Should i.....

[lee123]

Well theres this friend she lives about 4 hours away, (by train). I'm starting to like her more than a friend and she feels the same. She's being there through everything, even in my recent split. The only problem is i'v got no money to see her, not got a job, currently focusing on college. I don't want to promise i can see her when i can't, and i want her to be happy. She said she would wait, but i don't think thats fair, cause it might be awhile before i get money, time etc.

 

Should i go out with her? Or give her a chance with someone else. Ethier way we will always be friends, but i'm starting to like her more than that

[LittleTiger]

The more experience I have of LDRs (and trust me I have plenty ), the more I start to think that, whatever your head says, your heart will do it's own thing.

 

So you can tell her not to wait, if you think that's the right thing to do but, honestly, if she feels strongly enough about you, a part of her will be waiting anyway.

 

It's really your call whether you want to pursue things from a distance. Nobody can make that decision for you. If you both want to give a go, what harm will it do? If it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

 

Good luck.

[folieadeux]

I'd go for it; you both seem receptive to it. The only thing I'd be careful of is making promises you can't keep, like you've already addressed. LDR's cost alot of time and money, that's just fact. But as long as you're both realistic about things and go into it knowing that, it can't hurt. At least you won't be kicking yourself for not giving it a chance later on.

[lee123]

Yeah I mean Shes a good friend and I can't promise being able to see her anytime too, while she could be happy with someone else :/

 

Am I being too kind?

[LittleTiger]

Bottom line is do you want her to wait? I'm getting vibes from you that really you're not sure enough and you're going to feel guilty if she decides to wait. That maybe you have other lady friends closer to you who could give you what you want right now.

 

It's difficult to advise you when we have so little background. How long have you known her? Have you met IRL? How long is it since you split from your ex?

 

If you do genuinely want a relationship with her and you tell her that, then it's really her decision whether to wait or not. Promises about when you get together are less important than your feelings.

[lee123]

It was a few days ago, after a split cause she was there for me, she told me how i'v felt. I'v not met her in real, we've just being friends on facebook, msn, talked on phone etc.

 

I mean, i do like her, but i don't want to make false promises, cause it seems like she wants to see me ASAP, and i can't offer that :/

[LittleTiger]

If you've only known her a few days then there isn't much of a friendship to go on here either. When you said 'friends' developing into something more I sort of assumed a background of friendship.

 

So let me get this straight -

 

1) You met a girl online a few days ago who comforted you after you split from your ex.

 

2) You get on really well and have already talked about pursuing a relationship - an exclusive one presumably?

 

3) Neither of you have any money to travel to see each other and there's pretty much no chance of you meeting in the foreseeable future - are we talking months or years here?

 

3) She is happy to see how it goes, you are reluctant to get involved because it won't be fair on her (no mention of whether or not it's fair on you).

 

The hard facts of LDRs is that they are just that - HARD. No beating around the bush here - LDRs are difficult, even at the best of times. It takes a lot of love, 100% commitment on both sides, honesty, trust, great communication, patience, understanding, give and take and whole lot of sacrifice.....oh, and money! Do you think you're up for all that - and with a girl you hardly know?

 

I could be wrong, but I believe your hesitation has less to do with her feelings and more to do with your own reluctance to make the necessary sacrifices.

[lee123]

No i'v known her since july, so for about 5-6 months, we was there for each other when her ex split, and the mine a few days ago, then she told me how she felt about me. Your right about the money, nethier of us have the amount of money and are still in eduction and no work.

 

Not sure what to do, it could work, but it could fail, and i'v already got a broken heart :/, but i'm starting to like her more each day, and ye an exclusive relationship.

[LittleTiger]

Okay, so if you've known her 5 or 6 months then I'd say you need to meet each other before talking about an exclusive relationship.

 

Are you sure you can't get enough money together for a four hour train journey? Perhaps you could borrow it? Meeting IRL is very different from online/phone etc even though you may feel you know each pretty well already.

 

Then of course there's the 'rebound' thing - if you've only just come out of one relationship, you may want to give yourself time to recoup before diving headlong into another one. How are you going to know if your feelings for this girl are real if you're still broken hearted over your ex.

 

It all sounds a little risky to me - for both of you, but I would definitely recommend meeting each other at least once before making any kind of commitment.

[lee123]

Thanks for your advice, and i think i will see her before, we make it exclusive. I will wait a bit though, until i'v recovered from my previous split, to make sure.