Are you a good catch?

[Sarah1977]

After reading the OP, I kinda thought for a second, "Hmm, maybe I'm not the quintessential "great catch." Maybe that's why I'm single. :("

 

 

See now, that is exactly the WRONG way to look at it.

 

The truth is, what makes me a 'great catch' would only be appreciated by a guy who values what I am. For example, the fact that I own my own business is probably a negative for a lot of guys because it means I have less time for them. But for a guy who is very passionate about his work, he would consider it a positive.

 

Debt free? A guy who is also pretty financially practical will consider a plus. But there are plenty of guys out there would with think me uptight about finances and give me the the 'have fun! It's not like you can take it to your grave' speech.

 

I can't cook to save my life. A guy who appreciates a nice meal would consider that a negative. A guy who likes to eat out a lot probably wouldn't mind.

 

The fact of the matter is that EVERYONE has strengths and weaknesses. And sometimes when you take the time to think about your own, you realize that you are compatible with a certain type of person. Once you've narrowed that down, it makes that certain person a little bit easier to find.

 

That's my theory, anyway.

 

Either way, I think it's nice to see people saying nice things about themselves instead of constantly posting "What's wrong with me?" and feeling bad about themselves. I don't think it's egotistical to recognize that you're a good person with value.

[skydiveaddict]

Sad to see you be hard on yourself, man.

 

 

I'm truly not. when you are hardly ever home, it's difficult to have a relationship. And after my last one, I've concluded that it's impossible.

 

LisaLee was just being funny, (and it was funny!)

Edited November 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[skydiveaddict]

I think I am the opposite of a great catch, but lots of people men and women seem to like me.

 

Go figure!

 

 

Seems to me that you're thinking the wrong things about yourself then

[Star Gazer]

The truth is, what makes me a 'great catch' would only be appreciated by a guy who values what I am. For example, the fact that I own my own business is probably a negative for a lot of guys because it means I have less time for them. But for a guy who is very passionate about his work, he would consider it a positive.

 

But you didn't say it that way. You didn't even mention that different guys want different things, which is obvious, but still. No, you said that you own your own business and are debt free, are presented those facts as though those qualities make you a catch - for any man.

 

I neither own my own business or am debt free.

 

Use basic logic, and you'll see how your OP is coming across.

[Surrealist]

What makes me a good catch are a lot of things, similar to what has been posted here. Problem with me is, I can intellectualize and theorize why Im a good catch, but at a sub-conscious level I project something else far from it. But then, just to confuse things more, I can also see, at a conscious level, why I am not a good catch, and probably focus on my negatives more than my positives where this is concerned. Entrenched, deep seated esteem issues are my biggest demons in life, not just adversely affecting my relationships but my career and general social life as well.

[Star Gazer]

To continue with my previous post, you said:

 

But these qualities of mine are not accidental. I have actively worked on developing them over the years because I do want to be an excellent catch for any man. It's always been important to me that I become the sort of person capable of treating a man well and making him proud to stand by my side.

 

This directly implies that the qualities you're putting forth are those ALL men, ANY man, would want, and that it's the qualities YOU have that therefore make you a great catch.

[Titania22]

Seems to me that you're thinking the wrong things about yourself then

 

I just don't do well in captivity.

 

Since I resist all attempts to control me or make me conform, I make for a very bad life partner.

[northern_sky]

I feel like this thread was mostly a huge brag fest for the OP, and I don't buy her more charitable explanation. I'm also disturbed by the focus she puts on material possessions in terms of her "catch" qualities. I also wonder about her cultivating these qualities to make herself a better catch. Shouldn't she be doing them for herself, not to impress some guy? The whole post has a she protest too much feel.

[Star Gazer]

I feel like this thread was mostly a huge brag fest for the OP, and I don't buy her more charitable explanation. I'm also disturbed by the focus she puts on material possessions in terms of her "catch" qualities. I also wonder about her cultivating these qualities to make herself a better catch. Shouldn't she be doing them for herself, not to impress some guy?

 

Gotta say, I totally agree.

[Surrealist]

Though I don't disagree that the OP is finding opportunity to brag about her qualities, I don't see anything overly boastful about her post. She is inviting other people to do the same, not necessarily to brag, but to learn to see the good qualities in themselves.

 

If there is one thing I hear a lot about people when going for a job (myself included) is that we fail to identify and present our good skills to prospective employers (I have worked in the employment industry and I have learned this from good employment advisers).

 

The same could be said about people looking for relationships, in that we may tend to not present ourselves in our best light. So this exercise could be beneficial for many of us, even those of us who state / believe we are

not good catches, as it may be something we need to confront and deal with in order to find that someone special?!

 

Some of the posts I do disagree with is the assertion that OP is focused on merely material things. The bold parts below on her post indicate otherwise in my opinion....

 

 

 

 

 

I'm a darned good catch. I'm in my early 30's with no children. I have been married before, but there is no baggage there. I make an excellent income and I own my own company. I have great credit and zero debt outside of the mortgage on my home and on a couple of commercial properties I own.

 

I am in great shape and I'm good in the sack. I am very smart and have an excellent sense of humor. I do plenty of volunteer work including working with abused children and I do hospice work with people who have incurable fatal illnesses. I'd make a great Mother someday and I have really good manners. I don't smoke, do drugs and I only drink socially.

 

Most of all, I'm easy to be with. I'm not jealous or insecure. I don't nag the men I'm with and I won't take it personally if they don't notice the dishes in the kitchen sink. I don't smother, play games, or demand that a guy jump through hoops in order to read my mind. I'm a cheap date; I'd rather go for a hike in the woods than a fancy restaurant. I'm generous without expecting anything in return. I'm even tempered. I'm open and honest, I keep my promises, and I try to conduct myself with a fair bit of honor and grace.

 

I'm not saying that I'm without fault. I have a poor sense of style and couldn't put together a fashionable outfit if my life. I'm terrible at math and a crappy driver. I'm also very, very legitimately busy which makes it hard for me to be spontaneous or to spend as much time as most men would like to spend with me. But I do try to make the most of the time that I have. The result? Every single man I have ever dated for longer than a year has proposed to me with ring in hand. I think this has always been the case with me because I truly am a great catch.

 

But these qualities of mine are not accidental. I have actively worked on developing them over the years because I do want to be an excellent catch for any man. It's always been important to me that I become the sort of person capable of treating a man well and making him proud to stand by my side.

 

[musemaj11]

Lol, this thread strongly reeks of jealousy ...

[threebyfate]

There's another way to look at this thread. This site is full of people who've been torn apart from break up, affairs, divorce and other relationship woes. Can't a thread like this be a good way for them to start rebuilding themselves or at minimum, start looking at their good points instead of blaming themselves for loss?

[welikeincrowds]

There's another way to look at this thread. This site is full of people who've been torn apart from break up, affairs, divorce and other relationship woes. Can't a thread like this be a good way for them to start rebuilding themselves or at minimum, start looking at their good points instead of blaming themselves for loss?

 

I like this.

 

Also with this comes the idea that this thread is more appropriate for some than for others. Certainly my first reaction to this thread was to press the back button.

 

However, on further reflection, I think most could benefit from a public reassertion of one's own value. All of us change, not just in what is valuable in us, but also, what we value. And that it is public increases the chance that one's words hold integrity (and the other possibility -- arrogance -- is dead obvious). And what is important if not reinforcing one's integrity?

[Star Gazer]

I like this.

 

Also with this comes the idea that this thread is more appropriate for some than for others. Certainly my first reaction to this thread was to press the back button.

 

However, on further reflection, I think most could benefit from a public reassertion of one's own value. All of us change, not just in what is valuable in us, but also, what we value. And that it is public increases the chance that one's words hold integrity (and the other possibility -- arrogance -- is dead obvious). And what is important if not reinforcing one's integrity?

 

I like TBF's suggestion too, but let's be honest about what the thread was really intended to do. I mean, look at the very title. It's not "You are a catch!"

 

When I think about my personal value and integrity, I think of...an essence. Not a list.

[welikeincrowds]

I like TBF's suggestion too, but let's be honest about what the thread was really intended to do. I mean, look at the very title. It's not "You are a catch!"

 

When I think about my personal value and integrity, I think of...an essence. Not a list.

 

Just as you don't think of bricks when you think of a building. Germans call it Gestalt. Still, the bricks are there.

 

And who cares about OP, anyway? Just another catch, like many on this site, right?

[Star Gazer]

Just as you don't think of bricks when you think of a building. Germans call it Gestalt. Still, the bricks are there.

 

And who cares about OP, anyway? Just another catch, like many on this site, right?

 

ANY MAN would require a woman to own her own business and be debt free. I'm thus apparently not a great catch.

[welikeincrowds]

ANY MAN would require a woman to own her own business and be debt free. I'm thus apparently not a great catch.

 

Yeah, you're right. Sucks.

[Mellisa]

I see a lot of people here insisting that they want someone to 'love me for me.' Yet, I fail to see what makes them such a good catch? What makes them so love able and special in the first place? Do they even know?

 

So I wanted to start this thread in order for people to sit down and think about what makes them a good catch. I think if you know and understand what you bring to the table, relationship-wise, it helps to build confidence.

 

I'll go first...

 

I'm a darned good catch. I'm in my early 30's with no children. I have been married before, but there is no baggage there. I make an excellent income and I own my own company. I have great credit and zero debt outside of the mortgage on my home and on a couple of commercial properties I own.

 

I am in great shape and I'm good in the sack. I am very smart and have an excellent sense of humor. I do plenty of volunteer work including working with abused children and I do hospice work with people who have incurable fatal illnesses. I'd make a great Mother someday and I have really good manners. I don't smoke, do drugs and I only drink socially.

 

Most of all, I'm easy to be with. I'm not jealous or insecure. I don't nag the men I'm with and I won't take it personally if they don't notice the dishes in the kitchen sink. I don't smother, play games, or demand that a guy jump through hoops in order to read my mind. I'm a cheap date; I'd rather go for a hike in the woods than a fancy restaurant. I'm generous without expecting anything in return. I'm even tempered. I'm open and honest, I keep my promises, and I try to conduct myself with a fair bit of honor and grace.

 

I'm not saying that I'm without fault. I have a poor sense of style and couldn't put together a fashionable outfit if my life. I'm terrible at math and a crappy driver. I'm also very, very legitimately busy which makes it hard for me to be spontaneous or to spend as much time as most men would like to spend with me. But I do try to make the most of the time that I have. The result? Every single man I have ever dated for longer than a year has proposed to me with ring in hand. I think this has always been the case with me because I truly am a great catch.

 

But these qualities of mine are not accidental. I have actively worked on developing them over the years because I do want to be an excellent catch for any man. It's always been important to me that I become the sort of person capable of treating a man well and making him proud to stand by my side.

 

So, what qualities have you actively tried to develop to make yourself a great catch?

 

Good post:) I think i'm a good catch. I doubt if there is anyone who doesnt think they are.You have to think you are a good catch before anyone else can right? If you dont believe you are a good catch and that you have good things to offer, how can you expect others to?

 

We all have our unique strength and weakness.You have to be confident in what you have to offer to start with.And then you will find someone who will accept and love the whole package of you-the way you are.

 

There are many ways to define a good catch,physically, financially, sextually,personally...it really depends on what the others priorities are.

You wont be seen as a good catch by someone who's only into looks if you dont have the looks or you wont either by a gold digger if you dont have the wealth.So the question is do we fall in love because they are good catchs? Or is the attraction a rather chemical magic?Have you ever been attracted to someone and wonder if they are a good catch subjectively?

 

For me, a good catch is someone who is confident,fit,has integrity,know how to have fun,know what he wants in life and financially does well.The rest it all depends on the connection we have.

[threebyfate]

When I think about my personal value and integrity, I think of...an essence. Not a list.

This is probably why a thread like this doesn't bother me. As a list person, it really helped me lay out out needs like a skeletal shell where the rest was filled in by nuance and essence. While my list of needs started out in my head, it was there in fuzzy format until I put it down hardcopy. Then, I went back and realized why H. works for me and so many others didn't.

[Star Gazer]

This is probably why a thread like this doesn't bother me. As a list person, it really helped me lay out out needs like a skeletal shell where the rest was filled in by nuance and essence. While my list of needs started out in my head, it was there in fuzzy format until I put it down hardcopy. Then, I went back and realized why H. works for me and so many others didn't.

 

When it comes to understanding my value and what I bring to the table, I'm not a list person, but I understand some folks are. I guess when I think of my value and what makes me relationship material for a particular type of man, I don't need to rattle off my qualities that fits that man. The man who wants and appreciates someone like me won't need a list either. He'll experience me, all of me, and want it and cherish it...as your H does you.

 

I do have a list of needs though, and am ready, willing, and able to compare them with a man's own list of needs to see if we're compatible in that department.

 

Also, this thread doesn't bother me either. I find it odd, but it doesn't rub me the wrong way. I'm cool.

[threebyfate]

When it comes to understanding my value and what I bring to the table, I'm not a list person, but I understand some folks are. I guess when I think of my value and what makes me relationship material for a particular type of man, I don't need to rattle off my qualities that fits that man. The man who wants and appreciates someone like me won't need a list either. He'll experience me, all of me, and want it and cherish it...as your H does you.

 

I do have a list of needs though, and am ready, willing, and able to compare them with a man's own list of needs to see if we're compatible in that department.

 

Also, this thread doesn't bother me either. I find it odd, but it doesn't rub me the wrong way. I'm cool.

Understood.

 

As a thought, the lists created by individuals participating in this thread could be used as reference points if they choose to use online dating sites. Just reword them.

[daphne]

Well, you guys took it wrong because that's not how I meant it at all. I just wanted to start a thread where people said nice things about themselves for a change. It makes me sad to read so many threads on here where people seem to be nonstop bashing themselves. I just want to inject a little bit of positivity, I guess. Sorry, my mistake. *shrugs

 

I thought it was a cute thread. Nothing wrong with singles that are frustrated with failures boosting themselves up. What's worse is the people that don't have the best self esteem that want to tear you down for having it. In terms of character, that makes you no catch.

[Star Gazer]

I thought it was a cute thread. Nothing wrong with singles that are frustrated with failures boosting themselves up. What's worse is the people that don't have the best self esteem that want to tear you down for having it. In terms of character, that makes you no catch.

 

:lmao: Sure, that's it. That's it right there.

 

Maybe some of us just...don't need boosting? *shrug*

 

Whatever happened to:

 

12- Good manners

15- Give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't necessarily call them out when they're being assclowns.

 

??

Edited November 27, 2010 by Star Gazer

[daphne]

:lmao: Sure, that's it. That's it right there.

 

Maybe some of us just...don't need boosting? *shrug*

 

Whatever happened to:

 

 

 

 

Star,

 

You're a bit prickly when I wasn't even refering to you. Apparently you must be in the camp of picking on the OP. So be it. And yes, I do attempt to avoid calling people out but for crying out loud you just like to fight too much.

[Star Gazer]

Star,

 

You're a bit prickly when I wasn't even refering to you. Apparently you must be in the camp of picking on the OP. So be it. And yes, I do attempt to avoid calling people out but for crying out loud you just like to fight too much.

 

I didn't think you were, nor do I think I was "picking on" the OP. I think this thread is a bit odd, and I don't think it was intended with the nicer purpose proposed by TBF. That is all.

 

If/when I ever post a list, I'll live up to it.