Star82 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I am still on NC with xMM. I had a little breakdown today because we were supposed to spend Thanksgiving together. How is everyone else handling the upcoming holidays?
SunsetRed Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm journaling like crazy and writing emails I will never send. I write the email as if I am sending it to him, but I send it to my 2nd email address instead. I am also numbing myself with busyness and not allowing myself too much time to feel. Eventually I'll binge on some retail therapy for me. I have to enforce strict NC as not only are the holidays coming up, but I'm aware that he and his wife (GOD I HATE that word) will have a wedding anniversary coming up in Dec. Even though they were separated for 3 years prior to Sept, they are celebrating it this year. I've also been chatting with a few guys from an online dating service, but all of these guys make me miss my xMM even more. Actually, for the record, my guy is an ex Separated man who went back to his wife and is now for all practical purposes married. I find it so hard to call this man I loved a MM and even harder to call someone else his wife.
Author Star82 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 I know how you feel. I tried talking to a few guys from a dating site and had absolutely zero interest. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain too.
SouthernSunshine Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 (edited) I've been spending time with my own family, and reading/posting more on LS. I'm @ the NC phase (been 5 days), and just tonight I wanted to text her, but then I sent the msg to draft box. UGH! Trying to stay focused on important things in my life, but I miss her and I hate it. Edited November 25, 2010 by SouthernSunshine
crazy love Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm burrying myself in meaningless chores an such. Spending lots of time at my Mommas house cooking and just hanging out. Mine is away on a fam vaca in the middle of the ocean somewhere and the thought of it is driving me insaaaane. I miss him terribly and I feel like the days are dragging.
Confused4Now Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I remember when I first came to LS and Stampdaddy chimed in on my discussion about my MW coming to me before the holidays. He said I would be let down over and over again. Well he was right. I promised myself that last year I would never be put in that situation again. Then half way through this year I started to listen to my gut. I finally did take my power back and just cause I knew the outcome would be the same. However even though she's not there anymore. I still get those feelings. Holidays will be like that till I finally get that right person in my life.
siuys Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I am glad we broke it off two weeks ago and not have to agonise over xmas/ny period. i bet you 1000 bucks xMM won't be telling his W about him wanting to leave any time soon with the hols coming up (that is if he's even going to do it. i think not coz he's chicken ****). I don't really have family here so this year, I will try something different. I am going to spend xmas on my own. I am thinking I might even attend a church service (and I am not religious at all). I could use the peace. If I can live, travel, work on my own, I can certainly spend xmas on my own. I don't envy xMM coz I know it's not easy for him. Yeah, play happy family and live in denial. Good luck.
Pokemon Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I am going to spend xmas on my own. I am thinking I might even attend a church service (and I am not religious at all). I could use the peace. If I can live, travel, work on my own, I can certainly spend xmas on my own. Oh god. I spent X'mas alone one year, but that was to punish myself for breaking up my engagement. I think you should try to spend it with a friend's family or something.. I remember renting 7 DVDs and finished 4 over X'mas and 3 more on the 26th. It was not so fun. Do you live, work and travel on your own? You sound lonely. I know the reason why I got involved with xMM was because I am really lonely here. But the work is good so it keeps me here. I know I'm trying to fix the lonely problem by just going out and meeting more people! As for thanksgiving, I've got 2 college buddies coming into town tomorrow, and gonna spend it with a 3 more local friends! Then I'm off to hit the shops starting 10pm on Thursday! Retail therapy!!!
siuys Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Thanks for your concern, Pokemon. I actually have a very active social life, and live with two flatmates. But I have lived alone, and I travel alone when I can't find any travel companions. Most of my friends are married with children so it's different when you're single without kids and in your early 40s. I am not lonely actually. I enjoy my own company. I sometimes work alone but most of the time I am at an office. So it's not as bad as my post sounds! I find xmas/ny period is a good time for reflection, especially after this roller coaster of a year. I hope this xmas you will be with the people you love, and who love you. and happy thanksgiving.
Pokemon Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 That's good to hear, Siuys! And happy thanksgiving to you too!
JustWannaStop Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm journaling like crazy and writing emails I will never send. I write the email as if I am sending it to him, but I send it to my 2nd email address instead. I am also numbing myself with busyness and not allowing myself too much time to feel. Eventually I'll binge on some retail therapy for me. I have to enforce strict NC as not only are the holidays coming up, but I'm aware that he and his wife (GOD I HATE that word) will have a wedding anniversary coming up in Dec. Even though they were separated for 3 years prior to Sept, they are celebrating it this year. I've also been chatting with a few guys from an online dating service, but all of these guys make me miss my xMM even more. Actually, for the record, my guy is an ex Separated man who went back to his wife and is now for all practical purposes married. I find it so hard to call this man I loved a MM and even harder to call someone else his wife. Hi Red. That word makes me cringe too. I don't know when my MM's anniversary is. I don't want to know. I think it's coming up though Holidays suck. This whole deal sucks.
JustWannaStop Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Oh god. I spent X'mas alone one year, but that was to punish myself for breaking up my engagement. I think you should try to spend it with a friend's family or something.. I remember renting 7 DVDs and finished 4 over X'mas and 3 more on the 26th. It was not so fun. Do you live, work and travel on your own? You sound lonely. I know the reason why I got involved with xMM was because I am really lonely here. But the work is good so it keeps me here. I know I'm trying to fix the lonely problem by just going out and meeting more people! As for thanksgiving, I've got 2 college buddies coming into town tomorrow, and gonna spend it with a 3 more local friends! Then I'm off to hit the shops starting 10pm on Thursday! Retail therapy!!! Hey Poke. I wonder if we live near eachother. I've been reading your posts and we have alot in common. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving!
Pokemon Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Hi JustWannaStop, I live in LA.. And LisaLee, I had an x'mas alone and I told myself the same thing too! Never again!!
steelknife Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I am glad we broke it off two weeks ago and not have to agonise over xmas/ny period. i bet you 1000 bucks xMM won't be telling his W about him wanting to leave any time soon with the hols coming up (that is if he's even going to do it. i think not coz he's chicken ****). I don't really have family here so this year, I will try something different. I am going to spend xmas on my own. I am thinking I might even attend a church service (and I am not religious at all). I could use the peace. If I can live, travel, work on my own, I can certainly spend xmas on my own. I don't envy xMM coz I know it's not easy for him. Yeah, play happy family and live in denial. Good luck. i beleive in that bolded line too.. but it does me no good anymore. it is gonna be hard for me thinking how they spend it. im afraid i will be alone and lonely, but come to thnk of it, he was never physically there for me on the holidays. alwasy there on the phone, but never actually with me. sure as hell im gonna make it. going out of town with 2 besties the first week of january... worth looking forward. new year. no beginning.
miso horny Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I am glad we broke it off two weeks ago and not have to agonise over xmas/ny period. i bet you 1000 bucks xMM won't be telling his W about him wanting to leave any time soon with the hols coming up (that is if he's even going to do it. i think not coz he's chicken ****). I don't really have family here so this year, I will try something different. I am going to spend xmas on my own. I am thinking I might even attend a church service (and I am not religious at all). I could use the peace. If I can live, travel, work on my own, I can certainly spend xmas on my own. I don't envy xMM coz I know it's not easy for him. Yeah, play happy family and live in denial. Good luck. seacrh Stampdaddy's post' on "Chicken Sh*t"
miso horny Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213919/?highlight=chicken
steelknife Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 i beleive in that bolded line too.. but it does me no good anymore. it is gonna be hard for me thinking how they spend it. im afraid i will be alone and lonely, but come to thnk of it, he was never physically there for me on the holidays. alwasy there on the phone, but never actually with me. sure as hell im gonna make it. going out of town with 2 besties the first week of january... worth looking forward. new year. no beginning. correction new year. NEW beginning.
siuys Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Great post from stampdaddy! chicken **** alright! i wonder what it is that make them chicken ****. i sometimes think it's because there is another person there, and somehow makes it more complicated. they are even more confused, and inertia sets in, fear sets in and can't make a decision. i don't know as i've never been a chicken **** myself! haha. steelknife, hang in there. don't pity yourself. negative thoughts are toxic. we all have them but don't sink into despair. forget about what he didn't do (which was the answer you were looking for anyway). and yes, new year, new beginning. can't wait.
crazy love Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 Ive got a new activity to temporarily tame the insane banter going on in my mind....black friday shopping online
justaname Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 yeah, the holidays suck. part of it is wondering what things will be like afterwards.
newpriorities Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I am still on NC with xMM. I had a little breakdown today because we were supposed to spend Thanksgiving together. How is everyone else handling the upcoming holidays? Yeah the holidays are tough, but IMO, this is yet one more example of where we give the AP too much power over ourselves. Why do we end up feeling like sh-t during the holidays? Agonizing and wretching over what they are doing with their family? Of course it is perfectly their right to have a wonderful holiday with their family....after all, they are a family! (oh, that hurts). I remember last Christmas, (we work together, but our place of work closes down for 2 week during Christmas break so we wouldn't see each other) he met me on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours in the morning...we went to bed while his W was shopping. At the time, I felt so happy that he chose to spend those hours with me, now I just can't believe how little regard I had for myself and how sick/dysfunctional the whole thing was. Yuck. We need to enjoy the beauty and the spirit of the holidays!
siuys Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I agree with you, newpriorities. I think part of the reason is obviously it is traditionally a family thing. But another part is what society deems we should be feeling/doing during a period like xmas. For a lot of people who are not religious, it is simply a gathering to have a nice meal etc. That is very nice, but can be done at any time of the year, not necessarily xmas. Just because it's xmas doesn't mean we have to do the same thing that everyone else is doing, and feel the same way everyone else is feeling. Sure, xMM has a family and will most probably be spending it with them. Well, if that's his thing, well, good. I am not going to feel sorry for myself just because of that. Sure, I am sorry we are not together, wish we were a couple but that's it. Doesn't change that fact whether it's xmas or easter or labour day.
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