sfl Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I'm pretty pathetic. I live only 5 hours or so away from my girlfriend and get to see her most weekends, yet I'm really not dealing with it well. This is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, but 3 years of feeling like this is just so unappealing. I had a chance to see her this weekend, but for the first time ever I just thought... Can I really be bothered with 10 hours travelling potentially 4 weekends in a row? Probably not. And stupid circumstances means she can't very easily come back, her course is a ****ing joke and she just works constantly (although this at least means lots of skype time) but it also worries me that over the 3 years this will only get a lot worse. Part of me almost hopes I get the sack so I can sell my house and not have any ties, but I genuinely cannot stand being in the city she lives anyway. I feel bad for moaning when there are a lot of people out there in a much worse position, but I still hate it. Really hate it.
skydiveaddict Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Think carefully before you act. Being alone gets old fast
Author sfl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 I know, I know, thank you - but like I said I want to spend my life with her so I'd never end it, just need help getting myself into a more positive mindset
skydiveaddict Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 (edited) You need a distraction, something else to occupy your time Edited November 24, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Gwendolyn Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I'd give anything for that 5 hour drive of yours. Mine is a 14 hour flight. It gets easier. I enjoy my alone time now because I know when he moves here, I probably won't have any for a long time. Not to mention the separation makes the times when you are together so powerful that it's well worth it.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 It's not pathetic However bear in mind it could be worse, you could have to wait weeks or months before seeing her, what I mean is try to be thankful that you see her most weekends, me and my partner see each other every 6-8 weeks, some people see their's every few months I hope to live nearer to my partner in time, we're in different countries, but it might not be for 2 years and we will see each other once a week then probably, but that will seem wonderful compared to what we have now. Yes, DO see her this weekend, you will feel worse if you don't. You just need to communicate as much as you can to retain your closeness. Have you got enough things to keep you busy, plus a social life? Don't sit around waiting and making her the ONLY thing in your life. I like the anticipation of seeing my partner, and not being together all the time makes the time we have together more special, you don't take each other for granted so much. When you have a few weeks apart you find it hard saying good bye and the first few days are tough but then you get used to it and start looking forward to seeing them again, but I do have days where I really miss him but he points out the positive things about us so I know it's worth it. Hang in there I'm pretty pathetic. I live only 5 hours or so away from my girlfriend and get to see her most weekends, yet I'm really not dealing with it well. This is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, but 3 years of feeling like this is just so unappealing. I had a chance to see her this weekend, but for the first time ever I just thought... Can I really be bothered with 10 hours travelling potentially 4 weekends in a row? Probably not. And stupid circumstances means she can't very easily come back, her course is a ****ing joke and she just works constantly (although this at least means lots of skype time) but it also worries me that over the 3 years this will only get a lot worse. Part of me almost hopes I get the sack so I can sell my house and not have any ties, but I genuinely cannot stand being in the city she lives anyway. I feel bad for moaning when there are a lot of people out there in a much worse position, but I still hate it. Really hate it.
Author sfl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Haha, I have plenty to occupy my time thanks - sky diving! Fair play to you. Fair points thanks Gwendolyn/HoH, I did wonder that, if in a way I feel more strongly about her because I can only see her every so often? And yes I do feel bad moaning about my 5 hour journey compared to some people! Getting to see her every week is awesome, even if it does involve a lot of travelling and fair amount of cost. Definitely worth it, but definitely not ideal... My social life is okay, it's got a lot worse since I can never go out on weekends and I'm ashamed to admit quite often instead of doing something with friends I'll just spend my evenings catching up on work and speaking to my girlfriend on Skype, hmm!
LittleTiger Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 To be honest with you sfl, sometimes you don't. Sometimes it all just gets too much and you wonder what the h*ll you're doing putting yourself through this much agony.......and then something comes into your head that reminds you how special that person is and how you couldn't imagine life without them in it. You may hear the sound of their voice on the phone or see their wonderful face on skype (or just in your head), or catch a scent that reminds you of them. Maybe you hear/see them laugh, or you think of something lovely that they did recently and you just know they are too special to be without. Never feel bad about having 'tortured' moments. If you can't see your SO as often as you want to, then you experience the same emotions as the rest of us - whether she's 5 hours away, or 35! It's amazing what human beings are able to tolerate when they have to and you are no different. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then you will cope, because you have to. As some people have already said, keep yourself busy so that you miss her less and communicate openly and honestly as often as you can. I am a 30 hr flight from my SO and we don't see each other for three months between visits but I can honestly say that our relationship has got better over time - 14 months so far. We have rough patches and we work through them. We support each other and share everything and somehow it works. It works because we love each other and because we value that above everything else. You can do it sfl - if you love her then you know you can.
Author sfl Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 (edited) I wish you were right LittleTiger but today just hasn't been a good day for me. I (and my parents) have spent absolute ages trying to get my new house sorted because she was coming back for the weekend so we could stay there for the first time and I could move in, but due to her terribly organised (and generally terrible, sorry) uni course that now isn't possible. Not the end of the world and I tried to hide my disappointment, I then planned just to go and visit her for a bit, so we could both work during the day and I could just spend the evenings with her, but she shot it down as being not a good idea. Probably sounds like I'm being really petty but it's so frustrating to really go out of your way and you still can't see them. It'd never happen if it wasn't an LDR. I hate her course, I hate her city, and yet again, I hate feeling like this... (edit) think I've just ****ed it up too, woo...... :/ Edited November 24, 2010 by sfl
skydiveaddict Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 (edited) You need to follow Little Tiger's advice. Look what it takes for her to see her boyfriend. And Gwendolyn too. You can be patient and make it through this. You can do it. During my last tour, most of the guys in my unit got to send a few emails, and maybe a couple of phone calls to their gf's/ wives for a whole year. that was it. Edited November 25, 2010 by skydiveaddict
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