ItsNeverForever Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Last night I ran into one of his good friends @ the gym who hadn't been for a few weeks, & he asked where "MM" was...we were always there together, so friend was concerned. hesitated, unable to utter the sad words, & his jaw dropped open. He said, "oh, please don't tell me you guys broke up, I wouldn't believe it if you did." I confirmed, and flabbergasted, he proceeded to tell me a bunch of things that I had wondered about...said that MM was so happy with me that he can't believe he ever let me go, & confirmed some suspicions about BabyMama, everything I wanted to believe was true, he corroborated. He told me things I never knew, that endeared me to MM more than ever. So of course I dreamed of MM last nite, & tried my hardest not to, but broke 6 days NC with a Thanksgiving text this morning. It resulted in a 30-minute text-versation, with I miss you's and his sending his virtual arms around me...and reporting (implied) that BM, who works in the travel industry & most likely would be gone for work right now isn't, and that's all it took. I don't want to know anymore. It hurts too much, & I don't care what his friends tell me, & his words certainly hold no weight with me anymore. He might care about me, or even love me - but not enough to be with me. It's all bullsh*t. So, I sent my final text, saying some things I really needed to say to him & asked him not to reply. Thank God he didn't. Very clear to me now, after a huge post-textfest sob, that I can never communicate with him again. He is not interested in changing the situation now, soon, or maybe ever and that's just too big a blow to my heart. I can give no more. So, back to NC day 1 tomorrow, hopefully stronger now after being so painfully reminded of. the truth. My reserves are low, but I've gotta dig up the strength somehow, some way. Asking for lots of crossed fingers, my LS friends.
MorningCoffee Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Last night I ran into one of his good friends @ the gym who hadn't been for a few weeks, & he asked where "MM" was...we were always there together, so friend was concerned. hesitated, unable to utter the sad words, & his jaw dropped open. He said, "oh, please don't tell me you guys broke up, I wouldn't believe it if you did." I confirmed, and flabbergasted, he proceeded to tell me a bunch of things that I had wondered about...said that MM was so happy with me that he can't believe he ever let me go, & confirmed some suspicions about BabyMama, everything I wanted to believe was true, he corroborated. He told me things I never knew, that endeared me to MM more than ever. So of course I dreamed of MM last nite, & tried my hardest not to, but broke 6 days NC with a Thanksgiving text this morning. It resulted in a 30-minute text-versation, with I miss you's and his sending his virtual arms around me...and reporting (implied) that BM, who works in the travel industry & most likely would be gone for work right now isn't, and that's all it took. I don't want to know anymore. It hurts too much, & I don't care what his friends tell me, & his words certainly hold no weight with me anymore. He might care about me, or even love me - but not enough to be with me. It's all bullsh*t. So, I sent my final text, saying some things I really needed to say to him & asked him not to reply. Thank God he didn't. Very clear to me now, after a huge post-textfest sob, that I can never communicate with him again. He is not interested in changing the situation now, soon, or maybe ever and that's just too big a blow to my heart. I can give no more. So, back to NC day 1 tomorrow, hopefully stronger now after being so painfully reminded of. the truth. My reserves are low, but I've gotta dig up the strength somehow, some way. Asking for lots of crossed fingers, my LS friends. Agree with you -- sorry you must feel this pain, but as painful as it is, better to learn the truth, and then take good care of YOU so you can accept it, heal, and move on, than to linger wondering about whether there's a possible future. This way, you (as will I) will have a real future! Keep posting!
steelknife Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 agree with you and morningcoffee. it is hardest when you contact them because you start day 1 all over again. it is not easy, but remember that it is the only way for you to keep you sanity. and save your dignity. love yourself more by not allowing him to hurt you anymore. let them live their live and live your life with out him. be strong.
fooled once Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I am sorry you are hurting. And you nailed it - while he may care about you; it isn't enough. He has made his choice. You have made yours. I hope you stay strong. Grieve, sob and get it out. Then move forward. Only you have the power to change your situation. And I have faith that you will find a lot of happiness out there...if you let yourself. ((hug))
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