RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Please, only consider exes with whom you were deeply in love and with whom you had serious relationships, and either they (the exes) broke up or you did it after a major betrayal. It took me about two years to get over my first husband after three years of marriage (he didn't have anyone during this time, which I think is relevant). My second husband and I have been separated for almost two years (also three years of living together), and while I understand that we weren't the right match, I am nowhere near being over him. :mad: We officially divorced a couple of months ago. He's got no one else. We also see each other as more than friends which adds salt to the wounds. But, I don't want to have casual sex with strangers and I sure don't want to wait until I find Mr. Right.
goingstrong Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Had an affair with a MW when I was single on and off for 2 yrs..it took me 2 yrs to forget about her.
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Divorce really helps with finality, if you allow it to happen. Let him go, RP.
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Had an affair with a MW when I was single on and off for 2 yrs..it took me 2 yrs to forget about her.Hm... I guess I'll had to start minimal contact and reset the clock to two years. I'm so sick of being in love knowing that it's over. God damn you, stupid Aphrodite! Divorce really helps with finality, if you allow it to happen. Let him go, RP. I know how you let go of booze, jobs, friends, countries... been there, done that. But how the f*** do you let go of some invisible, undefined sh*tty feeling? I've been fantasizing about suffering amnesia after some head injury just to forget about him... like REALLY forget.
Gunny376 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 You never get over it Sweetie ~ Its like joining the Marines ~ the change is forever! Same as walking away from a plane crash, surviving the sinking of the Titantic. You can re-arrange the deck chairs all you want? But its still not going to keep "her" from going down to the bottom. Ditto with 9/11 surviors? There's no going back to who and what you were before that day? Forevermore? You will never be the same!
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 There's no going back to who and what you were before that day? You will never be the same!Hey, I didn't go through all that pain just to go back to who I was before. I embrace the change, I am concerend about getting over the desire to hear from him that he wants me back... and then we don't have to get back together!
beachbum84 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) I was madly in love with my ex, we had been together for 3 years, engaged for 8 months with our wedding less than a year away. He came home one night announced that he had slept with a girl we work with, and no longer wanted to be with me, and definitely did not want to marry me. I was crushed. The first month I was in hell. But 4 months after I never thought about him again, other than with feelings of disgust and regret for wasting my youth like that. I know its not the same as being married to someone. But it felt pretty devestating at the time. I will say that I went NC with him after a few weeks, and that is when I truly started healing. After a couple months of NC, I started feeling better about myself, and started dating again. And then I moved, and once I moved away, I felt on top of the world again. I didn't ever run into him on accident. He wasn't able to keep up with me. I changed my phone #, and his random calls and texts stopped finally. Once he was fully removed from my daily life, I was able to fully remove him from my heart and mind. Edited November 26, 2010 by beachbum84
tobydog Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Been 10 weeks for me and I am so angry and strong, mainly becuz his son has been really ill all week and despite messages, he has NOT even rung to see how he is. Given us NO money in 10 weeks and has abandoned him. Everyone is disgusted, this is not the person I loved and so I am getting a lot better. He also blames me for it all going wrong, my therapist says that cannot be true. I believe her. After all I read about Border PD I think he has it! Well he can go **** himself as he is gonna be the loser as I am not letting him see his son. He can go through his solicitors.....Sorry to hijack but I know there will be moments when I am sad and upset and tearful...but this is incresingly rare this past few weeks. I am sorry for your pain Take care Deb x
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 I was madly in love with my ex, we had been together for 3 years, engaged for 8 months with our wedding less than a year away. He came home one night announced that he had slept with a girl we work with, and no longer wanted to be with me, and definitely did not want to marry me. Ugh... that sucks. Congrats on healing successfully. Once he was fully removed from my daily life, I was able to fully remove him from my heart and mind. That's interesting. Thanks for your response. By the way, did you by any chance move on because you started dating someone else? Because I think (and know from experience) that as soon as I strat liking a new guy, I am am instantly over the previous love.
YellowShark Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 My second husband and I have been separated for almost two years (also three years of living together), and while I understand that we weren't the right match, I am nowhere near being over him. :mad: We officially divorced a couple of months ago. He's got no one else. We also see each other as more than friends which adds salt to the wounds. But, I don't want to have casual sex with strangers and I sure don't want to wait until I find Mr. Right. So if I read correctly you divorced him but still have casual sex with him? Is that the way things are right now? Because if you continue to do that you will remain in an emotional tug-of-war that will always make you feel like crap. And that is why you can't get over him... OR move on with your life... OR find a new man who is a better fit for you.
beachbum84 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 That's interesting. Thanks for your response. By the way, did you by any chance move on because you started dating someone else? Because I think (and know from experience) that as soon as I strat liking a new guy, I am am instantly over the previous love. I can't say for sure what particular thing was the thing that made it so I could fully move on. But when I decided to go stay with my Aunt for a few months 1,000 miles away, that is when I really started feeling over him. I was so absorbed with packing, getting ready to drive 20 hours to a new life that it kept my mind 100% off of him and kept my spirits up. B/c I was so excited to start over in a new place with new people who didn't know about all of what was back in my hometown. Then literally the 1st day I was in town I met a special guy, and I fell hard for him. As soon as I got to AL I never looked back, and never felt sad. The new relationship I'm sure helped a lot, and might have been my final nail in the coffin. But I was feeling pretty over him shortly before the new guy, but mainly because I was changing my life.
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 So if I read correctly you divorced him but still have casual sex with him? Is that the way things are right now? Because if you continue to do that you will remain in an emotional tug-of-war that will always make you feel like crap. And that is why you can't get over him... OR move on with your life... OR find a new man who is a better fit for you.Yup! I totally agree. But! When I find that new man someday, my ex is sooooooooo gonna be chase after me and beg me to come back to him. (It already happened once but I wasn't into Newguy and went back to Ex as soon as he snapped his fingers. Idiot! Me, that is. )
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Then literally the 1st day I was in town I met a special guy, and I fell hard for him. Okay, that doesn't count as independent healing. I believe you can get over within 24 hours if you find someone new and better.
tobydog Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 If you fell hard for some new guy, then it seems you are pretty much over him?
Author RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 If you fell hard for some new guy, then it seems you are pretty much over him?I think it's the other way round. She got over the ex because Newguy showed up.
beachbum84 Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 If you fell hard for some new guy, then it seems you are pretty much over him? Are you referring to my current situation? I'm confused. The "new" guy was my now husband, whom I am seperated from. :-(
Author RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Are you referring to my current situation? I'm confused. The "new" guy was my now husband, whom I am seperated from. :-(NO, I think tobydog was saying that you had to be over the ex-finace in order to fall in love with someone new. I'm sorry about your separation. Your story sounded like a happy end - you got over the jerk-fiance quickly by falling hard for another man... and now we learned that you married this new guy and separated from him. Hang in there, hon. I know how you feel. Maybe you'll get back together, who knows.
Recommended Posts