amy12344 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Anyone else out there find it hard to trust and believe their partner when they are going out at night without them? Does anyone have any tips for me, wisdom, positive self-talk examples, ANYTHING to help me learn to trust, believe, and not obsess over 'what if'? I am in Week One of a break-up from my husband of 7 years, and I know that one of my major flaws was (IS) not fully believing him with regards to what he does when he is away from the house. (He works a lot, 70+ hours per week).
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Hey, I felt compelled to reply as my ex made me paranoid about other guys. The thing is, we are not naturally jelous/paranoid/untrustful unless our partner gives us reason to be. Try not to worry because the right person will make you the centre of their world and will comfort you and show you there is no reason to feel this way! My ex at the start used to call and text me all the time (ESP when at work or nights out!) sometimes she would talk to me more when she went out drinking just to make me feel better. That made me less paranoid and I stopped worrying! The right person will be able to make you worries dissapear if they truly love you. When you start getting worried and your partner doesn't help make things better it's a red flag they don't care/ like the attention or whatever. That's not something someone who loves you would do. Remember they should love you and want to prove that to you which means alleviating your concerns so that your both happy with the other persons actions x
Author amy12344 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 But shouldn't I be able to trust someone without them having to go out of their way to reassure me? ALthough it makes me calm down a lot, I don't want to have to rely on him texting, calling, essentially PROVING where he is and what he's doing. I just want to learn how to relax... believe him... not obsess over IF he is lying. Because in every single instance where I worried or wondered, it ended up being completely the truth.
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 But shouldn't I be able to trust someone without them having to go out of their way to reassure me? ALthough it makes me calm down a lot, I don't want to have to rely on him texting, calling, essentially PROVING where he is and what he's doing. I just want to learn how to relax... believe him... not obsess over IF he is lying. Because in every single instance where I worried or wondered, it ended up being completely the truth. The thing is I have found in different relationships people feel differently. I was never untrustful but some partners made me worry more than others. The ones that reassured me at the start ensured I wouldnt worry later on if they didnt call text. Sometimes you just have to beleive in your partner, unless they have given you reason to be untrustful. Although I beleive in my instincts so when I worry I really worry as most the time im quite aloof!
cerridwen Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 But shouldn't I be able to trust someone without them having to go out of their way to reassure me? ALthough it makes me calm down a lot, I don't want to have to rely on him texting, calling, essentially PROVING where he is and what he's doing. I just want to learn how to relax... believe him... not obsess over IF he is lying. Because in every single instance where I worried or wondered, it ended up being completely the truth. He has never, ever given you a reason to doubt his integrity or faithfulness?
Author amy12344 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 He has never, ever given you a reason to doubt his integrity or faithfulness? He never has. I really need some suggestions on trusting him. I was cheated on in the relationship prior to him, but I know they are two separate people. I know I have co-dependancy issues, and I think that is why I feel so empty, untrusting, and anxious when he goes off and does things without me. He says that me not trusting him and giving him freedom is why he broke up with me. Bottom line, he has not left the house yet and I think I have a tiny chance of saving this relationship if I can get my insecurity issues resolved. I just need tips and advice from all these great LS members!!!!
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