humanracer25 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Hi I would like some relationship advice. I must admit I never really understood girls lol and I was single for a long time (due to me being very introverted) until I was 24. Then I had a really good four year relationship with my now ex girlfriend. We lived together for most of the time and I feel I am a better person because of it and it helped become more open,confident and less introverted. We drifted apart for various reasons and found that in the end perhaps we didn't have as much in common as before. Still I feel that it was a learning experience that should help me for the future. We met at work and we also went to university together and graduated together. Anyway I have started going on internet dating sites I am stuck in a strange city with few friends (I had moved there with my ex) and thought it would be a good way to meet people. I have been on dates with lots of girls, some of them ended up being third and fourth dates. However one of the criticisms that I got was that maybe I am not open enough, that I didn't state clearly how I felt and wasn't forward enough. I admit this was a problem. On one occasion a girl invited me back to her place to watch a dvd. The dvd player in the living room was broken so she took me upstairs and we sat on the bed and watched it but I was too scared to even hug her thinking "oh this might be too foward". So turns out nothing ever came of that. On another occasion I was told after a few dates that "going out with me was just like going out with a friend" and she was unsure as to how to progress it further. We agreed just to be friends and leave it like that. Now I had given up on internet dating and decided to move back to my home town but then I messaged a girl who I seemed to have a lot in common with. We hit it off online and talked for hours. She send me texts saying "thinking about you". We went on our first date and decided to go to a concert. For the moment I laid eyes on here, I knew I really liked it. Everytime she smiled at me I felt butterflies in my stomach. Anyway she tended to talk quite a lot so I listened to her which suited me as I am a quiet person. However I decided to be more open and told her I thought she was beautiful and I liked her smile etc. During the concert she told me she had "a good feeling" about us and then kissed me. She then seemed a little shocked and apologised and said "sorry but it felt right". She kissed me a few more times after that. I then hugged her during the concert and she put my arm around her waist and seemed to enjoy me holding her. I walked her home and that was that. Then the next day she told me the date was perhaps "too intense" and next time we should do something more lighthearted. She also said we should just "take it light" and "see how it goes". She also told me to stop complimenting her as she "wasn't perfect" and it "put her on a pedestal". I was a bit shocked because I thought I was doing the right thing in being a bit more open. I also didn't want it to be that intense and was just as shocked as she was when she kissed me as up until that point I thought she was probably thinking "nice but not my type". She also had her arms folded a lot when we first met so that is why I thought maybe she didn't like me in that regard. Now I know it is only the first date and we should take it slow but I would like to sooner than later if we are going to be more than friends. I have strong feelings for her already and she gives me that butterflies feeling but I will have to keep that to myself for now in case of upsetting her. With the last few girls I have dated, I haven't really felt strongly about them on the first date and to me that usually means that we are probably just be suited as friends. I would rather have the "lets just be friends" talk sooner than later and God knows I have heard it 1000 times before. So at what point can you be more forward? After how many dates? At what point can you say "I like this person more than a friend?" She says now that we could be friends at least but I would like to know if there is any chance of saving this potential relationship. I know I was probably silly for showing affection too soon or giving too many compliments but what can I do now? Also maybe I should sit back and think if this girl is really for me as the whole "butterfly in the stomach" thing is probably infatuation and I have to try and see beyond that. Of course I keep thinking about that kiss, since its been almost 8 months since I knew what a passionate kiss felt like!. What is your advice? With my ex it was easier as we kissed on the first date then we were together for four years.I am not used to this slow progression!
shayan Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 you're so worried about what other girls think that you're probably shutting down any chances of meeting a girl that you're actually compatible with. If you like her and would like to compliment her go ahead, there is a fine difference between a compliment and placing someone on a pedestal. If a few compliments, or a kiss that she gave you is enough to make her not consider you as a partner, then there probably wasn't much hope in the first place. be yourself, I believe the most unattractive thing about any person is there inability to just be themselves and find people who will enjoy them as who they are. Stop worrying so much about how other girls percieve your actions.
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