Too Much Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Is there a difference between one who cheats because there are problems in a marriage causing unhappiness and depression vs. one who cheats out of lust? Is the former any less guilty of beling labeled a "cheater"? Would you say such a person would always be a cheater?
YellowShark Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Is there a difference between one who cheats because there are problems in a marriage causing unhappiness and depression vs. one who cheats out of lust? So, if I read you correctly, scenario #1 is emotional, and scenario #2 is physical. Is the former any less guilty of beling labeled a "cheater"? Would you say such a person would always be a cheater? I feel that if one decides to seek comfort outside of a (non-abusive) relationship - emotionally or physically - then it is possible that they would repeat that pattern in the future. I believe that because it's not really about the relationship, it's about them. Yet I like to say once a cheater not always a cheater. Twice a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
sirweasles Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 What ldo you consider cheating would be my first question?
chuzzbug Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 It's entirely possible that someone has an affair but is deeply burdened by guilt and remorse. This kind of individual is very unlikely (than average) to do it again. I think a more specific statement would be "twice a cheater, always a cheater".
Author Too Much Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 So, if I read you correctly, scenario #1 is emotional, and scenario #2 is physical. I feel that if one decides to seek comfort outside of a (non-abusive) relationship - emotionally or physically - then it is possible that they would repeat that pattern in the future. I believe that because it's not really about the relationship, it's about them. Yet I like to say once a cheater not always a cheater. Twice a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. I guess what i'm trying to say is whether there is a difference to one who cheats because there are problems in a marriage (i.e., running away from problems and seeking emotional release through cheating) vs. one who cheats because of the excitement and curiosity.
OpMojo Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I guess what i'm trying to say is whether there is a difference to one who cheats because there are problems in a marriage (i.e., running away from problems and seeking emotional release through cheating) vs. one who cheats because of the excitement and curiosity. Not really. Both scenarios are an emotional release. I took back a cheater only to see it happen again. To be entrusted with another's heart is a privilege, not a right. Cheating is not only a betrayal of trust, it's an indication that not only does the person in question not give a **** about you, but that they also hold you in contempt. Truth be told, they are unworthy. If there's a doubt, then there is no doubt - I learned that the hard way.
Woggle Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 The first is even worse because if a person justifies it with perceived slights they will do it again. I would much rather have a woman who made a mistake back in the day and fully owns up to it instead of one who shifts blame.
trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Not really. Both scenarios are an emotional release. I took back a cheater only to see it happen again. To be entrusted with another's heart is a privilege, not a right. Cheating is not only a betrayal of trust, it's an indication that not only does the person in question not give a **** about you, but that they also hold you in contempt. Truth be told, they are unworthy. If there's a doubt, then there is no doubt - I learned that the hard way. Ick...I learned that lesson with my first ex OpMojo, thank you. Reminds me of where I never want to be in my life again.
trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I guess what i'm trying to say is whether there is a difference to one who cheats because there are problems in a marriage (i.e., running away from problems and seeking emotional release through cheating) vs. one who cheats because of the excitement and curiosity. There is no easy answer Too Much...fed in bits and pieces will not obscure it...running away from problems..no, they should be met head on. One who cheats due to excitement and curiosity...that can be found at a brothel or an online dating site...believe me...being divorced now, enough hits to last a year if I answered them all.....doesn't make it right. There is no easy answer, which goes back to my earlier question to you....what happened? You will never learn to (a) heal or (b) own up.... which is healing..until you take a hard look in the mirror.
PWSX3 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I cheated on my now former wife (she didn't leave because of that) over 20 years ago..... What I've learned is most of the time it has nothing to do with the marriage but with the person that cheated...In my case when I was young I didn't feel loved & so when I was married I was looking for others to make me happy, love me.
PegNosePete Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Once a cheater.... who cares if she does it again? Divorce her a$$.
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