I have GOT to STOP obsessing..

[murphomatic]

So broke up with my girlfriend a month ago.. over text message, no less. Yeah, I'm a fncking coward. She's incredibly volatile, and I just couldn't sit there and take her screaming at me about what a horrible person I am..so I opt'd for the easy way out. I regret that.

 

There's just too much to recap ... but the 50,000 ft overview is:

 

1. Guy and girl meet, get together, dig each other, start relationship..

2. Relationship is great for a few months until it becomes apparent girl has a severe drinking and drugging problem, is a selfish person with an extremely short fuse, and a seriously volatile temper.

3. After about a year, guy decides to break up with girl.

4. Girl sees the writing on the wall and breaks up with guy first (pre-emptive dumping).

5. Guy returns to single-life and several months later, picks himself back up and starts to feel "healed."

6. Almost on cue, girl shows back up in his life with huge apologies, claiming sobriety and that she's in recovery.

7. Guy loves her and they get back together.

8. Guy starts to see after awhile that she's not really sober.. true she no longer drinks alcohol, but smokes weed constantly to the point where it is a destructive force in her life.

9. Guy also starts to see that anything he confides in girl is later used as ammo in unrelated arguments..guy begins to feel like he can't talk to her about the things that bother or trouble him in day-to-day life out of fear of being berated for it later.

10. Guy realizes girl has MASSIVE codependency issues.

11. Guy begans to feel smothered in relationship and starts to withdraw.

12. Girl senses withdrawl and demands to know what's up.

13. Guy explains he doesn't feel close to girl, and girl tells him he's a selfish ass, that she's a saint, that he should be happy that he has her, and losing her would be a huge mistake.

14. Guy tells girl to go be a saint to someone else.

15. Both guy and girl go NC.

 

The grapevine is a nasty little thing .. and I've learned that she immediately started dating after we split up .. literally 3 days passed before she posted a personals ad on Craigslist, and now she apparently has found someone she likes and they're sleeping w/each other. I find myself obsessing over how everything went down, regretting how we split (honestly, I didn't even foresee breaking up with her ... I wanted to work the issues in the relationship .. #1 being that we simply can't communicate. She resorts to screaming at me at every turn, and when that happens, I just shut down and effective communication goes out the window. #2 being her codependent need to be around me every waking breathing moment of our lives ... regardless if I have to be at work, she at school, etc. #3 focuses on her past mistakes and baggage (many DUIIs, criminal record, no license or car, full-time student with no job), which makes her lean on me heavily when it comes to things like paying the bills or providing transportation, and which she seemed to be putting no effort forth to rectify. If we could've worked these issues through, I think we could've made it.

 

Anyway - I keep trying to tell myself to let it go ... to get over it .. that I made the right decision by freeing myself from her. But at the same time, I regret how it ended, I feel horrible that I basically dumped her (and via text message...for shame), and I feel a bit crappy about the fact that she got over me so quickly. I too posted up a profile on a dating site.. but really, I only posted it several weeks after I learned that she'd posted the one for her on Craigslist.. thinking "hey - if this helped her get over me .. maybe it'll help me get over her." Needless to say it hasn't really worked that way, so I'm going to take the ad down..it hasn't made me feel any better, in fact - I feel worse because of it.

 

The thing that's really bothering me is that I'm the dumpER in this scenario.. why the hell am I still obsessing over her?? What are some good ways to just STOP the insanity? I've been working out a lot, running a lot, and doing other physical things ... the physical aspects are great for temporary relief, bu overall - this whole obsession is having a negative effect on my work as my job is one that takes some inspiration, and I just find my brain consumed with her and no ability to let my imagination run.. Grrr... it's driving me insane! I've got to figure out a way to purge my brain and let go! Suggestions? Thoughts?

Edited November 24, 2010 by murphomatic

[Brandi 2]

It sounds like this is a good thing for you, it basically a withdrawl you might be going through. I takes time, we get used to people and when their gone no matter how toxic they were, it still hard.

 

She goes to the personals on CL...man, is that safe even?