GolferGirl123 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) I feel so lame posting this, but I need help making friends, or making better friends at least. I moved to the town I currently live in a little under a year ago. I have a group of girl friends that I hang out with once or twice a month on average, but it's kind of a weird situation. They are all very close to each other, and never think to include me in ANY plans they make, except they invite me to their parties/celebrations (birthdays, housewarmings, things like that). Half of them are going on vacation for NYE this year, which I was invited to but can't make, and the other half bought tickets to an event already and never thought to invite me. When I asked what they were doing they told me and said I could come, but uhh....no, thanks. Half of them will come to most things that I plan (dinner parties, happy hours, etc.). I'm starting to feel really left out, and a little pissy at some of their exclusive behavior - for example, the last time we were hanging out, having a movie/wine night at someone's house, one girl loudly whispered to another girl sitting next to me about doing something this weekend - she named every single person in the room, 2 people that weren't there, and didn't include me. I thought it was bitchy and rude, and has made me more determined to find real friends. I don't know how though. I have three really good friends here, but they are all so busy (one with work, one with work/bf and one w/ her family) I don't get to see them unless we plan something a month or more in advance. I have joined a club that meets once a month, so we'll see how that goes. I also played softball on a team when it was nice out, and had a good time, but no one socialized outside of softball. My bf has a much easier time making friends/socializing than I do, but I don't want to rely on him or have all the same friends. What else can I do? Edited November 26, 2010 by GolferGirl123
Ross PK Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I'm not sure what advice I can give for you to make friends, sorry. But it sounds as though these 'friends', aren't real ones. It seems as though you're probably not their sort of person. Not to be rude, but I guess you're continuing to hang around with them because either, you feel there's nothing worse than being alone, or you have low self esteem. I used to hang around with people who treated me not that good myself, and it was down to me having low self esteem, as I felt quite okay with being alone. Personally, now, I would much rather be totally alone, than to be with people who don't want me around/aren't that nice to me.
Author GolferGirl123 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) But it sounds as though these 'friends', aren't real ones. It seems as though you're probably not their sort of person. Exactly. When I asked what they were doing they told me and said I could come, but uhh....no, thanks. I thought it was bitchy and rude, and has made me more determined to find real friends. Edited November 26, 2010 by GolferGirl123
skydiveaddict Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 What else can I do? This You will make TONS of new friends
Graceful Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I don't think you sound lame at all. It really can be difficult to make new friends and break into social circles that are already firmly in place. But it's immature behavior, and you have to look at some of that behavior for what it is, a little petty and very immature. You really wanted to give that crowd a try, and that is not lame at all!! If you still enjoy them and want to be friends, keep it light and simple. Attend what you want to attend, and let the rest go. You probably would not have a good time at the other events anyhow. Do you belong to a fitness club? I think that's a great way to make new friends, even if they are people you only see at the club. Go to some fitness classes and you'll start seeing the same people and make conversations. I have LOADS of friends from my fitness clubs. You joined a club? That's great. Try another one, based on your interests. Have you tried "Meetup' at all? There are groups on there that might be suitable for you. You're doing great. Don't let the cliquey behavior get you down. I give you a WORLD of credit for hanging in there trying to make new friends, and knowing you should not rely on your BF for all of your socialization. You sound like a really nice, sensitive person who would make a great friend, and if someone doesn't see that, it's their loss. Keep the faith.
Author GolferGirl123 Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 (edited) This You will make TONS of new friends my bf keeps trying to get me to go with him. The thing I am most afraid of is falling, but he's slowly but surely wearing me down! I don't think you sound lame at all. It really can be difficult to make new friends and break into social circles that are already firmly in place. But it's immature behavior, and you have to look at some of that behavior for what it is, a little petty and very immature. You really wanted to give that crowd a try, and that is not lame at all!! If you still enjoy them and want to be friends, keep it light and simple. Attend what you want to attend, and let the rest go. You probably would not have a good time at the other events anyhow. Do you belong to a fitness club? I think that's a great way to make new friends, even if they are people you only see at the club. Go to some fitness classes and you'll start seeing the same people and make conversations. I have LOADS of friends from my fitness clubs. You joined a club? That's great. Try another one, based on your interests. Have you tried "Meetup' at all? There are groups on there that might be suitable for you. You're doing great. Don't let the cliquey behavior get you down. I give you a WORLD of credit for hanging in there trying to make new friends, and knowing you should not rely on your BF for all of your socialization. You sound like a really nice, sensitive person who would make a great friend, and if someone doesn't see that, it's their loss. Keep the faith. Thanks for the words of encouragement! I really like your advice to go to the things I'm interested in with the "mean girls" and skip the rest. The more I think about it, the more I think half the reason they invite me to some of their things is because they want my bf to go. I've moved around a lot my entire life so I'm good at meeting people and having acquaintances, but find it very difficult to translate those into real, lasting friendships. I'm very jealous of other people who have lived in one area their whole lives, because I see them having the type of friendships I want. And because they have so much history, even if they move away, they still remain friends. Anyways, I've been thinking about taking a yoga or barre-fit class, so maybe I'll try that. I met a girl that I really like and who keeps inviting me on trail runs, but I just don't feel that I'm in good enough shape to run with someone who's done it for so long; I'm not much of a runner...so I invited her to dinner instead. I also applied for a volunteer position that would involve taking classes as well as volunteering, so if I get into that program, even if I don't make close friends, I will have a slightly busier schedule, and I will be doing something interesting. Edited November 28, 2010 by GolferGirl123
Author GolferGirl123 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 For the most part I am a socially busy person, it just stinks because I don't have the kind of friendships I want - they're all surface ones; I want deeper ones where people actually care what I'm up to, and call/text me randomly just to tell me something or to see what's up, or how something turned out.
Author GolferGirl123 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Thanks! Sometimes I think the reason I have such a hard time with the friendship thing is that I really don't like BS, and I'm not good at it. There is one girl that I spoke to TWICE at parties through mutual friends (the PA ones in the OP actually). We are "friends" on FB, and occasionally she or I will comment on a status or photo by the other. I recently commented on a photo she put on FB, and she responded that she misses hanging out with me I'm sure that this is a skewed point of view, but sometimes when I start getting frustrated about the friend situation I start thinking that if I was good at (and willing to) BSing people I would have an easier time of it.
Author GolferGirl123 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 (edited) These girls are so out of control. They're like the girls in the movie Mean Girls, I swear. As expected, I was invited to one of their birthdays. I very politely RSVPed that we would not be attending, with a nice message wishing her well. Not an hour later one of the girls texted my bf asking HIM what we were doing instead that made it impossible for us to attend. I'm so annoyed at her attitude - the implication that we should be there, and that we owe an explanation of why we won't be there. They're so rude that I know I shouldn't expect better behavior, but I'm so pissed that in their minds this is just one more reason to talk about me behind my back I just can't win. This is a birthday for the same girl, btw, who was so rude to me regarding a dinner invitation I had extended to her. Edited December 20, 2010 by GolferGirl123
creighton0123 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 my bf keeps trying to get me to go with him. The thing I am most afraid of is falling, but he's slowly but surely wearing me down! Yeah... saw that video. When it comes to sky diving, I'm not really all that afraid of the falling aspect. It's what I'm falling towards that's the problem. Give me an empty vacuum with a downward gravitational pull any time... just as long as there's no possibility of an... abrupt end.
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