irc333 Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I have been seeing a lot of personal ads of women that state, "I like to start off as friends, and build a foundation of a relationship FROM a friendship" Personally, I think this is a great idea. I'm all for it too. However, when I would talk to women that would have this philosophy and then put me in the "Friendzone" I'd used to still hang around them to "build up from the friendzone" and start a healthy and viable relationship. Unfortuntanely, I think this gives men the wrong impression, because, apparently being "friendzone" isn't equal to the woman wanting to build FROM a friendship into a relationship. I wish some women would stop saying, "I want to build a relationship from a friendship" and then "Friendzone" the guy thinking he still has a shot. Gentleman, you get what I mean?
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I do know what you mean, but isn't that what dating is for? You keep having dates until you both decide that you want a proper relationship. Also it depends on how you meet. If I meet someone through the natural course of socialising, then yes, we should start off as friends in the conventional sense. If I've met them via a dating site, then I think it should be considered 'dating' from the get-go.
Eeyore79 Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 When a woman says she wants to build from a friendship to a relationship, that usually means she doesn't want to have sex right away; it has nothing to do with actually being friends. If you actually become friends with her, you are in the dreaded Friend Zone.
Els Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Just because a woman wants to build from a friendship to a R, doesn't mean that ALL of her friends will definitely become partners, y'know... You need to be a seed before you become a tree, but some seeds remain seeds.
phineas Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 When a woman says she wants to build from a friendship to a relationship, that usually means she doesn't want to have sex right away; it has nothing to do with actually being friends. If you actually become friends with her, you are in the dreaded Friend Zone. It's just a way to nicely tell the players & poon-hounds that she isn't using online dating for hook-ups. But believe me this, if she wants you & you tell her "since we are just friends i'm going to continue to date others" the whole friends first goes out the window. The main thing to remember with women like this is exclusive = sex. Otherwise I've found out they will back burner you if they don't think your going anywhere & explore other options.
EasyHeart Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Unfortunately, I think it can mean different things to different people. To some people, it means "Let's build emotional intimacy before we engage in physical intimacy". To others, it means "I want to have a harem from which I can pick and choose on a daily basis." "Friends first" is a completely different concept from "Just friends", and the difference is exclusivity. If you want to develop a friendship before a romance, you should be focusing on one person at a time. If you have 5 or 10 "friends", then you're never going to really get to know any of them; you're just getting off on getting attention from them.
daphne Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I fully agree with Easy. Also, I had a guy who mentioned it in his profile. He wasn't trying to go anywhere fast either. I thought it was great. We were attracted to each other and we kissed, but no one was in a hurry. Unfortunately, I thought we were exclusive without having the talk and he learned this a little too late. Live and learn.
sagetalk Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Careful here, that phrase is code talk for saying, "If you aren't hot at least you can give me attention." Date or don't date, friends gets her attention without giving you much in return. If you just want to be friends, then great. If you want to date her, then date her.
nice-easy-day Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Problem is, most people don't have the patients to build something slowly: especially men. We get bored or hurt because the other person may not be returning the same interest and we give up on the friendship. It's a sticky situation no doubt. Think of how many "fireworks" relationships fail within a couple of months. I actually think friends first has a higher chance of turning into a long term relationship. I believe the reason why most people say this doesn't work is because so few have actually given it a fair shot. Agree or not? Even though people say they want friends first in my experience when two people are interested taking it slow goes right out the window. It would be wise to slow things down a little IMO.
BobSacamento Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 The idea of building a relationship from a friendship was great and all...in high school. It is time to be adults.
bsilmb Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I know this may be bogus, but after reading all the books and seeing all the movies, a good example of this is Harry Potter. Ron is secretly/ nit so secretly in love with Hermione throughout the entire series, and eventually they end up together. Yeah they were friends for seven years before it really became a real exclusive thing, but hey, they knew each other amazingly well by then. I'm sure this sounds stupid, but I'm still caught up in all the Harry Potter stuff at the moment
BentSpine Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 When a woman says she wants to build from a friendship to a relationship, that usually means she doesn't want to have sex right away;That's precisely what I believe what going on. And I find it a turn-off when explicitely stated, because a woman can, at any moment, communicate non-verbally the same non receptiveness by avoiding getting cosy in private. Perhaps the friend-first women are too insecure that they cannot simply turn down a polite man's invitation for a late cup of tea. The woman in question harbours fear, fear of losing control so she wants to find a supplicating man who let's her decide all sexual matters. Friendship that ignites to relationship can be great but it only works when you happen to see each other regularly for some reason other than dating. That's why the lady is a terrified control freak.
Author irc333 Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 You got it backwards, dude. The idea of building a relationship from a friendship was great and all...in high school. It is time to be adults.
nice-easy-day Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 You got it backwards, dude. Second that. Mature adults don't jump head first into relationships.
Star Gazer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Unfortunately, I think it can mean different things to different people. To some people, it means "Let's build emotional intimacy before we engage in physical intimacy". To others, it means "I want to have a harem from which I can pick and choose on a daily basis." I think I might agree with this. Depends on who's saying it. I've had a few guys say that they want to have a relationship based on friendship, and I never knew if they really meant it, or if they were just feeding me a line, and really wanted to just go soooo slow as to allow them enough time to feel out all their options. When it means "I want a relationship to be based on more than just sex," I'm all for it. But given my experiences, I really think when MEN say this, it means anything but.
nice-easy-day Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I think I might agree with this. Depends on who's saying it. I've had a few guys say that they want to have a relationship based on friendship, and I never knew if they really meant it, or if they were just feeding me a line, and really wanted to just go soooo slow as to allow them enough time to feel out all their options. When it means "I want a relationship to be based on more than just sex," I'm all for it. But given my experiences, I really think when MEN say this, it means anything but. I've said that before and meant it with all my heart. But you're right in that most men are probably feeding you a line. The way it goes with me, if I meet an awesome girl I'm willing to take it as slow as it takes. I want to work hard at the relationship and build something special. If it's a girl that is just so so, I'll go for a fling and I have zero interest in taking things slow. Funny thing is, of the few awesome women I met and tried to take it slow it never worked out. Perhaps they either didn't think I was sincere or I was on the fence and couldn't make up my mind. It's a tricky thing to pull off.
Author irc333 Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Second that. Mature adults don't jump head first into relationships. Yeah, when he said, "It's time to be adults" and I was thinking.... "It's time to be adults and jump blindly into a relationship head first"??
EasyHeart Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I think I might agree with this. Depends on who's saying it. I've had a few guys say that they want to have a relationship based on friendship, and I never knew if they really meant it, or if they were just feeding me a line, and really wanted to just go soooo slow as to allow them enough time to feel out all their options. When it means "I want a relationship to be based on more than just sex," I'm all for it. But given my experiences, I really think when MEN say this, it means anything but.Plenty of women do it, too. Selfish behavior isn't gender-specific.
zig Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Plenty of women do it, too. Selfish behavior isn't gender-specific. Yeah I had a couple girls tell me they wanted to take things slow and then the next thing I know they're taking off their clothes. Go figure. Maybe they just got horny and forgot about their standards.
dispatch3d Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Go with it, but honestly if you actually are in "friendzone" then you're staying there. I think girls group guys into "datable" and "not datable" and the second you enter the second group, your chances of entering the first group are almost nil. So from my standpoint I would "agree" with them, but if after a month nothing happened I'd decide how good a friend to be (a month may be too long tho!).
dispatch3d Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I think I might agree with this. Depends on who's saying it. I've had a few guys say that they want to have a relationship based on friendship, and I never knew if they really meant it, or if they were just feeding me a line, and really wanted to just go soooo slow as to allow them enough time to feel out all their options. When it means "I want a relationship to be based on more than just sex," I'm all for it. But given my experiences, I really think when MEN say this, it means anything but. isn't this womens take on virtually everything men say that has anything to do with relationships?
daphne Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I've said that before and meant it with all my heart. But you're right in that most men are probably feeding you a line. I'm not sure I agree there. There are men that have been hurt before by rushing things and don't want to screw it up again. The only way to tell is by taking your time and seeing if the actions match the words. Besides, not many guys even say this, probably out of fear that they won't get lucky even if it doesn't work out.
Star Gazer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 isn't this womens take on virtually everything men say that has anything to do with relationships? Are you making a blanket gender statement here?
dispatch3d Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Are you making a blanket gender statement here? haha absolutely. and it's hateful oh man! No but really, it seems like the girls default coming from my perspective.
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