Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Started NC a few days ago, want to be strong and move on. Till, I learnt that he broke up with me was because he had enough compromsing me, making me happy but he is not being happy at all. He felt that I wasn't happy being with him and that he didn't want to feel terrible anymore. I told him I was always happy with him despite we had bickerings and quarrels. Who will be happy with bickerings and quarrels. Sigh, now I start to self-blame myself again why I overlooked his feelings and why didn't I keep on checking his feelings. Just made me felt that he only remember the bad times, but forgotten all the good times we shared so much together. He lost faith..... and doesn't feel i am the one anymore... sigh
Graceful Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 If you are in NC, then how do you know this? This is why being in any contact at all (even by proxy) can be very very hurtful. There's nothing to be gained. Unless you actually speak to him yourself, you really don't know what's on his mind, and you could be misinterpreting what he may have said or meant. Sorry if I am mistaken, but I think I saw you write in another thread that you are very forthright and direct, but your ex was more introverted and did not talk about his feelings very openly or easily (again, sorry if I have the wrong person) -- it's challenging to be in a r/l with someone like that, I mean, how often can you check in and calibrate how they are feeling? Some people act like everything is ok until they reach their breaking point. Don't blame yourself for things that are in the past. What's done is done. If you've only been in NC a short time, it's only normal to feel unsettled and to second guess yourself. Keep the faith.
Author Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) Great advice... I learnt about it from his brother.. Yup it's under my thread, i'm more direct and forefront. Plus, he doesn't like to deal with problems as well...... your right, it's challenging to be with such person. Thanks Graceful Your words helped alot. Edited November 26, 2010 by Fufu
Capital P Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 stop talking about him to anyone firstly. And secondly, sto feeling sorry for yourself. He dumped you. Look at his actions not his word. People are ultimately selfish. If we want someone we will want to have them. No one ever dumps someone for that persons benefit, believe me. he left you because he didnt want to be with you. Accept that , start moving on properly
Author Fufu Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 no worries, I have see no hope in being with him anymore. Everyone will go through the stage of rollercoaster moods.
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 no worries, I have see no hope in being with him anymore. Everyone will go through the stage of rollercoaster moods. Fufu, he felt guilty for hurting you and tried to make it seem like your fault. Don't let it eat you. He left you, instead of trying to work it out.... period. I can tell through your words that you would have done anything to save this relationship- so don't let him blame you!
Capital P Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Rollercoaster it is. You are doing the best thing by ranting on here. Never give them the satisfaction of knowing whats going on in your head, and if you stick to NC your feelings disappear after a while, then you see them for what they were and its truly inspiring. When my ex dumped me i took a bunch of opportunities to go abroad and work. My local paper picked up on it n interviewed me, and THEN i was contacted by an investor who has put around 1 million into my business. And that is all from me being spared a relationship i was never happy with to begin with. Trust me, everything happens for a reason and you are the most powerful person in deciding what fate is coming to you Happiness is what you are, not what you get
Author Fufu Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 AlisaMarie: Thanks sweet for your kind words For my personality, I will do what I can to make a relationship works better, I always feel that true love is about accepting partner's flaws or in any case, compromise to work things out. Unfortunately, he takes the easiest way out for himself. At least I know I'm not a self-centred person.. Capital P: Thanks I love your quote on "Happiness is what you are, not what you get" Did quite a number of changes to myself, hair make over and I'm on waiting list to learn Japanese Language from a Japanese school. Can't wait to do something new...
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Did quite a number of changes to myself, hair make over and I'm on waiting list to learn Japanese Language from a Japanese school. Can't wait to do something new... Fufu... That's awesome! Yeah... you always have to do the hair after a crappy breakup. Learning Japanese? That's so cool and it will be very distracting! And if that jerk tries to come around you can tell him off in another language! And smile because he has no clue what you're saying. Keep staying busy!
Author Fufu Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thanks AlisaMarie Always wanted to learn but didn't have the courage to sign up, since I'm single now, shall do what I want to do. Starting class next Monday, 2 lessons per week, can't wait Finally, there's something I am looking so forward to...
cerridwen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Good job, Fufu. Love the emphasis you're putting on yourself. You got your hair did, you're learning yet another language, and you're here on LS giving unwavering and gentle support to other people in pain. That you can think of others when you're hurting is testimony to your selflessness. I'm glad you're baby-ing yourself a bit with these treats. You deserve 'em!
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