nowwhatnow Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Hey LS, So i am leaving for work and not going to see my recently ex-bf for months. I still love him so much but he is figuring out stuff in his life and I guess decided I could not be there for that. I still do not know why he dumped me, but the fact is he did. I am planning on calling to meet up with him one last time, to tell him I am leaving. I am not expecting him to tell me to stay, because he will not, but I am worried this is going to do much more harm then good to me. I also think in my heart it is the right thing to do. I just have NO idea what to say. I feel like the second I see him Im just gonna crumble, even though I have kept strong with NC for almost 2 months. How do I convey to him that I may be open to the idea of a relationship when I get back without telling him that? I dont want it to seem like I am waiting for him, because I am not, but I also feel that when I get back, if I still feel the same way, I would want to try again, if he does. I somehow want to show him that I am not closing the door completely if he changes him mind, but that it would not be easy. Ahh sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your advice!!!
AlisaMarie Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Don't meet up. PLEASE! Does he know you are leaving? Maybe you leaving for months for work and concentrating on other things will get you over him. I think by wanting to see him one last time you are looking for an emotional goodbye to fulfill your hope of being with him again. It's over between you two. He chose to leave you so why do you want your last moments at home to be saying goodbye to someone that already told you goodbye? Trust me...I know how you feel, though. This sucks!
rebeccajones Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I think you can share your thoughts with him, let him no you love and care for him. At the same time move on and work on your life and making yourself happy. Look forward to new things. It's so tough but you will get through. Hope things work out for the best!
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Thanks for your thoughts, but Im still stuck and really torn about what to do. I just do not want to leave and regret not seeing him one last time
Fufu Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 (edited) I guess it's your decison if you want to meet him. I will share with you my meet up with my ex-bf My ex-bf broke up with me when he was still in overseas studying, 1 month before he came back. He only wanted to meet me for proper closure, wanted me to listen to his feelings as well as listening to my feelings. (My thought: Wth we listen and understand each other feelings after break up.) So I was pondering whether I should meet him or not. After a few days, I couldn't take it, call him and tell him to tell me on the phone instead of meeting me up to tell me all his reasons. He told me the reasons, and seriously in my mind was "WTH, these kind of reasons also can break up with me." (Sad to say, when we feel the issues can be resolved, dumpers do not feel this way) So he asked if we still wanted to meet when he came back and SILLY me, I said yes because during that time I was still having hopes of convincing him back if we met. We met, everything felt normal until again we talked about our relationship. While I try to convince him, he will go, "I've lost faith, I'm broken. Please find a better guy." It even hurts (you will only feel the effect after that) when we both hugged. (Big mistake). Throughout the journey back home, when I asked him a few question about his feelings, he went "I donno, I really donno anymore. I don't know what I am feeling at all." So now after so many silly mistakes I made throughout the past month, I started NC, he wanted space, I respect that. At the same time, I gave myself a break and move on first. If dumpers can be so self-centred and think of themselves, why can't we do the same also? Based on my experience, never meet your ex-bf UNLESS you have already reach the indifference stage, you don't care or look into his feelings, actions and words too much. If you still feel you can be in a relationship with him in the future, it's not an indifference stage, because you still hold some hopes in your heart. Also, at this moment, bringing up what is past is not healthy at all because we (dumpees) may still hold some hopes, but they (dumpers) will think of all the negative aspects of the relationship to justify their decision is right. I would rather leave them alone and give myself peace. Edited November 27, 2010 by Fufu
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Thank you so much Fufu, that actually prepares me a lot. I think in the end I am going to do it, but I know it is just going to make me feel worse. You are so right but in the end, I just need to see him one more time before I go. I will try my best not to bring up the past, and hopefully it will be brief enough not to hurt me too much, but even still it will probably kill me to see him.
b_rouse Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Thank you so much Fufu, that actually prepares me a lot. I think in the end I am going to do it, but I know it is just going to make me feel worse. You are so right but in the end, I just need to see him one more time before I go. I will try my best not to bring up the past, and hopefully it will be brief enough not to hurt me too much, but even still it will probably kill me to see him. That's exactly what I'm doing. My friends say it's a bad idea, but I need to do it for me. I need to see if, when I'm near him, I still have feelings for him. If I don't, I'll be able to move on much better, and if I do, that's just something I'll have to deal with if that actually happens. I wish you luck! Keep us updated!
sedgwick Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 DON'T DO IT!!!! I promise you, I *guarantee* you, unequivocally, it's a bad idea. You'll look back on it years from now and wish you'd had the confidence and dignity to just go and not say anything. If what you really want is for him to want you back (and it's obvious that's what you want), going off and doing your own thing is going to make you look a lot more appealing to him than meeting up JUST to let him know, JUST in case he should want to get back together, that you'd be up for it. He knows that. Trust me, he knows. And if he wants to get back together, he'll find you. Reach deep inside yourself, find your dignity, and DON'T MEET UP WITH HIM!!! There is no way whatsoever in which meeting up is a good idea.
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 hey guys thanks so much for your advice! i was gonna call him and ask to meet up but then i had a revelation, if he really cared to know about my life he would have made more of an effort, and he didnt, so why would i tell him im leaving? if he gets hurt when he finds out, it is not my intention, but it is also not my problem. ill see how i feel when i get back, but right now, i am just gonna leave it.
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 hey guys thanks so much for your advice! i was gonna call him and ask to meet up but then i had a revelation, if he really cared to know about my life he would have made more of an effort, and he didnt, so why would i tell him im leaving? if he gets hurt when he finds out, it is not my intention, but it is also not my problem. ill see how i feel when i get back, but right now, i am just gonna leave it. You are very smart! Don't look at is as you leaving him... you are going away for your job, and for something YOU have to do. This isn't about him. Besides, he left you. He didn't want to work it out and talk or whatever. So you leaving is not to hurt him, you are just moving on with your life and doing what you have to do. If he's hurt that you left OH WELL! He didn't care that you hurt when he left (well he probably did, but I am just trying to give some tough love). Keep us posted! Good luck on your business trip.
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