northern_sky Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I think quality people in general are hard to find with online dating. I'm not against the concept, I just don't think online dating is for me. The way I see it, any individual that has a halfway decent personality and doesn't have emotional issues doesn't need to result to online dating. I agree. If you see somebody who is a great catch on the site you have to wonder why they're on there. I guess shyness could be a factor, but if they seem reasonably social when you meet them that's a bad sign. Like how do you explain that disconnect? Do they just like the idea of a steady feed of available mates? I mean I have a fair amount of issues, and I don't know if I'd want to date myself.
Author tigressA Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 TBF, I agree--I do tend to bond more with a guy after sex, and my brain does get muddled. I think my relationship with C would've ended so much sooner if I hadn't had sex with him so early. I've resolved to keep the physical contact to a minimum while I get to know a guy and see what happens. I get to start tomorrow night, how exciting.
northern_sky Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 TBF, I agree--I do tend to bond more with a guy after sex, and my brain does get muddled. I think my relationship with C would've ended so much sooner if I hadn't had sex with him so early. I've resolved to keep the physical contact to a minimum while I get to know a guy and see what happens. I get to start tomorrow night, how exciting. Is there a reason you're ignoring my comments?? Grrrrr.... I'm trying be helpful, and I'd appreciate if you took the time to respond. I feel like you tend to be biased in terms of who gives you advice. (heh, I'm only a little irritated) But really, I hope some of what I said got through to you.
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Good luck with your date! That bonding thing really sucks and not because NSA has ever appealed to me. It just makes things more painful when relationships end.
Author tigressA Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Is there a reason you're ignoring my comments?? Grrrrr.... I'm trying be helpful, and I'd appreciate if you took the time to respond. I feel like you tend to be biased in terms of who gives you advice. (heh, I'm only a little irritated) But really, I hope some of what I said got through to you. I already said that yeah, what this last guy did bothered me, and I never said I was looking for anything in particular when it comes to dating (that's why this thread exists) so a good bit of what you said wasn't even relevant, IMO. I'm impulsive--I definitely don't consider all the consequences of my actions. I get disappointed if a guy just disappears after, but it's the vanishing act itself that bothers me more than anything. With regard to not being honest with myself...as I said before, I don't think I allow myself to get to know a guy aside from getting physical when I want to, so in turn I don't get to figure out what I want from him, besides more sex (if it was good ).
Star Gazer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I'm not looking for NSA sex. But I'm not looking for a relationship either. I've just been following my impulses. I stated more than once that I don't know what I'm looking for--my mindset is like "Que sera, sera." I only recently realized that perhaps my usual behavior in itself is preventing much of anything from happening. And you're spot on about that, IMO.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Tigress, something I really admire about what I know of you is that you OWN your part in what goes on between you and the men in your life. You own your sexuality and the behavior that you have around that. You don't need to be a victim of any kind (far from it) or to make a guy out to be a bad character because he disappoints you or does not conform to what you had in mind. If your behavior is somewhat selfish, or otherwise might not provide the most fertile ground for starting a relationship ... you are looking at this. At YOUR behavior. So, I have great faith that you will look at making a change in your behavior if and when you seriously want to try for a different result. I'm not sure that time has come yet. Anyway, it is a relief to see a young woman here who is very accountable for herself in relation to men and dating and I think it's a super healthy place to start.
Author tigressA Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Thanks, Mme. Chaucer. So, not only do I have a date tonight (drinks and pool at a local bar), I have another one tomorrow (dinner). My social schedule is going to be rather lively through to the holidays and beyond, though I'll struggle a bit after this weekend to fit dates in since I'm going to be rather busy with other things. I guess I'm once again full-on plunging into the multi-dating realm. It'll be much easier for me to stay chaste in this circumstance, out of respect for the guys. I'll see what happens, and naturally, report back. ;)
BobSacamento Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 "I don't know what I want." I can hear myself saying that in response to the question, "What are you looking for?" And it's true. I have no idea. Should I be dating at all? I know many people date with a goal in mind--getting laid, meeting new people, finding true love, getting married. Beyond feeling the desire to get busy with someone I really click with (which everyone feels at some point), I have no desired objective. I suppose I could say I'm "open to anything", but that concept opens up a can of worms. To be open to anything, including an LTR, then I would likely have to break my typical pattern (sex when I feel like it, usually within the first 3 dates, coming off as very flirtatious/flighty/etc) in order to even be taken seriously for anything beyond a fling. Yet, I don't feel willing to change my typical behavior for something I don't even know I want. So...what to do? Some people go to the grocery store with a list, some just go and pick up looks good. Not knowing what you want doesn't mean you shouldn't go shopping.
Star Gazer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Tigress, something I really admire about what I know of you is that you OWN your part in what goes on between you and the men in your life. You own your sexuality and the behavior that you have around that. You don't need to be a victim of any kind (far from it) or to make a guy out to be a bad character because he disappoints you or does not conform to what you had in mind. If your behavior is somewhat selfish, or otherwise might not provide the most fertile ground for starting a relationship ... you are looking at this. At YOUR behavior. So, I have great faith that you will look at making a change in your behavior if and when you seriously want to try for a different result. I'm not sure that time has come yet. Anyway, it is a relief to see a young woman here who is very accountable for herself in relation to men and dating and I think it's a super healthy place to start. Totally agree with this. It's so refreshing.
Author tigressA Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Some people go to the grocery store with a list, some just go and pick up looks good. Not knowing what you want doesn't mean you shouldn't go shopping. Hah! I love this! And thanks, SG.
Star Gazer Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Some people go to the grocery store with a list, some just go and pick up looks good. Not knowing what you want doesn't mean you shouldn't go shopping. This is funny... but... being that person who goes without a list (maybe I need to start being a list person afterall... hmm...), I end up wasting a lot of money and a lot of food that way. Same could happen here with time, effort, emotion, men, karma, potentially good relationships... Hence why I think it's important for TA to at least think about what she's in the mood for before entering the store.
Author tigressA Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 Hence why I think it's important for TA to at least think about what she's in the mood for before entering the store. This is true too. After giving it some thought, I am going to open myself to finding something meaningful with a good man--and this will mean modifying my behavior on early dates to a degree. It's been a while since I've had a relationship fall into the 'meaningful' category. I've played the part of the man-eater. It's been so much fun indulging that, but I don't think I can do it for much longer without it really bothering me. The most recent incident helped me gain some perspective in that regard. I've been corresponding with/have dates with a number of guys who so far all seem pretty cool, so I'm really excited about getting to know all of them. I'm thinking of starting a multi-dating log thread after tonight.
northern_sky Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 This is true too. After giving it some thought, I am going to open myself to finding something meaningful with a good man--and this will mean modifying my behavior on early dates to a degree. It's been a while since I've had a relationship fall into the 'meaningful' category. I've played the part of the man-eater. It's been so much fun indulging that, but I don't think I can do it for much longer without it really bothering me. The most recent incident helped me gain some perspective in that regard. I've been corresponding with/have dates with a number of guys who so far all seem pretty cool, so I'm really excited about getting to know all of them. I'm thinking of starting a multi-dating log thread after tonight. Sweet. I'm pleasantly surprised by your recent self-awareness and determination to improve. I'm excited for you. Keep us posted.
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