Realitybites77 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Ive been dating a guy I really like for about a month- he's nice, attractive, attentive, funny, and is definitely in to me. Ive been wanting to get into a serious relationship again for about a year (my last one ended about 2 years ago) But I feel ambivalent about him. Earlier this year I met a guy that was all the same things as current guy, but I was also overwhelmingly attracted to him. We had so much chemistry it was ridiculous. Unfortunately, after about 2 months he found out he was being transferred by his job to another state. We decided to just be friends, and have been just that. When he left, as a joke (sort of) I said ok well if in a couple of years neither of us is married I'll move out there and marry you. There are circumstances beyond my control that would prevent me from doing something crazy and following him out there NOW, but I daydream about doing just that all the time. So a couple nights ago out-of-state guy texted me (yes he was drinking) but he said, "in 2 years we are getting married, you are moving out here" and so on. It's just a drunk text, I get it, but I do also know he has, or had, feelings for me when he lived here. I'm supposed to go out with current guy tonight, and I'm just miserable. It's at the point where I think he's going to try to have "the talk" with me soon. And I do genuinely like him as a person. Also for some background, we are all in our 30's. I'm tired of being single and alone. I know there's nothing I can do. Part of me says just forget about BOTH of them and continue looking and dating until I find a new guy who is more like out-of-state guy, where there is a ton of chemistry and I feel like I could "fall in love" again. I just am so sick of the whole thing. And I don't want to be a jerk to current guy and lead him on. But another part of me says, just keep going out with him and chemistry might develop over time. Any suggestions? Besides stop whining. I already know I'm being whiny. Thanks!
reservoirdog1 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I think you should gently end it with the current guy. No shame in that; if it's not working, it's not working. That's nobody's fault. It's only been a month. If you do end it, though, don't feed him any BS lines. Examples of good things to say include the following: "I just don't feel a spark between us." "I just don't feel the potential for something further between us." Both of those leave no room for him to say "yeah, but I can fix ___, change ____, etc." Chemistry is either there, or it isn't. You're not blaming it on him or throwing out the hackneyed "you're too good for me", "we want different things", etc. Hopefully he won't be dumb enough to ask WHY you don't feel a spark, but cross that bridge when you come to it.
Author Realitybites77 Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Thank you. I am going to do exactly that. Its the right thing to do. We went out Friday night on a date that was really romantic and sweet, but all I could think of was out of state dude. We are going out again tomorrow night and I'll do it then. Ugh, back to the drawing board! I think I'm gonna take a break from dating again until I get my head screwed back on straight and get Mr. moved away out of my head.
Recommended Posts