Bound to this relationship by jealousy and upset!? LONG, but ?

[JadenMia]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 2 years now, the only word i could describe us is.. Intense.

We did everything together, never really had time apart, and on the whole i has been an enjoyable experience.

I am extremely jealous, and always had this problem in my life.. And he is quite jealous too..

 

For the past few months his jealousy got really hard to control, Whenever we were out, he would accuse his friends of flirting with me.. and lots of the time he would blame it on me for 'leading them on'..

I dont realise i was doing anything, which hurt because i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, yet he was constantly accusing me of it.

Then, he started name calling.. All the time, saying i was a 'slut', 'whore', 'tramp'... etc..

When one night i was home waiting for him to come home, he turned up extremely drunk, just being horrible.. Hitting me in the leg whilst we were in bed.. When i got upset and told him to stop, he was saing.. over and over.. 'Dont worry, your a slut, and sluts dont hurt.. This wont hurt you'.

 

It upset me so much.. i just felt like a piece of crap..

Then a week later we went out for halloween.. the usual happened, he got drunk and accusing me of flirting.. He must have been sat there watching me, as i spoke to friends etc.. Because he came up sreaming at me, calling me all the usual names.. in front of everyone.. It was so upsetting and embarrassing.. Now everyone knew how he thought of me.

 

I had enough and left him the day after..

I was having so much fun while we werent together, I saw my friends, my daughter even seemed happier, It was like a HUGE weight had been lifted. Even a guy who i have known for a while, started sending me flowers at work.. I was just feeling amazing and started to feel confident in myself again.

After 2 weeks, I was hearing from people that my ex was talking to a number of girls.. And i started to feel my horrible jealousy coming back, I couldnt bear to think about him being with another girl.. And we ended up starting to talk again.. We decided to give it another go..

 

So here i am, unhappy again, all my jealousy raging thinking about what he has been upto with other people... I found pictures on his phone of girls etc.. I just feel like im dying inside.. I cant leave him because of my jealousy..

Has anybody got any advice for me? I feel like i need to be free again, but yet now i feel trapped and insecure..

Somebody please.. give me advice and a big thankyou to those who took the time to read.

[PegNosePete]

Get rid of this d!ckhead and find someone deserving of you.

Remember how you felt when you were free of him, don't you want to feel that again?

Dump him and never speak to him again.

[JadenMia]

Get rid of this d!ckhead and find someone deserving of you.

Remember how you felt when you were free of him, don't you want to feel that again?

Dump him and never speak to him again.

 

I think about it everday! I really want to ditch him, i just feel really scared to be without him. Nothing that he would do to me, i just cant stand the fact of him meeting someone and me having to see it.. It would kill me.. And this is my problem, i am scared that once i leave him for good, i will deeply regret doing it.. I know deep down i deserve so much more than this, I just cant work up the guts to just leave for good.

And when i have ever left him, he works my mind into thinking that i need him, and that i made a mistake..I always end up falling for his bullsh*t.

It just eats me away everyday..

I really wanted to post this question to be able to look back at what i have written and my answers i receive.. Especially when he tries to manipulate me the way he does.

[PegNosePete]

You do deserve so much more. He is a manipulative, abusive idiot.

There is no excuse for the way he has treated you, he is a dirtbag.

You can do a lot better, there are some really nice people in this world and he is not one of them.

The longer you are with him, the more of your life you are wasting. The time you waste on him could be spent finding and being with someone so much better.

Even being single is so much better than being with him!

 

You should not feel jealous for any other girl who falls into his clutches. You should feel pity! You know what she is going to be going through, and it is not nice.

[veggirl]

What would you tell your daughter if she was dating and "in love" with someone like this? Look at the example you are setting for her. Focus on that and LEAVE this a-hole!

 

If you are afraid of not being with him, then all the more reason to leave. You should always be FINE being alone.

 

You are scared that he will meet someone and you will see? How would you see? You go No Contact. ASAP!! And if you see him w/ another woman out on the town, you feel badly for that woman as she is now with an abusive drunk!

[veggirl]

I found pictures on his phone of girls etc..

 

I missed this on my first read. You do realize he is most likely still talking to those girls, right? The fact that is obsessed with the idea that you flirt/cheat is uh...suspect to say the least.

[OneSadLady]

First thing here, I think you understand what you need to do. You are MISERABLE and this whole not being able to stand him being with another woman, yah that's rough. I know where you're coming from! I'm in that situation right now actually, but I just try not to think about it.

 

In order to make yourself happy you need to think about YOU. That guy that gave you flowers made you feel good! You were getting confidence, compare that to now! I'd hate to think what this guy you have is really doing. He treated you horrible and as soon as you realize he's chasing other women you run back to him, what do you think this tells him? Adults and children really aren't that much different in that they'll push boundaries as far as they can and the end result for you will be an invisible tramp stamp that says "Welcome"

 

I think, I could be wrong here, that you may miss him and remember him for the amazing guy he once was. But your time together isn't like that anymore and it hurts, oh God it hurts, but you need to realize that it probably won't be that way again. No person should EVER talk to ANYONE the way he did to you!

 

So let him have his little flings and do what he wants, a relationship is only worth the happiness it brings and I think that ship has sailed long ago.

[JadenMia]

Thankyou everybody for taking the time to read, I agree with what everyone is saying here, I want nothing more for this to be all over..

I know its time to let go.. I think he knows it too..

We have been just arguing everyday all day whilst we work through texts and calls.. but as soon as the night comes we still end up seeing each other and acting like everything is okay.. I think alot of it has to do with routine also..Even though every night im with him, i think 'Ugh.. what am i doing here!?'

 

I have a horrible trait that just wont allow me to make permanent decisions.. I am just so scared that when it is all over, i will have made the wrong decision and be terribly unhappy whilst he is with other people having fun, treating girls the way they should be treated.. whilst he never did that for me..

Its just so hard for me to let him go..

[PegNosePete]

treating girls the way they should be treated...

Oh believe me, that is not going to happen.

You need to find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated! There are plenty of guys out there.

 

Look at it this way, there are thousands of great guys out there, but only one of you. So the odds of you finding a great guy, are really good!

[phillyfan]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 2 years now, the only word i could describe us is.. Intense.

We did everything together, never really had time apart, and on the whole i has been an enjoyable experience.

I am extremely jealous, and always had this problem in my life.. And he is quite jealous too..

 

For the past few months his jealousy got really hard to control, Whenever we were out, he would accuse his friends of flirting with me.. and lots of the time he would blame it on me for 'leading them on'..

I dont realise i was doing anything, which hurt because i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, yet he was constantly accusing me of it.

Then, he started name calling.. All the time, saying i was a 'slut', 'whore', 'tramp'... etc..

When one night i was home waiting for him to come home, he turned up extremely drunk, just being horrible.. Hitting me in the leg whilst we were in bed.. When i got upset and told him to stop, he was saing.. over and over.. 'Dont worry, your a slut, and sluts dont hurt.. This wont hurt you'.

 

It upset me so much.. i just felt like a piece of crap..

Then a week later we went out for halloween.. the usual happened, he got drunk and accusing me of flirting.. He must have been sat there watching me, as i spoke to friends etc.. Because he came up sreaming at me, calling me all the usual names.. in front of everyone.. It was so upsetting and embarrassing.. Now everyone knew how he thought of me.

 

I had enough and left him the day after..

I was having so much fun while we werent together, I saw my friends, my daughter even seemed happier, It was like a HUGE weight had been lifted. Even a guy who i have known for a while, started sending me flowers at work.. I was just feeling amazing and started to feel confident in myself again.

After 2 weeks, I was hearing from people that my ex was talking to a number of girls.. And i started to feel my horrible jealousy coming back, I couldnt bear to think about him being with another girl.. And we ended up starting to talk again.. We decided to give it another go..

 

So here i am, unhappy again, all my jealousy raging thinking about what he has been upto with other people... I found pictures on his phone of girls etc.. I just feel like im dying inside.. I cant leave him because of my jealousy..

Has anybody got any advice for me? I feel like i need to be free again, but yet now i feel trapped and insecure..

Somebody please.. give me advice and a big thankyou to those who took the time to read.

 

What about this. Stay with him and your little girl has to watch a sad azz loser bully calling his mom a slut and a whore. U seriously need more reasons than that to leave?

[hoping2heal]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 2 years now, the only word i could describe us is.. Intense.

We did everything together, never really had time apart, and on the whole i has been an enjoyable experience.

I am extremely jealous, and always had this problem in my life.. And he is quite jealous too..

 

For the past few months his jealousy got really hard to control, Whenever we were out, he would accuse his friends of flirting with me.. and lots of the time he would blame it on me for 'leading them on'..

I dont realise i was doing anything, which hurt because i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, yet he was constantly accusing me of it.

Then, he started name calling.. All the time, saying i was a 'slut', 'whore', 'tramp'... etc..

When one night i was home waiting for him to come home, he turned up extremely drunk, just being horrible.. Hitting me in the leg whilst we were in bed.. When i got upset and told him to stop, he was saing.. over and over.. 'Dont worry, your a slut, and sluts dont hurt.. This wont hurt you'.

 

It upset me so much.. i just felt like a piece of crap..

Then a week later we went out for halloween.. the usual happened, he got drunk and accusing me of flirting.. He must have been sat there watching me, as i spoke to friends etc.. Because he came up sreaming at me, calling me all the usual names.. in front of everyone.. It was so upsetting and embarrassing.. Now everyone knew how he thought of me.

 

I had enough and left him the day after..

I was having so much fun while we werent together, I saw my friends, my daughter even seemed happier, It was like a HUGE weight had been lifted. Even a guy who i have known for a while, started sending me flowers at work.. I was just feeling amazing and started to feel confident in myself again.

After 2 weeks, I was hearing from people that my ex was talking to a number of girls.. And i started to feel my horrible jealousy coming back, I couldnt bear to think about him being with another girl.. And we ended up starting to talk again.. We decided to give it another go..

 

So here i am, unhappy again, all my jealousy raging thinking about what he has been upto with other people... I found pictures on his phone of girls etc.. I just feel like im dying inside.. I cant leave him because of my jealousy..

Has anybody got any advice for me? I feel like i need to be free again, but yet now i feel trapped and insecure..

Somebody please.. give me advice and a big thankyou to those who took the time to read.

 

Dysfunctional and toxic. Two words to sum up this very long post as well as the relationship.

 

When control issues are present, and they actually seem to be for both of you, he just happens to be evolving his a bit more than you - that is the first sign that this is a bad relationship.

 

That said, relationship aside it is likely there are personal and individual reasons for both of you having the issues you do. You cannot control him or dictate what he does. He may go on his entire life in this manner, but if you want to feel good and happy again - time to get some help.

[JadenMia]

Today he said he wanted to take me and my daughter out sledding in the snow and for a meal etc as it was both our onl day off this week..

Low and behold he ignored my calls until this afternoon.. He answered and told me to 'f*ck off for a little bit.. I'm with my friends and too stoned to talk to you'...

It hurt at first.. but hey... he made my horrible decision for me i guess.. I can now move on knowing i didnt make a mistake. Such a huge weight off my shoulders

 

Thankyou so much everybody for helping me see this.. You dont even know how much i appreciate it!! Now time to go buy some books.. get my hair done.. and feel good

[FoueeinLove]

Have you considered getting individual counseling? To me, and I'm no professional by any means, it sounds like you may have abandoment issues. You know you're not happy, but you're subconciously afraid of being alone or feeling abandoned so you stay in an unhappy relationship.

 

You project this fear of him being with someone else to rationalize staying with him because it's hard for us to be really honest about our fears.

 

You've already admitted that you are happier without him, so that is the first step. It might be painful, but you are going to have to work through WHY you're allowing yourself to be treated so poorly.

 

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. Right now, you are role modeling for her what realtionships should be. You don't want her to think it's normal for a man to be abusive, or associate abuse/control with love.

 

If you don't feel strong enough to just completely get away from him, I would urge you to at least seek counseling for yourself.

[JadenMia]

I do completely agree with you, I think i have some serious issues that i would to get to the bottom of, or at least understand them a little.

This is exactly how my relationship with my daughters father was, and ended..

Its just i have no idea on how to go about getting some help for my issues? How exactly would i go about getting counselling? And if it costs money there propbably wont be a chance of me receiving therapy.. lol I am a broke single mum..

[JadenMia]

And for a quick update..

 

I did leave him after the day he blew us off! I have been a lot happier, and just felt free which is nice

He was harrassing me with texts and calls for a few days though, calling me names..getting his friends to call me names etc. Which ended in me in tears at work having to leave..

My mother is a friend of the towns seargants wife who had told her husband what my ex had been doing and saying. He called my ex up and hd a little 'word' with him, and i havnt heard a nasty word from him since!

I feel at peace!

[Woman In Blue]

Oh for God's sakes - is this guy 15 years old? What a nasty little d*ickhead.

 

You might want to consider putting your DAUGHTER first for a big change, JadenMia. Everything has been ALL about YOU - how YOU'RE scared to let him go, and how YOU'RE too jealous to think of this greasy little weasel with another woman, and how YOU can't stand the thought of him being 'happy' while you're left alone in misery, and on and on and on.

 

Never once have you mentioned how dysfunctional and toxic this mess of a relationship was for your DAUGHTER. Not once did you ever consider HER safety because you continually brought a verbally and physically ABUSIVE monster around her every chance you got. Never ONCE did you consider what all this unhealthy garbage going on in front of her might be doing to HER mentally and emotionally. It's been all about YOU.

 

When this worthless little douche bag comes sniffing around again - and he WILL, because you're only too happy to let him abuse you and you keep coming back for more - why don't you actually consider your DAUGHTER for a big change? You wrote post after post in this thread about what an abusive loser this guy is, hitting you and degrading you and doing everything he possibly COULD to make you feel horrible - and everyone told you to get away from him. Then, you turn around and tell us all how this jackass was supposed to take you and your daughter sledding and out to eat!!! It's like you didn't absorb ONE WORD of what anyone said to you in this thread. Are you really THAT suprised that this worthless human being let you down YET AGAIN and stood you up for 'sledding' date? And once again, you set your daughter up to be treated like garbage RIGHT ALONG WITH YOU - because he stood you BOTH up.

 

He'll come sniffing around again. Abusive a*ssholes always go where they can get satisfaction, and you're more than happy to give him what he wants. THAT, no one can stop but YOU. But maybe next time around, you'll actually consider your daughter FIRST, instead of youself.