Fufu Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Hello all, I was a silent reader of this sub-forum, Breaks and Breaking up for 2 weeks. Reading at so many relationship splitting up stories inspired and motivated me strongly. I came to realise this is a fantastic forum to share our feelings to one another. So here's what happened to my relationship. (As expected, it didn't go well.) My ex-bf and I were great in the beginning (as every relationships begain in such way). We were very close to one another, were really happy with each other, enjoying every moments together. We had our bickerings and quarrelings and it never really did affect us. My personality is more forefront and straightforward. I'm also tend to be more emotional. If I feel something I'm not happy with, I will say it out to him. His personality is more introvert and he prefers not to express his feelings out directly and he's quite a deep thinker. This year, February 2010, our relationship changed to long-distance relationship. He was heading to Sydney to take up his medical degree course for 6 years. Both of us were afraid of long distance relationship but we encouraged one another we were be fine no matter what happened. 1 year ago before he flew to Sydney, I talked to him about engagement. I asked his opinions if he was fine with us getting engaged before he went Sydney. He told me, "Yes. No problem. I'm alright." I was happy when he told me that. However, after 2 to 3 months, on the night of the christmas eve, he finally told me he did not want to get engaged with me for he felt that it was too early for him. I broke down and cried, I didn't cry because he didn't want to engage with me earlier but I cried he always never tell me his real feelings even though I tried to ask him a number of times. Anyway, we made up, apologised to one another and case was closed. (We thought it was closed.) The first 4 months when we were in Long distance, everything were fine. We blackberry messenger each other daily, we skype video chat daily. We enjoyed our conversations very much though at times we had some minor bickerings here and there but they always gotten resolved very fast, all in the same day. He came back for a short 2 weeks vacation in July 2010 and a new issue arised. To cut the story short, it was something related to him having a new female friend, he went out with her twice alone and he didn't tell me until I saw his message to her chatting rather abnormally. I got curious and asked him who is the lady and then he told me went out with her twice alone. I was surprised he didn't tell me. So yeah, we got into more frequent fights because of this. He thought I didn't trust him, but I was only curious and upset that he hid from me. I trust him, but I don't trust that lady. It felt even worst when he promised me that he will defriend her for my sake but only in 3-4 days, he came and told me she had become his close friend. The 360 degrees change of his decision did shock me entirely. From then, we quarreled more often because of this issue. At the end of the day, I accepted the lady became his close friend and I told him about it. I do blamed myself badly that whenever I gotten angry, I do say unpleasant words to him like, "you don't love me right? That's why you do this kind of thing." and "I don't want this relationship anymore." Sigh~ I believe I contributed to the consistent quarrel we had. He most likely gotten so tired of our quarrels and our personality differences that he finally exploded. In July, when he came back for 2 weeks vacation, we talked about engagement again and this time both of us agreed to do it end of next year and we even went to buy the ring. He even told me yeah sure end of next year no problem, I will tell my parents about it when I come back in November. Unfortunately in October, he broke the news to me that he found it too early for him (AGAIN!) Again, he delayed to tell me his real feelings. I got pissed off, I had been telling him to speak up his feelings but everytime he would just say no problem, okay but only after a few months then he finally said he can't do it. He knew I was angry, so he suggested third year, but during that time I was furious and upset about him not speaking up and we quarreled again. The truth was, I really don't give a hack if he can't get engage with me. I was upset he always don't speak up his true feelings.However, he thought that I was upset with him of not engaging with me. On 18th October, we got into a fight of his new female friend issue, that was the time I finally felt that getting into consistent quarrels were really silly and I felt that he was emotionally tired as well. So, I told him to rest assure our issues are resolved and let's not talk about unhappy stuffs anymore. The next following days, everytime seemed back to normal and he did look stone over the skype video for I thought he was being stressed of his final exam that was coming up in a month time. Anyway, finally on 22nd October, he waited for me to end work and he broke up with me thru skype video. I burst out into tears, did all the begging and pleasing. All his words were, "I'm broken, I'm numb. You are not happy with me I don't wnat to hurt you anymore. Please find a better guy, you deserve one. Even though it is painful for me but I have to ignore you." It was the worst night I ever had after a tiring week of managing and coordinating events and he actually dropped me the bomb. I tried not to contact him to often but I believed my emotional gets over me, therefore i send him email once a day, if he replied I reply too. Throughout the next 2-3 weeks, I did all I could not to talk to him but seeing him so cold and distant to him, my imaginations ran wild. Finally, I broke down and told him I accepted the break up and we were just friends. I lied to him that I accepted it, but it crushes my heart so badly. I called him thrice over the phone. Once to talk about relationship, second time because i donno why I got into his email account (okay i shouldn't have call), third time was i miss him so much that I called (shouldn't have done it) After his finals, he finally inititated that he only wanted to meet me for CLOSURE. He wanted to understand my feelings and he wanted me to know why he broke up with me, basically to understand each other feelings. I felt weird, what for to have a heart to heart talk after breaking up when he didn't even want to listen to both sides and make a decision or at least try to resolve our conflicts and differences. We met up, his reasons were, he lost faith, he felt that the same problems were going to arise again, we were imcompatible, he don't see me as "the one" after 3 years, we have great personality differences, i don't understand him well because I never give him a break when he broke up with me, he didn't have his space. He still wants to be my friends but doesn't want to give me false hope. If i'm still have hope, he will rather don't meet or chat with me even though it might pain him as well. After last night final talk with him, he still said the same reasons of breaking up with me and he needed space and break from this, I finally decided to do NC. I really had enough trying to convince him we can work things out and to hear him so many painful words to me, I am truly broken. Lessons learnt: - When your partner broke up with you, no beggings no pleasings. To be firm, agree with them. (I believe we had learnt so much of this in this forum) - When they are in the midst of anger of confusing after breaking up with you, seek NC immediately. (What i got in the end was, I don't understand him, I never give him break and space) - Move on and be hard to get. They dropped you so easily, why cling on to them. Love someone who are truly commited to you and willing to work things out with you no matter what issues happened. If they come back to you, make them do the chase, and not us (dumpees) doing the chasing. My confessions: - I made mistakes that contributed to this break up and I will never ever going to do them again. - Sticking to NC till I find my ultimate closure
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