I dont know what to think of this..

[amarie2011]

Hi there, my boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago and we talked for about a week after then he said we may get back together he just needed to focus on school right now, he continued saying I love you before saying goodnight and everything, it pretty much felt like we were still together just without the lovey dovey stuff..well the last time we talked was almost 2 weeks ago and everything was fine, so I decided that I wasn't going to text/contact him unless he initiated it first since so now 12 days later he text me Happy Thanksgiving? I text back awhile later saying Thanks, you too..and I never heard anything back..so could it have been that he just was sending a mass text out and didn't realize I would get it? I'm just so confused, I hate that he didn't say anything back. I don't know if I should continue NC or try to text him back again...after reading posts on here I'm starting to wonder wether or not NC is the way to go in my situation to try to get him back. I know NC is for me to heal and move on but I don't want to move on just yet..I've been already healing with NC I have good days and bad days...any advice would be appreciated..

 

*here is the link to my orginal post with more info on my situation..http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253821/

 

Thank you!

[AlisaMarie]

Well, just from experience, "has a lot going on with school" is an excuse. He had time for you before and was probably busy then! My ex had 3 job and school, and when he loved me he was there every second he could be. It's been 4 months since we broke up and we played the on and off game because someone always had to break down and make contact. Well guess what? We partied last night, had the best time together... and when he left this morning and I questioned our future, he said "we will see what happens, I have a lot going on." He has way less going on than he did when we first got together. While I was eating turky with the family, I got blown up with texts saying how great I was, how much he loves me, he just can't do it. Do you see what I am getting at? 4 months! I have been doing anything to be with this person that writes me off like a bad check. Please don't prolong your pain! Just let him go for now. You never know what the future will hold, but you dwell. SOOO cliche, but what's meant to be will be. Send him a Merry Christmas... have a one month goal at least, and you might be over him by then.

[Fufu]

Sounds like your ex-bf is escaping and doesn't want to say the word of splitting to you firmly. It's a coward way of escaping.

 

You have to use NC and to move on for real.

[cerridwen]

amaria, NC in this case would also keep you from looking desperate for contact bc honestly, when I read the part about you wanting to send another text after his last, I actually whispered "nooooo" out loud.

[amarie2011]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I know I need to move on, its just hard, this is my first real taste of a broken heart so its really starting to get to me, because I keep thinking to myself "why hasn't he contacted me yet" but I'm just wasting my time, our relationship was great for the most part and I had to drive an hour away just to see him a couple times a week so there was so much time and effort I put into the relationship to make it work and I obviously failed. When we were talking for awhile after our breakup he would give me a different reason for breaking up anytime I would bring it up..so I don't know what to think..I know they were all probably just excuses, but now I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. I wish I could stop myself from dreaming because I keep having vivid dreams about him and thats just making it harder on me. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks so I'm not going to expect anything from him as far as wishing me happy birthday, but I feel more depressed now not keeping in contact than I was when I was talking to him every now and then..I'm just going to stay strong..thanks again everyone.

[AlisaMarie]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I know I need to move on, its just hard, this is my first real taste of a broken heart so its really starting to get to me, because I keep thinking to myself "why hasn't he contacted me yet" but I'm just wasting my time, our relationship was great for the most part and I had to drive an hour away just to see him a couple times a week so there was so much time and effort I put into the relationship to make it work and I obviously failed. When we were talking for awhile after our breakup he would give me a different reason for breaking up anytime I would bring it up..so I don't know what to think..I know they were all probably just excuses, but now I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. I wish I could stop myself from dreaming because I keep having vivid dreams about him and thats just making it harder on me. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks so I'm not going to expect anything from him as far as wishing me happy birthday, but I feel more depressed now not keeping in contact than I was when I was talking to him every now and then..I'm just going to stay strong..thanks again everyone.

It's like a DRUG! You will be willing to take the scraps of a couple texts messages even though you are no longer in the relationship. THE WORST feeling is wondering why they aren't contacting you ... then you are convinced because they are in the company of another. It's sickens you! I have been dragging out a relationship that lasted a year, only to be on and off for 4 months now. The longest we went was 2 weeks NC, but when one of us caved, the other would surly respond. It led to talking, fighting, lying, sex, then ultimately, another break up. I hooked up with him Wed. night.. had the best time, and while I was eating Thanksgiving dinner, I got the "you're a great girl...BUT... blah blah, you know the rest. My friend seriously yelled at me today. They are so sick of the games that I let him play. I used to think that NC was the way to get them back and realize that they love you... but in mine, and I believe your case... it's to move on, heal, and get over them. What do you think?

[amarie2011]

It's like a DRUG! You will be willing to take the scraps of a couple texts messages even though you are no longer in the relationship. THE WORST feeling is wondering why they aren't contacting you ... then you are convinced because they are in the company of another. It's sickens you! I have been dragging out a relationship that lasted a year, only to be on and off for 4 months now. The longest we went was 2 weeks NC, but when one of us caved, the other would surly respond. It led to talking, fighting, lying, sex, then ultimately, another break up. I hooked up with him Wed. night.. had the best time, and while I was eating Thanksgiving dinner, I got the "you're a great girl...BUT... blah blah, you know the rest. My friend seriously yelled at me today. They are so sick of the games that I let him play. I used to think that NC was the way to get them back and realize that they love you... but in mine, and I believe your case... it's to move on, heal, and get over them. What do you think?

 

Yes, I agree with both of our situations that's its time to heal and move on, I've been reading way too many articles on how to get your ex back saying that NC is the key but I'm starting to think NC isn't going to work in that way and I'm going to use it as to move on and heal. I know if I were to see him and hangout as you have been doing with your ex it would lead to the same exact thing..we would have a great time and then after he got what he wanted from me it would be the same situation. It is definitely like a drug..when we were together he was the perfect drug for me I guess you could say now that he's gone its just an addiction that you have to quit cold turkey..and its so hard. You don't realize what you had and how much you love someone until they are gone..I almost feel like I took him for granted but I know this is probably just me trying to blame myself for the breakup.

[AlisaMarie]

I almost feel like I took him for granted but I know this is probably just me trying to blame myself for the breakup.

Chances are that you didn't! My ex even said to me ... "why weren't you this loving when we were together?" I was! We just lived together...I have a teenager, and he has an infant and we both worked two jobs and attended college! Of course there was tension but I did everything to make him feel special when he was here (cooked, cleaned, babysat his son...) and other things like made him treats and surprised him with goofy things to make him smile (cards, stupid gifts). He also did the same for me. But I NEVER thought he would leave me, so I guess in a sense I did take him for granted. My ex didn't realize that there is a difference in being confident in a relationship as oppose to taking someone for granted. Idk why this all has to suck so bad! I wish there was a forget him switch.

[amarie2011]

Chances are that you didn't! My ex even said to me ... "why weren't you this loving when we were together?" I was! We just lived together...I have a teenager, and he has an infant and we both worked two jobs and attended college! Of course there was tension but I did everything to make him feel special when he was here (cooked, cleaned, babysat his son...) and other things like made him treats and surprised him with goofy things to make him smile (cards, stupid gifts). He also did the same for me. But I NEVER thought he would leave me, so I guess in a sense I did take him for granted. My ex didn't realize that there is a difference in being confident in a relationship as oppose to taking someone for granted. Idk why this all has to suck so bad! I wish there was a forget him switch.

 

Oh I sooo wish there was a forget him switch..I made a dumb mistake tonight and agreed to go out with a old friend on a date and it only made it worse..I feel so horrible now. The whole time I was sitting there wishing it was my ex I was with, I just don't feel like anyone is ever going to make me as happy as he did. I just want to cry..I know it was probably way too soon to be going out but I listened to my best friend that said its not too soon but it definitely was, I just don't want to hurt anymore. I thought I would have handled it better but I didn't. Does it ever get easier to start going out with new people? I just want to contact my ex now and pour my heart out to him but I know I can't do that.

[Am4Real]

Yes, I agree with both of our situations that's its time to heal and move on, I've been reading way too many articles on how to get your ex back saying that NC is the key but I'm starting to think NC isn't going to work in that way and I'm going to use it as to move on and heal. I know if I were to see him and hangout as you have been doing with your ex it would lead to the same exact thing..we would have a great time and then after he got what he wanted from me it would be the same situation. It is definitely like a drug..when we were together he was the perfect drug for me I guess you could say now that he's gone its just an addiction that you have to quit cold turkey..and its so hard. You don't realize what you had and how much you love someone until they are gone..I almost feel like I took him for granted but I know this is probably just me trying to blame myself for the breakup.

 

Those "get your EX back" articles are [highlight]rubbish[/highlight].

 

I’m sorry they are out there and have distracted you, although it sounds like you’ve figured this out and are now ready to focus on yourself.

 

It’s hard to face realities. It is so difficult to imagine what you had is gone and he perhaps no longer feels the same way about you that he did. I’m sure you have worn the same shoes with another person at one time in your life and understand that it happens when the partner is “not really the one”. I feel for your pain.

 

Understand this…it hurts so much now but once you heal and allow yourself to be found again the next guy will make this past relationship practically inconsequential.

 

Make no more contact him from now forward, no matter how much/often the urge. Focus on you and only you!

 

Best wishes,

 

Am4Real

[AlisaMarie]

Oh I sooo wish there was a forget him switch..I made a dumb mistake tonight and agreed to go out with a old friend on a date and it only made it worse..I feel so horrible now. The whole time I was sitting there wishing it was my ex I was with, I just don't feel like anyone is ever going to make me as happy as he did. I just want to cry..I know it was probably way too soon to be going out but I listened to my best friend that said its not too soon but it definitely was, I just don't want to hurt anymore. I thought I would have handled it better but I didn't. Does it ever get easier to start going out with new people? I just want to contact my ex now and pour my heart out to him but I know I can't do that.

Ok, well don't pour your heart out just yet. I am on day 2 of NC after 5 months of on off hate love... I have TRIED to date other people, and my problem is I look to the past... "old friends" or ex boyfriends. I have long been over these people so even seeing them isn't so exciting. I have met a couple new dudes, and it's exciting for a minute...then I find something fast that I hate about them and could never be with them (umm they aren't him)! Just keep trying. Don't expect Mr. Forever to be your next date, cause chances are, he won't be. You won't even be slightly interested until you heal a little more but there is nothing wrong with distractions from dates that aren't going to go anywhere. Just don't lead the other guy on. After dinner with one guy... he blew up my phone with texts saying how he couldn't wait to see me again, I just told him that I thought I was ready... but miss my ex and I am very sorry... but I had a great time. That way... I got a good dinner... conversation with a nice guy (instead of crying to my friends over him) and even though I may have let him down a little, I didn't lead him on or crush him. Idk, think about it.

[amarie2011]

Ok, well don't pour your heart out just yet. I am on day 2 of NC after 5 months of on off hate love... I have TRIED to date other people, and my problem is I look to the past... "old friends" or ex boyfriends. I have long been over these people so even seeing them isn't so exciting. I have met a couple new dudes, and it's exciting for a minute...then I find something fast that I hate about them and could never be with them (umm they aren't him)! Just keep trying. Don't expect Mr. Forever to be your next date, cause chances are, he won't be. You won't even be slightly interested until you heal a little more but there is nothing wrong with distractions from dates that aren't going to go anywhere. Just don't lead the other guy on. After dinner with one guy... he blew up my phone with texts saying how he couldn't wait to see me again, I just told him that I thought I was ready... but miss my ex and I am very sorry... but I had a great time. That way... I got a good dinner... conversation with a nice guy (instead of crying to my friends over him) and even though I may have let him down a little, I didn't lead him on or crush him. Idk, think about it.

 

I still haven't heard anything from the ex, I haven't been waiting for it but it would be so nice..the guy I went on the date with keeps texting me everyday and really wants to date me but I just don't think I'm ready yet. We dated about 3 years ago only for a couple of months and he was actually the first person I slept with, I kinda wanted to get it over with since I was already 19..yes I know that sounds bad, but I feel if I pursue anything with him its just going to turn into sex since thats all it was before with us and I really don't feel that way about him anymore and I most likely won't anytime soon but I feel bad for completely blowing him off. I haven't been having many urges to contact my ex but I'm friends with him on xbox live..thats actually how we met..so would it be best to delete him? I find myself checking to see if he has been on anytime I'm on which is daily. I always see people posting asking if people should delete their ex from facebook but what about something like that? He hasn't been on in over a week and I doubt he will be on anytime soon. Thanks again!