What happens when you realize you were the bad guy all along?

[EricaH329]

Self-loathing is just another selfish act. It is the assumption if one can feel bad enough about themselves then is someway it will makes them become a better person. Though the only way to become a better person is to be a better person. It means making the decision to do the right thing even if it is the hard thing.

 

Just as you do not need to feel the pain to grow. Pain does not make us grow, be it physical, emotional, or interpersonal. Pain keeps us stuck, specially if they are diluted into thinking pain = absolution. Growth does not come from pain, it comes from hard work, pure and simple, which is not to say easy.

 

Exactly. Which is why I fully intend on making sure what I did to my ex, will never happen again. I will learn from this mistake, and move forward. The pain is, of course, a part of growing. Growing may not come from pain, but pain most certainly comes from growing. From realizing different things about oneself. For realizing the past mistakes that have just been recognized.

 

This is just another one of those times in my life where I realize something about myself that I am not proud of. And it hurts. Of course it would hurt. It hurts everyone to realize they treated someone else poorly. But, as i've said many times on this thread, I will learn from this. I have learned from this. And I will do everything in my power to never let it happen again.

[Jannah]

Absolutely!! Anytime I would try to hurt him, I would bring up his past, or a girl we ran into. On several occasions, girls would call in the middle of the night, or would e-mail him. I can't tell you how much resentment that built up inside of me.

 

None the less, it was ridiculous of me to act the way I did. I know that he had no control over who we ran into, or who would call him. Sure, he had a past, but so did I. And the only reason we didn't run into my past, is because we were 3 hours away from it.

 

I guess you can't know everything, all the time. I didn't know how to act back then. I didn't realize what I was doing, until I figured out the proper way to act. I still feel guilty for my ignorance, though. If that makes sense. I don't believe anyone deserves to be treated the way I treated him. And frankly, I wish these realizations happened with someone else, instead of the one man I ever really loved.

 

Well, you know what my thoughts are, in private.

 

It is agreeable, that your behavior and actions towards him, were in fact harsh at times. As for what triggered those reactions, well, I think you've done a good job honing in on those trigger points. You are responsible for your own actions, yes, and the person on the receiving end is responsible for how they respond to those actions.