Dealing with a psycho ex.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

So I have been dating this guy for two months.

 

He's great. Strong, patient, accepting, kind, loving. Man of God. A good dude.

 

My issue: His ex wife who I think is psycho. She'll text him things like asking him if he's really happy with me and how "no one can love him like she can." She's getting remarried next month. They have four kids together. I've met the kids and have accepted that if I'm going to love him, I accept them. I've met her and she's nice enough to me, but I guess behind my back she says things about me like I'm ugly and when he and I are intimate does "he put a bag over my head to have sex" with me. He tells her he thinks I'm beautiful and she needs to stop saying things about me and that he really cares about me.

 

I trust him but don't trust her. He doesn't respond to her texts about her being the best thing to ever happen to him, etc. He tells me it's easier to keep her at bay and responds to her on an as needed basis. He reads me their text exchanges which she usually initiates.

 

My fear? She'll always be in our business. Evidently she wants to spend time with me this weekend with the kids before she gives her blessing for us to have the kids as a part of my life. I understand as a mother she needs to feel comfortable with me, I get that, but I don't trust her intentions at all.

 

He's wonderful. However, they were married for 10 years and while I don't doubt that there is always going to be a tie because of the kids, I just want to have a drama free relationship. He swears everything will be okay and constantly reassures me. But I can't relax sometimes because of the fact I never know when he'll get some psycho text from her. I'm on edge although he does everything to reassure me almost constantly. LIke I said he's really good to me. So I need stratagies to deal with this. Help.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Um....help?

[810]

My fear? She'll always be in our business.

she will always be.

 

Evidently she wants to spend time with me this weekend with the kids before she gives her blessing for us to have the kids as a part of my life.

 

you don't need her blessing on your relationship, needless to say having kids with him.

 

 

 

another thing: why is this quoted?

 

I've met her and she's nice enough to me, but I guess behind my back she says things about me like I'm ugly and when he and I are intimate does "he put a bag over my head to have sex" with me. He tells her he thinks I'm beautiful and she needs to stop saying things about me and that he really cares about me.

 

two months into a relationship and you feel like this. can you handle this for another 2 months?

[Loquacious Miss L.]

All good points. I quoted this because I basically begged him to tell me the things that she said about me. He really didn't want to tell me but I dragged it out of him. I don't think I need her blessing either as I know myself....but he said she can make things really difficult for him if she wanted to. I am going to try my best to deal with this because I really care about him. But I couldn't handle it indefinitely. Not like this.

[GolferGirl123]

You say you want a drama free relationship, but you entered a relationship rife with it...not to mention that you kind of are playing into it yourself by "begging" him to tell you things that she says about you.

 

Your bf clearly does not keep his ex at bay, nor does he "handle" her very well, since she acts like this. I get that you're really into him, but he is at fault here too, as far as I can tell.

 

Sorry I don't have any great advice for you, but I really don't think there is anything you personally can do in this situation, except not get dragged into it. Other than getting sucked into the drama (not that it's not understandable), you play zero part in their dynamics with each other.

 

Personally, if it's only been 2 months, I probably would break up with him, after contacting her fiance to tell him the kinds of things she says to her ex.

[Eeyore79]

She sounds like a psycho. I don't think you're ever going to have a drama-free relationship with this guy, sorry. If I were you, I'd bail before I got in any deeper.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

All good points of consideration. I never thought about me playing into the drama....good point. Not that I intended to. I'm not wanting to jump ship quite yet but after a good talk he and I had today I think that it will be ok...eventually. He knows certain boundaries need to be set and have already been put into place and I know that he's aware he has some blame in the situation. I don't think I can handle this for the long term and he knows that. I wish he wasn't so perfect for me otherwise.....

[true2010]

Agree with the others. The guy may be great but he has a lot of baggage that you better be prepared to handle.