Trying to be positive!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Hi so I left a message on breakups. It was kind of long and mostly about my plans of moving on and nc.

 

I know that if you contact your ex then it lessons the chance of getting back together for a number of reasons. I also know that the best thing to do is to move on with my life. I definetly plan too. I know its a win-win for you and your future wether there be a chance or not at fixing things.

 

I appriciated reading some threads about about how long nc can last until they do. Most pretty discouraging though taking 2 and 3 months and longer. Me and my ex split 3 days ago after a yr. We have a baby together. So he has to contact eventually. I know what I need to do is move on and I know it will be hard especially if I have to see him. Even the strongest ppl I think, hold some hope atleast in the beginning of getting back together.

 

 

I need time to clear my head to and see if I am happier with out him and work on myself. Unfortunatly it seems like more breakups dont work out in reconciliation.

 

I still feel pretty sad though. Its hard to lean on ppl when I'm a private person. At this point a large part of me wants him back. I just don't beleive it will happen. Just looking for ppl to talk to.

 

I did look for a while at stuff on how to get him back!! I thought it was pretty positive since it basically tells you you need to move on either way. its the only way you have a chance at getting back together or moving on. I definetly like the idea of the win-win situation.

 

The reading into any signs sucks.. Your always looking for signs, if they do call or maybe on facebook. If they do call what do they say.

 

I just want to say rejection really SUCKS! I definetly wish there was an easier way to get rid of the emotional rollercoaster! I did however make it through today with nc or even wanting to. My obsession with facebook is the next thing to kick lol.. So he left sat night. Left a letter. Saying he loved me wasnt in love needed time to clear his head definetly did love me. But we need a break. I got out of the shower found the letter on our bed.

 

It definetly seemed out of the blue and not like him. People are always changing I suppose. He said I know your angry so he wouldn't talk to me that night said he would call tomorrow. Of course I txted him all night on and off til almost 5am. It really was a blindsided blow. The next day said he would call and didnt agin I txted all day. Then found his friends number on the cell bill to call him.He finally got ahold of me the next day. Once he did it was txts.. he says he had made up his mind and was done and plenty of other negative stuff. I needed to hear it from him so asked if he could pls call me. He did the same day and after hearing out of his mouth. I was finally convinced aliens HAD NOT taken over his body. He was serious.

 

 

 

He still didn't seem himself seems.. fishy for alot of reasons.

 

I'm posting here because I really do wish we could give it another chance. However I have no choice but to do nc and give up to move on. No I won't beg anymore call or txt unless its about our baby or finances.

 

Is it healthy to give up this early when knowing a large part of you wants them back? I feel alot of confliction in me. I don't even know what I want but can't help to feel anxious and horrible about what he wants.

[Fufu]

I like your thread title, it's a first good step to be positive and happy

 

When my ex broke up with me, I felt that he changed too, he seemed to be a different person. Where's the lovey dovey him has gone to? For now, he has become cold and distant to me. Despite my numerous talks to convince him, he also told me, "I've made up my mind and I feel my decision is right and best for both of us."

 

I was also kept on looking for signs and second guessing his action towards me when he talked to me and when he met me. The fact is, if they really want us back, they will make their action known to us. I've grown tired of second guessing his signals and trying to look for "hopes" in his words and actions.

 

I think it's a natural feeling that at times we hope that they can turn back and give this relationship a chance again or work things out.

 

For our own good, we have to look forward instead of looking back. If they are gone for good, they are just passer-bys in our lives. If they are back, can we truly accept them again after they chose to give up so easily. Are we sure that we won't have any doubts anymore?

 

I do believe breakup couples can reconciliate. Though the truth is, if 1 partner has doubts, rarely the reconcilitation can work out well.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I know its just really hard. Feeling positive one minute just about moving on then just missing him so much the next. The biggest problem is we have a child together so I will eventually have to see him.

 

How long have you and your ex been split? I think it definetly takes time to miss someone if they are feeling like that. I also feel I really need to work on myself not for him but for me. He wants me to change. I want him to change. I know we jumped into this relationship way to fast.

 

If we were to get back together I already know I don't want him to move back in. Which is somthing positive for me because I know where I stand if the occassion should arise that there might be a chance. I'm posting here for now hoping for a second chance. Yet I still I am not 100% sure I want one.

 

Today is the second day of no contact. When I need stuff for the baby I will have to txt but I won't call and bother him. I do know deep down that calling him and telling him how I feel will push him away. It also won't let me heal. The only way we do have a chance is for me to truly move on with my life. Seems like a catch 22. If you move on seems like greater chances they will too. You want them back you have to avoid them and the situation to give yourselves both time to think. All I can stay focused on is the win-win situation. I move on and will be ok and then I guess your caption really says it all. Leave it to fate!

Ty for getting back to me!

[rebeccajones]

All I can say is that it is very tough! Moving on. I went NC for months. I thought I moved on but when I saw him I begged him back. He isn't sure and neither am I about a second chance. I'm still moving on. I know exactly how you feel about being positive one minute then missing him (or sometimes feeling empty) the next minute. Try to give it a little time as much as you can to let him and you clear your head. It's so hard I know. I wish it was not this hard.

[Fufu]

Jdw_Icequeen: Split with my ex for about 1 month plus. Moving on is truly the best option now.....

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Thank you for your positive thoughts!!

 

I definetly went through the begging. Monday the day he finally txt me says he had made up his mind. I begged I pleaded I reminded him that we were good together. I apologized for everything said that we could make this work and I would change. Then he finally called me a few hours later I did the same thing.

 

PLLLLLSSSSS don't do this I love you I love you!! Then I said well I know how this works you just cut your exs out of your life. Then asked do you want to be friends? He said yes.. Then I asked well will we ever hang out together? He says yes but just as friends.. In my last moment of wallow.

 

I said I really do miss you. I know its only been a few days but I really do. He says well of course I miss you and am going to. Obviously because we just broke up. Then before getting off the phone I asked when are you coming to see me. He didn't know. Are you going to call me agin? Yes I will call you agin. When? He didn't know. This was monday.

 

On tuesday I had a flip out when he changed his fb status felt like he left all over agin!! I also did some more pleading and begging! I had to txt him about some bills and ask if he was going to still help me out. He said he planned too. I had to txt a few times about a few diffrent bills. But my pleading and begging was over for the day. I felt some composure and a large realization that pleading begging and being and acting desperate defiently would not make things better for either of us!

 

Then a friend came over and suggested he changed his fb so quickly that maybe he was seeing someone. I kinda flipped. I txted him asking if this was the case and if so he should be a man and just tell me and that even if we were only friends honesty is the most important thing and if he couldn't be honest with me then we wouldn't be friends!

 

He kept txting back saying that I was assuming things that this was definetly not the case when he could have just been cruel and said what the hell does it matter were broken up! So I am glad he wasn't cruel.

 

I knew after that I could no longer do this to myself. I can't focus on him or what he is doing if I am to move on. So yesterday I didn't contact at all. I did post a few things on face book. I said "today I am not going to be be upset about mistakes Ive made. but be more happy about the mistakes I didn't!! This man was telling me he wanted to marry me and I wasn't sure about that at all. I have already been married so it was to much to think about. Then later that night I posted "Just because you lose your queen dosen't mean the game is over remember your other pieces can be very powerful adviersaries!"

 

This was also aimed toward a friend who is going through the same thing. I'm not going to post anything about my feelings. Or anything that can be taken in consideration towards my relationship. It looks probably more like a desperate cry of how I am handling things. Even though it was positive can be taken the wrong way.

[rebeccajones]

I hope he realizes what he has lost. Best wishes to you. Stay strong.

[Fufu]

I did all the similiar things you did to your ex-bf.. and basically I got the same kind of replies or actions from my ex-bf as well.

 

I also suspected my ex-bf having a third party, till i got so frustrated I asked him and he told me there's no third party at all.

 

Don't post anything about your feelings on facebook, sometimes people will read it wrongly or misintepreted it... you can post your feelings over here

 

For my case, my ex complained I never give him space. Therefore, I will give him what he wants and I will move on with my life.

 

They broke up with us, we don't have to devalue ourselves to chase them.

 

To truly stick with NC, delete him from your facebook and other electronic communications. It helps, not seeing what he's doing is so much better.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Yes I will post everything here I also at moments of missing him and feeling weak txt friends talk to friends taking time to recconect with them.

 

Today I will cook our turkey be thankful for my beatiful kids family and friends. I will also try to finish my laundry!

 

I know I will miss him one minute and be ok the next. I know that no matter what happens its best to move on. I feel a bit of anxiety about him calling or having to see him. But I do my best not to think about that!

 

I know in my heart when he does call most lilkey nothing will have changed! But I am going to act positive towards him not even let him have a small sign in my voice that anything is wrong. He will know I am moving on without me having to tell him! Letting him do all the talking keeping the conversation light and short on my part IS THE BEST OPTION!

 

So wish me luck! Because you know when wounds are still fresh you never know if him calling me could set me frantic. I don't think it will be the case. I hope he dosen't talk about the relationship or anything negative because in that situation I have nothing to really say. I think everything was said about our past relationship that can be said!

[Fufu]

This forum definitely helps us to stop contacting our ex.

 

It's natural to still think and miss them, though we have to firm up. "Think like a dumper, feel like a dumper, be like a dumper."

 

What's past is past, if he wanna talks about the past, don't entertain him. There's nothing positive bringing up what has already long past.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

This is day 3 of nc since the break up saturday night.

 

Yesterday I had to txt him because our baby is out of formula and I am wondering about the finances. I txt R u busy? I waited 5 mins then said the baby is almost out of formula and I wanted to know your ideas on how much and when your going to being able to help me out.

 

No answer.. I don't consider this contact because when your contacting about somthing that needs to be taken care of its hardly begging and pleading and trying to get him to talk about us.

 

No I didn't txt back or call him. The realization of the fact that after I've given him time I will have to contact him and find out why he hasn't come to see his son and why he isn't helping with his responsibilitys!

 

He may be angry he may be confused stressed. I honestly don't care of his reasoning not to be an adult and handle his buisness. If I have to contact him I don't see the conversation being pleasent. One of the worst thing that pisses me off is a dead beat father! I will contact him on the 29th to discuss this. Obviously it makes everything harder because when you have to stay in contact for finances and hound them just to do the right thing its not going to make a easy playing field where you can just ignore them.

 

Feeling angry and hurt today. Wondering why he just won't say yea I can put money in your account on such and such. Obviously after that I wouldn't bother him anymore. I'm not sure why at this point he has to play difficult. Its just going to make everything harder in the long run.

[Fufu]

Glad that you are posting ove here.

 

It's day 3, a good progress.

 

When they make things difficult for us, we make things easy for ourselves.

 

Dont' give a hack even if he initates contacts or replies... they want OUT, we show them the door

[rebeccajones]

Fufu I understand what you mean, but how do you not feel rejected or not good enough. That seems to be what is making me hold on. I want him to see how great I am, to love and appreciate me. You know? I wonder how I can change that!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

So lasnight. As I said I txted about being out of baby formula now I am out. Apparently he dosen't care about his son enough to let me know whats going on. Today I got all his cloths packed txted to let him know as I said I would. No reply. Txts went like this.

 

Me: Ive found all your stuff and packed it for you. If you don't want it let me know so I can get rid of it.

 

Me: What the hell is wrong with you?

Me: Im telling you your son needs formula and trying to work out things out as adults and your ignoring me?

Me:Well it seesm your aim here is to piss me off. You need to grow up!

Me:I really wish you wouldn't make things harder then they have to be!

 

Then I realized I hadn't checked my bank card which he had been using 68 bucks over drawn and of course he never let me know or said he would pay it!

 

Me: You left my bank card over drawn WTF!!

I also called a 3 times.

 

After this Im furious simply furious! So why I txted the stress of all this and finacially be screwed is to much to bare on top of his crap! I have been a homemaker for 10 yrs so I have nothing but child support. I am now going to go back to school and need the child support to take care of my kids. He said he would help me. I feel like by him ignoring me since lastnight about somthing so important as our childs food is MESSED UP!

 

So I thought maybe being friends would help lighten the load of our finacial responsibilitys and possibly set us on the right track where perhaps in the future our issues can be resolved. I don't know if our future at all can be repaired together. If so I see it taking a long time.

 

I can't and won't wait around for somone I can't even trust to take care of his responsibiltys! Unless he is dying in the hospital no excuse will be good enough of why. Yes he still has time to we resolve these finacial issues. So I can atleast move on without hating him.

 

Today I let my anger and stress of what he has left me with get the better of me. In light of this I erased all him and his family from fb. His family and I wern't close at all so dosen't matter. Its my way of cutting him out of my life.

 

Since I did let my anger get the best of me and emotionally explode I will start a new day of nc! No I am not mad at breaking nc with my emotions may be better to let it out to help with my moving on process. Here was the very last txt! I sent after deleting him from fb!

 

Me: This is my last message to you. I'm completley done with you in every way. This was my mistake for letting my guard with you. I will never trust you agin. Goodbye

[Fufu]

rebeccajones: I do suffer the feelings of "Am i not good enough for you after all this years" and I do feel rejection and abandonment on and off.

 

However, I keep telling myself, "Why do I have to devalue myself to be with a person that don't accept who I am. Why do I have to make myself so miserable to love and miss a person who can call it a QUIT so easily."

 

I deserve so much better. I rather be single than to be with someone who don't cherish relationship as much as I do.

 

Never love a quitter.

[Fufu]

Jdw_Icequeen: I can understand you are feeling emotional the way he treats you. I sort of did the similiar actions to my ex-bf but I realised it only makes me feel more depressed and hurt.

 

After you sent the final message to him, do not initate any contact anymore. If he wants to get in touch with you, let him be the one who initates the contact.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Well last night he starts txting me.

 

What why are you so pissed off? Im not ignoring you I haven't gotten any txts till just now. I wouldn't ignore the fact the baby needs formula I will bring some over tomorrow! So I txted him back saying I didn't have time for games. I would cut him out of our lives for ever if he could'nt take care of his responsibilitys. I'm not trying to get a hold of him to get him back so I said he can take a sigh of releif. I said I need to worry about my kids.

 

He says he wasn't playing games he wouldn't ignore me about the baby or about anything that had to do with himself if I asked him.

 

I told him I find it hard to beleive you haven't received anything from me since my first txt was on thanksgiving. I also tried calling him like 5 times he obviously has my number set right to voicemail. So its pretty obvious he is avoiding me. So yes I think he is a liar. I messed up by saying I still think there is another women or somthing going on that he can't be a man and admit to. Of course he got pissed said this conversation is over and a few other things.

 

After my txts of calling him a liar and getting so upset and telling him I was done with him for good. I did apologize about my anger. I said look I am just really pissed off right now things are a bit stressful. I hope you do bring by the formula tomorrow.

 

No reply.. I txted early this morning to see if he was coming by and when. Nor reply. However I don't feel annger towards this anymore. So I left it at that and he never showed or txted back.

 

When he first started txting me he sounded frantic. SO of course this made me beleive that perhaps I went over board about everything.

Maybe he really didn't get anything. I just find it hard to beleive yet I don't know why he ended up txting me back if that be the case at all.

My conclusion is he was lying. So no formula and thats it. Now that I know he isn't going to help me finacially. There is trully no reason to contact him.

 

I know we both still need time and space. I know he will contact me in the future. I just don't know what its going to take for me to reply. Proof he is going to truly help I guess. It definetly sucks to have kids with a man you want to move on from. ( THANK GOD I DIDN"T MARRY HIM!! LOL

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Well he ended up txting me I seriously didn't think he would because I thought he had to work early and would have contacted me much earlier. He will be here in a few hours. Which is great.. I am going to put my feelings and emotions on the back burner.

 

So I've already made a plan after he leaves that I will get out of the house today and go visit a friend. It will be nice to get out and will help keep my mind off of having to see him for the first time.

 

Everything is such a rollercoaster latly my head may explode at the site of him. Wish me luck!! Have a good day everyone! I think getting out of the house is just what I need!