Find myself still gravitating towards younger women

[irc333]

You are biologically 38, but given your choices and life experience, you're at a "life stage" of somewhere closer to your early 20's. So I guess you're compatible with a woman that age afterall.

 

Well, I better get to chasin' them younger women folk then.

[EasyHeart]

I've seen women all the time who set up these requirements...but I also notice they are chronically single. I'm not saying women should settle for a 30something guy who lives with his parents and plays Xbox all day while working part-time at Walmart, but for every woman I see who requires his man to be physically attractive, good earning, owns real estate, and had to have been in a serious LTR before...most of them are still single and frustrated at their lack of choices.

This paragraph caught my eye because it reminds me of a group of women I know. All of them are in their 30s and chronically single. They spend a great deal of time talking about and looking for dates, but they rarely seem to have any. Yet each of them has an extremely long and specific list of criteria for their potential husbands, down to height, hair color, what schools he went to, square footage of his home and musical tastes.

 

And each of them believes she is quite a catch -- a woman that every man wants -- because she is educated, well-paid, has a house and a nice car, etc. They also each consider themselves very "hot" and claim to have a ling list of men who "want" them, though these men apparently never actually ask the women for a date. (I would describe them -- generously -- as ranging from decent-looking to downright fugly). On the rare occasions they actually get a date, they relentlessly criticize every little thing about the poor guy. When they don't get a second date, they interpret it to mean that the man considered them "too intimidating".

 

It really fascinates me. And boggles my mind. . . .

[sally4sara]

This paragraph caught my eye because it reminds me of a group of women I know. All of them are in their 30s and chronically single. They spend a great deal of time talking about and looking for dates, but they rarely seem to have any. Yet each of them has an extremely long and specific list of criteria for their potential husbands, down to height, hair color, what schools he went to, square footage of his home and musical tastes.

 

And each of them believes she is quite a catch -- a woman that every man wants -- because she is educated, well-paid, has a house and a nice car, etc. They also each consider themselves very "hot" and claim to have a ling list of men who "want" them, though these men apparently never actually ask the women for a date. (I would describe them -- generously -- as ranging from decent-looking to downright fugly). On the rare occasions they actually get a date, they relentlessly criticize every little thing about the poor guy. When they don't get a second date, they interpret it to mean that the man considered them "too intimidating".

 

It really fascinates me. And boggles my mind. . . .

 

I've met guys who (and even guys who have posted on here) have a list of requirements.

But you are putting words to what I suspect is the average guy's struggle with comprehending a woman's list. It only stands to reason when things on average guy's lists seems to be:

 

have a vagina

don't mind terribly if I touch it

weigh less than me so I can feel manly

be shorter than me so I can feel manly

have hair longer than me so I can feel manly

 

But no one on here can say that is all that's on the list. Its just that most of the rest is still about her vagina. Who has touched it before me? And how long did they have to wait to touch her vagina? Under what circumstances where they allowed to touch the vagina?

 

So it just stands to reason it would seem odd to some men that a woman would be concerned with other things.

[sally4sara]

I personally think right now the world has spent years telling men they are shallow and telling women to "never settle in life".

 

So women now believe they can have it all, should have it all, and deserve it all.

 

Men on the other hand think it's wrong to have a long laundry list, and thus should focus on the few very important things.

 

All of this still comes back to the standards thing, and how one shouldn't set standards so high if they aren't getting results. The women in EasyHeart's reply might have a lot of men who want them, but if none of them are the men they want...then they aren't getting results for their standards. Even worse if the men who do fit their standards either do not want them or just want to lay them and nothing more.

 

In the case of sally4sara's men in her reply...this can become the horrible opposite. So you just require the girl to have feminine features, working sex organs, and decent looks...you might end up with flaky weirdos because you're not holding importance on things like brains and such.

 

It has to be a balance...but it also has to be realistic.

 

I made my imaginary list based off of the threads (and the concerns therein) made by men of this site. They are not MY men.

[Woggle]

This paragraph caught my eye because it reminds me of a group of women I know. All of them are in their 30s and chronically single. They spend a great deal of time talking about and looking for dates, but they rarely seem to have any. Yet each of them has an extremely long and specific list of criteria for their potential husbands, down to height, hair color, what schools he went to, square footage of his home and musical tastes.

 

And each of them believes she is quite a catch -- a woman that every man wants -- because she is educated, well-paid, has a house and a nice car, etc. They also each consider themselves very "hot" and claim to have a ling list of men who "want" them, though these men apparently never actually ask the women for a date. (I would describe them -- generously -- as ranging from decent-looking to downright fugly). On the rare occasions they actually get a date, they relentlessly criticize every little thing about the poor guy. When they don't get a second date, they interpret it to mean that the man considered them "too intimidating".

 

It really fascinates me. And boggles my mind. . . .

 

They are quite a catch accept their personality and attitude. I notice that some women spend very little time and effort developing those aspects of themselves and believe it or not they matter quite a bit to most men. Most men with some self respect will drop a woman with an awful attitude no matter how good looking she is.

[EasyHeart]

Too bad men generally don't care much about these things. A man with a big salary will often be willing to support some hot woman financially. A woman with a big salary just wants to find some guy who makes even more then her.

I think that's right. There's two things I find interesting about these women: (1) Mainly, it's the specificity of their lists. I have things I look for in a partner -- everyone does -- but things like "he has to be blonde, over 6'3", grow up on the East Coast, have gone to a Top 20 business school, working in finance and have either a yacht or a private plane" seems a bit too limiting, if you ask me. (2) The other is the misperception about their own attractiveness. They are assuming that men look for the same things that women do, and that's certainly not the case.

 

Sara: I did not mean for my post to be gender-specific; I was using an example from my real life. I'm sure there are men and women who are inordinately selective and have unrealistic perceptions of their desirability. Maybe the male counterparts of these women are guys living in their parents' basement playing videogames expecting that they should be able to attract a Victoria's Secret model?

[sally4sara]

I think that's right. There's two things I find interesting about these women: (1) Mainly, it's the specificity of their lists. I have things I look for in a partner -- everyone does -- but things like "he has to be blonde, over 6'3", grow up on the East Coast, have gone to a Top 20 business school, working in finance and have either a yacht or a private plane" seems a bit too limiting, if you ask me. (2) The other is the misperception about their own attractiveness. They are assuming that men look for the same things that women do, and that's certainly not the case.

 

Sara: I did not mean for my post to be gender-specific; I was using an example from my real life. I'm sure there are men and women who are inordinately selective and have unrealistic perceptions of their desirability. Maybe the male counterparts of these women are guys living in their parents' basement playing videogames expecting that they should be able to attract a Victoria's Secret model?

 

Perhaps. I agree that mapping out, right down to where they grew up and what schools they attended, their exact height and coloring is a bit extreme; I've never met any women who spoke this way beyond joking about Mr. Dream Guy.

Mostly its about how stable he/she is, can he/she make you laugh, does he/she look good to your eyes, is his/her attitude one that puts you at ease, do you share common interests; that sort of stuff that I'd expect anyone to care about.

 

But when so many times I come on here and the only things that seem to preoccupy male LS posters is weight, height, vagina and past sex life.....

Well then I wonder how they can love who they're with when this is all they are looking for. It ignores so much of what makes a person an individual.

I can't imagine picking a guy based on so little without not really giving a damn for who he is beyond that. Maybe I'd need to think of him as an accessory to my life rather than another individual to share life with?

[hART]

Everyone has standards, but I've never known any woman to follow their standards 100%. Sure, I want someone funny, charming, smart, comfortable moneywise, stable, unconditionally loving, equally attractive to me or better, non-judgmental, faithful, romantic, great in bed, beautiful inside, artsy, courageous, fit, taller than me, and an excellent cook. If I click with someone, then all these "standards" are out. It is more about being at the same place in life, having similar goals and similar outlooks on life. Why sweat the small stuff? life is too short to be perpetually looking for mister or miss right (or perpetually being stuck with mister wrong, like me), better to understand what really matters to you and look for that.

[EasyHeart]

I want someone funny, charming, smart, comfortable moneywise, stable, unconditionally loving, equally attractive to me or better, non-judgmental, faithful, romantic, great in bed, beautiful inside, artsy, courageous, fit, taller than me, and an excellent cook.

ZOMG, have you been spying on me???? I'm so embarrassed.

[hART]

lol. It wasn't based on a real person.

[that girl]

I don't think there is anything unique about being attracted to people who are in their 20s.

 

But a 38 year old, male or female, is going to have a harder time finding a 25 year old who is into them than a 38 year old who is into them. We can argue over whether it is easier for men or for women to date younger, but lots of people aren't interested in dating way older than them.

 

And if you're thinking of a serious relationship, a big age gap is even harder. There is the stage of life issue, but there is also the shared experience issue. Someone who was in high school on 9/11 is going to have a different view of the world than someone who was in high school when the Berlin wall fell.

 

IRC, it sounds like you should probably get off online dating and start heading out to the nearest big town for singles activities- even if that means driving an hour. Meeting in person if different than looking at a photo. It isn't suprisingly that you find 25 year olds attractive, the soccer moms mooning after Edward and Jacob are right there with you. That doesn't mean that is who you would have a connection with on a date.

[ConstantCraving]

I'm 38 years old and well, still find myself attracted to younger women....not TOO young, but I think I'd probably have no problem dating any woman over 25....probably at least a woman in her late 20's (on the younger end of the scale.)

 

Reason I say this is....well.....

 

Me (let's leave age out of this): Single, never married, no kids

 

Younger women = single, never married, no kids (well a good majority)

 

Women around my age = Divorced once or twice, have multiple kids, (baby mamma drama) probably no time to date because they're single mothers, etc, etc.

 

I am wondering with me being in the "Single, never married, no kids" category, I'd be best off MORE compatible with such women, and I might have to leave age out of the mix, and rely more on finding women of the SAME status as me. (Single, never married and no kids)

 

My concern is, as I get older, I might STILL be attracted to younger women, LOL

 

Any GUYS here with the "Single, never married, no kids" status that find themselves more into women like that.

 

Of course there are few trickle of women here and there around MY age that have never been married, no kids, single....but I've noticed they're overly picky and critical of what they're looking for in a mate.

 

If you are looking to have kids of your own someday, then a young woman with no kids of her own is probably your best best.

 

Personally, I don't want kids, so older women are best for me.

[irc333]

If you are looking to have kids of your own someday, then a young woman with no kids of her own is probably your best best.

 

Personally, I don't want kids, so older women are best for me.

 

Yeah, there are pluses and minuses.

 

I have noticed that women MY age (38/39...even on upwards to 40....mentioned they STILL want kids, I'm thinking ....aren't they too old to risk that?)

 

But, since most women by my age are divorced at least once, with an average of at least 2 kids, chances are they have no desire to have more kids.

[ConstantCraving]

Too bad most hot, young women aren't interested in guys old enough to be their fathers.

 

Ask Catherine Zeta Jones' husband. He's old enough to her grandfather.

[irc333]

Don't get me wrong, I'd like to find a woman without kids, I guess that's another reason I like SOMEWHAT younger women, but seems a woman MY age without kids (never married) are that way for a reason.....overly picky and scrutinizing to the point where she's a picky employer at a job interview.

 

I've seen this on Dr. Phil, they had 3 women of diff. ages, all single, never married, no kids...one was an attractive late 20's woman, a mid 30's lately, and a mid 40's woman.

 

All attractive, took care of themselves physically, decent careers, but their problem, according to Dr. Phil was the fact they were overly picky and scrutinizing of men.

 

They even took cameras on dates, and the remarks they made to men were quite off putting.

 

One woman said, "I tend to attract loosers", Dr. Phil said, she shouldn't have said that to him, because that's just like saying that HE's a looser.

 

One woman was trying to find out, in a round about way, how much money he made.

 

They just kept making rather off putting statements during the dates that revealed their issues and why theyre' been single for so long. They're so focused on the superficial and materialistic, they really place much focus on what really matters.

[ConstantCraving]

Yeah, there are pluses and minuses.

 

I have noticed that women MY age (38/39...even on upwards to 40....mentioned they STILL want kids, I'm thinking ....aren't they too old to risk that?)

 

But, since most women by my age are divorced at least once, with an average of at least 2 kids, chances are they have no desire to have more kids.

 

Yeah, that's true. When I hear women in their late 30s and 40s talking about having kids I feel like saying:

 

"Dang. You done missed the boat sweetheart!"

 

Get a dog. Much cheaper. Way more affectionate.

[hART]

True the genes aren't as good after 30. I agree a 38 year old woman or man should adopt a puppy, instead of having a kid. Think about it, if you live to the average statistical age (60), that child will be 22 when you pass on. If you live to be my grandma's age (82), that might be okay (child would be 44, much more bearable, plus they know you lived a long and fruitful life). At 38, if I was dying to nurture someone and only a person would do, I'd adopt, but again I don't want to pass on when a child had just barely become an adult. I would hate to be single past 30 after I know what men think of us.

[Sarah1977]

Yeah, that's true. When I hear women in their late 30s and 40s talking about having kids I feel like saying:

 

"Dang. You done missed the boat sweetheart!"

 

Not really. I know a lot of women who have children in their late 30's/ early 40's. In my opinion, they are actually better parents than the people who had children super young. Only because they were more mature and had secured their financial futures before the kids arrived. In fact, a friend of mine had saved her for her child's entire college education before she was even pregnant. Not possible when you're 22.

[irc333]

LOL..yeah, there was actually, only 2 women in my geographic area one was 42, the other was late 30's.

 

And they actually put CAPS in an area where it says, "If you have undecided/open to having kids in your profile do NOT email me, for I definately want children!"

 

Apparently, they didn't even want a guy that was an "undecided" either.

 

At that age, one might be better off adopting. It might be a health risk to biologically have one.

 

 

 

Yeah, that's true. When I hear women in their late 30s and 40s talking about having kids I feel like saying:

 

"Dang. You done missed the boat sweetheart!"

 

Get a dog. Much cheaper. Way more affectionate.

Edited November 28, 2010 by irc333

[hART]

I haven't studied it in depth, but the general idea is after 35 genes go down hill. It is good that they are honest and say how definite they are in their decision.

[LaraC]

irc I don't understand the thing about turning 30

 

I'm 28 now... is something magically going to happen to me in 2 years on my birthday whereby I become mentally ill, super fat, my genes die and I become unfit for a partner?

 

because I was thinking I'd probably be the same old me... a little wiser by then, hopefully