Closure

[SimonSerenade]

Okay so I've tried everything to get closure, When my ex girl left me near enough 4 months ago she left without saying goodbye... She finished me over the phone with the harshest of words, That was the last she ever spoke of the relationship, I begged for her back, I begged her to give me something to take away from all of this, I got nothing but agony and more cruel words to follow.

 

She kept me telling me we'd have the talk when she was good and ready and didn't really show any remorse for the heart she was breaking, I think sometime's I feel more hurt for what mistakes she might be making right now that I'm gone than the actual fact that she's gone out of my life, Yeah I miss her with all my heart but knowing she was safe and not out there being stupid would of made all of this so much easier, Just knowing the 3 years we had together mean't something to her would of give me comfort in my heart, I figured after 3 years and a great child together that we deserved a better ending than this.

 

I've sent her a goodbye letter to let her know I won't be around for her any more and to thank her kindly for all she gave to me for the past 3 years and just how much she really mean't to me from the very first time I saw her till the very last time we were together, Just basically told her everything that was in my heart in a calm collected way, No anger.. No hate, Just pure forgiveness for her actions and a thank you for the good times, I even finally gave her the present I'd been keeping for her if she'd ever come back, It was a little neck chain that said "Mother" on it, I thought it was a nice touch.

 

I feel if one good thing came out of this break up it was the fact that it changed me inside and made me appreciate what I get in life and how to handle certain situations better, Like when my friend had a go at me when she was upset at some point I felt like just shouting at her and telling her to f off but instead I hugged her and she smiled at me and appreciated it.

 

I know many people will disagree with what I've done regarding sending a hand written letter and a gift and I thought it would destroy me inside and give me false hope for a kind reply or something more but it didn't, I forgave her in the letter and I've forgiven her now and though I don't entirely feel whole I feel more at peace with myself knowing I did that one last nice thing and more than anything... To me it was the right thing in my situation.

 

Maybe this will give her more power but I feel I'm gaining power, Power to move on with my life without her in it, I wished her the best of luck and all the happy feelings the world has to offer and that felt great, I just can't wait till the day comes that I don't think of her completely, Something still feels unfinished, I think I need help on how to erase that feeling?.

 

I talked with my ex from a couple of years a go yesterday and told her of my situation and to my surprise she felt sorry for me and told me how it was and for once my eyes opened... and I realised I wasn't at fault as she's the one who left me in the dark with not a care in the world for me or my son, Only for herself and her own stupid decisions and in return she'll realise them as mistakes one day as she grows and experiences the green green grass is parked below the big cow's ass and there can only be one out come there.

 

I met a girl a few weeks back who seem's to really like me and think a lot of me, She seems too nice and we make each other laugh and that, Tonight she asked me out but I had to foolishly turn her down, I think I'll regret that one day, I think I just hoped my ex would come back and we could be a family again but I know the chances of that are about as slim as the ex girlfriend I never had, I suppose no touch feels right at the moment unless it's her.

 

Anything too say people, Could sure do with some insight.

[mgene15]

The feelings mutual bro, I no exactly what your going thru, I did the same thing a cppl months back, begged and pleaded, sent her letters, showed up at her work and gave her flowers...she just hardened her heart and wouldnt even tell me why.. just told me her decision was set, and once women make a decision, it's in stone. and yes I take the same thing you got from it, don't take anything for granted, not even the tiny-est of things. I no this sounds completely insane, but you have a beautiful kid out of the relationship correct? me and my ex had an abortion and its was far more worse pain than the breakup, the one thing I can honestly say from experience is that on the bright side you have a child, and at the end of the day you can say "i raised the kid without your help" women work in the funniest of ways, have you started NC yet? and yes I have had moments were i wanted to text my ex a cppl of letters to say how i feel to get everything off my stomach so i could move on, but if she really wanted to hear from u, u would get that call. Life is a bitch beleive me, someone has to swallow the pill and it happens to be both of us, just keep posting here, pm me if you get antsy and wanna message your ex, because at the end of the day it's only going to hurt you more.

[Fufu]

You will definitely find your complete closure, one day, some day, the day will come

 

I can see that you are doing well and moving on well. Don't have to force yourself to forget her. It seems that you have already started to accept that she is not in your life. And I believe it's normal for most of us to feel that (IF) one day they come back to our lives again. (Though, don't get overly obsessed with it)

 

I sent a letter to my ex as well, did the sending and I don't want to regret as well. However, usually if people want to send the letter to their ex, I will try to convince them not to, but if their heart really wants to, it's really up to them.

[SimonSerenade]

The feelings mutual bro, I no exactly what your going thru, I did the same thing a cppl months back, begged and pleaded, sent her letters, showed up at her work and gave her flowers...she just hardened her heart and wouldnt even tell me why.. just told me her decision was set, and once women make a decision, it's in stone. and yes I take the same thing you got from it, don't take anything for granted, not even the tiny-est of things. I no this sounds completely insane, but you have a beautiful kid out of the relationship correct? me and my ex had an abortion and its was far more worse pain than the breakup, the one thing I can honestly say from experience is that on the bright side you have a child, and at the end of the day you can say "i raised the kid without your help" women work in the funniest of ways, have you started NC yet? and yes I have had moments were i wanted to text my ex a cppl of letters to say how i feel to get everything off my stomach so i could move on, but if she really wanted to hear from u, u would get that call. Life is a bitch beleive me, someone has to swallow the pill and it happens to be both of us, just keep posting here, pm me if you get antsy and wanna message your ex, because at the end of the day it's only going to hurt you more.

 

Thanks mate, I sure as hell appreciate it and same goes for you, I feel foolish for saying this but I even found faith in god when she left, I felt so lonely and everyday just felt another day closer to my death bed, Started desperately praying and found myself feeling stronger from it, Was a strange feeling, I had an amazing child out of the relationship, Seeing him come into the world was such a miracle, A feeling I simply cannot replace, That's what I take away from it and will always cherish it though I wish things would of worked out better for all of us, I geuss I can't hold someone back who clearly feels they deserve better and would find it elsewhere, One of my ex's had an abortion, I know how hard it is Kind of kills a lot of the respect you have for that other person for not following through with the pregnancy, I haven't talked to my ex now for about 3 weeks aside from sending that letter, I just hope I get no response from it, I've accepted that I'll be spending Christmas alone, I just hope I can scrape enough pennys together so I may get myself a good game or two to get me through the holidays

[SimonSerenade]

You will definitely find your complete closure, one day, some day, the day will come

 

I can see that you are doing well and moving on well. Don't have to force yourself to forget her. It seems that you have already started to accept that she is not in your life. And I believe it's normal for most of us to feel that (IF) one day they come back to our lives again. (Though, don't get overly obsessed with it)

 

I sent a letter to my ex as well, did the sending and I don't want to regret as well. However, usually if people want to send the letter to their ex, I will try to convince them not to, but if their heart really wants to, it's really up to them.

 

 

I hope so, I'm trying to find it by myself as I doubt she will ever open up and give it to me straight out, I'm getting back on my feet little by little, Still think about her all the time, I just wonder how much she hurts deep down and thinks of me but I geuss I won't know till the day she comes crawling back, Not that I'm counting on that happening or anything, Just going to carry on not talking to her and hope like hell I hear nothing of her life as I don't think I'd want to know what's going on in her life or who she's seeing.

 

I don't regret sending that letter as it helped me get my feelings out in a nice calm collected way and hopefully she'll read it and smile and there'll be closure for the both of us, Wished her the best and that's all I can do, It's all any of us can do at the moment, Just waiting on her to one day pick up some stuff from my house, Once that's done then she will be finally gone for good.

[bl22]

Hey Simon

 

Be sure to update this if she responds, I got talked out of doing what you did and to be honest i dont regret it. Just because in my situation she HAS betrayed me ...big time. She doesnt deserve to hear from me again.

 

Been quite strong recently but tonight i just miss her like crazy. It's so strange speaking to someone being so close to someone and now just noithing. Its even worse when you no shes carrying on with someone else, stil feels like a nightmare.

 

Ive actually developed mild alopecia through the stress n depression of the breakup and coming to terms with everything, i just hope it doesnt get any worse as i feel bad enough.

 

Hope your doing okay, I know how your feeling.

[SimonSerenade]

Hey Simon

 

Be sure to update this if she responds, I got talked out of doing what you did and to be honest i dont regret it. Just because in my situation she HAS betrayed me ...big time. She doesnt deserve to hear from me again.

 

Been quite strong recently but tonight i just miss her like crazy. It's so strange speaking to someone being so close to someone and now just noithing. Its even worse when you no shes carrying on with someone else, stil feels like a nightmare.

 

Ive actually developed mild alopecia through the stress n depression of the breakup and coming to terms with everything, i just hope it doesnt get any worse as i feel bad enough.

 

Hope your doing okay, I know how your feeling.

 

 

Hey dude, Hope your doing okay and I will be sure to let everyone know of her response if I get one, Kind of hoping I don't though to be honest, That letter was to make me feel better... Just don't want her ruining it should she say anything nasty, I know it's not going to make her want me back, If she was to come back she would of been back by now, I had to accept that she left cause something was wrong, I wasn't good enough for her and maybe she wasn't good enough for me, Either way it's over and there's nothing I can do about it but accept it with grace and kindness and just hope like hell she ain't ruining herself by doing something stupid she'll later regret.

 

I suppose it's always going to be hard for us mate, We gave them everything, We shared everything with them and it's those good memories for sure that'll have us in tears time and time again and though it may seem like such a chore to make new one's, We most probably one day will, They may not be the same, They may not even be as precious and as special but hey... as long as there good then we'll get by, We just got to try, They sure as hell did.

 

I'm sorry to hear of your depression, I got a bit of that too, Well a lot of that really, Even put me in hospital at one point but thankfully I got you good people to keep me company and talk to now as well as professional help, Maybe it's a good option for you to seek the same?, I often don't talk about it much in person as I feel nobody want's to listen or should have to but professionals get paid to listen and they do the job to care.

[Livelovelearn]

From what I read, you are a good guy. Im sure there werent always perfect moments in your relationship..but thats life and how relationships go. If she bailed because she thinks she deserves better, shes an idiot -- sorry to be blunt. It also seems like you are a great dad to your son and you appreciate life and what you have. Keep your head up, your a great man and father and i do hope she sees that one day. My ex left me and he cheated. I think he couldnt handle things when they got real. Maybe she couldnt deal with it either. For now focus on yourself and God.

[bl22]

well the depressions died down alot mainly thanks to the gym and treating myself to new clothes. I'm stil so nervous about her birthday, on angry days i think no way am i contacting her, she'll be spending it with him. On other days i think but im a nice guy, she bought me alot for my birthday so a text wont hurt. But then again I wouldnt want to speak to her, not until she speaks to me first!

 

Its crazy to think that our ex's havent even bothered to contact us, do they ever miss us?! thats what i want to no! i can think back to many many many recent memories of our relationship of happy fun times...then she tells me she has feelings for someone else wtf. i know people will say stop worrying about it, but i cant help it. she WAS the 1, it was like she'd escaped from my mind she was that perfect for me.

 

Damn, im just missing her alot. Anyways, you dont have to worry about what not to say and what to say on here, everyones here to help each other so if you got something u want to say whether its depresing or not then feel free. I know exactly what you're going through here so I can relate and offer my advice.

 

Im doing pretty good i dont feel i need pro help or owt like that, im a fighter and very self motivated and competetive, right now it feels like ive lost the battle, but i plan to win the war. In time there will come a moment where she wants me there i know that much and it will hit her im not there, and hopefully I'll be happy and doing well, she'll realise it.

 

Dont want to put any bad thoughts in your mind but what if there is someone else in the picture in your situation simon? I seriously hope there isnt, but I've learned in my exp and reading on here that alot of women tend to only leave relationships when they want to try things with someone else. Specially when they feed the same excuses then act cold. Its in their nature to act that way when someone else is involved.

 

Not looking forward to next week, or xmas + new years.

[SimonSerenade]

From what I read, you are a good guy. Im sure there werent always perfect moments in your relationship..but thats life and how relationships go. If she bailed because she thinks she deserves better, shes an idiot -- sorry to be blunt. It also seems like you are a great dad to your son and you appreciate life and what you have. Keep your head up, your a great man and father and i do hope she sees that one day. My ex left me and he cheated. I think he couldnt handle things when they got real. Maybe she couldnt deal with it either. For now focus on yourself and God.

 

Thank you that mean's a lot, Sometime's I feel I need to hear words such as that but once she left the house we lived in with my child... I feel I changed and became somebody I really didn't like, I didn't change completely mind but I felt in important ways I let go of myself and sheltered myself from what was falling apart around me just so I wouldn't have to deal with it cause it was just too painful to face reality that everyone around me was raising there kids and living as a happy family and I just didn't have a shot at that.

 

I've had mental problems for quite a while and would sometime's do and say stuff I honestly don't mean nor realise, I only just went to the doctor to be put on some medication for it, I flirted with people on website's stupidly and at one point helped my friend's out with things that I'd usually think was a tad dodgy, Like for instance, My mate asked me to put that I was in a relationship with her to get her ex boyfriend to want her back and at one point my other mate's ex was logging on to her Facebook constantly so we was messing about saying stuff like "Wasn't it good the other night when we had sex aha" etc etc, Just to wind him up and make him come clean about it and he did and we told him the truth but it was stupid of me to go along with stuff like this in the first place, Just felt nice to be needed and helpful for something as I was pretty much getting pushed aside by my ex, I only had Facebook without her knowing so I could help my friend get her ex back which surprisingly worked and when we broke up she told me she knew about my Facebook account and blah blah blah and it didn't even hit home that she could of logged into it and seen what was said... I feel like such an idiot, Be the biggest misunderstanding of the century but don't really want to bring it up in conversation with her as I feel it would just annoy her even further.

 

So yeah I'm not perfect... Was just an idiot I suppose really, Towards the end of the relationship I flirted with people cause she finished me a few time's randomly before the big finish and I regret it, I did it on Vampirefreaks and that was genuine flirting, Felt nice to be told nice things about me as I wasn't hearing them from her but was still foolish never the less and boy does it feel good to get this stuff off my chest, Just hope now I can stay true to myself and if it lands me in hell... Well at least then I'd know.

 

I'm a lot different from how I was back before I met her, I used to get with people just to forget people and unfortunately hurt people in the process, Having a child made me realise all the great and wonderful things in life and it made me realise that the family life was the life for me, Ever since I've known her I've never thought twice about a different life or that I'm missing out on anything cause my everything was her and my child but then again I did everything I wanted to do in my life, I was a stupid kid and make mistakes and learned harsh but true lessons from them, Maybe it's time I let her spread her wings and fly and if she should learn these lessons then maybe she will come back, Not saying for sure she will but there's always a maybe.

 

I think I've done the right thing, I haven't touched anybody since her and don't intend to, I'm just sticking to work and raising my child and a bit of playstation on the side, Anything else just dosen't interest me like it used to.

[Fufu]

No one is perfect in relationship, we made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes.

 

We learnt from our mistakes, we told ourselves not to commit them anymore in future.

 

Personally it hurts when our partner does not see the point of salvaging relationship, work things out together or come to a compromise.

 

Sometimes, I do feel, "Breaking up just because of this?" really puzzled me lots.

[SimonSerenade]

well the depressions died down alot mainly thanks to the gym and treating myself to new clothes. I'm stil so nervous about her birthday, on angry days i think no way am i contacting her, she'll be spending it with him. On other days i think but im a nice guy, she bought me alot for my birthday so a text wont hurt. But then again I wouldnt want to speak to her, not until she speaks to me first!

 

Its crazy to think that our ex's havent even bothered to contact us, do they ever miss us?! thats what i want to no! i can think back to many many many recent memories of our relationship of happy fun times...then she tells me she has feelings for someone else wtf. i know people will say stop worrying about it, but i cant help it. she WAS the 1, it was like she'd escaped from my mind she was that perfect for me.

 

Damn, im just missing her alot. Anyways, you dont have to worry about what not to say and what to say on here, everyones here to help each other so if you got something u want to say whether its depresing or not then feel free. I know exactly what you're going through here so I can relate and offer my advice.

 

Im doing pretty good i dont feel i need pro help or owt like that, im a fighter and very self motivated and competetive, right now it feels like ive lost the battle, but i plan to win the war. In time there will come a moment where she wants me there i know that much and it will hit her im not there, and hopefully I'll be happy and doing well, she'll realise it.

 

Dont want to put any bad thoughts in your mind but what if there is someone else in the picture in your situation simon? I seriously hope there isnt, but I've learned in my exp and reading on here that alot of women tend to only leave relationships when they want to try things with someone else. Specially when they feed the same excuses then act cold. Its in their nature to act that way when someone else is involved.

 

Not looking forward to next week, or xmas + new years.

 

I'm like that, I play my Playstation a lot and just try and forget things, Just been replaying Final Fantasy VII, Trying to get back some of my younger year feelings out of me, Certainly cheers me up aside from that I go running and have a kick around with some mates which cheers me up, Still love how I can blitz past them 10 or so years on lol Not being big headed but my last name should of been Bale for sure , I think you did the right thing, After what she's done, She don't really deserve a happy birthday let alone any gifts.

 

I always wonder if my ex thinks about me, I like to think in her own little way she does from time to time but I know it won't be as often as I think about her, My ex was perfect for me too to be honest, You only have to look at how gorgeous our son is to know we were made for each other, I hardly have any hope though as my mum and dad still love each other but they've been broken up since I was age 2, They were on and off over the years till she found another guy who's now my step dad and he found a woman who he had my half sister with but even after all this time they talk about each other and how they were just too young and stupid to make it work but they always say if they could do it over again they'd do it all differently and stick together.

 

Do you ever look at your friends who are girls or people who are generally attracted too and think of them as pure strangers?, I know I do, I've known most of my friends for years but they feel like strangers to me, Almost like my mind is purposely telling me that the one I love can't be replaced and it wouldn't feel right with anybody else... No matter how much time goes by.

 

I often wonder if she did find somebody else, I just think of her as I met her and who she is, She often gets repulsed by men due to her past and she's not really one to have sex with someone she's not in love with, I asked her about it a while back when we talked and she assured me there had been nobody else in a rather blunt way but she promised she'd tell me as it was only fair if she ever did get with somebody else, She said she had nothing to gain about being dishonest with me, I feel she was just sick of the arguments and wanted a life outside of me that she couldn't have with me around plus she just wasn't confident enough to give me the family life I craved so much and in return I think she knew how much that was hurting me in the long run, That was her excuse anyway and I'll trust her and buy it till the day I die.

 

I'm not looking forward to the holidays but I suppose there's nothing we can do about it, I hope one day they do come back to us and I hope on that day they know just how much they put us through, My ex won't get me back so easily but no matter what, She'd have me back in the end, That's for sure, All I know is given the chance, I think everything would of been so different.

[SimonSerenade]

No one is perfect in relationship, we made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes.

 

We learnt from our mistakes, we told ourselves not to commit them anymore in future.

 

Personally it hurts when our partner does not see the point of salvaging relationship, work things out together or come to a compromise.

 

Sometimes, I do feel, "Breaking up just because of this?" really puzzled me lots.

 

I know what you mean, I feel the same some days, Love is a puzzle I feel, It's just learning to find all the right pieces to keep it together but every so often the pieces get lost and sometime's there never found which in return leaves it to never be the same again.

[SmileyGirl]

I know how your feelings. Please don't think your alone. My ex and I had an argument after being together for 5 years and JUST LIKE THAT I was moving out and we have never spoken since (1.5 years ago)... needless to say I never got "closure". And it's haunted me until this day!... I find it difficult to get involved in another relationship because I keep saying "i need closure, i need closure"...

 

A good friend recently told me "You find closure in yourself, nothing that person says or does will change what happened. Closure is found in your heart and your the ONLY person who has control over when your ready to move on"... so so true. Now a days, I am beginning to think I keep SAYING I need closure because if I were to get "the closure" I'm looking for I would have zero reason to not move on.

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and while you two will always be connected through your child she has a lot of growing up to do.

 

Keep doing what your doing because it sounds like you have it all under control Just focus one day at a time and on your son.

 

Good Luck to you!

[SimonSerenade]

I never for one moment feel alone in this, Some of the stories on here make me feel ashamed for feeling so selfishly wrapped up in my feelings like this as it could of ended a lot worse than it actually did, Isn't is amazing how just one argument can change the course of everything? At least it did for my relationship, Just one little argument that went over the edge and now it seems I'm set to spend a long long time all alone which after all this time isn't as bad as what I thought it would be, I feel a bit better in myself, Just doing some stuff that I used to love as a kid, Trying to replace my feelings with feelings I felt back before a woman had ever entered my life, There's been so many game's I've missed out on and damn do I feel like a kid again playing them!.

 

I don't think I'll be in a relationship for quite a while, It's hard thinking of somebody else in the way I thought of her, I just wouldn't be able to bring myself to be with anyone let alone anything else and in that sense I suppose I'm better off alone, I wish the end of our relationship was meaningful, I think that would be my only regret but I feel much better after I've sent that letter as I feel it gave me closure deep down, Just got to keep searching within myself to find more closure, I think I'm same as you though, I keep hoping one day she'll come back and make everything all well and good again, Maybe that won't happen but I suppose I wouldn't want to move on either way.

 

I think she does need to grow up in a way and set her priorities in life out, I knew exactly what I had and exactly what it mean't but if she couldn't see that then I suppose that's her problem and one day she will deal with it.

 

Good luck to you too, Feel free to share your story.

[bl22]

 

I think she does need to grow up in a way and set her priorities in life out, I knew exactly what I had and exactly what it mean't but if she couldn't see that then I suppose that's her problem and one day she will deal with it.

 

Good luck to you too, Feel free to share your story.

 

 

Hey Simon, I like your attitude to this, sounds to me like your doing pretty well. I'm in the same boat here, my ex was immature and yes we all take things for granted and maybe become too stubborn. Thats life. Both our ex's need to grow up, and when they finally do, we'll be over them and who knows what can happen...friendship/another chance or just keep going our separate ways. Who knows?

 

All we can do is become proud of ourselves and learn to love ourselves again. When we get to that point, everything will change and we can truly decide which direction to go in.

 

If you ever need a chat dont hesitate to PM me, its good to talk to people who are in the same situation or have been through it.

[SimonSerenade]

Hey mate, Cheers, Just sort of realised it's all I can really do to get by I suppose, My ex left a pretty big hole in me when she left, She's not going to repair it so looks like I have no choice but to do so myself, I could be cold and harsh to her like she's been with me through all of this but that's just not me, I'll be nice to her and though it won't get me anywhere I know I'll feel better because I'm being better than her and not holding anything against her, I'll be able to look back and think I could of give her the cold shoulder, Even hated her and said nasty things but I didn't, Instead I tried my hardest to give it another shot but failed and I said and did very kind thing's for her even though she may not have deserved it, In the end I can say I was good person through and through and when she looks back on it... I know she won't be able to say the same and if I looked back on it like that one day, I'd damn sure feel awful.

 

I don't think I'd ever really her friend, I wound envy her life in the future, All the birthday parties to attend to while somebody else lives up the life I once dreamed of, I just wouldn't hack it but if she came back wanting to give it another go I already know what my answer would be but if there's been anybody else on her part then the bond we shared becomes meaningless and I wouldn't be able to take her back knowing it mean't everything to me yet nothing to her as she discarded it with pure ease, If not there'd be a lot of sorting out to be done but when you love someone it's all worth it, If I'm honest it just seem's as if me and you knew all along what it was but they surely couldn't of if they walked away from it so easily with no sense of guilt for how much they were hurting us, They'd have a lot to make up for but hopefully like you say, We'll be too good for them by then and hopefully with better people and thank you mate, It mean's a lot, Same applies to you.