feeling low and unsure

[jlushman]

hello everyone, I'm new here so thankyou for reading. I'm 23 and recently started seeing a girl I have liked for years. She had been in a relationship since I first met her about 2 years ago, but recently broken up. I know it was wrong to try and influence her while she was in a relationship but when I saw her on nights out I would sometimes tell her how I felt towards her and she used to say she felt the same and that she believed the relationship was coming to an end and she never loved him.

I thought nothing of it and didn't get my hopes up, until a few weeks back I saw her out and she told me they had broken up. We dated several times within the next week, I told her I didn't want to be just a rebound and she assured me I wasn't and reminded me that she had liked me for a long time.

I haven't been in a relationship for about 2 years now, I've been hurt in the past so prevented myself from getting serious feelings towards someone, but connected so well with her, as I said I've always liked her and have always been good friends but she had been in a relationship.

In such a short time my feelings for her grew, I knew I wanted to be with her, I was so happy and I was thinking about a future together.

That is until her good friend (an ex of mine) came in to the picture. She told her that she didn't want her to speak to me never mind date me, and that she'd lose her as a friend if we continued.

obviously, being a good friend this made my girl take a step back and think. She replied to my texts etc. less and I became more aggrevated when she didn't. She asked me round to hers a few times and it was amazing, I was so happy with her and I felt she was my soul mate, I felt in love.

Since then she spoke to me less again, while I couldn't stop thinking about her. I tried to text, etc. as little as possible not to pester but sometimes i couldn't help it.

Today she told me we couldn't go on. She said she didn't want to lose her friend. I said we could even be secret about it and see each other without her friend knowing but she refused saying she couldn't do that. As I went on to tell her how I felt and how much it would hurt me if she stopped seeing me she said to me I was being selfish as she had recently broken up with someone and didn't realise how she felt. I understand that and I didn't want to come across selfish but my feelings for her are so strong.

She said she still wants to be friends but it has seriously broken me. I can't sleep tonight and I was reading through this forum, I felt like I just wanted to open up and tell somebody as I don't feel anyone I know would take me seriously with it being such a short amount of time.

There are people who have posted on here who have broken up from relationships that have been going years and even marriages, so this all might seem quite pathetic. Either way it is nice to get it out there in the hope that someone will read and possibly help.

I just need ways to take my mind of it and be at ease.

Falling in love and having it broken so fast, it really messes with your emotions.

[PegNosePete]

If you've been reading around on here, you probably know what the responses will be. She has dumped you dude, sorry. It's over, you need to go NC with her so that you can heal, and find someone deserving of you, and who will not be blackmailed into dumping you. If she was truly in love with you then she would have told her friend that emotional blackmail is not something a friend does.

[Graceful]

Hey J,

 

I don't think you are pathetic at all. I've been in love, and in both cases, I fell fast. And sometimes the relationships that hurt the most are the ones that we feel don't reach their potential, so we're left feeling a sense of "what if" and the feelings linger because there is frustration and confusion about how much it hurts! How can I feel so bad, I never really got to know this person very well? Right?

 

So don't beat yourself up, for starters. Even if you can't talk about it that much, you are allowed to feel bad. I don't know if you talked to the mutual "friend" (your ex) but she obviously still has feelings for you or she would not have done that.

 

But you know what? You have to let it go. Hold your head up, let the break up happen, don't grovel, move forward. If someone breaks up with you, the BEST thing you can do agree with them, yes, agree it's for the best, and let it go. It may surprise that person that you have that kind of strength and class, and they will think, gee, maybe I made a mistake ... and by then, it won't matter. Don't pine over someone who does not want you.

 

My mother used to say, why do you want someone who does not want you? You're a wonderful person, inside and out, so go find someone who appreciates you and wants you for YOU, not someone who will give you crumbs and then take them away. Go for the WHOLE CAKE, not the crumbs. Hope you feel better soon. Listen to some music that helps you feel better, go to the gym and lift some weights, go out with your friends. Don't try to date, you don't need to do that to prove anything right now. Wait a while. You're 23, you have lots of babes and good times ahead of you! Love, Grace

Edited November 24, 2010 by Graceful

[jlushman]

Thankyou both for reading this and spending time to respond, it means a lot. Your post especially helped a lot Grace so thankyou very much.

I have felt better today, managed to keep my mind off it and think more positive, I know it will just hurt more if I contact her so I will avoid that.

This forum has helped a lot and its a good place just to get things off your chest

[bl22]

"I know it was wrong to try and influence her while she was in a relationship but when I saw her on nights out I would sometimes tell her how I felt towards her and she used to say she felt the same"

 

hurts to read that.