Cora Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I wish I could just find a nice guy to date and get to know. A guy who wants the same things as I do. I want to be able to experience a long term relationship instead of short term flings time after time after time. I can't even seem to be able to begin a relationship with a guy. Either I have strong feelings for him and he doesn't share those or it's the other way around. I'm just extremely frustrated and hurt that it hasn't worked out for me yet. I'm 28 years old and have never experienced the joys and pains of a relationship. I'd love to experience it while I'm still young. Most people my age are getting engaged/married/or starting a family and I can't even find a decent guy to date. All I want is to have some fun dating and experiencing relationships. Why is it so hard for me? I thought I could be happy with being single and became really bitter at one point telling myself I don't care to ever find anyone. I just said screw it. But for some reason now it's hitting me really hard and I really want a chance to experience that. I feel so lonely and depressed sometimes like it will never happen to me. I sometimes wonder if I'll grow into a bitter, lonely, old lady. Never to experience love, marriage, children or even grandchildren of my own. I don't know why I get into these moods, but it's hitting me pretty hard now. Can anyone relate?
Els Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Oh, Cora. But you have experienced it! Yes, it didn't work out, but it counts. They all do. I wish I could help you, but we all have to play with the hand we are dealt, sadly. Good people, as I know you are, don't always have good things happen to them. I can only say I empathize, having felt that way before I had my first relationship. There was acceptance, but there was indeed a small undercurrent of loneliness and bitterness as well. Just checking in to say that I missed your posts, and also that we should keep in touch.
Author Cora Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Elswyth, I guess I really didn't consider my other encounters as meaningful relationships, but more like little flings that didn't work out. I want something meaningful and long term. I want to find a man who loves me just as much as I love him. I don't mean to sound as if I'm complaining. I'm pretty patient and can wait for as long as it takes, but I just get into these downer moods sometimes. It's hard when everywhere I go I'm reminded of it. Seeing so many people in love etc. I am content with my life, but I don't think this ache inside of me will ever fully be quenched until I find someone. I guess I just have to keep looking and continue with being patient. I have missed seeing you around too!! I agree that we should keep in touch. You have always been such a sweet friend to me and I always appreciate your kind words. How have you been?
Els Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 See, I think it's quite rare for people's 'love-levels' to match up completely - besides, who can measure 'love' objectively anyway? Me and my bf, for example, his was probably 'higher' in the beginning, but mine rose later, and we both fluctuated a little over the years. To be honest, there have been a few times later on in the R when I felt like I 'loved' him more, but then I realized that we were really just speaking different love languages. I wish you all the best, and I shall respond to the personal part of your post via PM, so as not to derail your thread.
nsearch4u Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 what we think is so important. try to write down what you want. let that be your focus when you think of a relationship or being with someone else. then, when the opportunity comes, you'll be ready, open and able to accept it. I truly believe that our focus is where we go and we "are" the result of our past thoughts. might sound like deep or grandiose thinking but it works for me. writing love letters has helped keep me focused on where i want to be with someone instead of the doldrums of being lonely...... Also, being alone can be ok...I'm not talking forever here...even those in the healthiest relationships need "alone time"......learn to find some peace in being alone.....it is different than being "lonely".....
Tressugar Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I can totally relate!!! The only difference is that I have experienced the joys and pains of a relationship. But now it seems that I can't find someone to experience the joys of life no longer than a few weeks at a time. I know that I'm a great catch, so it's not that and plus I'm the one who decides that the relationship no longer fits me in what I want. I seem to find men who tend to fizzle out after a couple of weeks of sharing our lives together. One thing I know when it's meant to happen it will happen. Just don't look for it, allow the divine appointed person find you. Good luck to you and have fun in the process.
crfsti Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I wish I could just find a nice guy to date and get to know. A guy who wants the same things as I do. I want to be able to experience a long term relationship instead of short term flings time after time after time. I can't even seem to be able to begin a relationship with a guy. Either I have strong feelings for him and he doesn't share those or it's the other way around. I'm just extremely frustrated and hurt that it hasn't worked out for me yet. I'm 28 years old and have never experienced the joys and pains of a relationship. I'd love to experience it while I'm still young. Most people my age are getting engaged/married/or starting a family and I can't even find a decent guy to date. All I want is to have some fun dating and experiencing relationships. Why is it so hard for me? I thought I could be happy with being single and became really bitter at one point telling myself I don't care to ever find anyone. I just said screw it. But for some reason now it's hitting me really hard and I really want a chance to experience that. I feel so lonely and depressed sometimes like it will never happen to me. I sometimes wonder if I'll grow into a bitter, lonely, old lady. Never to experience love, marriage, children or even grandchildren of my own. I don't know why I get into these moods, but it's hitting me pretty hard now. Can anyone relate? I'm a 27 yr old guy in the same boat and I can relate, I've never had much luck with the ladies and it bugs me from time to time and is always in the back of my mind...but, everyone says "you can't love someone till you love yourself", it's easier said then done.
Nela Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I'm 24 and have never been with anybody. The only love I've received so far has been from family and friends. I honestly feel for you as one of my worst fears is to end up 30 and still alone. I'm going to make sure though that I will have kids. I don't care how, but I'm not going through life without kids. And the loneliness.... it's overwhelming sometimes. I'm worried that it's all a vicious circle, the loneliness makes me depressed, nobody wants a depressed girl so I end up more depressed. My friends tell me I'm lovely and deserve a great guy and I will meet him some day. Yes well... with my luck he lives on the other side of the world and I end up meeting him when I'm 70. Unfortunately, loneliness does make you bitter and depressed. I haven't found a cure yet. Or a coping mechanism. I wish someone could just tell me how to accept this and be happy. Even though my counter argument would be "how can I be happy when I have no idea what real love is? When there is no one out there who would choose to be with me over anyone else? When everyone around me has what I want?" Has anyone been in this position before and is now happy? I'm sure the TS would also love to know how you managed that! Good luck in finding someone
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I wish I could just find a nice guy to date and get to know. A guy who wants the same things as I do. I want to be able to experience a long term relationship instead of short term flings time after time after time. I can't even seem to be able to begin a relationship with a guy. Either I have strong feelings for him and he doesn't share those or it's the other way around. I'm just extremely frustrated and hurt that it hasn't worked out for me yet. I'm 28 years old and have never experienced the joys and pains of a relationship. I'd love to experience it while I'm still young. Most people my age are getting engaged/married/or starting a family and I can't even find a decent guy to date. All I want is to have some fun dating and experiencing relationships. Why is it so hard for me? I thought I could be happy with being single and became really bitter at one point telling myself I don't care to ever find anyone. I just said screw it. But for some reason now it's hitting me really hard and I really want a chance to experience that. I feel so lonely and depressed sometimes like it will never happen to me. I sometimes wonder if I'll grow into a bitter, lonely, old lady. Never to experience love, marriage, children or even grandchildren of my own. I don't know why I get into these moods, but it's hitting me pretty hard now. Can anyone relate? That is all probably soooooooooooo normal. Even if you can't recognize normalcy in what you describe and are living. It is going to be so difficult for you to recognize "28" as being relatively young... and that you've finally reached an age where you are likely to be making BETTER romantic choices when you make them, than you would have back when you envisioned settling down and marrying in your childhood dreams. But, of course it is critical that you not let yourself slide into bitterness. I have a dear friend who is a tiny bit older than you are and who seems terminally single. She's a lot of good things, and somebody who has her career going great, with a terrific foundation for her future. THAT alone might not motivate her with vast excitement about her romantic future but to afford herself due credit for where she's at right now does stave off the bitterness. I suspect that this woman of whom I speak is a sure thing for a great and thriving romance before age 40. Somebody else I know is 41 and finally has her first significant romance since age 25. BESIDES, consider that "the good guys" are NEVER looking for suitable mates within the relationships of other people. SO, that assures that you are a significant step ahead of those presentedly moored in bad relationships and either unable or unwilling to get out.
skydiveaddict Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Can anyone relate? hell yes I can relate. Being alone sucks
Yer_Blues Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 hell yes I can relate. Being alone sucks Certainly does. Of course, I know nothing else.
sammyd Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Ha! Yes i do think this is normal as well! I've not been in a relationship for a longggggg time, and don't seem to meet anyone that i'm attracted to either. It's harder to meet guys at our age i guess. I mean, it always used to be go out with friends, have a few drinks, meet someone maybe. I met my ex of 8 yrs at a works do! But i don't really go clubbing/pubbing anymore, my friends are nearly all in relationships or have children, so i don't go anywhere to meet anyone. I've thought about joining a social group. Seems there's some fun ones around now. I'd prefer that than 'dating' groups/sites, as you can get to know people without the pressure of 'dating', and who knows? Maybe there'll be someone there u click with:)
amagordos Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah right now im feeling alone, but mostly because I'm broke and have no money to go out as much as I want to. I guess the best thing to do is to try to make the best of it and live in the moment. Appreciate what you do have and even if you are not happy, fake it because for some reason that helps a lot. Just take a day at a time and don't look back, because one day when you have what you want, you'll remember how you felt right now.
january2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I can relate. But having come out of an LTR this year and the added bonus of the feelings associated with this time of year, I know I need to be careful about what I wish for, because in all likelihood, I'm not ready to meet the challenge just yet.
sb129 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Cora, whenever i see your name I think of those gorgeous bunnies you always have as your avatar and think you must be as cute IRL. I didn't meet my H until I was 29.... and lots of people I know didn't meet theirs until they were in their 30s... You never know whats just around the corner.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Cora and Nela. I felt the same way in my late 20s. And I was in a relationship too--it just was going bad and it got at its lowest on my 30th birthday where she cared so little she forgot and acted like a biotch all day. I thought wow, here I am at this big mark in my life, 30, and my g/f doesn't even observe it. I was broken up up facing 30 and beyond alone. But after we broke up, I totally threw myself into being someone different and better than I'd been. I sacrificed a lot to run and walk miles alone at night in NYC to change my image. I kicked cigarettes, drinking, over-eating and I got so streamlined that I looked and felt like I zipped out of an aging body and got a kind of new birth. I fit designer suits and got into believing that I could be someone--and someone to someone else. I went back to school and also took night classes at SVA in NY. Trust me, 30 is no sentence. Women really blossom to their fullest beauty too in their 30's. I know it's hard to believe someone's musings like this, but your 30s could be the best time of you life if you resolve to end the person you were in your 20s. Think about making yourself a new project and throw all of yourself into it with no back-sliding. Change your image in your dress too to welcome your new age. The images out there about youth and beauty are just exploitation to make a buck. Real women, fill in all those gorgeous nooks and crannies in their 30s. You can take charge of the ones you fill if you resolve to work at it. Try school again-get some adult interest--find out what else you care about besides having someone. When you are out pursuing who you are, someone will find you. It almost always works that way for those who just write off their unfulfilled youth and embrace the best upcoming decade--none better than 30s. Good luck. Look in the mirror and smile.
Ross PK Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Yes I can relate. I'm 35 and have never been wanted and will always remain unwanted.
pureinheart Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Yes I can relate. I'm 35 and have never been wanted and will always remain unwanted. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))), yes...you are wanted;)
pureinheart Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Cora and Nela. I felt the same way in my late 20s. And I was in a relationship too--it just was going bad and it got at its lowest on my 30th birthday where she cared so little she forgot and acted like a biotch all day. I thought wow, here I am at this big mark in my life, 30, and my g/f doesn't even observe it. I was broken up up facing 30 and beyond alone. But after we broke up, I totally threw myself into being someone different and better than I'd been. I sacrificed a lot to run and walk miles alone at night in NYC to change my image. I kicked cigarettes, drinking, over-eating and I got so streamlined that I looked and felt like I zipped out of an aging body and got a kind of new birth. I fit designer suits and got into believing that I could be someone--and someone to someone else. I went back to school and also took night classes at SVA in NY. Trust me, 30 is no sentence. Women really blossom to their fullest beauty too in their 30's. I know it's hard to believe someone's musings like this, but your 30s could be the best time of you life if you resolve to end the person you were in your 20s. Think about making yourself a new project and throw all of yourself into it with no back-sliding. Change your image in your dress too to welcome your new age. The images out there about youth and beauty are just exploitation to make a buck. Real women, fill in all those gorgeous nooks and crannies in their 30s. You can take charge of the ones you fill if you resolve to work at it. Try school again-get some adult interest--find out what else you care about besides having someone. When you are out pursuing who you are, someone will find you. It almost always works that way for those who just write off their unfulfilled youth and embrace the best upcoming decade--none better than 30s. Good luck. Look in the mirror and smile. After a bunch of really bad stuff, at 44 I looked 80 and felt the same..I looked really bad. (I'm not trying to preach, this is what really happened) God told me that I would be restored...I thought man, I'm really trying to "encourage" myself and thought ya right, I'm trippin now. I lost some weight and had a friend telling me constantly how beautiful and wonderful I was that I became what was being spoken over me. I have pictures to prove this...I lost 20 yrs in a matter of months. Well, I need this miracle again, but now know it is very possible. Right now I feel stuck and old. We need the best we can to encourage ourselves and know that we will get pulled from this pit.
Ross PK Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))), yes...you are wanted;) I'm not.
cutecatch Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Im sorry but a woman does not reach her beauty at 30, by then she is pass her prime, true beauty its achieved at 18 and ends around 28. If I were you I would settle
runner Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Im sorry but a woman does not reach her beauty at 30, by then she is pass her prime, true beauty its achieved at 18 and ends around 28. If I were you I would settle "true beauty...ends around 28." obviously i dissagree with this statement; but i'm not gonna give myself a migraine arguing it... just wow.
arielle Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Can anyone relate? I can relate 100%. I'm 22 and like you is yet to experience the joys and pains of a relationship. All of my friends are in relationships and everytime we hang out I'm always asked if I'm with someone yet. I agree that it does make you bitter. I didn't realize it but I began getting very short tempered and just became a bitter person that I did not like. Sometimes I just stay in bed and cry because it becomes so painful to want to experience that love and be held and there's noone to give it to you. I sometimes feel like the universe works against me when it comes to relationships because it just never works. My regards to you, stay strong and I do hope that love finds you soon.
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