ratingsguy Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I work in entertainment and I have a lot of Facebook friends who follow me because of the field I work in. But I don't know any them personally. Anyway, I had a flirty e-mail exchange with one of these FB friends and my fiancee found it. She was so upset that she called off our wedding. I obviously feel awful about this. In my defense though, I've never met this person and have been 100% faithful to my fiancee. What really made my fiancee upset was that I suggested that this woman should come down to where I work so I could give her a "tour"... not really meaning it. I guess I wanted to see how far I could push it. I was dishonest to my fiancee and less than respectful towards our relationship. No matter how you look at it, I screwed up. Before you judge me, I know I made a terrible mistake. I should have never gone down this road and I regret doing so. My feelings for my fiancee have always been the same... I love her deeply. But I hurt her and now I'm risking losing her. This just happened, so I don't know if she's serious about calling off the wedding or not, but I don't know what to do now. I sent an e-mail apologizing (since she told me not to call her) and owned up again to what I did, while asking for forgiveness. I guess all I can do now is hope for the best. Needless to say, I blocked the person I was flirting with on Facebook. What do I do now?
kevinm1019 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I work in entertainment and I have a lot of Facebook friends who follow me because of the field I work in. But I don't know any them personally. Anyway, I had a flirty e-mail exchange with one of these FB friends and my fiancee found it. She was so upset that she called off our wedding. I obviously feel awful about this. In my defense though, I've never met this person and have been 100% faithful to my fiancee. What really made my fiancee upset was that I suggested that this woman should come down to where I work so I could give her a "tour"... not really meaning it. I guess I wanted to see how far I could push it. I was dishonest to my fiancee and less than respectful towards our relationship. No matter how you look at it, I screwed up. Before you judge me, I know I made a terrible mistake. I should have never gone down this road and I regret doing so. My feelings for my fiancee have always been the same... I love her deeply. But I hurt her and now I'm risking losing her. This just happened, so I don't know if she's serious about calling off the wedding or not, but I don't know what to do now. I sent an e-mail apologizing (since she told me not to call her) and owned up again to what I did, while asking for forgiveness. I guess all I can do now is hope for the best. Needless to say, I blocked the person I was flirting with on Facebook. What do I do now? Hi Ratingsguy... think of it from this perspective. If you are doing something with someone of the opposite sex you could not do with your fiancee then those actions are most likely not in the best interest of your relationship. Think of it in this manner. What would you do or what would you say if you came across an email of a like nature? Would you be happy with your fiancee or feel comfortable in your relationship? Especially if you were engaged to be married? You should take accountability... face your fiancee in person... not via email... and help her to understand what you were looking for or lacking... then you should ask for her forgiveness and be completely transparent to her. If she asks a question, answer it... it she wants access to your information... you should have no secrets from her.
YellowShark Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 What kevinm1019 said. Additionally I would be furious at you too if I was your fiance. You've not started off on the right foot at all flirting with women you don't even know on Facebook. It's like punching your fiance in the gut. Here you are making a commitment to her and flirting with a woman you don't even know on Facebook. It's gonna take a lot of work to win your fiance back.. since with that one mistake you've emptied all the "trust" out of the gastank in your relationship. Now you have to start all over again with her from square one. Best of luck. p.s. Here's a rule, "If you wouldn't do something openly infront of your partner then you've crossed a line."
Dexter Morgan Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I work in entertainment and I have a lot of Facebook friends who follow me because of the field I work in. But I don't know any them personally. Anyway, I had a flirty e-mail exchange with one of these FB friends and my fiancee found it. She was so upset that she called off our wedding. she is dodging a bullet. you aren't even married and crossing the line. time with the same person, and boredom for you setting in, won't help matters if you were to marry her. I obviously feel awful about this. In my defense though, I've never met this person and have been 100% faithful to my fiancee. wrong, you have been emotionally unfaithful to her and if you did meet this person you would have cheated, don't say you wouldn't have. What really made my fiancee upset was that I suggested that this woman should come down to where I work so I could give her a "tour"... not really meaning it. we aren't stupid. I guess I wanted to see how far I could push it. I was dishonest to my fiancee and less than respectful towards our relationship. No matter how you look at it, I screwed up. Before you judge me, I know I made a terrible mistake. no, it wasn't a mistake as evidenced by your words above. you were doing it because you wanted to do it...it wasn't an accident, which is the main composition of a mistake. calling it a mistake is an attempt to downplay your actions. I should have never gone down this road and I regret doing so. My feelings for my fiancee have always been the same... I love her deeply. bull, if that were true you wouldn't have been emotionally unfaithful But I hurt her and now I'm risking losing her. This just happened, so I don't know if she's serious about calling off the wedding or not, but I don't know what to do now. I sent an e-mail apologizing (since she told me not to call her) and owned up again to what I did, while asking for forgiveness. I guess all I can do now is hope for the best. Needless to say, I blocked the person I was flirting with on Facebook. What do I do now? the ball is in your (x)-fiance's court. you leave her be and give her whatever time she needs. and if she does come back, I think you need to delete your facebook account altogether...you can't be trusted with risky socializing. I wouldn't take someone back who did this to me, but on the off chance that I did, they will delete FB or MS, or she can just cry in her beer.
phillyfan Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Dude delete your facebook, delete ur myspace or whatever, and let her know, then tell her u know u are a dick, and dont stop apologizin. Btw how dirty did this flirtin get, how long did it go on for or was it just one msg?
yessy21 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Make ur facebook... both of your facebooks. She will know that u are serious about your relationship and explain to her that u were wrong and that ur a man that likes to feel attractive and that the attention got to u. good luck
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Time to bring up about your fiance's ex and her facebook...I re-read your other thread from October. Nothing happened with you and this chick, right? It seemed like a total ego feed, something fun and something you never had any intention of following through on - Stupid yes, a mistake, yes. One you'd like to take back? Of course! Give your fiance time to cool down and then bring up the ex thing. Is that guy still on her friends list?
mrsgump Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) I had the misfortune of finding out a WEEK after my honeymoon that my new husband had slept with someone while we were engaged. I found out through seeing emails and he denied everything. How I wish I had the good fortune of finding out BEFORE we got married, like your fiancee. Yes you have screwed up, but on the plus side, she managed to nip this in the bud before anything actually happened, and you seem to be genuinely sorry and surprised by your own actions. Sometimes it's easy to get carried away when you can do things in secret and unsupervised, but you should know better, why did you commit to this woman? I hope this has been a wake up call for you, because as someone else pointed out, if you met this girl, you don't know how far you would have been swept down that river! You wanted to see 'how far you could push it' - well, we all know what that means!! This girl is at a crossroads as to whether she wants to pursue her relationship or just cut you loose and start again. You'd better make a lot of effort if you want her back, and you better think long and hard if that's what you really want or if actually you still have the urge to flirt with other women. If you're serious, I think you should be beyond apologetic, you'll have to listen to everything she wants to say, and don't bother trying to defend yourself because what you did was stupid and I don't think you actually have defence! How far you didn't go by not meeting or knowing her is not really defence. Give her all of your passwords online for email and fb, let her check your phone whenever she wants, let her feel that she can trust you and you have nothing else to hide. Tell her you didn't think about what you were getting yourself into but luckily you realised before something actually happened and now you know better for the future to avoid these situations. Reassure her that there wasn't any other situations because I'm sure she is wondering if this is the only incident or if there are others that went further. And in future, when you're doing something with other women, ask yourself how you would feel if your fiancee did the reciprocal thing with a guy. Obviously you wouldn't be happy if she was flirting with men on facebook and inviting them to meet her, whether she'd met them in person before or not. Good luck Edited December 2, 2010 by mrsgump
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