AD1980 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 One of the best things I've heard on this site in quite a while. If you're happy without one, it's inevitable that one will effortlessly walk into your life. No offense but thats kind of an empty cliche,ive gone 30 years without being overly pro active in finding a women for a relationship and have yet to have a women effortlessly walk into my life Maybe attratcive Men can afford to do that but it hasnt helped me much
musemaj11 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 As the great radio host Tom Leykis said, Going for someone you find desirable has its risk for both guys and gals. For the gals, the risk is that the guy doesnt find them interesting enough and leave after having sex with them. For the guys, the risk is that the girl doesnt find them interesting enough and leave after going on expensive dates with them. That is the price you have to be willing to pay if you want to have the partner of your dream. If you refuse to gamble, then you can simply go for the geeks, the freaks, and the uglies.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 (edited) Going for someone you find desirable has its risk for both guys and gals. For the gals, the risk is that the guy doesnt find them interesting enough and leave after having sex with them. For the guys, the risk is that the girl doesnt find them interesting enough and leave after going on expensive dates with them. If you're concerned about that, how about don't have sex or take someone on expensive dates till you really get to know them? These things don't concern me, as I have learned to keep expectations minimal, especially when you're first getting acquainted. I would only do either of those things if I wanted to, not to try to get something or use it for leverage. Edited November 28, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
Taramere Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 As the great radio host Tom Leykis said, Going for someone you find desirable has its risk for both guys and gals. For the gals, the risk is that the guy doesnt find them interesting enough and leave after having sex with them. I think there are more serious risks than that. If a woman approaches a man, he's probably going to assume she's up for sex fairly quickly as opposed to "courting" him with a view to sex happening later on. It's something women are best considering with reference to their instincts and common sense. Personally I would not approach a strange man in a flirtatious manner. I might, if the circumstances were appropriate, make overtures of friendship - which I might equally do if I liked a man but wasn't romantically attracted to him. I think men perhaps perceive this in terms of "I would like it if strange women approached me romantically or sexually" rather than thinking in terms of whether it's generally safe for women to approach strange men. The acid test would probably be...would the men advocating that women should "hit on" men advocate the same thing to their daughters, nieces or sisters?
Woggle Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 If a woman I cared about liked a man I would tell her to go up to him and say it. What could be the harm in it?
Monm82 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 How can a guy not like a woman hitting on him?
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I do know what she meant and I hate to get on a rant again but I do notice how some women seem to pick and choose whatever is easiest for them when it comes to equality. I was not looking at this as an issue of MEN VS WOMEN, equality, feminism, whatever. I was looking at it as: an individual woman felt that it was against HER nature to approach men. If it were very uncomfortable for her and was not an issue she was interested in challenging within herself, she could wait for men who make the first move. There are plenty of guys who prefer to make the first move. Conversely, if a woman wants to make the first move, there will be guys who will love to be on the receiving end of that. There are also guys who would not. Sure, one will increase their chances if they are willing and able to approach people they find attractive. One will increase their chances also if they have a slim and fit body. On the other hand, there are people who manage to find relationships with all their own quirks and imperfections in place. Guys, no matter how much you try to make it so, everything does not end up to be about some kind of gender war.
Mad Max Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 How can a guy not like a woman hitting on him? Some guys are insecure and some women don't know how to do it properly.
Leigh 87 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Look, why should girls like me hit on attractive men? There are plenty of attractive women with great personalities, so why would an attractive man want to bother with a women who is not attractive ( since they can pick from women with great personalities who are attractive). If the guy is nice, he will not say react poorly or say nasty things to his mates if an ugly chick makes a move on him;, however, many guys ARE nasty, and WILL complain if average or unnatractive chicks try to get their attention. Lastly - Not being approached and hit on by men does not mean you are very unnatractive.... Men never want to approach me, and I have never been hit on by a man before; because I have a great body, but only a plain face. Men do not approach me, but it is not because I am hideous; it is simply because I do not have a pretty face, and only have a great body. Men tend to approach women with pretty faces, even if they only have average bodies. I would even say I am mildly attractive ( straight teeth, shape of face is nice enough, clear skin), but I do not have any stand out features at all, which makes me plain. I WOULD hit on a guy, but only if we talked first and it was obvious that the guy THOUGHT I WAS ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO BOTHER WITH. Basically, I am not desprerate for a relationship, so I would not bother with a guy unless we hit it off really well, and we liked each other company a lot. THEN of course I would suggest taking things further, IF I felt it was what both of us would want. But why on earth would a plain chick like me, go up to the hottest guy in the gym, and flirt with him? LOL? Life is unfair; those with the most to offer physically will not be thrilled at a unnatractive chick approaching them JUST because the chick has an " awsome personality". Seriously; ugly womens best option is to save their money and investing in lots of pilates, yoga, and educate themselves on how to eat the right amounts, and of CLEAN food. That is what I did - I was ugly, so I fixed my teeth, and attained a great body through doing the best things for it. Because having a great personality will not get an attractive, worthy guy of substance, to want to stick with me in a relationship.
Mad Max Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 That is what I did - I was ugly, so I fixed my teeth, and attained a great body through doing the best things for it. Because having a great personality will not get an attractive, worthy guy of substance, to want to stick with me in a relationship. Perhaps you need to look for guys with substance. Guys that aren't shallow will go for personality. Like I mentioned before, the last girl I was into weighed at least 200 pounds. Most girls were probably asking themselves what I saw in her, but guys of high character will go with personality over looks.
LaraC Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Seriously; ugly womens best option is to save their money and investing in lots of pilates, yoga, and educate themselves on how to eat the right amounts, and of CLEAN food. That is what I did - I was ugly, so I fixed my teeth, and attained a great body through doing the best things for it. Because having a great personality will not get an attractive, worthy guy of substance, to want to stick with me in a relationship. You remind me of those beautiful plastic surgery/ gastric bypass patients you see on TV who look in the mirror and still see the massively overweight person they were before even though they have actually metamorphed into something else.... maybe your new teeth, new body and everything else is attracting guys but your mental determination to believe you are ugly is what is turning them off?
musemaj11 Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) I think there are more serious risks than that. If a woman approaches a man, he's probably going to assume she's up for sex fairly quickly as opposed to "courting" him with a view to sex happening later on. It's something women are best considering with reference to their instincts and common sense. Personally I would not approach a strange man in a flirtatious manner. I might, if the circumstances were appropriate, make overtures of friendship - which I might equally do if I liked a man but wasn't romantically attracted to him. I think men perhaps perceive this in terms of "I would like it if strange women approached me romantically or sexually" rather than thinking in terms of whether it's generally safe for women to approach strange men. The acid test would probably be...would the men advocating that women should "hit on" men advocate the same thing to their daughters, nieces or sisters? Did anyone actually say that women should 'throw' themselves at men? I wouldnt encourage females in my life to whore themselves out by sexually flirting with men they like. But I would encourage females in my life to try to get to know men they are interested in and approach them respectfully. The most common and biggest mistake that women do to attract a man is by using their sexuality. Use your personality. Be nice and friendly. Also you have to know what kind of person you want and make sure that person you go for is the right person for you. This is crucial. I think due to lack of experience, most women lack the hunter instinct to evaluate their prey. When a man sees a woman he is interested in, its like the computer in his head automatically starts to make a calculation. It starts to ask questions like 'What is my chance with her?' 'How attractive is she?' 'Does she look like the keeper type?' 'Does she look like the bad girl whom I just wanna hit it n quit it?' 'Does she look expensive?' and so forth. I was looking at it as: an individual woman felt that it was against HER nature to approach men. If it were very uncomfortable for her and was not an issue she was interested in challenging within herself, she could wait for men who make the first move. There are plenty of guys who prefer to make the first move. Conversely, if a woman wants to make the first move, there will be guys who will love to be on the receiving end of that. There are also guys who would not. Sure, one will increase their chances if they are willing and able to approach people they find attractive. One will increase their chances also if they have a slim and fit body. On the other hand, there are people who manage to find relationships with all their own quirks and imperfections in place. Guys, no matter how much you try to make it so, everything does not end up to be about some kind of gender war. This thread is not about telling women that they have to approach men. This thread is about telling women who arent happy with their dating choices to try to proactively seek the kind of man they want instead of settling with someone they dont want or dwelling in loneliness. And dont blame nature. There are many assertive women who actually got the man they wanted because they went for what they wanted and put their fate in their own hands. How did you think Angelina Jolie get Brad Pitt? LOL Edited November 29, 2010 by musemaj11
Mad Max Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 This thread is not about telling women that they have to approach men. This thread is about telling women who arent happy with their dating choices to try to proactively seek the kind of man they want instead of settling with someone they dont want or dwelling in loneliness. And dont blame nature. There are many assertive women who actually got the man they wanted because they went for what they wanted and put their fate in their own hands. How did you think Angelina Jolie get Brad Pitt? LOL If you're not succeeding in your ove life, it would make sense to take matters into your own hands.
Leigh 87 Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 You remind me of those beautiful plastic surgery/ gastric bypass patients you see on TV who look in the mirror and still see the massively overweight person they were before even though they have actually metamorphed into something else.... maybe your new teeth, new body and everything else is attracting guys but your mental determination to believe you are ugly is what is turning them off? When I wear mascara and my hair is straightened at the ends and is nto a frizzy mess - I am slightly above average, to average, more towards average. Sure I could approach average men, but attractive guys would not be interested in me, regardless of my personality. I am only drawn to men who look after themselves physically, and these guys are normally more attractive; I have no desire to be with a man who does not work out and is in bad shape. It is good for every one to strive to be the best person that they can be, and it is the same for plain and unnatractive women; they will not get attention by their looks, so they have to make themselves stand out through HOW they interact. Us average women cannot attract men with our bodies; we simply are not attractive enough to get a man to want to look at our bodies ( or in my case, men look at my body, but are tured off by my face). So we have to normally get to know a guy before they become interested in us. The reality is, some people do exude a great energy and draw people to them; however, an unnatractive women WILL NOT be able to use even the most AWSOME personality to get a HOT MAN. Although plain and unnatractive women should be mroe proactive in approaching GUYS IN THEIR OWN PHYSICAL LEAGUE, whome they think are nice guys.
Recommended Posts