sarahlove233 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 ok So My ex who broke up with me a month ago, has told me he's been thinking about us getting back together. And at first I was super excited! But, now I am thinking twice about it. He's an alcoholic, and when he drinks, he's a completely different person. And this is on a daily basis. I just can't be with that and be happy, although I love him so much. So, what I am wondering, is how do I go about telling him I would love to be with him if he would be sober, but if not I just want to be good friends? I don't want to hurt his feelings, because I really love him and because of that, want him as a friend. Thanks a lot!
fun2bewith Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 telling him I would love to be with him if he would be sober, but if not I just want to be good friends? What will be the harm in telling him the above mentioned? Does he know he has a problem with alcohol? If he does then it will be easier. If he doesn't then you will be unhappy trying to convince him to go for help. To protect yourself, you need to set an ultimatum. If he wants to get back with you he has to join an AA program and you will be there as a friend to support him, after a few months of treatment, I think it is safe to say that you can give him a second chance... He needs to work in order to get you back...He left you remember....
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I agree with fun2bwith. I don't understand how you can not want to hurt his feelings about him being an alcoholic. It's not like telling someone you don't want to be with them because their penis is too small. Your ex has a terrible disease and he needs help in the form of rude awakening - not in the form of respecting his "choice" to drink every day. Ultimatums won't work; he'll make a million promises and drag you down with him. Just tell him you can't be with him because he's a drunk, and that if he ever quits and stays sober for a while, you might consider reconciliation, if you're still available. Meanwhile, if he needs a friend while going through recovery, you can be there for him. If you truly love him, you should be concerned about his alcoholism more than about your relationship.
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