Does this mean in the future he will want me back?

[starkissedd]

I’m not sure where this thread is to go, as it is kind of a mixture of breakup and second chance.

 

Ill try and sum this up, although there is quite a bit. I really appreciate any help given.

 

My boyfriend and I met online in 2006 and from then until 2009 were on and off again “Friends”. We both liked each other, but the timing was not right. In 2009 he wrote me randomly after a year of barely speaking. He told me he liked me and wanted to meet me, and I felt the same as I always had; so I agreed.

We met about a year ago and we hit it off so well. We instantly because extremely close and fell in love. He is 21 and I am 19.

The distance was 3 hours away, which was extremely hard on me.

 

Here is what went wrong. My boyfriend (ex, i guess) has a very stressful life. He deals with his meth addict dad, suicidal mom, and raising his kid sister. This year things have gotten even worse and his stress level has gone through the roof. Finally he broke up with me recently and here is a short version of what he said

 

“I feel as though we are tying each other down. You drive here and do nothing, and I feel as though I cant do anything when you are here. I love you so much, do not think that this changes that at all. You have really showed me how to love a woman and someday that love may continue to blossom. I am by no means ending this on a bad note, I still love you. My love for you has not changed. I want nothing more than to be independent from my family and once that is done or in great progress, i will be ready for a relationship. as of right now, i cant balance it all. I can only take so much at a time. I feel comfort in knowing my love for you has not changed (Not now and not over the years) i feel comfort knowing this is just not the right time for us, with my lifes restrictions and the distance. I love you, this has not changed. as put together as i seem, i am really messed up by all my family issues and I just can only take so much. i love you so much.”

 

He said more stuff like that, but you probably get the picture.

 

My boyfriend is a very honorable guy, and i do believe in his reasoning. His life is a mess and i understand the reasoning for the breakup. It is almost mutual, although I still had fight left in me for us; i understand how he does not.

 

From my point of view i see it as he can only take so much, and he feels like I’m not happy with him due to the fact that right now he can only give so much. He has too much on his plate and doesnt feel its fair to keep me hanging on when he can’t give as much as I need.

 

With that being said I have a few questions I’d like from an outsiders view.

 

1) Do you think with our past of getting back together off and on, that we will get back together again? My love hasnt changed in 4 years and neither has his. If he could love me without meeting me and come back after a year, he can come back again after loving me in real life, right?

 

2) I am by no means happy we brokeup, but i feel a sense of peace. I am not sure why this is. Could it be because I just know in my heart we will work things out later in life? I feel this very strongly.

 

3) Should I wait for him to contact me? We havent deleted each other on facebook (yet. i might if it gets hard to heal)..i havent made contact since the talk, but i’m not sure what I should do.

 

Thankyou

[starkissedd]

I feel it is also important to add that he said he feels i need to grow mentally and emotionally, as he has had to do so from a young age; but that he is in love with me still.

 

He said he has felt drawn to me since 2006 and that something always brings us back together.

 

He never said for sure it would happen though, which is why I am so confused.

[Livelovelearn]

First off i want to commend you for being strong. Secondly i went through a similar situation , i am now seeing that it is common for a man to push someone away while facing tough situations in life. Did you guys have arguments and fights recently? Are you sure there is no one else? I say that because my ex was dealing with an ill mother, no job, no money or means to travel around (to look for a job) so he was becoming really depressed. At that point he told me he couldnt handle a relationship and it wasnt what he wanted and how he felt suffocated and needed some space. I dont really know what i was doing wrong or different how ever we did get into some arguments about things lately during that time he was facing all the stress. But i didnt know and when he told me, i started being more nice and argued less, but he still pushed me away. Then i came to find out he was with another girl, only cause he couldnt handle being alone. I do hope thats not the case with your ex, however all these things he is facing in life, surely does throw a person off and maybe he is depressed as well. You really cant tell how a person is feeling at this time, except for unhappiness. I would suggest(i made the mistake of not doing this) to give him space and let him reach out to you when he is ready. Don't push him for contact and when he does contact you, welcome it. Good luck!

Edited November 26, 2010 by Livelovelearn

[starkissedd]

We have our share of problems, as any relationship does. We have always had minor fights of which we workout fairly quickly. There was no one big thing that set us off and in his words he said “It was as if I just got over you, i just saw that we had problems that are not getting better, so maybe we need time apart to grow”. In some ways i saw myself as astress factor to him, so i do understand.

 

Also, im positive there is no other girl. My boyfriend isnt like that. I was with him all the time, he never uses his phone..he just wouldnt do that to me. I know only I can really know him, so others might have their opinion. But there is no chance there is another girl.

[rebeccajones]

That is a tough one. Time will tell. You both sound very mature for your age. Maybe you feel a relief because it was stressful for you too.

 

I thought of being patient like a farmer waiting for the harvest.

 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

 

Not sure if that's exactly what I want to say but I think patience is important for you and growing up and improving positively.

[starkissedd]

It wasn’t** as if i just got over you

 

spelling error.

[starkissedd]

That is a tough one. Time will tell. You both sound very mature for your age. Maybe you feel a relief because it was stressful for you too.

 

I thought of being patient like a farmer waiting for the harvest.

 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

 

Not sure if that's exactly what I want to say but I think patience is important for you and growing up and improving positively.

 

Bible verses always help me feel better. The night before he broke up with me I felt God telling me he was going to do so, but that in time things would be okay. So perhaps that is also why i feel so peaceful.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

This is probably stupid but I also felt god telling me we were going to break up probably for the last 4 months.

 

I would get it in thought mostly. I just did my best to deny it.

 

Star... Of course that sounds like there is hope for you guys. He dosen't sound like he thinks he can deal with trying to make and keep you happy while taking care of so much!

 

At the same time you need to be prepared for the future. I know this is the bads part! People change and somtimes its like a blink of an eye so it's like we don't even know them anymore. He was honest and uprfront with you. When many people are cowards and play games. Its a good quality.

 

You however just need to focus on you. When and if the time comes gl!

Just try and make YOURSELF happy for now.

[Fufu]

Based on what he said, I sort of think he really does love you but then it's weird that people choose to forsake their loved ones.

 

1) Do you think with our past of getting back together off and on, that we will get back together again? My love hasnt changed in 4 years and neither has his. If he could love me without meeting me and come back after a year, he can come back again after loving me in real life, right?

 

I think it really depends on, "time will tell" In time to come, will you still have strong feelings for him? Does he still have strong feelings for you? When situation changes, circumstances can change as well.

 

2) I am by no means happy we brokeup, but i feel a sense of peace. I am not sure why this is. Could it be because I just know in my heart we will work things out later in life? I feel this very strongly.

 

It's admirable that you are strong after a break up ^^

However, I feel that it's good to let go of this relationship and not to have any hopes on reconcilitation. Reason being is, any small hopes will blind yourself of having a better guy comes along in the near future. If you guys are meant to be in the future, no matter what, you guys will end up together. By waiting and pinning hopes, it is going to be very mental torture in the long run.

 

 

3) Should I wait for him to contact me? We havent deleted each other on facebook (yet. i might if it gets hard to heal)..i havent made contact since the talk, but i’m not sure what I should do.

 

You are doing the right thing to stick to No Contact. He's the one who end the relationship, if he wants the relationship, let him be the one to initate the contact.