Nikki Sahagin Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Hey all, I'm not sure if what's happened to me is a good or a bad thing, all I can say is - it feels natural. Since i've been single, a lot of guys have been interested in me, all types really, and not ONE of them can I be bothered with. It's like something in me has switched off. When they flirt with me or talk to me or ask me on a date, I completely switch off and every fibre of my being DOESN'T want to go. Potentially they aren't 'my' type of guys as I am worryingly picky, but I just have zero interest in anyone, even in giving them a chance and I can't see that changing. I don't really care about ending up alone because i've kind of accepted that even if I get into another relationship, it may not last. Also I don't really want children and never have, so i'm not too worried about losing out on that and it seems to me most women run around for partners primarily for the FAMILY, rather than for the man exclusively. In that case, I think WHY should I really bother? Shouldn't I just continue on on my own? Yet part of me questions if this desire for solitude is normal, or natural? Or is it a defence mechanism? Has anyone else felt this before? The thought of a relationship makes me want to run to the hills.
mickleb Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 You could try reading 'He's Scared, She's Scared', Nikki, to evaluate whether you're 'just not ready' yet or it is closer to a commitmentphobia type reaction. It's probably the former but it's worth being aware of how to deal with the latter, if it becomes a major concern. x
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 You could try reading 'He's Scared, She's Scared', Nikki, to evaluate whether you're 'just not ready' yet or it is closer to a commitmentphobia type reaction. It's probably the former but it's worth being aware of how to deal with the latter, if it becomes a major concern. x Thanks for the suggestion. I'll find the book and read it. I know that fear is part of it, but I also have realised i'm deeply unhappy with having what I want, I seem to tire of it easily if something is not a challenge and that worries me, because obviously a healthy romantic relationship cannot be that way.
Fufu Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm sort of feeling this way too. just lost interest in relationship.... perhaps it's good to celebrate singlehood..
Els Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Hey all, I don't really care about ending up alone because i've kind of accepted that even if I get into another relationship, it may not last. Also I don't really want children and never have, so i'm not too worried about losing out on that and it seems to me most women run around for partners primarily for the FAMILY, rather than for the man exclusively. In that case, I think WHY should I really bother? Shouldn't I just continue on on my own? Yet part of me questions if this desire for solitude is normal, or natural? Or is it a defence mechanism? Has anyone else felt this before? The thought of a relationship makes me want to run to the hills. I would really, really hope that the bolded isn't the case. It would be really sad for the majority of men to just be used as sperm-donors and potential fathers. In my case, I don't feel I need a R, but I very much enjoy a good one... and I don't want children either. Regarding the rest of your post, I just think you haven't recently met anyone who sparks your interest. Some of us don't develop interest in men as easily as others do. For instance, I have been really interested in maybe 6 men in 24 years... and had relationships with 3 of them. I don't even have a laundry list of requirements, and possibly the only semi-measurable parameter that I find myself holding men up to is their level of conventional intelligence... but I need to feel that elusive 'connection'. In the mental, emotional as well as sexual sense. That does not come easily. This may be the case for you as well. In any case, I don't think it's anything to worry about. You can't force interest, it has to come naturally.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 I would really, really hope that the bolded isn't the case. It would be really sad for the majority of men to just be used as sperm-donors and potential fathers. In my case, I don't feel I need a R, but I very much enjoy a good one... and I don't want children either. Regarding the rest of your post, I just think you haven't recently met anyone who sparks your interest. Some of us don't develop interest in men as easily as others do. For instance, I have been really interested in maybe 6 men in 24 years... and had relationships with 3 of them. I don't even have a laundry list of requirements, and possibly the only semi-measurable parameter that I find myself holding men up to is their level of conventional intelligence... but I need to feel that elusive 'connection'. In the mental, emotional as well as sexual sense. That does not come easily. This may be the case for you as well. In any case, I don't think it's anything to worry about. You can't force interest, it has to come naturally. I would agree that perhaps I just don't easily get any interest in men. As for the bolded comment, i'm not saying that's true for even the majority of women, but definitely for some of my friends, they seemed to just get with any man for the baby, the relationship wasn't really much to them on its own. I certainly don't think men are disposable.
Adi Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I feel the same, each night i shut myself away and watch films, i think it a bit like running down a road for two days, only too discover you have been running in the wrong direction, would you turn around and just start running again, or just say F*** it ?
Livelovelearn Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 You definately are not alone! I feel the same exact way, after a 3 year relationship where i gave so much and got very little back and being cheated on. The closest person to me did this. I think as someone stated before it is fear. Fear of somthing that you have experienced and did not like, happening again. I sure as hell know i do not want someone to cheat on me again but yet im not as naive because im only 21 and i know that theres a possibility. The family thing is how i think about it as well, except yes I do want kids (because of how wonderful my nephew is) but i wont cry or have a life crisis if it doesnt happen. If you have been recently hurt, then thats why, and its completely understandable. I would think its a coping mechanism. As long as you arent bitter and eventually you see relationships in a positive light and arent so afraid of them for the rest of your life, then id say what you are going through now is perfectly normal.
Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I believe it's only a temporary feeling. Anyway, it's a blessing in disguise
mickleb Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Still think the problem could have something to do with the friends you're picking, Nikki. It doesn't sound like you have a huge amount of respect for them. You may be at that time of life when a huge springclean is required and you just drop all the stuff that doesn't add any significant value to your life and put your energies into finding more fulfilling connections and pursuits. Easier said than done but usually worth the effort. x
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