Woggle Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 This post is actually inspired by the news that an ex of my wife is getting divorced after his wife had an affair so trust me it is not just about women. A guy she used to date dumped her to go back to his ex. She treated him like gold but he got bored with that and wanted to be treated like garbage again. What a moron that guy was. I look at her and I wonder how any man can pass her up. Why are some people like this? I don't think I will ever understand the mentality of a person who rejects all relationships where they are being treated well in order to chase after somebody who treats their heart like a toy to be played with. When did happy and mutually loving relationships become boring to most people?
Citizen Erased Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Some people are driven by, or they chase, drama. A happy, loving, supporting relationship will get boring. I don't understand the mentality myself but I've seen it in my own mother. She left my dad for an alcoholic arse and ended up being his punching bag, it took her 6 years to leave him. Her new guy is sweet, they have a home together and a good life, and she picks fights over nothing so it's exciting again. Just be glad he left your wife I suppose. Treat her well like he wouldn't and you win.
daphne Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Well it's a fine thing you noticed what a catch she is. I'll never understand that either, for the life of me. Sometimes when people are young, they have to touch the hot stove one more time for closure. But you should learn the stove effing burns. I think most of us like somewhat of a challenge. But then there are teh hardcore who like the headcases, possibly because it adds drama and excitement that they can't live without. Personally, I kinda like the plain vanilla loving with good times. I like my excitement in doing things together and traveling. Not crazy emotional stuff.
nittanylion Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Some people love drama whether is negative or positive. Without the drama, they believe their life is boring. Ain't that sick thinking on that individual? Sad but truth!
nittanylion Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Theres two kind of people People that are cool, hip, life of the party types, are usually more attractive in most peoples eyes, the only problem is these people still attract others even after they are in a relationship, and also have more options to cheat. People that are content with a normal 1 on 1 relationship, tend to not be as attractive or garner as much attention from the general public. This person usually has less options as to cheat compared to the first example. That is not true. I am the first paragraph you describe but i dont cheat, even if I have the option to cheat i wouldnt cheat cause i know it would hurt my SO deeply.
threebyfate Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 People get burned. Some learn from it, others don't. The ones who chase drama, always looking for greener grass are the same ones who haven't realized that the problem lies within themselves and miles upon miles of green grass won't fix their dysfunction. I've learned to pity these people, as long as they stay out of my patch of grass. If they trespass, nothing says lovin' like a cattle prod!
nittanylion Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 People get burned. Some learn from it, others don't. The ones who chase drama, always looking for greener grass are the same ones who haven't realized that the problem lies within themselves and miles upon miles of green grass won't fix their dysfunction. I've learned to pity these people, as long as they stay out of my patch of grass. If they trespass, nothing says lovin' like a cattle prod! You are sooooooooo rite! Now you are speaking my language.
threebyfate Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 You are sooooooooo rite! Now you are speaking my language. Make it hurt for a long, long time!
daphne Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I've learned to pity these people, as long as they stay out of my patch of grass. If they trespass, nothing says lovin' like a cattle prod! He he. Yep. Gotta steer clear from people who make poor decisions. They're never content to just mess their own lives up.
nittanylion Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Why do people ALWAYS think their personal situation overrules the standard of how things are? I know its hard to understand, but we all know there are exceptions to everything, when people say women or men do this or that, we know it doesnt blanket every single last man or women. I still cant believe I have to clarify this over and over on here. Your statement is so general. JMO! My point is not every wild party boy/girl like to cheat, and not every choir boy/girl dont cheat. Sure, there is exceptiong to every rule. However, you need to analyse each person on an individual basis, not making a blanket black or white statement in your case. No pun intendend.
Author Woggle Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Your statement is so general. JMO! My point is not every wild party boy/girl like to cheat, and not every choir boy/girl dont cheat. Sure, there is exceptiong to every rule. However, you need to analyse each person on an individual basis, not making a blanket black or white statement in your case. No pun intendend. I have to agree with this. I don't get people who think life has to be drama filled and dysfunctional in order to be fun and exciting.
sumdude Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Y'know I have to admit I sometimes fall into the pattern.. not that I've left a good relationship for someone who 'treats me badly'. But... I often seem to attract and be attracted women who remind me of what I grew up with. What I was used to and felt familiar. Which would be overly critical, dramatic, borderline abusive, intimacy withholding and a few other things. So yeah, even though I know myself every once in a while I still catch myself like a moth to the flame. Still learning.. lol. At least I recognize it at this point. A lot of psychologists think that we are attracted to and form relationships with people who remind us of certain family members we had issues with growing up. Then we think we can work things out with the similar love interest, which usually ends badly.
threebyfate Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 A lot of psychologists think that we are attracted to and form relationships with people who remind us of certain family members we had issues with growing up. Then we think we can work things out with the similar love interest, which usually ends badly.I'm a big believer in this. My husband is a lot like my father who was always and still is my hero.
Author Woggle Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 I think in my first marriage I was attracted to what was familiar but after that I want nothing to do with kind of drama. I don't know why I snapped out of it but I love the healthy and calm relationship I have now.
northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 It's not just about drama. People with low self esteem value those those who don't value them. Meanwhile they devalue people who value them. They are always trying to upgrade once they've won somebody over, and they tend to idolize superficial qualities. The worst is a combination of narcissism and low self esteem.
northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 (edited) While some people definitely do like to be treated badly, I think that there's an even greater percentage that simply responds to being ignored. For these people it's more alluring for a partner to treat them with indifference than to cause them a lot of drama. Personally I'm more affected by a guy who is simply cold or rejecting as opposed to crazy and erratic. When a guy has a hot temper, I can sort of dismiss it as his own problem. It also doesn't indicate to me a lack of interest. With indifference, it's more tempting to internalize and want to win him over: if I were only better, he'd like me. I also see strong negative emotions as a weakness, so it makes the guy seem "lesser" in my eyes if he's constantly losing it. But to me indifference seems like more of a strength, perhaps because I often have trouble curbing my own emotions. Edited November 28, 2010 by northern_sky
colliejoanie Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I love that you say "I look at her and wonder how anyone could pass her up". That's so stinkin' cute. And sooooo what every woman hopes to have some time in her life......... Anyway, back to the question at hand. I don't think anyone can do anything about attraction. It's engrained. Unfortunately. I really feel that I'm a wonderful person and know that I treat my significant others with the utmost respect and love.....and more often than not, I get shat on. Some guys just aren't in to that. Some guys love the hunt more than the kill. So, I'll keep looking for someone who appreciates me!!!
Author Woggle Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 I guess some people need to learn the hard way before they appreciate a happy and healthy relationship. I wonder if I met my wife back in the day before I met my ex would I be able to appreciate her like I do now.
Mad Max Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 After knowing many hot looking women who run to jerks over good men, this is what I believe is why: 1) INSECURITY - We've heard it to death and yet some guys still wonder why an attractive an even attractive/intelligent woman would pick jerks over good men. The problem is while you might think she's all that, she herself thinks she's worthless or "not good enough". This also plays in why most of these people are hot looking. They believe their value is in how they look, and thus get insecure about ending up as "ugly" as they think looks are all they have in life. 2) LUST FOR FANTASY - This ties in with those who love the chase and challenge. Plus the many women who still want Mr Right to come packaged as what's normally the bad boys. They read romance novels, drool over celebrities, and thus elevate to the guys who are hardcore about looks and have the income and lifestyle to match. Unfortunately too many of these guys know they are in demand, and thus take advantage of it. They don't decide to be a jerk, but they simply believe they can do whatever they want and "easily replace her" the moment she becomes a nagging pain. 3) UPBRINGING - I used to think this was bogus, but now that I've seen many girls being brought up in households with no father, or a bad father, or a neglectful father...these girls end up growing up the look at those guys over "good men". They seemingly can't honestly and mentally handle being treated right, so they run scared to what's familiar to them. Ties in with the insecurity thing. 4) WRONG PRIORITIES - So you might have the girl who's got a killer body, beautiful face, career, money, brains, etc. A total package...but she's still chasing douchebags and shallow yuppies. Why? She sees those guys as "men" while the guys who don't make enough money and/or come off as "nice" or "good" are "boys" in her eyes. She thinks masculinity comes from being full of testosterone and even being selfish. That or she's so hardbent on a guy who's hot, wealthy, and exciting that she'll gladly lower the priorities on "treats me well" in the hopes she can change him or he'll come around. I still say for guys the best way to deal with bad boy chasers is to write them off. I don't care if you wake up one day and all the hot and attractive women want jerks and all the fuglies want good men. Either date a fugly or be alone. The bad boy chasers in my book are a lost cause, damaged goods, etc. If she's in her late 20s and up and still thinks she can have Mr. Impossible, then she's not someone you want. It sucks so many women have to turn 30 and/or get knocked up and abandoned to finally "get it". That sums it up perfectly. Too many women either take years to learn from their mistakes or don't learn at all. If I'm dating a girl and I see that she has a horrible relationship with her father or if he is non-existent, it's a red flag to me because most of the time, it doesn't end well.
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