Lonely303Girl Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 This is sort of an awkward situation. I am new to the whole dating experience, so I'm confused about how things work. A guy gave me his number at the beginning of this month, and I called him, and we decided to go on a date. I had a great time with him and we seemed to have great chemistry. We drank a few beers and ended up sleeping together. I thought I made a mistake, and I told him how I felt, and he said that he didn't think any less of me. So we hooked up again a couple of days later. I am not sure if we are considered dating and I've been very confused about this situation. It can take him hours to respond to me if I text him and once it took nearly two days and at that point I ended up texting him first to see if things were okay. Perhaps I'm just not understanding how the dating process works, so I started to get frustrated with not hearing from him for such long gaps of time, and I started feeling like maybe I'm just a fling, which he told me I wasn't. But I still felt like I was bothering him, so one night I texted him something like, "I won't bother you anymore." He never responded, and I realized what I said may have sounded rude. I texted him saying I was sorry for saying that. And he still hasn't responded. I tried calling and he didn't answer. I deleted his number and cut off contact, which I truly didn't want, but I thought it would force me into him contacting me first for once. I waited a while, like a week, and I just couldn't take it anymore so I actually tore my room apart looking for the paper he originally wrote his number on, and I texted him Happy Thankgiving today. He didn't respond. I haven't heard from him at all since the 14th. I don't know what to do because I don't even know if I'm in a relationship with him, so the articles I read about getting boyfriends back don't make sense to me. I really like this guy, and perhaps I feel a little more attached to him than I should because of the sexual situation, but I've never had a boyfriend before, and I just really want him to be first the guy I date. Do I wait for him to call me first, which he's never really done, or do I wait another day or so, and try to call him first? I'm so confused, sad, and frustrated that I can't fix this situation. Like I said, I've never been in a relationship before, so I don't understand why I feel so depressed and unwanted. I cry everyday and it's like, he just threw me away like a piece of garbage. Sorry for the long post, but this is a weird situation for me and I feel like I'm getting worse, like I want to do something to myself or him.
Surrealist Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 You know what, sounds to me like he lied to you, got what he wanted, and now is no longer interested, and is outta here. You should not contact him anymore as he is clearly showing he is no longer interested. Can't you see that? If there is one thing I will warn you about the dating world it is this: It is ruthless.
Author Lonely303Girl Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 In the back of my mind, I know that he's not interested, but I have never received any attention from guys in real life, let alone ever been asked out and given a number. I just thought that it was finally going to be my turn to be that girl that was pursued. I've been rejected all of my life, and now that it happened like this, I'm just tired and I feel the final defeat. I see now that I will never end up with someone. Even as I type this, I still am hoping that he will just send me a text.
Surrealist Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 He's given you every clear indication that he is not reciprocating your approaches, but nontheless, continue to hold out hope if it helps with your mindset but do not discount other approaches. In the meantime you can seek out ways to be more attractive to someone and maybe then you won't get overlooked and it may halp build your self-esteem and so on. How old are you if you dont mind me asking?
Author Lonely303Girl Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 I'm 23. And I know that my self esteem is low. I was valedictorian, got a full-ride scholarship, and I've never done drugs, and I've never been in any type of trouble, and I don't even go to clubs. I always do what I can to help others, and I've always been described as the "nice girl." I don't understand why those qualities would hold me back. I truly feel that I'm a great person, and my issues come from the fact that there's always someone "better" I guess, who gets the attention. I don't want to be a slut. That's just not my personality. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I never wanted to be a fling and it hurts because now I feel like I've been reduced to a whore or something. Sorry for the rambling, but I just can't think straight right now.
hydorclops Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Yikes, pretty hard on yourself. You just sound like a young adult figuring stuff out. Maybe this guy is an ass, but you've certainly done nothing bad or wrong. Stay open to the kind of relationship you want and try not to become too cynical.
Author Lonely303Girl Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 this is weird. i found that piece of paper he wrote his number on and I just burned it. i now have no way of even trying to contact him. is it weird that I kind of feel better? I don't want it to be that way, and maybe this feeling is temporary, but wow, I do feel lighter or something.
Surrealist Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I'm 23. And I know that my self esteem is low. I was valedictorian, got a full-ride scholarship, and I've never done drugs, and I've never been in any type of trouble, and I don't even go to clubs. I always do what I can to help others, and I've always been described as the "nice girl." I don't understand why those qualities would hold me back. I truly feel that I'm a great person, and my issues come from the fact that there's always someone "better" I guess, who gets the attention. I don't want to be a slut. That's just not my personality. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I never wanted to be a fling and it hurts because now I feel like I've been reduced to a whore or something. Sorry for the rambling, but I just can't think straight right now. It was a mistake, you're not a whore at all. You just misread signs, but not even, this guy frankly lied to you, and that is what should annoy you most. You'll need to be very careful for now on! Don't go sleeping with guys, and please note, lots of guys will lie and tell you just about anything to get sex. These kinds of guys really **** me, because Im not one of them or act like they do, yet their the ones that always seem to get women, even nice women like yourself.
Author Lonely303Girl Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Well, I guess I learned my lesson. Well, not really, because my biggest fear that arose as I texted him for the first time was that he was not going to like me and reject me, so I don't know why I'm even surprised. I stepped outside of my comfort zone, and I now realize that keeping to myself is a lot better than feeling like crap because of some guy that doesn't deserve me. He smokes weed, works at a club, and we could never find anything interesting to talk about other than porn, lol. The real me wouldn't even have texted him in the first place, and I'm just gonna go back to being that way, even if it means I'll be single forever. At least I'll have my dignity.
Surrealist Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 True I'm a guy, 40 years old, not that I look it, and that has been my approach for the last 5 years since my seperation and alas, only ever had one date with one older woman that I wasnt interested in for just a couple of drinks in all that time. It's amazing how effective the passive approach is to avoiding dating dramas.
Author Lonely303Girl Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 Wow, so it's been a while. I called him today, and of course, didn't get an answer, or a response from a text message. I only did this because I'm either pregnant, or had a miscarriage. I didn't tell him about this, though. I'm scared. When things like that happen, is it okay to call? I had deleted his number and tried to block him out, but I just felt weird keeping it secret. Well, it still is a secret because I haven't told him, but I just don't know what to do. I cannot believe I'm still dealing with this.
Sarah1977 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Wow, so it's been a while. I called him today, and of course, didn't get an answer, or a response from a text message. I only did this because I'm either pregnant, or had a miscarriage. I didn't tell him about this, though. I'm scared. When things like that happen, is it okay to call? I had deleted his number and tried to block him out, but I just felt weird keeping it secret. Well, it still is a secret because I haven't told him, but I just don't know what to do. I cannot believe I'm still dealing with this. You're not pregnant. You're just having a hard time dealing with the fact that he doesn't want to see you anymore. Someday you'll look back on this nonsense and laugh. Trust me on this.
Author Lonely303Girl Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I really hope you're right. My god, is dating really horrible like this? I'm so glad I never dated while I was in college. I would have been suicidal if I had to deal with stupid stuff like this and midterms. And I don't think I'll look back on this and laugh. I have a hard time getting over things, and I hold grudges for life. I'm 23, and I still hate the girl that stole my shirt when I was 10. I will never get through this and I'm so worried. I don't understand why my health is just so horrible now either. A guy cannot bring me down like this. I don't understand why I'm so weak. I've dealt with things worse than a guy not calling me, and was just fine. Why does it hurt so much now? How do I make it stop? I feel like it would be so much better if he just told me he didn't like me, or didn't want to talk to me. The way he's doing things, it's like a damn cliffhanger. How can I get closure, other than deleting his number again? And I know this is an impossible situation at this point, but I would like to know from those who've been through it, if he did contact me and gave a reason, would I feel better or just as bad?
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