inlimboagain Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 hi i am new to this site so not sure where to start really basically i started a relationship with a man over a year ago, for something so short we just connected on every level. the more we were with each other the more i felt like he was one, strange as i am normally very "walls up and dont let people in" but he was so nice and did the most amazing things made me feel special blah blah blah 6 months in i found out he was in a realtionship sounds strange i knew he had kids but never knew he was still in the realtionship he never spoke about her in that way (stupid i know) when i tried to end it he told me he had fallen in love with me he begged me to stay with him as he was ending it, told me they lived as friends and thats why it wasnt important to him i stupidly fell for it and i know that makes me a terrible person. but he kept promising me and promising me that he would leave he told me his plans and how he was going to do it... eventually after another 7 months i asked him if he was going to leave and he said he didnt know, so i ended it i have to say the hardest thing i had ever done. as i am and was very much in love with him. but i knew it was for the best. basically 4 weeks after we ended she found out and it was horrendous i have never felt so awful as it became obv he had lied about their relationship judging my her reaction, for weeks i was bullied and threatened i just tried to keep my head down and get on with my life as best i could. after a few months now the problem i have is that he has been in contact as he has been really upset by it all he is still with his girlfriend but he says they are splitting up after xmas, he is now texting every day and being very nice in many ways flirting the problem that i have is what do i do, part of me still wants him, but i cant do that again i know how wrong i was and the pain i caused but what is he playing at is this just and ego boost for him please help i know you prob think i deserve everything i get and i would agree with you but i never would have started it if i knew he was in a relationship thanks any help would be appreciated
Destiny Rose Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 ...I'm sorry my dear but my only advice to you is put your head down and RUN... this man is obviously deceitful... He has been deceiving you and his spouse and now I don't believe that her finding out will make a difference in your relationship... People like this are very good at manipulating others and he probably isn't only manipulating you... Don't be surprised if more women come out of the woodwork... Yes, you have done something wrong and have been wronged... You need to examine your reasons for staying in this relationship up until this point... You say you usually put walls up with people... Did you subconciously involve yourself with someone who is actually unavailable in order to avoid having to deal with emotional attachement? ...I would cut off ALL contact with this man and perhaps seek professional counselling... you deserve a healthy relationship and this is not healthy it's destructive to yourself and other people... Good luck...
daisydufas22 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 hi i am new to this site so not sure where to start really basically i started a relationship with a man over a year ago, for something so short we just connected on every level. the more we were with each other the more i felt like he was one, strange as i am normally very "walls up and dont let people in" but he was so nice and did the most amazing things made me feel special blah blah blah 6 months in i found out he was in a realtionship sounds strange i knew he had kids but never knew he was still in the realtionship he never spoke about her in that way (stupid i know) when i tried to end it he told me he had fallen in love with me he begged me to stay with him as he was ending it, told me they lived as friends and thats why it wasnt important to him i stupidly fell for it and i know that makes me a terrible person. but he kept promising me and promising me that he would leave he told me his plans and how he was going to do it... eventually after another 7 months i asked him if he was going to leave and he said he didnt know, so i ended it i have to say the hardest thing i had ever done. as i am and was very much in love with him. but i knew it was for the best. basically 4 weeks after we ended she found out and it was horrendous i have never felt so awful as it became obv he had lied about their relationship judging my her reaction, for weeks i was bullied and threatened i just tried to keep my head down and get on with my life as best i could. after a few months now the problem i have is that he has been in contact as he has been really upset by it all he is still with his girlfriend but he says they are splitting up after xmas, he is now texting every day and being very nice in many ways flirting the problem that i have is what do i do, part of me still wants him, but i cant do that again i know how wrong i was and the pain i caused but what is he playing at is this just and ego boost for him please help i know you prob think i deserve everything i get and i would agree with you but i never would have started it if i knew he was in a relationship thanks any help would be appreciated I once heard Dr Phil say "if they do it with you, they will do it to you". Even though I am not a Dr Phil fan, I think this statement is true! I have seen this happen numerous times. Honestly, IMO he's simply not worth it! You deserve better:)
Author inlimboagain Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 ...I'm sorry my dear but my only advice to you is put your head down and RUN... this man is obviously deceitful... He has been deceiving you and his spouse and now I don't believe that her finding out will make a difference in your relationship... People like this are very good at manipulating others and he probably isn't only manipulating you... Don't be surprised if more women come out of the woodwork... Yes, you have done something wrong and have been wronged... You need to examine your reasons for staying in this relationship up until this point... You say you usually put walls up with people... Did you subconciously involve yourself with someone who is actually unavailable in order to avoid having to deal with emotional attachement? ...I would cut off ALL contact with this man and perhaps seek professional counselling... you deserve a healthy relationship and this is not healthy it's destructive to yourself and other people... Good luck... the realtionship its self has been over for a couple of months now, and i was moving on as best i could, but to have him texting me again and flirting just brings it all back. i totally agree with what your saying about him being good at manipulating people i can see it more now since the it ended. i dont think i did this on purpose as i wasnt aware he was in a reatlionship and its normally something i am against. thank you for your advice though, i think i will cut off contact
Author inlimboagain Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 I once heard Dr Phil say "if they do it with you, they will do it to you". Even though I am not a Dr Phil fan, I think this statement is true! I have seen this happen numerous times. Honestly, IMO he's simply not worth it! You deserve better:) you are right he will do it to me, its funny when your on the inside you cant see it, but when you step away you can.. i just need to keep stepping away
Woman In Blue Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 6 months in i found out he was in a realtionship sounds strange i knew he had kids but never knew he was still in the realtionship he never spoke about her in that way (stupid i know) So, you chose to CONTINUE seeing a lying con man, plain and simple. when i tried to end it he told me he had fallen in love with me he begged me to stay with him as he was ending it, told me they lived as friends and thats why it wasnt important to him i stupidly fell for it and i know that makes me a terrible person. So, you chose to CONTINUE seeing a lying con man, plain and simple. but he kept promising me and promising me that he would leave he told me his plans and how he was going to do it... eventually after another 7 months i asked him if he was going to leave and he said he didnt know A con man LYING and making promises he doesn't KEEP? Say it isn't so!!!! basically 4 weeks after we ended she found out and it was horrendous i have never felt so awful as it became obv he had lied about their relationship judging my her reaction, for weeks i was bullied and threatened. You found out 6 months IN that you'd been LIED TO. You found out he was a low-life lying piece of crap 6 months in - and you chose to stay with the lying con man! Why are you playing victim NOW? after a few months now the problem i have is that he has been in contact as he has been really upset by it all he is still with his girlfriend but he says they are splitting up after xmas, he is now texting every day and being very nice in many ways flirting I ask this in ALL seriousness. The guy LIED to you for the first 6 MONTHS of your relationship!!!!! Then he CONTINUED lying to you and pretending he was on his way out the door when he WASN'T. When his wife found out about her low-life sleazebag husband, she came after YOU and you were bullied and threatened for weeks! Where was this piece of trash during that time? Where was your big protector who supposedly LOVES you SOOOOOO much? Where was this loser, then? Wait - let me guess - hiding behind his wife's skirt while she launched her hate campaign on you - right???? What a cowardly little weasel. What's WRONG with you that you'd even consider being in TOUCH with this loser? please help i know you prob think i deserve everything i get and i would agree with you but i never would have started it if i knew he was in a relationship I believe you when you say that. I don't think you went out seeking a dirtbag married guy looking to cheat. HOWEVER, once you found out that he'd totally disrespected you by LYING to you to TRICK you into a relationship, where was your PRIDE? Where was your DIGNITY???? By staying with this lying con man, all you showed him was that you have no pride and no integrity at all, and will accept ANY garbage treatment someone throws you way. THAT'S what you taught him. Get involved with this low life again. Go ahead. Show him what a welcome mat you are and that you'll accept virtually any disrespectful behavior from him. Hell, you've already proved it to him once, so why not?
tesh87 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I think you have found yourseelf in a pretty hard situation. When you love somebody you cant just turn off those feelings and you didnt set out to be with a taken man unfortunitly thats just how it turned out. But somthing else dr phil said was your in love with the man you want him to be. Id say your still in love with the man you had for the first 6 months, but unfortunitly that man turned out to be a fake. I would get a new phone and new number destroy any past emails, letters so on so forth. And even if you have to just go phonless for a while
Author inlimboagain Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 So, you chose to CONTINUE seeing a lying con man, plain and simple. So, you chose to CONTINUE seeing a lying con man, plain and simple. A con man LYING and making promises he doesn't KEEP? Say it isn't so!!!! You found out 6 months IN that you'd been LIED TO. You found out he was a low-life lying piece of crap 6 months in - and you chose to stay with the lying con man! Why are you playing victim NOW? I ask this in ALL seriousness. The guy LIED to you for the first 6 MONTHS of your relationship!!!!! Then he CONTINUED lying to you and pretending he was on his way out the door when he WASN'T. When his wife found out about her low-life sleazebag husband, she came after YOU and you were bullied and threatened for weeks! Where was this piece of trash during that time? Where was your big protector who supposedly LOVES you SOOOOOO much? Where was this loser, then? Wait - let me guess - hiding behind his wife's skirt while she launched her hate campaign on you - right???? What a cowardly little weasel. What's WRONG with you that you'd even consider being in TOUCH with this loser? I believe you when you say that. I don't think you went out seeking a dirtbag married guy looking to cheat. HOWEVER, once you found out that he'd totally disrespected you by LYING to you to TRICK you into a relationship, where was your PRIDE? Where was your DIGNITY???? By staying with this lying con man, all you showed him was that you have no pride and no integrity at all, and will accept ANY garbage treatment someone throws you way. THAT'S what you taught him. Get involved with this low life again. Go ahead. Show him what a welcome mat you are and that you'll accept virtually any disrespectful behavior from him. Hell, you've already proved it to him once, so why not? i think this was the kick up the arse i needed... you are totally right and guess i never once looked at it like this, but your right him trying to stay friends with me is me letting him treat me like dirt and showing that i have no pride i was an idiot to believe him through out and still an idiot to believe him now, he never once protected me from any of it and if he had thought of anything for me then he would of
Author inlimboagain Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 I think you have found yourseelf in a pretty hard situation. When you love somebody you cant just turn off those feelings and you didnt set out to be with a taken man unfortunitly thats just how it turned out. But somthing else dr phil said was your in love with the man you want him to be. Id say your still in love with the man you had for the first 6 months, but unfortunitly that man turned out to be a fake. I would get a new phone and new number destroy any past emails, letters so on so forth. And even if you have to just go phonless for a while on the back of this i have already destroyed all contact that i had with him and just blocked him from my phone, there is only one way to get over this and thats to go cold turkey thanks
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Lily it's ok, I understand why you stayed in it for a while. You had been duped and was already emotionally invested. Forgive yourself, you're not the bad one. Now, you need to move on. The woman who said you need some counseling is probably right. You must have intimacy issues. Good luck.
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