I am desperate to figure this out

[scromp]

So here are the nuts and more nuts of this ... I have been married to the most beautiful woman I have ever known for the last 11 years and 10 months. We have three beautiful children, 8,6 and 4. This past year, she left her job of over 10 years because of depression from her mom dying in 2008. In April, she said she found a way to make some easy money and not have to leave the house or get daycare for the kids. She became one of those women on the internet that pose and masturbate for money.

 

At first I was very awkward about it. You see, I have a new job that requires me to live in another city for the 5 working days of the week. So, I am only home for Friday night thru very early Monday morning.

 

Anyway, about 6 weeks ago, the night my mom has life or death surgery, my wife tells me she loves me, but is not in-love with me. She says the word separation too.

 

Now while she has been doing this porn thing on the web, I had become suspicious. She bought a second cell phone, so her "customers" could contact her about special show times. She would text during family time, or spend late nights chatting on the phone while I was away.

 

Three weeks ago, she tells me she wants to go back east to see her family. To work some stuff out ans see if she will miss me. Then, after I try and help book the trip, she says that she needs to do it. She books her trip through Memphis. She says to see Graceland. I did some detective work and found out that there is one guy who she has been web caming with.

 

I find out that she sent him her flight plans, before she sent them to me. Anyway, she had sex with, by her admission, on our wedding anniversary night. She said she doen't feel bad or ashamend of this or even regret it.

 

Now we are in separate bedrooms when I am at home. We have seen a counselor twice. She says that she needs to work out her issues on her own. She says that if a guy asks her out, she will go out with him. She doesn't care about my feeling with that anymore. But, she says she is not sure she is ready to give up on us yet, that she may be able to be in love with me again.

 

How do I handle all of this during the holidays a and keep my chin up for the kids?

[bernardverh]

The truth can be hard, but as you write it, the love from her side is gone.

She cheats on you, she lies to you, she doesn't care about your feelings at all.

 

This is not the way people treat each other, this is no respect. It seems to me that you are too good for her. You are willing to give her another chance after al this?

 

Personally, I would try to end this without too much argueing. Try to arrange something to see the kids. Move out or make her move out. You deserve a person who respects you and your feelings.

[seibert253]

Contact and attorney ASAP and find out your rights. Then file for D and have her served. The only thing that will bring her out of the fog is a good swat from the reality 2X4. If she leaves to move back, wherever that is, she DOES NOT take the kids. Period. You: "you want to move out to figure yourself out, fine, but you're not taking the children anywhere"

She also needs to see from you that you are moving on. Research the 180 on here, read it, and live it. It's no longer about her, this is now about YOU.

 

Peace, keep us updated.

[Ajax]

Your situation is untenable and you need to get out of it. Your wife is obviously unhealthy and needs professional help. You said she was depressed from the death of her mother two years ago. Has she ever gone to a psycologist about that? You said that you're going to counseling, what does the counselor say?

 

I agree with the last poster that you need to protect your children first. I don't know a whole lot about the internet porn thing, but it might be dangerous and it's definately not something you want your kids exposed to. You do need to talk to a lawyer. You need to get your ducks in a row before she does. You still love her and want her back, but your primary focus needs to be on protecting your kids.