I am mad because he hasn't called since his wife rang me

[honeyd]

I am a mother in my early 30s and in the middle of a divorce after a decade of marriage. Six months ago I reconnected with a high school classmate who was separated from his wife. We had not seen each other in over 20 years. We spent a lot of time talking on the phone about our high school days and our lives now, our dreams etc. It wasn't long before we fell in love with each other.

 

In high school I never gave him the time of day because I did not even find him attractive. Today he has evolved into exactly the type of man I like and he's a wonderful person. Problem is we live thousands of miles apart so we spent much of our time talking on the phone and communicating by email. We went on a few dates while I was on vacation in a City not far from him in the summer. Although the opportunity presented itself we never slept together because I felt I was not ready to take that step.

 

A few month ago he told me his wife had decided to move back into the home he was living in, mainly to better manage the financial strains of living in separate homes with their 2 children. He seemed confused about what to do but he agreed. I asked him where I fit into his life now and he was never able to definitively tell me he was going to work on his marriage. He just refused to let me go. I knew I deserved better than I was settling for but still I waited for him to just make a decision. He said the distance between us was frustrating for him but secretly I was glad because It lessened the possibility of a sexual relationship developing at such an uncertain time in the relationship. However, we still communicated everyday by phone and email and our feelings for each other kept getting stronger. I knew I could not continue to live with the uncertainity. I really wanted to be with him and I sensed that he really wanted to be with me too but he said he was struggling with doing what was best for his children.

 

Finally two months ago I decided to cool things off and stopped communicating with him. I just thought he needed to either work on things with his wife or tell me what his plans were for us. I felt that I was ready to move on when he rang me a few days ago and said he was ready to move on with me and had started to make adjustments in his life to make that a reality. This included changing his job and moving closer to me. The night he told me that I was happy that he had finally made a decision but by the next morning I got the dreaded call---his wife rang me! she had found emails and obviously seen my number on his phone bill or something. I was pretty respectful to her and very calm.

 

She is hurting and blaming me for the problems in her marriage and whatever happens to her children ! I dont think this is fair because when he and I began communicating, they were already separated! I had nothing to do with those problems. And when she moved back into the home I gave him space and made no attempt to push the relationship to the next level (Sex). As a mother I do feel bad about the children but I too tried for years to hang onto an unhappy marriage because of my children and eventually had to call it a day because I felt it was not in my children's best interest for my husband and I to remain together.

 

If he calls me right now and says he has changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife I will be very disappointed but I will respect his decision. I have not heard from him since his wife rang me. Upon advice from a friend who is a counsellor, I asked a friend of his to check on him for me. The friend did and told me he was OK things were settling down for him. It's a week since this incident took place and he has not called to see how I am feeling? I feel disrespected. Very disrespected and the concern I felt for how he was doing has been replaced by anger because he did not ring me to see how I am dealing with this. Surely he could have asked his friend to relay a message to me? I am so angry right now.

 

I tried to extricate myself from this relationship several times and he drew me right back in. I was doing just fine until he rang me up and told me what his plans were. Then his wife calls me and since then he has not even bothered to check on me? Am I overreacting? I am sooo MAD right now and its distracting me from my work.

Edited November 26, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whichwayisup]

He probably has done alot of lying, not only to you, but to his wife.

 

you haven't invested too much time in him, you barely know the guy since he hasn't been in your life for that long..it doesn't count that you *knew* him from 20 years ago.

 

He is married, has kids. His actions are showing you one thing, yes? So, why bother. Drama! It isn't worth it!!

 

His wife called you and told you herself, confirmed that they had separated? Or is this just what he told you?

 

As a mother I do feel bad about the children but I too tried for years to hang onto an unhappy marriage because of my children and eventually had to call it a day because I felt it was not in my children's best interest for my husband and I to remain together.

 

You don't really know the truth or what goes on behind closed doors in their marriage. It's best not to apply your reasons and home dynamic to MM's and his wife's dynamic at home. Unless you have been present in their home and a fly on the wall, seeing what goes on 24/7, their marriage is unknown to you, except for what he tells you.

[BB07]

Are you positive that he was REALLY separated?

 

More than one woman has been told that when in fact the men involved were not, yes I'm one of them.

[whichwayisup]

Are you positive that he was REALLY separated?

 

More than one woman has been told that when in fact the men involved were not, yes I'm one of them.

 

Problem is we live thousands of miles apart so we spent much of our time talking on the phone and communicating by email

 

Oh...I didn't see this.

 

For sure, he has lied and led you on. Big time lying going on and his wife probably found out somehow and he threw you under the bus making it seem like you were the one chasing him.

 

He is a jerk and isn't worthy of your time. He isn't going to do or go against his wife, that's why he hasn't contacted you. Don't let yourself feel or think that what you feel is more important than what HE feels or what his wife wants him to do (end it and stay away from you),

[honeyd]

Whichwayisup, Thank you for your insight. I avoided giving his wife any details when she rang me so I'm just going by what he told me about the separation. I feel that he was truthful about that though because we often spent long hours on the phone with each other at nights and there was no way a wife could be there and her husband was on the phone with another woman for 3 and 4 hours a night. I am really hurting now though because I have so many questions I need answers for. The wife seemed to think they were working on the marriage but all along behind her back he was planning to leave her. I just don't know what to think anymore. I feel so stupid!

[BB07]

I don't know honeyd but I'm highly suspicious that your man wasn't separated at all. Long distance relationships are a prime example of how easily it can be done. It's a hard concept to grasp but you need to consider it as a likely possibility. Of course I have no way of knowing for sure but the sad thing is........you don't either.

 

You aren't stupid.......not at all. Maybe naive and trusting and yes it happens to a lot of us.

[honeyd]

I need to get past this BB07. Feel really down. Any ideas on how to march along? God this hurts.

[siuys]

Sounds like another MM who is freaking out and doesn't know what to do or scared so he does nothing, or hides. How typical. Sorry, but am very cynical at the moment and from everything i've learnt myself and on this forum, it's just best to leave them to deal with their stuff and not get involved. All that guessing, analysing, am i important to him bull****... let's face it, if he knew what the hell he was doing, he'd be man enough to talk to you.

[BB07]

I need to get past this BB07. Feel really down. Any ideas on how to march along? God this hurts.

 

I know........I wish I had a magic pill, if I did I'd send you one. One foot in front of the other, one hour at a time and one day at a time. You can do it.......a lot of us have been there before.

 

I know you feel as if you were just left hanging out to dry and that you probably still feel in limbo. Also prepare yourself for him contacting you again, but think really hard about how badly he has hurt you, (regardless of the reason and even take the probably lying thing out of it), he still has hurt you badly, don't excuse it. You also might want to think about ways you can verify things if you decide to reconsider with him. Nothing wrong with verifying that he isn't a skilled liar.

[whichwayisup]

Whichwayisup, Thank you for your insight. I avoided giving his wife any details when she rang me so I'm just going by what he told me about the separation. I feel that he was truthful about that though because we often spent long hours on the phone with each other at nights and there was no way a wife could be there and her husband was on the phone with another woman for 3 and 4 hours a night. I am really hurting now though because I have so many questions I need answers for. The wife seemed to think they were working on the marriage but all along behind her back he was planning to leave her. I just don't know what to think anymore. I feel so stupid!

 

He is/was a LIAR. The guy you "thought" you knew doesn't exist and I'm sure it hurts to the core that he led you on. Keep in mind LOOK at what he's done to the woman he married, the woman who had his children. Why would he treat you any better or worse than her? HE lied to her too, not just you. Who knows what the 'real' truth is, I doubt HE even knows since he probably has been lying to himself as well!!

 

All you can do is let go and do your best to grieve and heal. Leave him alone, don't contact him and let things go. the answers you're looking for, you won't find from him because now you'll never know if HE is telling you the truth or what you want to hear.

 

Make your own closure by owning your part in this, but don't put yourself down. just accept that mistakes were made and NOW you can change, move on and forget about him.

[honeyd]

Siuys, I think he's probably trying to figure out what to come back and say to me because he feels embarrassed that his wife also emailed me and copied him on the email saying she was sure he'd said their marriage was a disaster but it wasn't. Basically she's telling me with his full knowledge don't believe a word he said. He's a liar. I don't know but the way I'm feeling right now I'm glad there is a forum such as this where I can share. I am disappointed in how weak I am. I told him several times I wanted to be left alone until he told me what he really wanted yet each time I allowed him to draw me back in and now this...(sigh). Just glad I never slept with him or I would have been in an even darker place right now.

[honeyd]

I know........I wish I had a magic pill, if I did I'd send you one. One foot in front of the other, one hour at a time and one day at a time. You can do it.......a lot of us have been there before.

 

I know you feel as if you were just left hanging out to dry and that you probably still feel in limbo. Also prepare yourself for him contacting you again, but think really hard about how badly he has hurt you, (regardless of the reason and even take the probably lying thing out of it), he still has hurt you badly, don't excuse it. You also might want to think about ways you can verify things if you decide to reconsider with him. Nothing wrong with verifying that he isn't a skilled liar.

I just dumped his pictures. Now I need to muster up the courage to delete his number from my phone and block his emails. It's tough though because I still want answers...

[BB07]

I just dumped his pictures. Now I need to muster up the courage to delete his number from my phone and block his emails. It's tough though because I still want answers...

 

 

It's a really hard thing to accept but sometimes you have to accept that you won't get your answers from him.

 

I'm sorry!

[whichwayisup]

I just dumped his pictures. Now I need to muster up the courage to delete his number from my phone and block his emails. It's tough though because I still want answers...

 

Just..Do..It!!

 

The answers you're looking for will come to you, in time when you've done your own soul searching and during your grieving/accepting time. You do not need exMM to fill in the blanks! No matter what he tells you, you're going to have you doubts and mistrust, and its' going to make you want to ask MORE questions.

 

Look at facts, he's a liar and a cheater. He's married and has a family. That is the real truth that needs to be seen. With that said, I'm sure he has feelings for you but it was soo wrong and inappropriate of him to pursue it and continue on. He's selfish.

[fooled once]

I am a mother in my early 30s and in the middle of a divorce after a decade of marriage. Six months ago I reconnected with a high school classmate who was separated from his wife. We had not seen each other in over 20 years. We spent a lot of time talking on the phone about our high school days and our lives now, our dreams etc. It wasn't long before we fell in love with each other.

 

In high school I never gave him the time of day because I did not even find him attractive. Today he has evolved into exactly the type of man I like and he's a wonderful person. Problem is we live thousands of miles apart so we spent much of our time talking on the phone and communicating by email. We went on a few dates while I was on vacation in a City not far from him in the summer. Although the opportunity presented itself we never slept together because I felt I was not ready to take that step.

 

A few month ago he told me his wife had decided to move back into the home he was living in, mainly to better manage the financial strains of living in separate homes with their 2 children. He seemed confused about what to do but he agreed. I asked him where I fit into his life now and he was never able to definitively tell me he was going to work on his marriage. He just refused to let me go. I knew I deserved better than I was settling for but still I waited for him to just make a decision. He said the distance between us was frustrating for him but secretly I was glad because It lessened the possibility of a sexual relationship developing at such an uncertain time in the relationship. However, we still communicated everyday by phone and email and our feelings for each other kept getting stronger. I knew I could not continue to live with the uncertainity. I really wanted to be with him and I sensed that he really wanted to be with me too but he said he was struggling with doing what was best for his children.

 

Finally two months ago I decided to cool things off and stopped communicating with him. I just thought he needed to either work on things with his wife or tell me what his plans were for us. I felt that I was ready to move on when he rang me a few days ago and said he was ready to move on with me and had started to make adjustments in his life to make that a reality. This included changing his job and moving closer to me. The night he told me that I was happy that he had finally made a decision but by the next morning I got the dreaded call---his wife rang me! she had found emails and obviously seen my number on his phone bill or something. I was pretty respectful to her and very calm.

 

She is hurting and blaming me for the problems in her marriage and whatever happens to her children ! I dont think this is fair because when he and I began communicating, they were already separated! I had nothing to do with those problems. And when she moved back into the home I gave him space and made no attempt to push the relationship to the next level (Sex). As a mother I do feel bad about the children but I too tried for years to hang onto an unhappy marriage because of my children and eventually had to call it a day because I felt it was not in my children's best interest for my husband and I to remain together.

 

If he calls me right now and says he has changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife I will be very disappointed but I will respect his decision. I have not heard from him since his wife rang me. Upon advice from a friend who is a counsellor, I asked a friend of his to check on him for me. The friend did and told me he was OK things were settling down for him. It's a week since this incident took place and he has not called to see how I am feeling? I feel disrespected. Very disrespected and the concern I felt for how he was doing has been replaced by anger because he did not ring me to see how I am dealing with this. Surely he could have asked his friend to relay a message to me? I am so angry right now.

 

I tried to extricate myself from this relationship several times and he drew me right back in. I was doing just fine until he rang me up and told me what his plans were. Then his wife calls me and since then he has not even bothered to check on me? Am I overreacting? I am sooo MAD right now and its distracting me from my work.

 

Shows you how much you really meant to him, doesn't it, that he hasn't bothered to contact you after knowing his wife contact you. His ACTIONS are showing you who he is - believe it. Unless he is tethered to her 24/7, he could have found time to call you quickly. But he chose not to. He is choosing to not contact you and it isn't because his wife is making him.

 

I also wanted to comment on how he lives thousands of miles from you, yet he tells you he is planning to move away from his children to be with you? And this doesn't concern you that he is willing to basically dump his kids for you? This isn't showing you who he is?

 

Finally, own what you have done. He didn't make you continue talking to him. He didn't force you to continue to pick up the phone. You made the choice, knowing he was back to living with his wife, to continue the emotional affair. He didn't make you continue. So when I say own your choices, this is what I mean. No person can make another person participate in an affair unless they want to. He probably did lie to you and manipulate you, but you made the decision to continue.

 

He probably has done alot of lying, not only to you, but to his wife.

 

you haven't invested too much time in him, you barely know the guy since he hasn't been in your life for that long..it doesn't count that you *knew* him from 20 years ago.

 

He is married, has kids. His actions are showing you one thing, yes? So, why bother. Drama! It isn't worth it!!

 

His wife called you and told you herself, confirmed that they had separated? Or is this just what he told you?

 

You don't really know the truth or what goes on behind closed doors in their marriage. It's best not to apply your reasons and home dynamic to MM's and his wife's dynamic at home. Unless you have been present in their home and a fly on the wall, seeing what goes on 24/7, their marriage is unknown to you, except for what he tells you.

Agree, especially with the quoted parts.

 

Whichwayisup, Thank you for your insight. I avoided giving his wife any details when she rang me so I'm just going by what he told me about the separation. I feel that he was truthful about that though because we often spent long hours on the phone with each other at nights and there was no way a wife could be there and her husband was on the phone with another woman for 3 and 4 hours a night. I am really hurting now though because I have so many questions I need answers for. The wife seemed to think they were working on the marriage but all along behind her back he was planning to leave her. I just don't know what to think anymore. I feel so stupid!

 

So she sent you an email telling you, copying him, that he lied to you and he has yet to contact you. Again, his actions (or lack there of) are telling you about him. He is a liar and a cheat.

 

regarding the bolded - that is what he has TOLD you - which again - this information is coming from a known liar and cheat. Maybe he did tell her he wanted to work on the marriage, but told you the opposite. You were giving him what he wanted, emotional fulfilment with the possibility of sexual in the future.

 

I also wonder where the kids are (yours and his) when you two are spending HOURS talking to each other every day Neither of you seem to remember that they need parents to focus on them. It really hurts me, as a mom, to see so many women seemingly putting their lovers wants/needs ahead of their kids. This MM was even allegedly willing to LEAVE his children and move THOUSANDS of miles away. Then again, this is what he said, not something he was putting into action. I think this was yet another tactic to keep you hooked on him, believing him.

 

Siuys, I think he's probably trying to figure out what to come back and say to me because he feels embarrassed that his wife also emailed me and copied him on the email saying she was sure he'd said their marriage was a disaster but it wasn't. Basically she's telling me with his full knowledge don't believe a word he said. He's a liar. I don't know but the way I'm feeling right now I'm glad there is a forum such as this where I can share. I am disappointed in how weak I am. I told him several times I wanted to be left alone until he told me what he really wanted yet each time I allowed him to draw me back in and now this...(sigh). Just glad I never slept with him or I would have been in an even darker place right now.

 

He is probably trying to figure out what his next lie will be. How can he continue his marriage and continue his emotional affair with you and what can he say to you to make you feel so sorry for him.

 

You say yourself, you never backed up what you told him with actions (leave you alone until a decision was made). You continued to let him manipulate you back into talking to him again, but again, that was a conscious choice you made - to keep the affair going.

 

I am truly sorry you are hurting. I am truly sorry for the pain you are feeling. Focus on the positives - you didn't allow him to use your body (sex) and it has only been 6 months. He could tell you were vulnerable (after your separation/divorce) and he pounced on that. Find your strength. Be glad he didn't keep you hanging for years. Be glad that maybe finally this can be done and over with. You need to set boundaries and demand respect. Sounds like right now, you are struggling with those areas.

 

I wish you the best of luck as you continue your journey.

[honeyd]

Fooledonce, I am grateful for your take on this. I really am. What I resent is your insinuations about my kids. When I'm talking to this man, my kids are in bed comfortably asleep. if he rings during the day, I am in office and they are at school so I'm not an irresponsible parent. He always rang when he knew I'd finished helping them with homework and they were in bed. As far as his children are concerned, as you noted, he might never have meant to move closer to me anyway. But then again, he's always said he wanted to be there for his children which is why he kept dragging his feet. I don't know how much of this is true now.Only he and God knows the truth. But I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thanks a million.

[steelknife]

dear honeyd

i thnk, i thnk, 6 months is not too long. back out and walk away. dont allow yourself to fall into a deeper crevice. it is not worth it. helies to you. he lies to his wife. and we dont really know anymore what is the truth.

 

i ws also waiting for my xmm to call me after dday when his bs rang me. looking back, what did i really want him to tell me? did i want him to apologize for hurting me? for choosing to be with his family? did i want him to say he wanted to be with me? i didnt even know. i just wanted him and for things to be the same..but with dday. it will never be. it took me a while to face up to that. up to now, he never apologized for the hurt his choice caused me. he didnt apologize for the choice he made and he never actually let me go..

 

i was in so much pain, still is actually but in lesser degree. i said i needed him for closure, to let me go. but i realized, why do i have to wait for that? i can make the decision, i can end it and i can decide what to do. i thought i needed him for closure- for me to be able to move on with my life. but the pain and humiliation was so intense i needed to protect myself i couldnt take anymore beatings.

 

just be glad you didnt take things to the next level. i can tell, like my xmm, your guy is stringing you along. let us not be privy anymore to what goes on in another couples' marriage. i know, they were the ones who brought us to it, but it is never good to be on the outside looking in. hoping, waiting, expecting..

 

let go honeyd. help yourself. you can..

[honeyd]

Steelknife, your words have really helped me to think this through with a lot more clarity. What's interesting is that two/ three weeks ago I was doing much better, not calling, not emailing him.

I really was making progress with getting on with my life but I had this huge relapse the moment he rang me and told me what he knew I wanted to hear...that he was ready to move on with me.

Then next day bang! Everything went downhill. I really am trying to let this go now. I know I can because I was on the right track just two weeks ago. Thanks for your advice. You are a lifesaver.

[honeyd]

*Sigh*

I can't believe I am back to pining over him again tonight. Pining and angry at the same time! I feel so tempted to ring his friend and ask him to deliver a message to the SOB that he should never ever call me again!

I am attractive, intelligent and caring, why am I in this mess?! I wonder what he is doing right now? A SG has asked me out on a date and I have the poor guy waiting as we speak for me to ring him back and give him an answer. He is gaga over me, even gave me a special ringtone on his mobile phone. He wants be there for me in ways that a man has not done in a long time yet here I am ignoring him and pining away over a MM who hasn't contacted me since his wife rang me! What the hell is wrong with me??? *sigh*

[Elevation]

Howdy Honeyd. Just read your posts. Honeyd you're not alone.

 

Mine is not quite the same situation as yours as my MM did not leave his wife but after feeling guilty and throwing me under a bus - or at least it felt like it - he resumed contact with me then wife found e-mails and he rang me to warn me that I might hear from her, which I did. He said I'd probably get an e-mail from his e-mail account which would look like it was from him but it would actually be from her as she was livid. She said to him YOU'RE F*CKED SCUMBAG!! I AM LEAVING WITH THE KIDS. Of course she hasn't left, she has chosen to believe his lies instead and pick on me. It was a couple of days ago. I feel rather like I've been hung out to dry while he covers up what happened between us. From what she said she clearly does not know the truth. Oh well, it's helping to put me right off him and hopefully it does with you.? It makes you mad really that they get away with it. I have plenty of proof if I wanted to enlighten her but I am not going to even though I am annoyed I am keeping my dignity and am not going to get in a slanging match with either her or him. Let the marriage unravel on it's own I am sure it will (in both our cases).

[fooled once]

Fooledonce, I am grateful for your take on this. I really am. What I resent is your insinuations about my kids. When I'm talking to this man, my kids are in bed comfortably asleep. if he rings during the day, I am in office and they are at school so I'm not an irresponsible parent. He always rang when he knew I'd finished helping them with homework and they were in bed. As far as his children are concerned, as you noted, he might never have meant to move closer to me anyway. But then again, he's always said he wanted to be there for his children which is why he kept dragging his feet. I don't know how much of this is true now.Only he and God knows the truth. But I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thanks a million.

 

Your welcome

 

I see it on here ALL the time, posters talking about how they are "ALWAYS" on the phone with the MM for HOURS and HOURS yet these people have kids. And if you read my actual post, I never said you were an irresponsible parent.

 

Many OW will attest that when the relationship ends, they find themselves to the point of desperation, drinking heavily, taking pills to sleep and even some thinking of ending their lives.

 

So forgive me for being concerned about innocent children. It is so hard to read that these women/moms basically 'give up' living because of these guys - who are off living THEIR lives with their wives. (and I am not saying YOU - I am saying I have seen this written HERE by others).

 

Why won't you go out with the single guy? Because you are still caught up in the MM. Because he still dominates your thoughts and you aren't done with him. Maybe as time goes by, you will be done, especially since he hasn't contacted you. Maybe when he contacts you, apologizes and begs forgiveness, the affair can continue.

 

Only you can decide when you are done. Only you can decide how much longer you are going to give him the power over you. You have someone interested in you - what is the harm in going on a friendly date? Maybe it will distract you and you can actually have a good time? Maybe you need the ego boost of another man's attention so that you can let go of the MM?

 

Take your power back. He is obviously doing what he wants to do with his wife. Time for you to do what you want to do with your life.

[honeyd]

Elevation right now I don't know what to think because I don't have any answers. Don't know how the wife found out about me, don't know how he handled the situation with her, don't know what he told her about me and all of this not knowing is killing me! If I ever found out he told her I was the one chasing him or any such crap I'd find him!

He told me he had cheated on his wife once before when their marriage was in the pits and and she refused to forgive him so now that he has two strikes I would not be surprised if the marriage eventually falls apart.

She told me when she rang me that they've been down this road before so obviously she's in a lot of pain. It's sad but so am I. One thing I noticed with him is that he never really talked down about his wife. He said the marriage was in shambles and that he wasn't happy with a number of things but never anything disrespectful about her. I just dont know why I can't be strong enough to brush this aside like a fly on my wall!

[FanFan]

I just dont know why I can't be strong enough to brush this aside like a fly on my wall!

 

Because you're a mistress and you're in a mistress mentality.

[Elevation]

Honeyd he probably is sorry but just can't talk to you. Not excusing his behaviour, you so deserve an explanation and an apology, but if it's any consolation I went through all this and had to go through being cut off abruptly with no answers, from full on to nothing. I think it's quite common in these situations. If there's one thing I learnt on here it's that it is VERY often the case that the other woman gets thrown under the bus, ignored, disrespected whatever, upon discovery of the extra-marital relationship, it's panic mode for the men and if you look at it from their point of view they stand to lose (in their view) usually the kids, usually their home, lose money, respect of family members and friends... you can see why they panic... but over time reality sets back in and they're unhappy in the marriage like they were before. I had an apology from mine (and he wasn't trying to resume the affair/fling/sexual aspect) it just took him a while to say it. AND he got back in touch with me. I was thinking for a long time HOW could he do it, how could he just cut me off, and not want to contact me... but eventually he did... and said I hope you're not too pi$$ed at me, which of course I was!! And told him so in no uncertain terms!!

 

So currently while you're feeling rubbish and thinking he doesn't care, he probably does. It doesn't mean he's going to come back. He might do. But he's in panic mode at the moment. Also this man may be in a situation where the wife forgives affairs. It sounds like it. From my experience... I mean friends... colleagues... people I know... I am not referring to myself... a guy has no respect for a woman who keeps taking him back regardless. Of course it's also an easy life so maybe he'll stay with her. But you won't know for a while which way things are going to go, and you have to get on with your own life too and see what happens.

 

As I say I'd had some renewed contact from my man and this week he called me to warn me I'd be hearing from his wife as she'd been in his e-mails and found something, I did indeed receive a not nice e-mail from her. I don't want to give too much information in case she's reading but I will be hearing from him again I am sure and I think you will hear from yours too but I do think it does make the high regard you hold them in go down a little bit, it has for me. Anyway listen he's not telling his wife the whole truth you can bet your life and he can't have been that happy with her or he wouldn't have gotten involved with you... so don't beat yourself up... it isn't all hunky dory in their marriage and you can't just switch off your feelings for him, no one would expect you to, except one or two with their brisk 'Move on' 'Forget him' advice which is fine but it's more difficult to put into practice!

[woinlove]

Elevation, I don't know that your experience is very reassuring as to a MM caring, because it seems he only contacted you and apologized when he needed something from you -- in this case, to try to keep you on his good side so that you don't turn on him and tell his wife more than he wants her to know. I hope you can move on because you shouldn't put up with someone treating you like that.

 

Honeyd, I hope you can move on too. In most cases, MM's actions after dday can be understood as them thinking about one thing only - themselves. I'd say that is a good example for OW to follow. Think about yourself and do things for yourself that make you feel good. You need to decide that you deserve better.