HalfStepDown Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Ok, so three years of a MESS and FINALLY I ended it. I'm in week 6 of NC now... I'm MUCH better than I was at week one that's for sure! I get a little better every day, but it's still HARD! WHY!!?!?! I KNOW I will NOT go back... it was a very destructive, mentally abusive relationship... I was taken advantage of, used and mentally abused. But I still think of her... I remember some funny quaint little things she would do and I miss them sometimes. It's just weird how it can be so bad, but yet 1. I stayed and 2. now I miss her? WTF???????????????????????????? I also do not blame her at all... as it was "I" who "allowed" this to carry on, so I'm not blaming here. I mean, is this all just a product of the "three years" we spent together thing? Will this all fade away eventually?? Or am I to learn to "control" my mind and NOT think about those things? I think of the other things...the bad things...her cheating, her taking me for granted, using me, controlling me, taking advantage of me and manipulating me.... wow! I mean, REALLY this was very bad! So WHY WHY WHY do I miss that person?? DAMN! I don't WANT to miss her.... I want get thoughts of her out of my mind! I suppose with it being Thanksgiving today it doesn't help as the last three were with her!.... Anyway.... I would greatly appreciate any good insight you all may have. Thanks!
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 If you've had someone in your life for three years, it's natural that you're going to miss them when they suddenly leave, especially when you have been in an intimate relationship with that person. Even though this person clearly didn't respect you or love you the way you loved her, she was still a major part of your life that is now gone. THe only consolation I can give is that, if you give yourself time, you WILL get over her. Even if it takes a year or more, you will get over her. When you get used to being single again, you'll start thinking about how badly she treated you. Also, there is no better tonic to heartbreak than finding a new love. I don't mean rebounding straight away, but when you eventually meet someone new who truly loves and respects you, you'll wonder what you ever saw in your ex.
Author HalfStepDown Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Nice words enchanter. I appreciate and need that! You're right and tick tock time moves on... and as it does, I DO see those bad things more and more and also realize just how bad she really was for me. It's strange how we can be taken such advantage of and not even know it. ALL of my friends and family knew... ALL of them... but I didn't see it. I think I knew, but I chose NOT to see it as it was. Life is much better for me know... I can feel the happiness INSIDE me growing each day. Happiness that I never felt before... it's strange, but I like it. I also think that in a very ironic and odd sick and twisted way that I actually miss "helping" her and/or taking care of her in certain ways...being there for her etc... But now it's time to do ALL of those things for ME!!! I'm working on it! Thank you again and please, more comments, insight and advice is welcomed!! thanks!
AlisaMarie Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Nice words enchanter. I appreciate and need that! You're right and tick tock time moves on... and as it does, I DO see those bad things more and more and also realize just how bad she really was for me. It's strange how we can be taken such advantage of and not even know it. ALL of my friends and family knew... ALL of them... but I didn't see it. I think I knew, but I chose NOT to see it as it was. Life is much better for me know... I can feel the happiness INSIDE me growing each day. Happiness that I never felt before... it's strange, but I like it. I also think that in a very ironic and odd sick and twisted way that I actually miss "helping" her and/or taking care of her in certain ways...being there for her etc... But now it's time to do ALL of those things for ME!!! I'm working on it! Thank you again and please, more comments, insight and advice is welcomed!! thanks! I know that feeling oh too well. I am glad that you realize that life is better without her. You probably even thought when you were together that life would be better without her. I was with my ex for a year, followed by 4 months of on and off heartbreak. Him blaming me for everything bad when clearly the guilty dog barks. I feel your pain. I wish I just would've stuck to NC back in July and I would be in a better place right now.
Author HalfStepDown Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 I wish I just would've stuck to NC back in July and I would be in a better place right now. Thank you LisaMarie... wow! Really? So the NC really does have a huge impact eh? Well, this is the longest we've been NC in three years. Like you we went on/off, back and forth for the last year or so and it just sucked bad. I've read that NC is the magic key... it's hard and I always would try to find ways to rationalize NOT doing it that way (NC). To hear you say, that you wished you would have stuck is greatly inspiring for me! I'm strong in the NC now, but there are weak points and vulnerabilities for sure... of which is probably why NC is the key! While this is a giant city she still lives here and I'm sure one day I will run into her... I dread that day as I see it setting me back to day one! Although, I shouldn't "dread" it and I shouldn't predict the future either! I may never run into her... I think MY key is for me to become strong and solid with ME and who I am and be confident with ME... this way, IF I were to run into her, it's not a set back, but merely an affirmation that I did the right thing!!
AlisaMarie Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 My biggest fear is going NC for real, and him not even trying. In the past 4 months, he has always contacted me... whether it was positive or negative, I couldn't resist to communicate back. The last time, 2 weeks went by and I realized he wasn't trying at all. So my mind went nuts. He doesn't care any more? He thinks this relationship is beat... he's with someone else!!!! So I broke down. So this is my day 1 of NC for real! It has been 4 months and enough is enough. I was thinking about blocking his number so either way... I wouldn't know if he tried. What do you think about that?
Author HalfStepDown Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Alissa... yes. Yes, yes, yes... you MUST move on and begining today STAY NC! I know it's hard, but what he is doing is of zero matter. You must be strong within yourself and remain NC! Depending upon what service you have, you may be able to call and have his number blocked from your phone, so you don't know. If he contacts you by whatever means, the big key for you here is to NOT respond in anyway. It's tough. Very tough... I know all about it. Think in "3s" Three hours, Three days, Three weeks and then three months! Start with three hours and then shoot for three days. Leave it all alone! You must!!! For your wellbeing, for your sanity, for yourSELF! You can and will do it! you will be fine!!! I'm about to crack into 7weeks on Saturday!!!
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