amy12344 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 So I think this is really it this time. I think I am moving out. Quick background info: my common-law husband of 7 years has recently (as of this year) been saying "it's over, I'm done" whenever we have an argument. We rarely fight, but when we do, he ends up saying this. Last night, he said it again so I am not going to put up with this anymore. He went out of town, late, and all I wanted was him to send me a text when he was on his way back. He's obsessed with his blackberry so it's not much to ask. Especially when I had a rough idea of when he'd be returning, but he didn't bother to tell me that he was running an hour late. Anyway to make a long story short, he told me to pack my sh** and get out. he said I was "controlling" and an "angry" person. wtf? I just want consideration as an equal partner. In fact, HE was the angry person last night and it came out of nowhere. Anyway, I guess I am just venting. I am terrified of moving out/moving on -- scary process, expecially when I am worried about my 9 year old son who suffers from severe anxiety. But I don't see any other choices at this point. He makes no sense - he gives me very little respect -- and he's obviously "done".
creditcardgroceries Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I had to do that recently too. But I am still on the fence having heard the typical "Im not sure what i want to do but dont feel like I used to" committed type of explanation. I heard the same thing from my wife, whenever there was any issue that really bothered me, or showed a complete lack of simple consideration for me and the marriage. The most important thing between us was always used as an Ace in the Hole. this prevented any communication thru fear, and was simple control and arrogance, and childishness. But I heard it too. so often it took all the goodness out of what was there. But we have a 9 yr old girl too. It was as if someone was telling me to communicate, blaming me for not, but always, always being first to defend their identity and individuality. As if that was ever a question to me. So communication wasnt there, I was told that I dont communicate, but she never took responsibility for herself or her own receptiveness to communication, or the needless overwhelming defense of "Being controlled" be me. What I wanted was the concern from her for my feelings and the consideration of the marriage. Not to control her, and she has a mountain of ticket stubs from shows and games she goes to with her girlfriends. No big deal to me, i know time with friends is necessary. So still I dont know where the identity loss came from. I have empty boxes in the trunk of my car, because i dont know what shes going to say next. She still wears her wedding ring, but has removed her "married to" portion on her facebook page. (damn-FB) I am living in limbo, in the same house we just bought together, with a load of debt and noooo way to even pay for an apt and the share of the house bills, for my daughters sake. This was all such a huge surprise, one day talking about thanksgiving and the next day telling me she doesnt feel like she is in love with me anymore. since then ive hurt a lot. Ive looked at apartments in a "im strong" sort of way,, but feel like i am fooling myself.
Author amy12344 Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 I can totally relate. I feel, and have felt for a long time, that I am very low on his list of priorities. He is constantly on his blackberry, during dinner, during "date night", 24/7 basically, but he couldn't bring himself to send a text last night saying he was running an hour late. He makes plans with everyone but me - I have to initiate things. Worst of all, he is such a childish coward - if he disagrees with me on anything, then the relationship is over. How fair is that??? I am pretty sure this IS over, but if it is not, how can I ever feel secure again? I'll be walking on egg shells not to upset him. I am so bewildered at his "controlling" comment/accusation. Is it "control" that I want respect? a phone call or text to say when you're coming home?? If so, then I am guilty. I think I am going to pick up some boxes today too.
hopesndreams Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Stay put. If he wants out of the R, let him be the one to pack. Have you ruled out another woman? If so, dig deeper.
Author amy12344 Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Pretty sure there is no one else. I think he just wants the freedom of the single life. After 7 years, he called my two kids "baggage". Any little spat we have ends with him screaming, "I'm done!! This is OVER!" If he is so quick to throw away his complete family, really... how much can we REALLY mean to him? I thought of making HIM leave but he/we would have to sell the house eventually so I want a head start and get out of here and away from all the memories, etc. Plus, he would take his sweet time and I don't want to live with someone who has become so mean, insulting, and hurtful. The rejection aspect is making me SO sick to my stomach! I wish I knew how to deal with it. I can't focus on work and have this constant numb feeling in my stomach.
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