idea if he may be interested even though I am over weight? You are right, he may very well be seeing someone else although I do feel a bit confused because he did say he was thinking of me and responded to my facebook message. If he did have someone else in his life, I don't think she would appreciate him responding to an Ex!
AlisaMarie Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I am still interested in him. I know he is a nice guy. My fear is that he won't like me because I am so much heavier now than I was then. I am working on losing the weight, and I did mention that in the reply. Is there any way I can get an idea if he may be interested even though I am over weight? You are right, he may very well be seeing someone else although I do feel a bit confused because he did say he was thinking of me and responded to my facebook message. If he did have someone else in his life, I don't think she would appreciate him responding to an Ex! Hi Cindy! Well, set a goal for yourself to shed some lbs before you meet up with him if you plan on it! I am sure he saw some pics on fb so it's not like he's going to be like "whoa you gained weight." Besides, if he is still thinking of you after 22 years... I am sure he loved the person inside. Could be a fairy tail or a disaster... but you'll never know unless you pursue something! And don't feel bad about his woman passing away... how were you suppose to know? I wish you all the happiness! Keep us posted!
Capital P Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 22 years? Thats ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. If it didnt work 22 years ago it has zero chance of working now. Meet up if you want but dont go bulding a romance in your head that isnt there
cerridwen Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 22 years? Thats ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. If it didnt work 22 years ago it has zero chance of working now. Meet up if you want but dont go bulding a romance in your head that isnt there Some people evolve over that span of time so there's no harm in putting some feelers out there and checking out the situation Cindy. Again just try to keep your emotions in check so you don't get too excited, only to have your hopes dashed. You mentioned the weight gain in the reply to him (and hopefully that you're working on getting healthier?). Has he responded yet? AlisaMarie alluded to FB and that might be a good place to put some current pics of yourself so he can check it out himself. Then, he has an honest picture of what you look like now without you having to "unveil" yourself in a face-to-face meeting. That would be nerve-racking and potentially hurtful for you!
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