Repeated rejection for the past 6 years

[heartmixer]

I wasn't born pretty, i have an odd face shape but im normal looking. Never have luck in the dating scene and never have any guys who find me attractive and wants to know me.

 

As age catches up with me, i decided to try online dating. However, its mainly hit and miss encounters, or hi-bye scenarios.Before meeting, the guys would be very warm and friendly with me, after meeting, they will shun/ignore me, and never even want to keep in touch as a friend. You don't get their sms or have their msn. Suddenly they just disappear from you life, at times, u made some attempts to chat with them, but they just give you the cold shoulder. This have been happening for the past 6 years. I had 2 r/s from the net but 1 turned out to be a devestating one when he said he would never like me and was with me just because he was desperate for a gf.

 

I continued to be strong and try online dating. At work, guys just snubbed me and expressed interest in other girls.I get the same negative reaction/rejection from guys everywhere i go, not just from net guys. Those guys whom i know online and whom:p continue to keep in touch with me, mainly see me as their "male buddy"..or someone they could confide in when they are bored and lonely. They have never wanted to know me better in person or treat me sincerely, just keep me around to make use of me. I am friendszoned by them permanently and instantly and they never once consider me as a dating potential:lmao:. They will say" you go look for other men" or "how would you know im suitable for you" and expressed interest in other guys. They turned down my invitations for 2nd dates instantly after meeting me. Those net guys whom meet me in person sometimes give me a "dirty, very disappointing look when they see me" and one even go as far as ignoring me, chatting with other girls..and giving me the cold shoulder.

 

This has been ongoing for 6 years and i havent find any guys who see and treat me as a sincere friend/or a potential date. Its always due to looks as some admitted that there's isnt physical attraction. Over the past few years, it has taken a serious toll on my self-esteem. I feel ostracised and belittled by guys , especially when they made hurtful remarks to push me away before they even know me in person. They just want to let me know, in their words or actions, that they would never see me beyond a hi-bye, wallflower, standby , ready to be made used "friend" I dont tink they even see me as a friend.

 

I have no more esteem left and feel totally bittered, revengeful, suicidal and ugly and lousy. I have tried improving my looks over the years but im still getting repeated rejections.I am puzzled, do i look so bad that they can't wait to reject me at first look..and not wanting to take a chance and know me better? Am i really that objectional physically to them?

 

I feel sad..these arent rich or gd looking guys..just everyday guys..

 

Please help..i cry everyday

Edited November 25, 2010 by heartmixer
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[rebellion]

i have seen a lot of girls who were average at best have tons of guys after them. one is my sister's bf, who has a new guy every week and i swear to you, she was at most a 6 in any beauty scale.

 

then there's my sister who actually had more boyfriends when she turned obese than when she was thinner.

 

 

i think, above all else, it's your psychological baggage that turns them away. you obviously have these predetermined expectations of everyone turning you down, and that probably makes you an incredibly insecure person. that shows, and it's more unattractive than anything else.

 

 

my advice? go to a good shrink and boost that self-esteem! you define yourself before anyone else defines you.

 

i mean, obviously there are still guys who only go out with 10s. but if we're being totally honest here, they're usually tools and even if you are a 10, i don't think that's the way you should go.

 

you have to be confident. if you don't think you're great, do you expect anyone else to?

[hydorclops]

There are many fine people that don't do well with the opposite sex. It might make you sad, but it does not have to define you.

 

Rebellion has some good ideas. Think about his/her post.

 

I think that you probably can find someone. Really, the odds are in your favor.

[Tim The Enchanter]

It breaks my heart to read about people suffering like this. You mentioned feeling suicidal which is obviously not a good thing; I would echo rebellion's sentiments and suggest that you should get yourself a good therapist. My hunch is that it's not so much your looks, as your mindset that is creating problems for you. Of course, not everyone is lucky to be beautiful or very attractive, but that doesn't mean you can't be attractive or find love.

 

You say you've tried improving your looks. Do you work out regularly? Getting in shape is a great way to boost your self esteem, and increase your attractiveness. You might not have a great face, but you can offset that in a guy's mind by having a great body. And bodies are much easier to improve than faces.

[Els]

How or where are you meeting these guys?

 

Lots of guys are shallow, but there are plenty of gems who aren't. The trick is finding them. Chances are you won't be finding them on a dating site though.

[hydorclops]

Elswyth:

 

How or where are you meeting these guys?

 

Lots of guys are shallow, but there are plenty of gems who aren't. The trick is finding them. Chances are you won't be finding them on a dating site though.

I agree. Online dating seems pretty harsh and cold to me. You've got to be tough. I couldn't do it. It's really not for everyone.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Online dating is hard to do if you're not confident about your looks. However, the fact that these guys ARE messaging you and meeting up with you says to me that your looks aren't the problem. If it's only after meeting you in person that they seem turned-off, it's probably your confidence issues. Eye contact, smiling, laughing, etc are HUGE when meeting someone face to face for the first time.

[thatsonlyme]

As other people said, it's definitely not all about looks. Work on your self esteem and your body and SMILE! Sometimes I look in the mirror and think about myself "why would anybody like you" and I don't like what I see. The other days when I have positive attitude about myself I look a lot better.

 

For girls looks are a little bit more important, but still I get attracted even to the girls who are not really that pretty. Last week I met a girl I was very attracted too and I think she's hot but in reality her face is definitely on the ugly side.

 

Also I know a girl who everybody thinks is ugly but she's actually just very average and her behavior is a big turn off to everybody. She's desperate and it shows, every guy knows he can have her and nobody really wants her.

 

My advice is, try to work on your self esteem, don't come across as desperate, work on your body and the way you dress and if you really don't like your face try to compensate with hair style. There is a match for everybody out there, you need to figure out what are you doing wrong and CHANGE IT! It's most likely not your looks or at least not ONLY your looks.

 

In last few months I went from a boring and depressed person nobody was interested in to a positive and fun guy and girls are getting attracted to me! You can do it to, just believe in yourself!

[Andy_K]

I would echo what Tim said, and work out in a gym regularly, if you don't already. Being in great shape will give you a lot of confidence. You won't be at the gym for more than an hour a day, so you will still have plenty of time to work on the mental side of things too.

[rebellion]

oh, i forgot to mention it, but i agree with everyone who says it's probably not your looks. i don't mean to imply that from my post. i mean, i think you probably carry yourself like you're worthless & it shows to people. you need to build your self-esteem. this isn't about looks at all.

[musemaj11]

Make sure you dont only put up the 'BEST' angled pictures of yourself on your profile. This is the dumbest mistake that most women and a lot of people do in general. They put up pictures that do not look like themselves! Talking about false advertisement ...

[angielove]

I agree with most of what everyone is saying. I think if you are really that down, get out and do something about it! Go to the gym, get your hair cut nicely, get a new wardrobe etc. Regardless of whether you actually need it or not, improving how you look will increase your confidence and self-esteem!

 

I know it is hard to constantly get rejected, so try not to focus on that so much. You don't need a guy to be happy. Get into life, get happy with yourself, love yourself, have fun... and then try dating again.

[heartmixer]

I agree with most of what everyone is saying. I think if you are really that down, get out and do something about it! Go to the gym, get your hair cut nicely, get a new wardrobe etc. Regardless of whether you actually need it or not, improving how you look will increase your confidence and self-esteem!

 

I know it is hard to constantly get rejected, so try not to focus on that so much. You don't need a guy to be happy. Get into life, get happy with yourself, love yourself, have fun... and then try dating again.

 

 

I understand, But every time i join a social event. I heard the guys made comments that im one of the girls that they will strike off or im the ugliest. I look at myself in the mirror, i know that im not pretty or pleasant looking and guys would never fancy me/or be attractive to be at first look. But i dont think i deserved to be striked of at first sight. I have totally lose my self-esteem,confidence and self-worth. Once they see me, they make up their minds to permanently cross me out. No matter how nice i try to be friendly, smile, chatty..they just shut me out. They refuse to even carry a conversation with me.

 

I feel like a monster. Everday i feel very miserable. I have lost some weight, get a trendy haircut, and change my dressing and people (girls only) have commented i look better and slimmer. However, im still getting shunned and ostracised by guys instantly. I really can't figure out why. The local shrink is only available in 2 mths time. In the mean time, im still grappling with the rejection i am facing for the past 6 months...I do know how...im near collapse... and cant concentrate at work:lmao:

 

I dont expect r/s .I just hope for a normal social life/friendship where ppl do not write me off instantly.

Edited November 27, 2010 by heartmixer
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[Tim The Enchanter]

Maybe if you posted a picture, I could give you some tips. PM if you want.

[Els]

This is very unusual. I know some pretty bad-looking people, both men and women (I can be pretty bluntly objective) who have awesome friends and social lives. The shallow nature of how many people approach romantic Rs does leave them single more often than not, but I've never seen anyone be completely ostracized socially because of how they look. Except for the very unfortunate people who've been in bad car accidents, acid splashes, fires etc, but that doesn't seem to be your case.

[heartmixer]

This is very unusual. I know some pretty bad-looking people, both men and women (I can be pretty bluntly objective) who have awesome friends and social lives. The shallow nature of how many people approach romantic Rs does leave them single more often than not, but I've never seen anyone be completely ostracized socially because of how they look. Except for the very unfortunate people who've been in bad car accidents, acid splashes, fires etc, but that doesn't seem to be your case.

 

precisely...i also wonder why im in this situation

[hydorclops]

How large is your community. What kind of social events are these and how old are these men? How old are you?

 

Is it possible that you've heard some comments and are extrapolating and projecting them? How many men are not saying cruel things? You don't know what they're thinking.

 

How are things at your work? People are OK to you there aren't they?

 

I suspect that you're imagining things to be worse than they really are. If you're going to think about the bad things that happen, you must also remember all the times bad things don't happen.

[dispatch3d]

You are probably building this into a bigger thing than it is. I can basically gaurentee it.

 

Please do not post a picture of yourself to the internet looking for acceptance or an improvement to your self esteem. People on the internet say whatever the **** they want because of the nature of it, and the people on here usually aren't overly happy people.

 

Honestly your opinions on guys and how they treat you make me feel pretty sad about things.

[heartmixer]

You are probably building this into a bigger thing than it is. I can basically gaurentee it.

 

Please do not post a picture of yourself to the internet looking for acceptance or an improvement to your self esteem. People on the internet say whatever the **** they want because of the nature of it, and the people on here usually aren't overly happy people.

 

Honestly your opinions on guys and how they treat you make me feel pretty sad about things.

 

 

well, my late replies..have been feeling very down recently. Now, i am in the progress of improving my looks. I kinda lose the drive and motivation..like what am i doing for?

 

I can look better..but i will still get instant rejection from the guys. I have tried everything on the book..acting confident, smile, being chatty, going for a makeover.. but still? Guys just write me off permanently after seeing me. Sometimes, i remain confident and optimistic and feel that they would still consider seeing me..and getting to know me better. But then, they rejected my request to hang out again immediately.. I wonder what is so bad about me..that they wouldnt wanna consider? Its like..once they see me..they know certainly, they can't possibly accept me..not a chance..over their dead body. They havent know the whole of me... 10 out of 10 times..i ask a guy out for a 2nd date...they turned me down immediately,,not even hanging out casually as friends.. I asked one guy out for 4/5 times, he played me out for the same number of times

 

 

I am upset..seeing a shrink soon.. I see how other girls could find the significantly others so easily over the internet. Like falling in love almost immediately and then getting married in the couple of months. Those guys do not question..the suitability of the girls..like is she the one for me? is she pretty or sexy enough? do we click? , but instantly eye the ladies as their potential partners. For my case..they instantly know that they would never choose me as the life partner..simply after one date (to quote the words of a guy i knew from the net who turned me down for a 2nd date).

 

Whats lacking in me seriously? i begin to question it..since it keeps happening with different other guys..

Edited December 3, 2010 by heartmixer

[somedude81]

Would you mind posting a picture for a short while? It's really hard to imagine why you are having such trouble.

 

Make sure you dont only put up the 'BEST' angled pictures of yourself on your profile. This is the dumbest mistake that most women and a lot of people do in general. They put up pictures that do not look like themselves! Talking about false advertisement ...

That is very important. If you are posting "Mysapce Angle" Type of pics, the guys will feel mislead when they meet you. You need to use honest pics in online dating.

[Yer_Blues]

Yeah feeling unattractive or that feeling going into social situations that you are working your way out of a hole from the start is something I've never been able to get over. I'm not sure there really is much of a solution beyond fooling yourself into a form of acceptance and compensating in other ways, but first you have to value yourself. It's hard to do though, if you are not particularly used to being valued. It's vicious and circular.

[Wilie]

I would say give us some more info.. height,weight, etc... i have felt same as you at times to.. post a pic for us for a week or so.. i am sure alot of us here will give you honest unbiased opinions.. IMHO, i think it comes down to attitude mostly..

 

Will

[hydorclops]

Honestly, I can imagine any woman I've ever seen having a husband or boyfriend. It can't be about how you look. It's probably not about your personality either. It might just be about how you think and behave.

[heartmixer]

Honestly, I can imagine any woman I've ever seen having a husband or boyfriend. It can't be about how you look. It's probably not about your personality either. It might just be about how you think and behave.

 

 

I am about 5'7, 130 pounds. I am not pretty, but do not have any deformities (birthmarks, moles, scars) on me. I have shoulder length hair, average plain features. Body shape and size is average but rather big boned and look quite flabby. I am too shy to share my pictures

 

Recently i have shed some weight (but still not considered slim like Taylor Smith). I have got a new hairstyle, wearing makeup and dress.

 

I am convinced theres something wrong with me.

In the past 6 years, i have gone on multiple net dates. These guys pretty much write me off at first sight. I tried asking asking them out but im rejected flatly. They are so disappointed in me that they went back to the dating site the following date (after) our date to find a new catch. I tried to ask a few of them about their opinions of me, and most gave very hurtful and frank comments about my appearances. Its like, once they see me, they write me off immediately and permanently as a dating partner.

 

I have tried to work on many aspects but its not helping. Its sad to see these guys have such a low opinion of me..and very soon. they become attached quickly to other girls online and think highly of them while im like a wallflower or mud in the well to them.

 

I am better inferior and self-conscious now. It has come to a point when i dont dare to step out of my house unless its necessary.

[green_tea]

 

I am convinced theres something wrong with me.

In the past 6 years, i have gone on multiple net dates. These guys pretty much write me off at first sight. I tried asking asking them out but im rejected flatly.

 

I honestly think this is your problem - relying on the internet to meet guys. It is highly unlikely that you will meet anyone worthwhile this way - this is true even for more attractive people. Please don't base your self worth on how these guys treat you. I think you should get out and about meeting guys in real life that you click with.