What happens when you realize you were the bad guy all along?

[EricaH329]

I have gone over my relationship with my ex fiancé, realized that him and I both made mistakes, and have moved forward. An old e-mail I found while cleaning my inbox out, however, has made me realize things that I never even took into consideration.

 

I was the bad guy all along!! Granted, towards the end of our relationship, he did treat me very poorly, but looking back on it... it wasn’t any worse than I had treated him. The majority of the relationship, I was extremely selfish! I made a ton of compromises for him (which we both acknowledged) but the minute that I felt my needs and wants weren’t being ‘catered to’ I threw them all in his face.

 

What a horrible person I was!! He did everything he possibly could for me for the majority. I found e-mails from him, that were the exact same type of e-mails I was sending him towards the end of our relationship. “You only take into account your feelings, you never take into account mine.” And you know what I thought that whole time? That he was full of sh*t! But no... I was the one who was full of sh*t!

 

I admit, I cried a bit over this realization. I was so selfish and stubborn. Everything I did for him was thrown back in his face whenever something didn’t go my way. How horrible!

 

I don’t know what to do, now that I’ve come to this conclusion. I’m trying to figure out a way to live with myself knowing what I know now, but I can’t seem to figure out how! I realize that people make mistakes, I already understand that. But the way I treated him, I’m not sure if I can ever come to terms with that.

[Els]

Don't think you're alone. I'm sure all of us have made mistakes as bad as yours in our past and even current relationships, and I'm also pretty sure almost all breakups are caused by both parties. The only difference is that you managed to realize your part in it and own it, while many people here are still crying the 'victim' chant. I know there are cases of clear abuse and one-sided relationships, but I believe in most cases the post says it's the other person's fault, but really the poster had plenty to do with it as well, it just wasn't mentioned or thought of.

[EricaH329]

Don't think you're alone. I'm sure all of us have made mistakes as bad as yours in our past and even current relationships, and I'm also pretty sure almost all breakups are caused by both parties. The only difference is that you managed to realize your part in it and own it, while many people here are still crying the 'victim' chant. I know there are cases of clear abuse and one-sided relationships, but I believe in most cases the post says it's the other person's fault, but really the poster had plenty to do with it as well, it just wasn't mentioned or thought of.

 

I am extremely grateful that I realized this at all. I honestly believe that if I had not seen that specific e-mail (and the ones after), I would never realize to what extent I had really treated him.

 

What's so hard about accepting all of this, is that I realize the same depression/hurt/pain/sadness/etc. that I was going through, I had put him through also. For a good part of our relationship, at that. He never nagged me (as I did him, when he pulled the same crap back on me), he never told me that I was treating him poorly, instead all he continued to ask was, "What can I do to make it better?"

 

I took all of that for granted, and continued to treat him poorly. The man that I loved.

 

This is all very hard for me to cope with. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I'm struggling with understanding how to continue to move forward, after such an intense realization has occurred.

[SimonSerenade]

Hey, I'm in that situation a little myself right now, I realise thing's little by little at the most random time's, I think my big realisation came a while after she finished me, I thought selfishly "How could she do this to me... what was so bad about me" then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, I thought back to things I said and did and my reactions on certain things and put myself on the other end of the conversation and it just kills me to know I was so cruel and stupid.

 

Little by little I changed in so many ways and become somebody she couldn't love, Right now I'm trying to get that person back and much more, I wasn't the only one who did wrong though... It all fell down hill when she left when our child was born and then she bordered up her feelings so she wouldn't have to deal with mine, I hope one day she'll realise the dreams, ambitions and very big part of me that she took that day, That's what I hope for deep down.

 

All you can do when your faced with such conflict is forgive yourself, You didn't realise it soon enough and that's life unfortunately, If your religious find redemption through prayer and if you want to make up for the problems you caused, Try solving other people's problems and be the person your most proud of day in day out, It's all you can do, I've applied for a volunteer role at a crisis call centre as of late, I feel if I can stop and help at least one person while I'm working there then I'll be making everything up to myself.

[EricaH329]

Hey, I'm in that situation a little myself right now, I realise thing's little by little at the most random time's, I think my big realisation came a while after she finished me, I thought selfishly "How could she do this to me... what was so bad about me" then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, I thought back to things I said and did and my reactions on certain things and put myself on the other end of the conversation and it just kills me to know I was so cruel and stupid.

 

I can completely relate.

 

I think my problem was that I thought my mistakes were made because of little things I did here and there, or the way I handled myself when he did something legitimately wrong.

 

I was faaaaar off. I was missing the big picture. The first 9 months or so of our relationship was great (because I was getting everything I wanted, and he was being so kind and nurturing) -- stupid me, I was just being selfish the whole time. Then the next 9 months of our relationship was hell, and the entire time I thought it was because he had changed. Which he did. But it was for good reason. He just couldn't deal with me anymore. I don't blame him for treating me the way he did.

 

Ugh, this is so difficult. I went through a very traumatic time in my life because of how he was treating me, when I had previously put him through that same trauma without realizing it because I was so caught up in my selfish ways.

 

Little by little I changed in so many ways and become somebody she couldn't love, Right now I'm trying to get that person back and much more, I wasn't the only one who did wrong though... It all fell down hill when she left when our child was born and then she bordered up her feelings so she wouldn't have to deal with mine, I hope one day she'll realise the dreams, ambitions and very big part of me that she took that day, That's what I hope for deep down.

 

The bolded part I can feel in the depths of my being. That's exactly how I feel. And what a horrible realization to come to!!!

 

As far as your situation goes, I truly hope that she realizes what she did to you also. Then again, the intense pain I feel right now I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Maybe ignorance is better in this situation? Had I not realized all of these things, I would have been able to live with myself. Now, i'm not so sure how that's going to happen.

 

All you can do when your faced with such conflict is forgive yourself, You didn't realise it soon enough and that's life unfortunately, If your religious find redemption through prayer and if you want to make up for the problems you caused, Try solving other people's problems and be the person your most proud of day in day out, It's all you can do, I've applied for a volunteer role at a crisis call centre as of late, I feel if I can stop and help at least one person while I'm working there then I'll be making everything up to myself.

 

I know that I am going to have to learn how to forgive myself at some point, I just don't know how and I don't know when i'll be able to. It took me close to a year to be able to forgive my ex for what he did to me. Now I feel as though it was all fake. While the hurt he caused me was very real, I caused him the same hurt, and he has long since forgiven me. But now I have to face the hardest part of this all... forgiving myself.

 

That's fantastic that you are reaching out to help others!! That's very admirable!! Hopefully you are doing it more for their sake, than yours. Although, it does feel great to help others.

[Fufu]

I felt that too, I did contribute to the break up.

 

The positive side is, we learnt about our mistakes and we are not the one who call it quits.

 

Both parties are responsible for the break ups.

[Username37]

Yeah, I ****ed up in my first relationship. I was kinda jerky and immature

 

But it's not entirely your fault. They chose to leave and not work it out.

 

Right now, we can only learn from our mistakes. We can tell them that we changed, but will that work? No, the damage has been done and they completely shut us off.

[Woggle]

The best thing is to learn from it and not repeat the same mistake next time.

[SimonSerenade]

Forgiveness can be hard to give to somebody you love but forgiving yourself is always going to be a whole different ball game, It's dealing with the blame you feel towards yourself which is probably the hardest mountain to climb as you desperately want to redo everything you wronged but we both know there's not a chance that can happen, Not a chance in the world.

 

It had to be the most devastating feeling I'd ever felt, It even put me in hospital at one point, Just knowing I could of done thing's so differently, Now I sit back by myself and think back on them but that don't help cause there's simply no changing the past, There's only changing the present for your future.

 

My aim is to prove myself, Not to her but to me, I want to prove I can be better and be a better person than what I became, I took a lot for granted and thought she'd never leave, I did the exact same as you, Knew she wouldn't leave and would do anything for me so treated her badly and took advantage of it and in return she changed, She changed to make sure I could never get away with treating her that way again, The tide's turned and then she got her own way the majority of the time instead of me, I feel if I'd of been better from the start it would have never escalated to this point.

 

I feel I've forgiven myself, I've made so many efforts since the break up and though I have sometime's been angry I've shown her nothing but the love and kindness in my heart, Just hoping she'd notice, I would never ask for her back again as I don't feel I deserve another chance, At least until I prove to myself that I'm worthy and that's going to take a hell of a lot of change.

 

I hope and pray everyday that she finds happiness and that god may watch over her and give her the best, The best I had failed to give for my own selfish reasons, Ever since I knew her I just wanted to look after her and I just wanted to make her smile, I failed and that's a hard pill to swallow, The even bigger picture ahead of me is that now it's somebody else's job to do all of those thing's and though it will kill me I'll be happy for her cause that's what she deserves, My only aim is to make it up to her... silently but surely.

 

That's all we can do, Maybe once were proud of who we are then we can forgive who we were and move on knowing we did right.

[EricaH329]

I felt that too, I did contribute to the break up.

 

The positive side is, we learnt about our mistakes and we are not the one who call it quits.

 

Both parties are responsible for the break ups.

 

Yeah, I ****ed up in my first relationship. I was kinda jerky and immature

 

But it's not entirely your fault. They chose to leave and not work it out.

 

Right now, we can only learn from our mistakes. We can tell them that we changed, but will that work? No, the damage has been done and they completely shut us off.

 

In the end, when all was said and done, I was the one who broke up with him. I don't regret breaking up with him, because our relationship was a very unhealthy one. He had turned into someone that I completely resented for many reasons, and I take partial responsibility for that. If I had never treated him poorly and paid more attention to his feelings as opposed to mine, I don't think he would have turned out so cold towards me.

 

Him and I have had many conversations about why our relationship ended, and at first he continued to place the blame on me. I had no idea why. Now, I do. However, the very last conversation we had about why our relationship ended, he placed all the blame on himself. He had said that he knew he hurt me beyond repair, and that it inevitably was his fault for us breaking up. But after this realization, I know that while the end result may have happened because of him, I was the one who led him to act the way he did. Which is truly heart breaking.

 

The best thing is to learn from it and not repeat the same mistake next time.

 

Oh, most definitely!!! I recognize each mistake I made. They were all self-driven. I was very selfish in my ways. After having slept on it, I believe I may have treated him the way that I did because I was extremely vulnerable. I had never loved any other man before, and being in that situation scared the living daylights out of me. I figured that the more I sabotaged the relationship, the less vulnerable I would feel in the end. It doesn't make sense, I know. And i'm most certainly not using that as an excuse. I take full responsibility for my part in that whole thing. There was no reason or excuse what so ever for me to treat the only man i've ever loved the way that I did.

 

I honestly didn't realize I was doing it, when I was. It's taken me almost 3 years to realize this. I am in between wishing I didn't (ignorance is bliss, after all), and being extremely grateful for the fact that now I know exactly what to look out for next time. It kills me to know that I hurt someone I loved (and loved me) with such neglect. I know I did do things that were wonderful for him also, but the negatives keep sticking out in my mind.

[Star Gazer]

FWIW, it doesn't sound like you were THE bad guy. A bad guy, perhaps.

[EricaH329]

Forgiveness can be hard to give to somebody you love but forgiving yourself is always going to be a whole different ball game, It's dealing with the blame you feel towards yourself which is probably the hardest mountain to climb as you desperately want to redo everything you wronged but we both know there's not a chance that can happen, Not a chance in the world.

 

It had to be the most devastating feeling I'd ever felt, It even put me in hospital at one point, Just knowing I could of done thing's so differently, Now I sit back by myself and think back on them but that don't help cause there's simply no changing the past, There's only changing the present for your future.

 

My aim is to prove myself, Not to her but to me, I want to prove I can be better and be a better person than what I became, I took a lot for granted and thought she'd never leave, I did the exact same as you, Knew she wouldn't leave and would do anything for me so treated her badly and took advantage of it and in return she changed, She changed to make sure I could never get away with treating her that way again, The tide's turned and then she got her own way the majority of the time instead of me, I feel if I'd of been better from the start it would have never escalated to this point.

 

I feel I've forgiven myself, I've made so many efforts since the break up and though I have sometime's been angry I've shown her nothing but the love and kindness in my heart, Just hoping she'd notice, I would never ask for her back again as I don't feel I deserve another chance, At least until I prove to myself that I'm worthy and that's going to take a hell of a lot of change.

 

I hope and pray everyday that she finds happiness and that god may watch over her and give her the best, The best I had failed to give for my own selfish reasons, Ever since I knew her I just wanted to look after her and I just wanted to make her smile, I failed and that's a hard pill to swallow, The even bigger picture ahead of me is that now it's somebody else's job to do all of those thing's and though it will kill me I'll be happy for her cause that's what she deserves, My only aim is to make it up to her... silently but surely.

 

That's all we can do, Maybe once were proud of who we are then we can forgive who we were and move on knowing we did right.

 

Oh, absolutely!! I have done a lot of self reflecting (probably more so on myself, than in the actual relationship with him) and I believe it's safe to say I am very happy with the person I am today. I am filled with much more compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. I have forgiven myself for a lot of things i've done in my past, but nothing that has effected me this greatly. I think this will take quite some time, but unless I want to wallow on the past, it must be done.

 

I feel like you and I had very, very similar experiences. I treated him very poorly in the beginning (granted, I did do wonderful things for him), but again, only the negatives stick out to me. Maybe because the whole time I knew what good things I was doing, and never knew the bad until just now.

 

Finally, when he changed originally, he stopped allowing me to treat him the way I was. I remember asking him why he was being so 'mean' to me, and he told me that he finally got a back bone. I never understood it, though. I was honestly blind to how I had been treating him.

 

Then, over more time, he just became out right cruel. I can understand why he became that way. He probably held a lot of resentment towards me. The more cruel he became, the more nice I became. It was as if the roles had reversed. Towards the end of our relationship, I had gone into a deep depression and he walked all over me. Treated me like dirt. That was when I decided I couldn't take it and broke up with him.

 

I do see how this whole relationship failed because of myself. Granted, two wrongs don't make a right, but if I had never treated him so poorly in the beginning, I believe nothing would have changed with him. He would have continued to be the nice, caring, understanding person that he was (is).

 

The more I think about it, the more I realize different things. Ugh This is heartbreaking.

[EricaH329]

FWIW, it doesn't sound like you were THE bad guy. A bad guy, perhaps.

 

Thank you, Star. I appreciate that!

 

I feel as though I was the bad guy in the beginning, during the most vulnerable part of our relationship, and to me (for some odd reason) that is making me feel as though I was the worst type of bad guy.

 

You are very correct, though. I wasn't the only bad guy throughout our relationship. He turned into the bad guy towards the end. But I just can't help but think that if I had never been so mean to him in the beginning, it wouldn't have ended the way that it did.

[bl22]

 

I do see how this whole relationship failed because of myself. Granted, two wrongs don't make a right, but if I had never treated him so poorly in the beginning, I believe nothing would have changed with him. He would have continued to be the nice, caring, understanding person that he was (is).

 

The more I think about it, the more I realize different things. Ugh This is heartbreaking.

 

 

I feel you are being way to hard on yourself here. People tend to take things for granted and become too comfortable. People just dont realise what happiness until something bad happens, and vice verca. Everybody has moments where they look back and thing damn i should have done that diferently, everyone!

You shouldnt beat yourself up over it, I think you are probably over analysing things as we all do after breakups. There are things i wish i could change and go back but we cant change the past. You arent the bad guy here, probably a little too stubborn at times, thats not bad thats normal behavior for most of us, but can feel awful when you look back on it.

[bl22]

 

You are very correct, though. I wasn't the only bad guy throughout our relationship. He turned into the bad guy towards the end. But I just can't help but think that if I had never been so mean to him in the beginning, it wouldn't have ended the way that it did.

 

I'm guessing he would have just taken you for granted and treated you badly sooner. Dont worry about it, this happens all the time. Long as you know your a better person now.

[EricaH329]

I feel you are being way to hard on yourself here. People tend to take things for granted and become too comfortable. People just dont realise what happiness until something bad happens, and vice verca. Everybody has moments where they look back and thing damn i should have done that diferently, everyone!

You shouldnt beat yourself up over it, I think you are probably over analysing things as we all do after breakups. There are things i wish i could change and go back but we cant change the past. You arent the bad guy here, probably a little too stubborn at times, thats not bad thats normal behavior for most of us, but can feel awful when you look back on it.

 

I am being very, very hard on myself right now. I believe it's because I have just realized all of the terrible ways I treated him. Over time, I will be able to accept what I have done, and hopefully i'll even be able to forgive myself for doing them.

 

I was really mean though. I never took into account his feelings (except with matters outside of our relationship). If he did something that I deemed 'inappropriate' I would make a HUGE deal out of it and make him seriously regret whatever little tiny thing he did. I have actually made him cry on a few occasions because I took something WAY too far. I feel like such a horrible person!!!! The things I said to him, the way I made him feel, and how cold I was towards him after all was said and done... makes my stomach turn I never thought I was capable of such things!

 

I just need time, I think. To let all of this really sink in and to be able to come to terms with it.

 

I'm guessing he would have just taken you for granted and treated you badly sooner. Dont worry about it, this happens all the time. Long as you know your a better person now.

 

Perhaps. I really don't know what would have happened if I didn't treat him that way. What I do know, though, is that I would not have caused him the pain that I did. I mean, I slept on the damn couch because he made me miss one of my favorite shows. All the while, he was begging me to forgive him for something so ridiculous! Come on! I was a terrible person. I can't believe I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. I was so incredibly selfish!

 

I am a much, much better person now. I can't fathom the idea of ever treating someone like that now.

[sedgwick]

Have you told him what you're telling us? I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing it.

[bl22]

 

I mean, I slept on the damn couch because he made me miss one of my favorite shows. All the while, he was begging me to forgive him for something so ridiculous! Come on! I was a terrible person. I can't believe I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. I was so incredibly selfish!

 

 

HAHA, trust me youl think of that 1 day and laugh cause its funny. Its nothing to get worked up over. My ex was like that , and tbh I loved her. I saw past some of her immaturitys because I loved the person she was, through her pros and cons. Your ex should have done that also, and if he wanted to show you what you were acting like, he should have done it then stuck by you and supported you.

 

Women throw tantrums over silly stuff, so do men. If my ex had made me miss my football, I'd have probably done a simarlar thing to you haha. Sometimes we get so caught up in little things that we forget whats really important in life, we're ALL guilty, every single 1 of us.

 

Im pretty sure there are old messages i could find on my facebook (which i wont dare go into now cause im in nc and dont want to go back there) where shes all 'i love you blablabla you mean so much to me' and i dont give the same huge response. But at the end of the day its her who made all the promises and broke every single 1 of them to me.

[reknown29]

I think your being hard on yourself. If he truly loved you he would see through your faults. No one is perfect. I was very down on myself at the end of my relationship a couple months ago but I have lightened up. It was when I realized how in perfect she was that I came to the conclusion that I was more in love with her than she was with me. How come I was so excepting of her faults and she dumped me for mine... or did she? I'm leaning more towards her being afraid of where the relationship was going. My point is you will never really know the real reason, so dont jump to assumptinos and blame yourself. He's the one that left. that is clearly a wrong in my book. If you commit to someone and there faults are bothering you, you talk it out and give them a chance to correct themselves and stop hurting you. You dont just dump them unless you are extremely selfish. He is the selfish one...

[EricaH329]

Have you told him what you're telling us? I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing it.

 

I did send him an e-mail, even before creating this thread. I explained how I noticed the e-mails from a long time ago, and I basically condensed everything i've said in this thread to him. I fully expect to have a conversation with him about this. I really want to tell him everything, which i'm sure he will allow me to do.

 

He has been beating himself up over how he believes the whole relationship failed because of him. How he had loved me so much, and allowed himself to treat me the way he did, and now he has to live with that pain for the rest of his life.

 

My heart is literally breaking all over again. I absolutely can not allow him to think that. I played a very, very big part in why we didn't work out. I can't allow him to carry that burden, thinking he lost the love of his life because of himself. And what's even more disgusting, is I told him that he was absolutely correct in saying that it was his fault for the end of our relationship!!!

 

I was honestly unaware of everything, though. I was so ignorant to think that it was all his fault. Granted, I knew I had made some mistakes as far as reactions to what he has done to me goes, but I never thought for one second that I treated him poorly. I honestly believed he was lucky to have me! What a joke!!

 

This is a very tough burden for me right now. This is impacting me greatly.

[EricaH329]

HAHA, trust me youl think of that 1 day and laugh cause its funny. Its nothing to get worked up over. My ex was like that , and tbh I loved her. I saw past some of her immaturitys because I loved the person she was, through her pros and cons. Your ex should have done that also, and if he wanted to show you what you were acting like, he should have done it then stuck by you and supported you.

 

Women throw tantrums over silly stuff, so do men. If my ex had made me miss my football, I'd have probably done a simarlar thing to you haha. Sometimes we get so caught up in little things that we forget whats really important in life, we're ALL guilty, every single 1 of us.

 

Im pretty sure there are old messages i could find on my facebook (which i wont dare go into now cause im in nc and dont want to go back there) where shes all 'i love you blablabla you mean so much to me' and i dont give the same huge response. But at the end of the day its her who made all the promises and broke every single 1 of them to me.

 

I wish I could write more (which I will later) but I can't let myself be late for work. This post really has made me feel a little better. You are absolutely right in saying that sometimes we get caught up in the little things, without thinking about the bigger picture. I did that all the time, though. While he took into account the bigger picture. Anything I could fight him on, I would. I mean, missing a favorite show that I could watch later that night? Really? Or how about threatening to break up with him because he wouldn't go to the store for me? All of this sounds so ridiculous! Immature and selfish, to say the least.

 

But you did make me realize something that I had never thought of. He did break almost every single one of his promises to me. We were supposed to get married, and didn't because he never put forth the effort to make it happen. Thank goodness we didn't, because I would have never realized all of these things, and i'm sure he wouldn't have realized the way he treated me either.

 

Ok, i'll write more about your post later, I have to get to work. But I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for allowing me to think outside of my small (self-loathing) box even for just a moment. I truly appreciate it.

 

He's the one that left. that is clearly a wrong in my book. If you commit to someone and there faults are bothering you, you talk it out and give them a chance to correct themselves and stop hurting you. You dont just dump them unless you are extremely selfish. He is the selfish one...

 

I broke up with him in the end.

[EricaH329]

Ok, so i've been thinking about this all night. I'm going to try and get this to make as much sense as possible.

 

I feel as though i'm never going to be able to accept what I did to him. I never lied or cheated on him, but I did manipulate him, became overly selfish, and at times just plain cruel. It hurts me to my very core to even think I was capable of doing such things. I totally understand that everyone makes mistakes, but this feels like I continuously threw an atomic bomb at his feelings every chance I got. The man I loved with all my being, and who loved me way more than I deserved.

 

I always saw our relationship as a series of events for the last 3 years. A happened, then B happened, and then inevitably C happened. With a bit of gray area in between. Now, I see it as A happened because of me, which led to B happening (again, because of me), and then C happened (can you guess why? Because of me). All the gray area in between, also happened because of me.

 

I am unable to understand that any of his actions were made simply because of himself. Hmm... trying to make more sense out of this... every action he did was a reaction to what I did. All he wanted to do was make me happy. No matter what I said or did, he didn't have a second thought to it. If it made me happy, then he was happy. Period. It didn't matter how I treated him.

 

Towards the end, he realized how I was treating him, and decided to rebel. He seriously gave back what I gave to him. I was unprepared for it, and didn't understand why it was happening (because I didn't see what I was doing myself). I have blamed him for so long. Now I have no one to blame but myself. And I don't want sympathy, or pity, I brought this on myself. It's a hard pill to swallow. We could have lived our lives happily if it weren't for me.

 

To make a long story short, I feel like I just realized Santa Clause isn't real. I feel like a fool. I'm hoping that after discussing these things with him, he will be able to forgive me. And there isn't any doubt in my mind that he won't still believe it was his fault. I'm going to make him realize it was mine. All of the manipulations (which I was damn good at, and not in the least bit proud of), made him believe he was in the wrong, when he wasn't. And I fully intend on pointing those things out to him to allow him to see me for what I really was.

 

I can only hope he will be able to forgive me. For wasting all that time loving someone who was undeserving. I'm not saying that I am no longer undeserving, I am completely different. I can't imagine treating another human being that way ever again. But the person I used to be, was undeserving of any love given to me.

 

I guess we will see when he responds to my e-mail.

[Els]

Are you usually this hard on yourself when you screw up badly in other areas of your life?

[EricaH329]

Are you usually this hard on yourself when you screw up badly in other areas of your life?

 

No, i'm not. It's only when it comes to him that I have really intense emotions about. I've never been this hard on myself, ever. I think it might have a lot to do with the fact that over the last 8 months i've improved who I am. To the point where the mere idea of hurting him the way I have brings me close to tears.

 

I don't know what's going on. I just know how it's making me feel.

[Jannah]

Awe E, I am sorry to hear you are hurting.

 

Just know that it is natural for people to view things from an opposite perspective, after the relationship has been over for some time. There will be moments you relive in your mind and the mind has a way of viewing those moments differently with subsequent thoughts on how things could have been approached and/or handled differently. I think that realization comes for most, after a major loss. Funny how life works that way.

 

While I do not know all the details concerning your relationship, there does seem to be an extreme shift in your perspective since it ended. What do you think triggered that for you?

 

I recall when you first described your relationship with him, that he let you down quite a bit. So, what's changed, in terms of that? Do you think now that your expectations at the time were unreasonable or unrealistic?

 

Not something you need to answer here, but more so, something to think about for yourself (which it seems like you have already been doing).