ICE911 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Hi, Long story short..... When I first met my gf about 1 year ago I was unfaithful. She had given me a chance and I did everything to prove that she could trust me and that it would never happen again. She had broke up with months later saying she couldnt get over my mistake no matter how hard she tried. So she broke up with me the 1st time in August. Then she told me she wanted to get back together in late September and that she loved me and was just going to deal with the mistake that I made and move forward together. Things were awesome until she became distant again about 3 weeks after getting back together. Then she told me she couldnt do it because of my mistake and broke up with me again. She has now been texting me here and there and we have talked on the phone a few times. Even last Saturday she asked me if I wanted to come to her place (but not for a booty call) anyways we had a great time and I spent the night. The next day she told me that I was not a booty call and that she had a great time. Now it has been 1 full day of no contact. Am I right by letting her doing all the initiative and just laying low? What are my best chances of getting her back? I think she is real confused.
SithLord Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Best way of getting her back is by moving on with life. Get into no contact and disappear from her life for the time being..
Author ICE911 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 How long is a good time frame, before reapearing slowly back in the pic?
brown03 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Also how do you even start slowly getting back into the pic lol.
Andymack Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 If there was a simple answer to the question then this board would be obsolete as everyone would just get back with their ex without any problems. I don't think there's any one way that will work as you're dealing with somebody elses opinion of you which you have no control over. All we can do is sit back, be cool, get on with life (the best we can) don't contact them and hope that they change their mind and start wanting us back. I think there is a big list of things not to do in the meantime rather than try and do one thing that will get them back ie calling/texting them, show up at their house, beg, plead, cry. Best just to go NC and see if they contact you.
Fufu Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 There is no time frame to slowly reappear into the picture. You just have to move on no matter how hard it is.. moving on = you feel indifference in her The hope of wanting your ex-gf back with you will only make you more depressed and devestated.
Sivok Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 By going no contact long enough that you stop thinking about wanting her back
Author ICE911 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 Thanks Andymack, I have defintiely been alot better at not doing the wronng things that alot of people do to get their ex back. I guess the way I see it is that I am not confused about what I want but she is. So there is no need for me to be making any contact until she comes around. It sucks big time...but I guess time will tell. I just don't want her to think that I don't care about her and still love her. I'm starting to think maybe it was a bad idea to go up and see her last saturday when she asked me. I mean clearly she does not know what she wants. She was trying to prove to me that she has no guys on her cell and msn. We ended up getting our freak but....guess that didnt change anything.
Andymack Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Doesn't sound like it went too badly tho! I think you're in a better place then most of us on here as she proving that she's not seeing anyone and getting your freak on too. Far better than me anyway. If she's contacting you a lot then that's a good sign. Don't contact her tho. Let her do all the chasing.
Author ICE911 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 Well....I mean my hearts been shattered and I thought I was being given the chance to make this work for the long haul. I did nothing wrong during the 3 weeks that she decided to get back together in October. She just can't forget my cheating back in January. It was seriously a one time thing and we had just met. I guess I should roll with her flow and see where that ends up. I just don't kno why she texts me for days and then stop(even though going on day #2 now). It's like a mini roller coaster. As for getting the freak on.....it was only a 1 time thing and she specifically said she does not do booty calls and that last Saturday was not a booty call and that she had a good time ...but still doesnt want to confuse me more then she already has.
Author ICE911 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Thanks for the responses. I think things have def taken a turn for the worse. She clearly has alot of anger still towards my cheating, almost a year ago. I have basically wished her well and that I hope she find the happiness and love that she deserves. Also, I told her that I can't undue the past and told her if she ever decides to truly forgive and maybe wants there to be an "us" then she knows where I'm at. I don't think there is anything left for me to do except push forward with my life and let TIME take care of the rest. Anybody have any other advice?
Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I think you are the doing the right thing not pushing her to make a decision. What you can do now is to go NC, heal yourself and move on..
RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) I did nothing wrong during the 3 weeks that she decided to get back together in October. After cheating on her, you should have done much more than "nothing wrong." ;-) Edited November 26, 2010 by RecordProducer
Author ICE911 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Hi, She had broken up with me 2 times in the past 2 months because she tried to get over my cheating back in January. I did everything I possibly could to show her how much I love her and that she can trust me. It was definitely not lack of effort
SithLord Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Focus on yourself! Like I said set it and forget it. Move on, go into no contact, disappear, forget about her....after a while you won't care wither they call or not.
Author ICE911 Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Thanks for you responses. I am tired of having false hope. Enough is enough. She is hot and then extremely cold. I don't need to keep having my mistake of cheating thrown in my face over and over. I mean christ, I have already apologised more then enough and had tried my best to prove that it was a 1 time mistake and that she can learn to trust me. What I mean by extremely cold is like I had called her Sat morning to say that things dont have to get nasty between us and we can try to end things amicably. She picked up the phone and we talked for a bit @ 9 am. Then she said she would call me back because her home line was ringing. I got a text back at 7 pm saying sorry i didnt call you back....I got caught up in things. I was like thats cool. I will not be strung along....I am done. If she ever wants something and realises she misses me I may not even care anymore. The more she pushes me away the easier it gets. If it was meant to be it will happen if not then oh well.
Fufu Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I can understand your feeling... the more we want to be with them, the more they back off. So we have to move on and show them we also don't give a HACK anymore.
Author ICE911 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Long story short ex gf texted me again tonight about small talk and I replied with small talk. She was having a few drinks and so was I. She basically told me she doesnt love me anymore so I asked "why do you keep texting me?" She says something like "what...is it not ok for me to ask how you re doin?" I told her that I really loved her and miss her and want to be together but I respect her wish and that I refuse to be just friends. I told her I want her as a gf and not as just a friend. She said fine. So that's where I am at today. It did not end well....but then again when does it ever really end well?
Fufu Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I believe it ends well when we find out own closure. My ex-bf also asked if we can be good friend. I told him straight that from a gf to a friend is a demotion to me and it's hard for us to be friends. I basically said the similiar things to my ex-bf as well. No doubts I have feelings for him but I wouldnt want to force and presurrize him as well.
Author ICE911 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 It got heated for sure because she basically blew me off and rejected all my feelings. So I don't think there is any need to apologise anymore. She is so mad she told me to consider my # deleted and doesnt want to hear from me again. I guess this is where I drop off the radar and go into NC for real.
brokenwingsforever Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 IMO, it all depends on how bad she wants to be with you. You obviously made a huge mistake, but if she cant see the bigger picture and realize that what happened happened, then nothing will ever be worth her time. Like everyone else is saying, your best bet is to go NC. Odds are, she will eventually contact in some form or another. I know it sounds cliche but just give it time and DO NOT contact her. The less you contact her at all, the bigger chance you have with her in the long run. Believe me its the hardest thing to do and it will tear the strongest person down, but you'll thank yourself in the end whichever way the cookie crumbles!
andyohyeah Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I wish I knew all this back in 2000 (I tried everything under the sun). You do absolutely nothing but move on with life.
Author ICE911 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Lol...lord and behold she had replied to a text that I had sent a while ago. Just simply "ya ...I know that". I just replied "huh". I don't have time for these silly games. She is going through extreme anger stage. NC is def best. I wont be responding to any text unless it happens to be positive.
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