wondergirl_6 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Ok, a bit background, I've had 3 long dates (6-9hrs each) with this 32 years old British doctor. I was told by different British people here that multi dating is not popular and some people would not see their date again only because they find out the date is seeing someone else. So last Sat we went out, at the end of the date he asked if I'd be free one night this week to go out, I said maybe Tue or Wed, I'd let him know. Then on Monday I told him Tue would be fine, he replied later that he'd let me know about Tue night in the morning (Tue morning that is). I didn't hear from him till 7pm, he called and said he just got off work and apologized, I knew he had something more to say as he didn't say "let's reschedule it to Wed then" or anything like that. He was extremely nervous when he then told me that he's seeing someone else and he thought I should know. He said he had never done this before and he wanted to be honest to me. He wondered if I was seeing others. He rambled the whole time and repeated himself, so eventually I said "are you saying that we are not going to see eachother anymore?" He rambled more and I told him I didn't mind at all if he's seeing others at this stage, I thought that's normal when people are online dating. So eventually he said we'd keep seeing eachother then if I really didn't mind, and he said he'd schedule a date sometime next week. I talked to a British friend then and she thought he's gently letting me down, that she wouldn't be surprised that I didn't hear from this guy next week, or ever again. Because he actually expected me to be very angry and dump him, but I said I didn't mind so he had to say "let's date more" although he's actually interested in the other girl. She asked me "do you think he'll tell that girl he's dating you?" I really don't like this kind of thing, hanging somebody there for a week and so only because he's a coward who can't tell me the truth?? So I sent a polite text later: "Hi XXX, just want to say that I might have cut you short on phone just now. Actually it wouldn't be a problem even you meant to let me down. I would like to see you again but I'd consider you a decent guy either way. Sorry if I'm being blunt, I just don't want to misunderstand the situation." His reply: "Hey XXXX, I'd like to see you again too. I just feel cautious as I don't want to get involved in a love triangle. I like to keep in touch and think I want to see you, but I just need a couple of days to clear my head, I'm finding it a bit confusing. Sorry I know probably could be handling this better" One of my friend thinks he's still doing the "gently letting me down" thing while the other friend thinks he's just socially akward because he's been a medical student and then doctor for so long and doesn't know how to handle situation like this. Sorry for the length! Any opinions?
ConstantCraving Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Ok, a bit background, I've had 3 long dates (6-9hrs each) with this 32 years old British doctor. I was told by different British people here that multi dating is not popular and some people would not see their date again only because they find out the date is seeing someone else. "Hi XXX, just want to say that I might have cut you short on phone just now. Actually it wouldn't be a problem even you meant to let me down. I would like to see you again but I'd consider you a decent guy either way. Sorry if I'm being blunt, I just don't want to misunderstand the situation." His reply: "Hey XXXX, I'd like to see you again too. I just feel cautious as I don't want to get involved in a love triangle. I like to keep in touch and think I want to see you, but I just need a couple of days to clear my head, I'm finding it a bit confusing. Sorry I know probably could be handling this better" One of my friend thinks he's still doing the "gently letting me down" thing while the other friend thinks he's just socially akward because he's been a medical student and then doctor for so long and doesn't know how to handle situation like this. Sorry for the length! Any opinions? It sounds like there is a big cultural misunderstanding here. British people tend to socialize in packs rather than one-on-one. Going out on an actual date is a MUCH bigger deal for Brits. I think the American way of doing things makes much more sense as I have zero interest in getting drunk with a bunch of hooligans on the off-chance that we will bump into a bunch of female drunken hooligans.
welikeincrowds Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Socially awkward. You brought it up clearly to make sure (good!) and he didn't take you up on it, which I can only presume means he does want to keep seeing you. This foolish affectation would really annoy me, by the way. A love triangle? Someone needs to tell this guy to get over it, or himself.
Author wondergirl_6 Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 ^Exactly! I was like "what love triangle???" And my friends were guessing that the reason why he totally changed his attitude from last Sat till this Tue was because his ex went back to him...lol. Well, probably not the case as he said "nothing serious" when he mentioned the other girl. But still, what's the point of letting me know this? Be honest just for the sake of being honest??? I'll keep seeing other people before next week, and won't contact him before he contacts me.
Author wondergirl_6 Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Anybody else would like to give me some more opinions? Thanks!
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