MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 (edited) I will maybe post later when I have more time... but for right now, I'm curious what people do, and how other people feel, about technology/other forms of communication in their relationships? Just for example, I personally hate "smart" phones and all that crap. I hate how these things are replacing meaningful, face to face contact. This plays a part in my relationship. My bf's new thing (we don't technically live together, but for all intents and purposes we do, if that makes a difference) is playing Scrabble on his iPhone with his mother. He literally plays this game with her all day long, from the minute he wakes up in the morning to the minute he goes to bed at night (and occasionally gets out of bed if he's not asleep yet to play a word ). Should this bother me? Probably not, but it does. For the last 2 or 3 weeks that he has been doing this, we can not sit down for anything, whether it be to go on a date or to just watch tv at home without him spending basically the entire night playing this goddamn game with his mother, ten minutes here and ten minutes there, or whatever. Tonight we are hanging out at home for the first time together all week, just watching tv, when he gets out his f'n phone and starts playing the game. HE KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT. I asked him before he got his phone out if he was going to be doing this all night and he said no. But then he gets out his phone. ANd he is on it for 10 minutes. So I go upstairs. And he's like "what's your problem, I thought we were hanging out"...and laughlingly says "you suck"....well clearly we weren't hanging out, because he spent the last half hour on his phone for 10 minutes, hanging out with me for 10 minutes, then on his phone for 10 minutes. His mom lives 15 minutes away. If he wants to spend some QT with her, he should buy the freaking board game and spend a couple hours playing with her face to face. IMHO. When he is hanging out with me, he should be hanging out with me. Not playing a game with his mother. And if it's not this, it's something else. I'm ****ing sick of it. Edited November 25, 2010 by MissGoLightly
daphne Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'd be annoyed too. It sounds like you've already discussed it with him, but did you do it in a non threatening way? I try to let the person know how a behavior makes me feel and then back off. If it doesn't improve, and if it's a deal breaker, eventually I have to make a decision to move on. If you're being honest in that he does this every single day non stop, that's not really a relationship you're in. Or perhaps you're angry and exagerating for effect. At any rate, ultimatums don't work but talking about it and then taking action will work it out somehow.
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 I am very angry, and possibly am exaggerating in some ways. But he does play off and on, literally all day long, whether it's a minute here and there, or 10 or more. His mother doesn't work and has nothing to do alllll day long. She used to just call him 10 times a day (exaggeration), but for the last 2 weeks that they have been doing this and "texting" each other on whatever little chat thing Scrabble app has she doesn't call him, but she plays all day long. We haven't "discussed" it, but I have let him know how I feel, in a non threatening way. He just doesn't seem to think being on his phone for 10 minutes and exclusively paying attention to that for 10 minutes means that he is not "hanging out" with me, or not paying attention to me. He also doesn't think if he plays for 1 min., hangs out for 5 minutes, then plays for 1 minute, then hangs out for 3 mins, then plays for 1 min, ALL NIGHT LONG, means that we are not spending time together.
Art_Critic Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 is playing Scrabble on his iPhone with his mother. hahaha... My wife and I play Scrabble every night on her IPAD... I love smart phones but hate when people have them literally glued to their hip or in meetings.. Time to talk with your BF.. if he was up all night playing his X-BOX you would have a talk with him...
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 hahaha... My wife and I play Scrabble every night on her IPAD... I love smart phones but hate when people have them literally glued to their hip or in meetings.. Time to talk with your BF.. if he was up all night playing his X-BOX you would have a talk with him... It's so sad, because I don't even know what to say to him. He does not think it's a problem, and can't understand why I have a problem with it. He seems to have the attitude of, he's only playing a game with his mom, it's not like he's texting some girl all night, so what's the problem. I just don't know how to make it clear to him. But, the problem is he doesn't think it's a problem.... I know what that means!
TheBigQuestion Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Your first mistake is dating a guy who has an iPhone. Apple products are inherently evil. Second, I recommend getting slightly more confrontational. This also sounds like there's an issue with the degree of contact he has with his mom. I'd address that as well, although you need to understand that doing so is risky.
AverageJoe Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 It's so sad, because I don't even know what to say to him. He does not think it's a problem, and can't understand why I have a problem with it. He seems to have the attitude of, he's only playing a game with his mom, it's not like he's texting some girl all night, so what's the problem. I just don't know how to make it clear to him. But, the problem is he doesn't think it's a problem.... I know what that means! Correct, it isnt a problem for him. It is a problem for you. What you say at this point is goodbye if this is not acceptable to you.
RovingReporter Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 You have a pretty valid reason to be upset. Sounds like he's taking you for granted.
AverageJoe Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Your first mistake is dating a guy who has an iPhone. Apple products are inherently evil. Agreed Second, I recommend getting slightly more confrontational. This also sounds like there's an issue with the degree of contact he has with his mom. I'd address that as well, although you need to understand that doing so is risky. Be confrontational? She is the one that has the problem. He doesnt have one. Next thing you know ultimatums are given and resentment starts flying.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 The problem is not that the man is addicted to his smart phone. The problem is that he is addicted to playing games with mommy on his smart phone.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 lol, that's basically the equivalent of someone getting out their ipod mid conversation and putting one headphone in... or both headphones in and then saying 'oh it's okay, I can still hear you.' (Actually maybe you should try that, taste of his own medicine. Sorry to hear that though, sounds VERY annoying. He sounds like a mumma's boy.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 His mom lives 15 minutes away. If he wants to spend some QT with her, he should buy the freaking board game and spend a couple hours playing with her face to face. IMHO. When he is hanging out with me, he should be hanging out with me. Not playing a game with his mother. And if it's not this, it's something else. I'm ****ing sick of it.. Look, this has NOTHING to do with scrabble or his mom! What he is doing is avoidance. He is avoiding interaction with you. I can't say what the reason for that might be, but I'm sure if you might have an idea. I've checked out like this too at times for various reasons. The most common reason for that is because at the time my SO was a ball of screeching negativity. That might not be it for you... but you should have a clue as to what's going on. Also... there is a small chance it isn't you, but instead other pressures he is avoiding.
Citizen Erased Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Ok. I'm on my iPhone a lot. But that's because I'm staying in contact with my SO who is on the other side of the planet. There's no way in heck I'd be playing scrabble or whatever on there if he was sitting right next to me. Hell yes this should bother you and it's something you need to address with him calmly, not storming off in a huff as you described.
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 Ok. I'm on my iPhone a lot. But that's because I'm staying in contact with my SO who is on the other side of the planet. There's no way in heck I'd be playing scrabble or whatever on there if he was sitting right next to me. Hell yes this should bother you and it's something you need to address with him calmly, not storming off in a huff as you described. I didn't storm off in a huff, I simply left. I'm posting this, because it bugs the crap out of me, but I don't know what to do anymore. My last ditch attempt before posting occurred as follows (maybe this will be more clear, as I'm not in the heat of the moment): I was making dinner for us tonight; while I make dinner he is playing Scrabble with his momI "teasingly" tell him that dinner is ready so he needs to put it away, but I say it in a nice tone of voice, mocking a mother telling her child that dinner is ready so he needs to put his toys away/his friend needs to go homeAfter dinner he gets out his phone again and is like "I hope I can play this one last word before my phone dies" because his battery was lowHis phone is dead so we are finally hanging out.But then the house phone starts ringing and he thinks it might be his mom trying to call him...so instead of answering the phone he gets his charger and turns his cell phone on to see if she called him on that .... sure, that makes perfect sense to meHe's dwadling over his phone (which is plugged in across the room) so I ask if his mom was trying to get ahold of him...he says no and comes and sits down againHis phone buzzes, so he leaps up to play Scrabble. After several minutes I ask him if he is going to be doing this all night. He says no and comes sit down after another couple minutes.His phone buzzes again, but because someone is calling him. He says it's probably his friend "texting" him about a party that was tonight, but he's not going because it's Thanksgiving Eve and he is hanging out with me. As he is saying this, he goes to get his phone and brings it over to where we're sitting....And proceeds to play Scrabble. After 5 minutes I got a book out...after 10 minutes I thought this is ridiculous I'm getting on LS, so I said "I'm going to read in bed for awhile, goodnight" and left the room. At which point he finally looks up from his phone and says he thought we were hanging out...which I don't think deserved a response, as it was pretty clear that we were not hanging out. At this point I don't know what to do - he knew that I didn't want him on his phone all night because we were hanging out, and he didn't make any effort to stop, so I left. I would not have been watching tv on the couch had we not been "hanging out" together, so I went to do my own thing.
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 As far as the stuff with his mom - I could be wrong, but I think it's a combination of having gotten addicted to the game (she's the only one he plays with, or so he says), and enjoying the fact that she has stopped calling him once he started playing this game with her.
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 And also, he is running late for work this morning, not because he slept in, but because instead of getting ready for work he spent 45 minutes playing Scrabble. It is driving me INSANE.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 WordFeud! My boyfriend has it on his droid, and it is addicting. But yikes, all day? Kinda weird... Oh, and if it is WordFeud then he can play with randomly selected opponents from across the regional network...not just his friends or family. Hmm, maybe you need to have a scrabble intervention.
Els Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Uh.... Are you SURE he is playing with his MOTHER????
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 WordFeud! My boyfriend has it on his droid, and it is addicting. But yikes, all day? Kinda weird... Oh, and if it is WordFeud then he can play with randomly selected opponents from across the regional network...not just his friends or family. Hmm, maybe you need to have a scrabble intervention. Yeah, I think that is what he has called it before. I know that he can play with random people, and I think he did once when he first added this app, but never again, to my knowledge. Uh.... Are you SURE he is playing with his MOTHER???? Well I don't sneak peeks or anything, but I don't think he would lie about it.
Els Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I usually am notorious for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but c'mon, how many guys do you know who are so very addicted to playing a board game with their MOTHER that they do it during dates and are late to work because of it!? And which mother would even encourage that??
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 (edited) I usually am notorious for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but c'mon, how many guys do you know who are so very addicted to playing a board game with their MOTHER that they do it during dates and are late to work because of it!? And which mother would even encourage that?? Well he is notorious for doing things like this, so that's why I buy it. Prior to his mom getting an ipad and playing this game with him he was "addicted" to playing some one person game where you shoot birds out of a slingshot? Or something silly like that. And prior to that it was Bejeweled. At least with both of those games if I asked him to stop playing he would...I think he thinks Scrabble is different form those games because you have to take turns, as opposed to continuous play. Once or twice he has asked me about a word and I've asked to see the board and he showed me. Words cannot describe how deeply I loathe his iphone. Edited November 25, 2010 by MissGoLightly
kdark Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I usually am notorious for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but c'mon, how many guys do you know who are so very addicted to playing a board game with their MOTHER that they do it during dates and are late to work because of it!? And which mother would even encourage that?? I think he's just saying he plays it with his mother so it'll be harder for you to get on him about playing a game all day on his phone. I remember when I was a kid I would play the game civilization all day long, and tell my parents it was educational so they wouldn't have a good reason to tell me no.
Els Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Well he is notorious for doing things like this, so that's why I buy it. Prior to his mom getting an ipad and playing this game with him he was "addicted" to playing some one person game where you shoot birds out of a slingshot? Or something silly like that. And prior to that it was Bejeweled. At least with both of those games if I asked him to stop playing he would...I think he thinks Scrabble is different form those games because you have to take turns, as opposed to continuous play. Once or twice he has asked me about a word and I've asked to see the board and he showed me. Words cannot describe how deeply I loathe his iphone. Ah, I see. Well, then, his iPhone isn't the issue. It's him. Plenty of guys have smart phones but they don't all get stuck on it all day. He has an addictive personality. Are you relatively close to his family? Could try talking to his mother about it.
Els Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I think he's just saying he plays it with his mother so it'll be harder for you to get on him about playing a game all day on his phone. I remember when I was a kid I would play the game civilization all day long, and tell my parents it was educational so they wouldn't have a good reason to tell me no. LOL. But it was! I never knew the seven wonders of the world til I played it!
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 This never occurred to me before my last post, but I think he has these weird obsessive phases. He was "addicted" to Bejeweled for a week or two. He was "addicted" to that bird/slingshot game for a week or two. Now Scrabble for the last two weeks or so. He once bought a Wii specifically to play one game, which he played for hours at a time, daily, for a week or two (and has never bought another game or played it since). He can spend 12 hours on a Saturday not doing anything but checking out blogs and so on. For awhile it was one specific "interest"; now it's a different "interest". This is weird right?
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