Smart phones are the worst invention ever

[MissGoLightly]

Ah, I see. Well, then, his iPhone isn't the issue. It's him. Plenty of guys have smart phones but they don't all get stuck on it all day. He has an addictive personality.

 

Are you relatively close to his family? Could try talking to his mother about it.

 

Ha, I would never! I was hanging out with her (just the two of us) once just after she got her ipad (she couldn't use it because hadn't set it up yet) and we were laughing about how he is always on his phone, and she doesn't think that's a good thing (and of course I find it incredibly obnoxious).

 

Now I think I know where he gets it from!

[kiss_andmakeup]

This never occurred to me before my last post, but I think he has these weird obsessive phases.

 

He was "addicted" to Bejeweled for a week or two.

 

He was "addicted" to that bird/slingshot game for a week or two.

 

Now Scrabble for the last two weeks or so.

 

He once bought a Wii specifically to play one game, which he played for hours at a time, daily, for a week or two (and has never bought another game or played it since).

 

He can spend 12 hours on a Saturday not doing anything but checking out blogs and so on. For awhile it was one specific "interest"; now it's a different "interest".

 

This is weird right?

 

I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything like that but, is he happy in general? Does he enjoy his career? Is he happy in his relationship with you?

 

I think that adults that can devote that much time to a game, on a regular basis, have a desire to "disappear" from their reality, whether it's a job they hate, a situation they're unhappy in, etc.

 

Now, I'll admit, I've spent several hours of a Sunday afternoon playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii once or twice. But I think there's a difference between setting aside some time for a game or activity, and playing the game/activity CONSTANTLY. When other more important things (relationship, career) are forced to "work around" the game, that is a problem.

[MissGoLightly]

I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything like that but, is he happy in general? Does he enjoy his career? Is he happy in his relationship with you?

 

I think that adults that can devote that much time to a game, on a regular basis, have a desire to "disappear" from their reality, whether it's a job they hate, a situation they're unhappy in, etc.

 

Now, I'll admit, I've spent several hours of a Sunday afternoon playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii once or twice. But I think there's a difference between setting aside some time for a game or activity, and playing the game/activity CONSTANTLY. When other more important things (relationship, career) are forced to "work around" the game, that is a problem.

 

He says that he is happy with me and our relationship, but for obvious reasons his behavior raises doubts in my mind about this.

 

I know that he is bored with his job, and at one point I was actually really worried about him because he seemed so incredibly down about it. He has the easiest job in the world, and gets paid a ton of money to do it, but he's been doing it for 10 years and is bored...but is not making any moves to change that...because he has a really cake job and makes a ton of money to basically not work.

[kiss_andmakeup]

He says that he is happy with me and our relationship, but for obvious reasons his behavior raises doubts in my mind about this.

 

I know that he is bored with his job, and at one point I was actually really worried about him because he seemed so incredibly down about it. He has the easiest job in the world, and gets paid a ton of money to do it, but he's been doing it for 10 years and is bored...but is not making any moves to change that...because he has a really cake job and makes a ton of money to basically not work.

 

Ah, then that is probably it...he probably feels bored and complacent in his job. Is he highly intelligent? Does he feel that the job is a waste of his talents or ambition?

 

I agree the addiction is a problem and maybe you need to express to him very clearly that it's harming your relationship. You say many times that you joke about him putting away the game, but maybe it's time to sit him down and have a serious conversation? I can see the conversation going astray as he will likely laugh, or say something along the lines of "what are you crazy, it's just a game! it's not like I'm cheating on you!" To that I would advise you to say, "it's not the game, it's the amount of time you devote to it. It makes me worry that you are unhappy with me or with our relationship. I'd just like you to be more mindful of this in the future, and let's maybe find a game or activity we can play together."

[Eeyore79]

My ex was surgically attached to his iPhone. He would read stuff online while we were eating breakfast, or while we were sitting in a cafe having coffee, or even while we were lying in bed cuddling. I found it incredibly rude; I would be sitting there right in front of him in silence, and he would be completely oblivious because he was mentally inside the iPhone. It just seemed extremely impolite for him to surf the net and ignore someone who was right there in front of him; in fact it was one of the reasons I dumped him.

[musemaj11]

Smartphones are awesome!!!

[AverageJoe]

And also, he is running late for work this morning, not because he slept in, but because instead of getting ready for work he spent 45 minutes playing Scrabble.

 

It is driving me INSANE.

 

Why havent you left yet? Get out.

[MissGoLightly]

Why havent you left yet? Get out.

 

Ha that may not be far in the future.

 

I attempted to talk to him about this today (again) and he got into a snit and said fine, he'd tell his mom he wasn't going to play the game with her anymore (which is NOT what I was asking).

 

Then, AT Thanksgiving dinner, he tells his mom that I said he isn't allowed to play anymore.

 

I was so embarrassed.

 

Then, to make it worse, after the 20 minutes of conversation that ensued from that statement he looks at me and says "Can I have another beer, boss?"

 

Completely "joking" and "good natured" of course

[kiss_andmakeup]

Ha that may not be far in the future.

 

I attempted to talk to him about this today (again) and he got into a snit and said fine, he'd tell his mom he wasn't going to play the game with her anymore (which is NOT what I was asking).

 

Then, AT Thanksgiving dinner, he tells his mom that I said he isn't allowed to play anymore.

 

I was so embarrassed.

 

Then, to make it worse, after the 20 minutes of conversation that ensued from that statement he looks at me and says "Can I have another beer, boss?"

 

Completely "joking" and "good natured" of course

 

Gah. He sounds like he has issues. It's likely that you calling him out on his "addiction" stirred up some things in him that he's unhappy about. And rather than communicating that to you in a onstructive and adult manner, he's behaving like a child with a wounded ego.

 

I don't know enough about him or your relationship to just outright say "leave him" but that's the response I was leaning toward.

[sb129]

I have had issues regarding "screens" in the past. Anything with a screen counts- TV, laptop, PSP, iPhone, ipod touch, etc etc. H is a tech geek and spends alot of time on the computer/PSP. not so much his iphone anymore, and he now only uses his PSP in the bathroom, which in itself can be irritating because he "goes to the bathroom" and disappears for 20 minutes!

 

My H used to have an issue with my LS use (which at one point was borderline addictive, but long before we had our daughter), so we came to an agreement that screens were banned from our bedroom, and if the TV was on and we were both watching it together (ie a movie etc), we wouldn't also have our laptops or games on too.

 

I can TOTALLY appreciate where you are coming from, because at the moment H is working on a work project that requires him to spend most nights on the computer, but he has been very upfront about it and goes to the office to do it. We also "schedule" time together to watch tv together, and do other stuff like go for walks.

 

You really need to talk to your BF. He has a problem- and let him know how his behaviour affects you. In a calm, rational manner- don't get mad, be clear.

 

I feel for you, this would drive me bananas.

[lso802]

The guy doesn't sound that bad. C'mon, playing scrabble with his mom? It does sound like he needs some balance though. Overall, there could be worse things.

 

I love my smartphone. I usually have some features turned off though, when I'm at school or focused on something. I'll have it, my kindle and mp3 player on all at the same time. Is that why I'm single? Actually, I get the girls who love reading asking me about what I'm reading on my kindle all the time, and they see I'm usually working on studying for class or something. So it actually helps as a rapport builder.

[Engadget]

Cell phones have changed everything about societal interactions, not usually for the better in my mind.

 

For example, before cell phones if you called someone and said you were meeting up, you usually went. Now, you can cancel at any point.

 

Plus people calling or texting someone else when hanging out, is such a horrible downside.

[threebyfate]

Technology isn't the issue. It's the people using technology that can cause issues. It would be like blaming iPODs for hearing loss in teenagers when all it takes is for parents to monitor their children so they turn down the volume. Or blaming Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone in the first place.

[EasyHeart]

Smartphones are awesome!!!

The phones are awesome, but the people who use them are often not so awesome.

 

The general problem I see with this technology is that we rarely focus on anything anymore. I sit in business meetings where everyone has their phone out and is taking calls and reading/sending texts and emails throughout the meeting. I go out with friends to a bar and everyone has their phone out taking calls and reading/sending texts the whole night long.

 

Smartphones are a convenience that can make our lives easier and more productive. But they can also become an annoyance that gets in the way of healthy human interaction and an addiction that makes us think the world will end if we wait a few hours to respond to a call or text.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm addicted to online Scrabble. In fact, I have 12 active games right now. When my boyfriend and other family emerge after their post-Thanksgiving-gorge-induced hibernation this morning, they are likely to find me laying here on the couch, playing Scrabble on facebook.

 

I have procrastinated on a LOT of things I am supposed to get done in favor of my Scrabble problem. I have a website almost ready to launch for my business ... but when I go to work on it, I gravitate towards Scrabble.

 

Anyway, OP - I MAKE SURE that I confine my Scrabble (and other computer related activities, including Loveshack prowling) to certain times of the day when they NOT going to encroach on time with my SO. I have not yet garnered the self discipline I need to keep them from encroaching on less enjoyable activities, like bill paying, doing my taxes or working on my website.

 

I bet you can find another way to talk to your boyfriend about this so he can "hear" you. Try to ask for blocks of time when the smart phone (and Scrabble or whatever the addiction de jour happens to be) is off limits, like when you are eating or doing any other activity together. And, be willing to give blocks of time when he can do whatever he wants without "getting in trouble" with you, including Scrabble with mom. If you have a halfway decent relationship, he will be able to understand that the Iphone is like an intrusive third party in your relationship and his interactions with it need to be put in their proper place.

[sunshinegirl]

Gah. He sounds like he has issues. It's likely that you calling him out on his "addiction" stirred up some things in him that he's unhappy about. And rather than communicating that to you in a onstructive and adult manner, he's behaving like a child with a wounded ego.

 

I don't know enough about him or your relationship to just outright say "leave him" but that's the response I was leaning toward.

 

I want to say this gently, but it strikes me that both of you have 'issues' in the way you're communicating about this.

 

When you described how you "nicely" called him to dinner, it sounded more like you condescendingly called him to the table. Come on, that's passive aggressive. Just like his response, asking "boss" for permission for another beer.

 

As to the theories that he's clearly avoiding you or is unhappy somehow... I don't know. Maybe... but he sounds like my brother-in-law, who is happily married to my sister (16 years now) and has some ADD that leads him from one obsessive game or hobby to another every few weeks or months.

 

My sister has learned to live with this, within some agreed-upon limits (I assume, anyway) because it's a fundamental personality trait of his.

 

If the addictive/obsessive thing is a fundamental personality trait of your BF as well, I'd say either get used to it or get out. Don't expect much to change no matter how well or how much you talk about it.

 

Good luck!

[MissGoLightly]

 

When you described how you "nicely" called him to dinner, it sounded more like you condescendingly called him to the table. Come on, that's passive aggressive. Just like his response, asking "boss" for permission for another beer.

 

 

I don't disagree, but in my defense, that comment was made after 2 legitimate, "mature" attempts at communicating with him about this issue, and dozens of other attempts in every way I can think of at calling attention to the fact that I'm not happy with this ****, over the course of 3 weeks (and quite a bit longer of dealing with a very similar issue over computer/other games/etc.). I am at the end of my rope. He actually slept on the couch last night because of this crap.

 

He sounds like how you describe your brother in law. If you have any ideas about how they managed to set some boundaries I'd love to hear them - so far my guy is overreacting when I attempt to set boundaries with him. I like SB's idea, and might try that.

[Art_Critic]

For example, before cell phones if you called someone and said you were meeting up, you usually went. Now, you can cancel at any point.

 

Were you even alive before cell phones were invented ?

[zengirl]

I will maybe post later when I have more time...

 

but for right now, I'm curious what people do, and how other people feel, about technology/other forms of communication in their relationships?

 

Just for example, I personally hate "smart" phones and all that crap. I hate how these things are replacing meaningful, face to face contact.

 

This plays a part in my relationship.

 

My bf's new thing (we don't technically live together, but for all intents and purposes we do, if that makes a difference) is playing Scrabble on his iPhone with his mother. He literally plays this game with her all day long, from the minute he wakes up in the morning to the minute he goes to bed at night (and occasionally gets out of bed if he's not asleep yet to play a word ).

 

Should this bother me? Probably not, but it does. For the last 2 or 3 weeks that he has been doing this, we can not sit down for anything, whether it be to go on a date or to just watch tv at home without him spending basically the entire night playing this goddamn game with his mother, ten minutes here and ten minutes there, or whatever.

 

Tonight we are hanging out at home for the first time together all week, just watching tv, when he gets out his f'n phone and starts playing the game. HE KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT. I asked him before he got his phone out if he was going to be doing this all night and he said no. But then he gets out his phone. ANd he is on it for 10 minutes. So I go upstairs. And he's like "what's your problem, I thought we were hanging out"...and laughlingly says "you suck"....well clearly we weren't hanging out, because he spent the last half hour on his phone for 10 minutes, hanging out with me for 10 minutes, then on his phone for 10 minutes.

 

His mom lives 15 minutes away. If he wants to spend some QT with her, he should buy the freaking board game and spend a couple hours playing with her face to face. IMHO. When he is hanging out with me, he should be hanging out with me. Not playing a game with his mother.

 

And if it's not this, it's something else. I'm ****ing sick of it.

 

It sounds like there are a few problems:

 

1. Your boyfriend, like many people in my generation (and younger) is quite rude with his tech.

 

2. You said you basically live together. Your time together has become not-special basically. If my roommate displayed that behavior when we were watching TV, I wouldn't have a problem with it. You and your boyfriend need to designate "date" times from non-date times. Too much constant contact dampens romance.

 

3. You guys are not communicating well about this.