Find myself still gravitating towards younger women

[EasyHeart]

I always find this topic amusing because of the outrage that it provokes among some (presumably older) women. You generally don't see similar reactions from men to older women/younger men couples. Men are often confused at the attraction (when I was in my 20s, women older than me simply didn't exist in my eyes), but I've never seen the same kind of anger and outrage that some women demonstrate towards older men/younger women couples.

 

The reality is that we're attracted to whomever we're attracted to. For some people, age is a dealbreaker in the same way that height or income or education or weight can be for others. And for some people, age is not a dealbreaker. I think Eeyore summed it up nicely with:

 

I wouldn't rule out dating a guy in the 30-40 age range if he was of a similar status to myself; i.e. never married, no kids. Such men aren't widely found though, so I find myself dating men in the 25-30 age range because they're less likely to have such baggage. What's important to me is that my partner and I are at the same life stage; it's irrelevant whether we're the same age.

 

We look for people with similar levels of baggage who are at similar places in their life. Personally, I simply have more in common with a 30 year old woman who is single and never married than I do with a 45 year old woman who is divorced and has two kids.

[irc333]

Yeah, that does make sense, I've heard of some people stating that they want someone WITH kids (just like they do) as opposed to someone without kids

 

But also, suprisingly, I've seen some people mention who HAVE kids of their own, NOT wanting someoen else with kids at all.

 

They do not want the "Brady Bunch" apparently...so go figure that one as well.

 

I know of a female friend of mine, she had 2 wild, rebellious teens, she's in her 40's, ound up dating a mid 30's guy without kids, and never married.

 

It was funny, because she said she wouldn't blame him if he bailed if her kids got on his nerves, because they were pretty troublesom, but he did stick around...thankfully they both moved out. lol

 

 

I always find this topic amusing because of the outrage that it provokes among some (presumably older) women. You generally don't see similar reactions from men to older women/younger men couples. Men are often confused at the attraction (when I was in my 20s, women older than me simply didn't exist in my eyes), but I've never seen the same kind of anger and outrage that some women demonstrate towards older men/younger women couples.

 

The reality is that we're attracted to whomever we're attracted to. For some people, age is a dealbreaker in the same way that height or income or education or weight can be for others. And for some people, age is not a dealbreaker. I think Eeyore summed it up nicely with:

 

 

 

We look for people with similar levels of baggage who are at similar places in their life. Personally, I simply have more in common with a 30 year old woman who is single and never married than I do with a 45 year old woman who is divorced and has two kids.

[EasyHeart]

Yeah, that does make sense, I've heard of some people stating that they want someone WITH kids (just like they do) as opposed to someone without kids

 

But also, suprisingly, I've seen some people mention who HAVE kids of their own, NOT wanting someoen else with kids at all.

 

They do not want the "Brady Bunch" apparently...so go figure that one as well.

I've run across both those situations, as well. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

 

And that's the beauty of it: there are no rules and we all get to decide who we're attracted to and who we aren't!

[Sarah1977]

I always find this topic amusing because of the outrage that it provokes among some (presumably older) women.

 

Well, maybe it's because we tend to get sick of older guys skeeving all over us? Just because I'm not in my 20's (early 30's) doesn't mean I don't have 45-50 year old men coming on to me like they've got a shot. Face it, women of ALL ages get perved on by men old enough to be our fathers. Frankly, it grosses me out.

[EasyHeart]

Well, maybe it's because we tend to get sick of older guys skeeving all over us? Just because I'm not in my 20's (early 30's) doesn't mean I don't have 45-50 year old men coming on to me like they've got a shot. Face it, women of ALL ages get perved on by men old enough to be our fathers. Frankly, it grosses me out.

Really? So you'd get grossed out if Brad Pitt or George Clooney asked you out?

[Sarah1977]

Really? So you'd get grossed out if Brad Pitt or George Clooney asked you out?

 

Personally, I'm not attracted to either one of them.

 

However, are you saying you are just as physically in shape and accomplished as Brad Pitt and George Clooney? If not, you should be sticking to women your own age.

 

After all, not even Brad Pitt would score young hot chicks if he was a mailman with a pudgy belly. So I don't understand why 99% of the pervos out there think that they can.

[EasyHeart]

Personally, I'm not attracted to either one of them.

 

However, are you saying you are just as physically in shape and accomplished as Brad Pitt and George Clooney? If not, you should be sticking to women your own age.

 

After all, not even Brad Pitt would score young hot chicks if he was a mailman with a pudgy belly. So I don't understand why 99% of the pervos out there think that they can.

You're making my point for me. The issue isn't age, it's attraction. I doubt you would be interested in a 32 year old man if he was a pudgy mailman, either.

 

Apparently, you have a huge issue with peoples' ages, and that's perfectly fine. But other people don't. I don't think any of us have a right to tell other people who they should or shouldn't be attracted to.

[Sarah1977]

I don't think any of us have a right to tell other people who they should or shouldn't be attracted to.

 

You can be attracted to whoever you want. However, I just want to make note that most of the girls you're attracted to are probably repulsed by your advances. Unless, of course, you don't sleeze all over them. In that case, you're pretty safe. In my case, when an guy old enough to be my Dad sleezes all over me, it grosses me out. Just like he's free to be 'attracted' to me, I'm free to be horrified by the thought.

[jimbo]

I can also attest to dating a woman in her early 30's (with apparent psychological issues) with a kid was a nightmare after the first 3 months. I will NEVER EVER do that again. Rather be single for the rest of my life than have to go through that emotional roller coaster again. She was the only (and last) single mother I will date. I don't think they all have issues, however, I am no longer chancing it. Plus, she's a whore.

[RecordProducer]

Many men and women find the younger more attractive than the older, mostly due to their physical appearence. This is most likely a natural preference over which we have no control (I prefer older men, for example). If you can "afford" to date young women (considering your looks, brains, charm, self-confidence, social and financial status, etc.), who is to judge you? Do you even care? Rather than trying to rationalize and justify your own preference, think about why a young woman might want - or not want - to be with you.

 

When I was 16, I was dating a guy who was 22. I admired him because he was smarter and more mature and cool than I was. By the time I turned 22, I realized that he was dumb, immature and anything but cool. I threw him like a hot rock. A 25-year old woman might find your life experience, self-confidence and financial stability (if applicable in your case) sexy enough for her to genuinely fall in love with you (not to mention that men in their 30s generally last longer in bed ). By the time she's 35, she may grow up and realize that she can find a man her age who's better than you. And you'll be a 48-year old man with baggage.

[NoLongerSad]

Well, maybe it's because we tend to get sick of older guys skeeving all over us? Just because I'm not in my 20's (early 30's) doesn't mean I don't have 45-50 year old men coming on to me like they've got a shot. Face it, women of ALL ages get perved on by men old enough to be our fathers. Frankly, it grosses me out.

 

You're 33 or maybe 32 depending on when in '77 you were born. Is it possible you're attracting older gentlemen because they perceive you as a peer based on your physical appearance?

[sally4sara]

I'm 38 years old

 

Of course there are few trickle of women here and there around MY age that have never been married, no kids, single....but I've noticed they're overly picky and critical of what they're looking for in a mate.

 

Do you wonder if you gravitate to younger women because they don't hold you to life mate standards? They don't know enough yet to question those flaws you have that would nix you if they were looking for a life mate? I just remember that when I was more invested in remaining single, they quality of men I'd spend time with was lower because I was not eying them for the long haul. If I had been, they would not have measured up.

 

You recognizing your female counterparts are pickier is also you recognizing you don't fit the bill for what they're looking for in a serious relationship. Younger women will kill some time with you whether or not you're what they'd want in a life mate. So maybe you don't feel the pressure to live up to anything? While older women will consider it wasting their time if you're not everything they're looking for in a life mate and you feel more pressure because those expectations are ones you either can't or don't want to live up to?

 

Its okay for you to date younger women regardless. I'm not sure why it troubles you because younger women have relationships too; you can have one with them.

[Andy_K]

Alternatively, it's possible the older women are still single in their thirties because they're obsessively picky.

[Pfiend101]

Money and power. You can have any woman any age you want with those. Alternatively be a perfect 10 in the looks department and a badboy... you will also have your choice.

[sally4sara]

Alternatively, it's possible the older women are still single in their thirties because they're obsessively picky.

 

Keep in mind there fella, OP is 38 and still single. Is it because his expectations are too high? Same boat, different gender doesn't mean the reasons are all that different yeah?

 

He is questioning why he gravitates more to younger women; not why he is still single.

[Cee]

I think age is so hard to generalize about. I know lots of people who date older/younger, but everybody's situation is different.

 

When I was 23, I had an LTR someone who was 38- never married, no kids. I liked his life experience, having lived in Central America and had done work for Oxfam. But I was the only one in my social circle who dated older.

 

I was talking to my sister and brother-in-law about their marriage. She is nine years older than him. I was asking about dating older/younger and my brother-in-law said something very funny and wise...

 

The best relationships are where you can't tell which person is slumming.

 

 

Funny, but true. And I don't think age has too much to do with that.

[hART]

Christ, man.

 

• Implying that men in the same age group are automatically exempt from your supposed problems
  
• Implying that being over 30 is a red flag
  
• Implying that life experience = damaged goods
  

There's a difference between looking for people at similar life-stages and maturity to you, and straight-up hating on women.

 

Agreed! I've met plenty of men of all ages who have drama, this was in uselessly sexist and mean towards women. Some women seek to improve themselves after thirty and may have less drama than a 25 year old fresh out of a breakup. I am at the edge of your spectrum and seek men who are between 25-35. I might consider a fit male between 36-40 who looks and acts young, but not immature, if we had much in common.

To the original poster: Yes, it does seem that women have babies from 26-36, so therefore have kids past 26 or so. As another person who is child-free, I prefer a man without kids. However, if we were a perfect match, I would consider a man with kids.

[irc333]

I've seen women all the time who set up these requirements...but I also notice they are chronically single. I'm not saying women should settle for a 30something guy who lives with his parents and plays Xbox all day while working part-time at Walmart, but for every woman I see who requires his man to be physically attractive, good earning, owns real estate, and had to have been in a serious LTR before...most of them are still single and frustrated at their lack of choices.

 

Yes, and believe it or not, I've even seen men like these with their act altogether adn THEN some, real nice guys, they've made good male friends after getting to know them, to only STILL not have luck with women desiring them. And they're nice looking guys, the only thing THEY Chalked it up as, that their nice guys....that women they keep meeting like the jerks or something, but they've been having better luck, too.

 

I've seen women all the time who set up these requirements...but I also notice they are chronically single. I'm not saying women should settle for a 30something guy who lives with his parents and plays Xbox all day while working part-time at Walmart, but for every woman I see who requires his man to be physically attractive, good earning, owns real estate, and had to have been in a serious LTR before...most of them are still single and frustrated at their lack of choices.

 

True, lately I've been having MORE dates as of late, even had a woman ask me for my #.....I've had more dates this year than previous years with nice ladies, too. So maybe I'm on the right track somehow.

 

I live in a more rural area, but "city" enough to be a sea of singles....so I commute an hour to the big city to meet people, been doing that the last 3 years of my life.

 

I have noticed more people are "trickling" into my area from the big city here and there, but the commute to meet singles in the bigger neighboring city isn't much of an issue to, plus the surrounding towns. So I don't know about moving JUST yet, because the city is coming to me somewhat, lol

 

Funny, sometimes an occasional, attractive woman that just moved from the big city to "Bumble*** " egypt, would pop up on POF, because after a time of living here, she'd realize there's no one availalbe...and allt he handsome men are indeed married or taken....and no choice but to use online resources....they just move here and go, "Woops, mostly elderly or toothless bachelors and that's it" lol

Edited November 26, 2010 by irc333

[elastica]

This a very interesting thread for me to read, because I have been (still am) in a similar situation with my bf. I am in my late 20s and he's 9 yrs older.

 

Anyway, I believe that (if you are looking for a "real" ltr, and a reliable partner for life) individulas with similar intelligence gravitate towards each other. So, the younger half may be generally more mature, or, the older half might be younger in soul. The "baggage" (kids, marriage etc) matters as well obviously, since people who share similar experiences will more likely be able to understand each other better.

But as far as I am concerned, these things are 2 different things, and similarity in intelligence overrules the similarity in baggage (hope it makes sense).

E.g. if a person is, say, "less" intelligent, he might find it more difficult to deal with another individual's problems, and will rather run away from a situation and label that person "a crazy 30+ woman with baggage".

Of course I am not stating there are no such women!! Unfortunately there are - I know one very well (she is all over my boyfriend).

So, it is true that you get more problems as you get older and have kids, but it is also true that some (not all!!) men are too comfortable and lazy to grow up and deal with things.

[Eeyore79]

Just because I'm not in my 20's (early 30's) doesn't mean I don't have 45-50 year old men coming on to me like they've got a shot. Face it, women of ALL ages get perved on by men old enough to be our fathers. Frankly, it grosses me out.

I was a little freaked out when a guy in his late forties asked me out. At 31 I'm young enough to be his daughter! He was divorced with kids, and I'm a single and (relatively) young woman who wants kids of her own; we're at completely different life stages. I think all he saw was my looks, not me as a person.

 

Actually I think he asked me out because his ex was my age, so he thought he could score younger women. But she was a Chinese girl who needed a green card - BIG difference!

[Star Gazer]

So if you're 38, not owning real estate, never married, no kids, no high paying career...many of these women will think there's something wrong with you or you're still a child inside.

 

That's what I could think. I wouldn't think there's something "wrong" with him, but I'd think he didn't want to, or was incapable of being a grownup.

[irc333]

That's what I could think. I wouldn't think there's something "wrong" with him, but I'd think he didn't want to, or was incapable of being a grownup.

 

There are plenty of single people that live in apartments or duplexes, in fact, I would think that's the M.O. of a single person.

 

While married people typically get a home together.

 

Doesn't make either not grown up.

[Star Gazer]

There are plenty of single people that live in apartments or duplexes, in fact, I would think that's the M.O. of a single person.

 

While married people typically get a home together.

 

Doesn't make either not grown up.

 

It goes way beyond home ownership, IRC. I don't own a home either, because I give almost half of my paycheck to support my mother - I simply can't afford to own my own home.

 

I really, swear to G-d, thought you were very early 20's from your posts.

[irc333]

It goes way beyond home ownership, IRC. I don't own a home either, because I give almost half of my paycheck to support my mother - I simply can't afford to own my own home.

 

I really, swear to G-d, thought you were very early 20's from your posts.

 

Well, I meant to add more to the last post, but the stupid site said there was a time limit.

 

Also other things are BEYOND a person's control as far as getting a high paying successful career, perhaps you've been from interview to interview, and never be hired?

 

Or perhaps, one is satisfied in a job with a nominal income, that's their choice. So what, right?

 

Also, you're very berating towards me, you really need not to point out more than one time about "how I sound when I post". Now you're just beating a dead horse.

 

Do you really feel the need to repeat yourself about how I post?

[Sarah1977]

You're 33 or maybe 32 depending on when in '77 you were born. Is it possible you're attracting older gentlemen because they perceive you as a peer based on your physical appearance?

 

Nope. I don't look old for my age. Just the opposite. I'd admit it if I did.

 

In fact, I get hit on by a lot of really YOUNG guys, too. 18-21. For the record, I'm equally skeeved out. Yick.