Pokemon Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Day 8 of NC and no urge to contact him still. I threw away his keys and garage opener so I won't keep driving by to see if he's parked at his apartment. But I can't stop checking his phone records.. (he still hasn't changed his passwords, it's almost as if he wants me to see it). I know it does nothing good for me, but he's been calling and texting his wife today (they don't live together). It's what I want him to do, so he won't come back, but I broke down and cried. It hurts so much to see it, but I really want him to go to her. It's as if I'm cutting off an appendage to myself and I'm just feeling very low today. It feels like nobody really cares, and I'm not sure if anybody will. It feels like karma, that I brought it upon myself, so I have no right to ask for sympathy?
siuys Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Pokemon, sorry you're hurting... we care on this forum. i am sure your friends and family cares. but it's a lonely journey unfortunately. i think it's good that you threw away the keys etc but i suggest you stop checking his phone records (and remove these from your life) as you're creating pain for yourself. it will hurt for a while. it's only day 8 of NC. be patient. i'm on day 12 and i broke down yesterday to my surprise. i realised i have to be patient. can't get over the hurt and the A in a couple of weeks. don't beat yourself up either. every crisis is an opportunity too. i am sure you have learnt a lot about yourself and other things. work with it, don't resist it. you will understand the reason why later on i believe. forget about what he is and isn't doing. regain your life back. mourn, do whatever you need to do but keeping things around or doing things that remind you of him won't help you. take care.
jwi71 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Day 8 of NC and no urge to contact him still. Darling...you gotta stop looking. You are looking, hoping to see NO contact between the two. You have your answer, he is calling and texting her. Now stop...all you are doing is picking a scab that is trying to heal - and it never heals. I threw away his keys and garage opener so I won't keep driving by to see if he's parked at his apartment. But I can't stop checking his phone records.. (he still hasn't changed his passwords, it's almost as if he wants me to see it). Stop. Just stop. There is no way to do it easy. No clean break. Its more like trying to rip leather. We understand. But you have to stop. Its cold turkey. Its understanding that there is NEVER closure. R's don't end with everything neatly packaged. They only thing this does is hurt. So stop. Its not a process. Its a decision to stop so the process of healing can begin. Every time you look...you allow him to re-enter and gain control over you. Its breaking NC actually. NC is the void you cast him into to save yourself. He just disappears like Hoffa. Just stop. Post here. Do ANYTHING but look at his records. It feels like nobody really cares, and I'm not sure if anybody will. I cared enough to write this. Many posters have cared enough to talk and listen and offer advice - even if its not what you want to hear. Try something for me. Tell the whole truth to someone you know. All of it...omit nothing. It feels like karma, that I brought it upon myself, so I have no right to ask for sympathy? No, you didn't invite this pain and you don't deserve this. You believed and trusted and loved a man who proved to be not a man. He is an embarrasment to my gender and for him I apologize. Not all men behave like petulant children. He delivered this to you. His choice. He knows the difference between right and wrong and what did he choose for you? He chose this. He led you on. He lied and deceived. You are guilty of only love. "Let the wings of love enfold you even though the sword hidden within the pinions may wound you." Love is always risk. Everything carries risk but especially love. Only love allows us to lay bear our deepest fears and hopes and dreams. To feel so naked and exposed and vulnerable. To be simultaneously weak and strong. DO NOT turn away from it. Do NOT believe you are not worthy of sympathy. Or caring. Or love. You are. Time to let it go. Time to realize he made his choice - and its not about you. Its NOT about how "not worthy you are". Its about what is easiest for him. Now...read my signature, hold your head high...and look towards tomorrow and not cry over what could never be.
Author Pokemon Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Darling...you gotta stop looking. You are looking, hoping to see NO contact between the two. You have your answer, he is calling and texting her. Now stop...all you are doing is picking a scab that is trying to heal - and it never heals. He is an embarrasment to my gender and for him I apologize. Thank you Siuys and jwi71. I read a lot of your posts, jwi71 and I thought you were female until I read this.. that was meant in a good way because the logic in your posts appeal to me. Thanks for showing me some support. This is the only place I can turn because I'm ashamed and afraid to tell regular people about the affair. I am going to try my best to stop looking into his phone records.
endlessness Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Pokemon, like jwi71 said, you have to stop. Every time you look, you let yourself be hurt... and stall your healing process as a result. Not only that, you're entering a whole new kind of frenzy. I was just as addicted and obsessed, checking and checking and checking that window into my xMM's life. And then, one day, I just made the decision to stop. That's all it took. There was no culminating event of any kind. No catalyst that brought me to this point. Just a conscious, wholehearted decision. It's time for you to make that decision too.
pureinheart Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Day 8 of NC and no urge to contact him still. I threw away his keys and garage opener so I won't keep driving by to see if he's parked at his apartment. But I can't stop checking his phone records.. (he still hasn't changed his passwords, it's almost as if he wants me to see it). I know it does nothing good for me, but he's been calling and texting his wife today (they don't live together). It's what I want him to do, so he won't come back, but I broke down and cried. It hurts so much to see it, but I really want him to go to her. It's as if I'm cutting off an appendage to myself and I'm just feeling very low today. It feels like nobody really cares, and I'm not sure if anybody will. It feels like karma, that I brought it upon myself, so I have no right to ask for sympathy? Wow, I cried while reading your post, I know this is late to post, although I hope you are doing better...Isn't JW a doll, just an absolute gentleman. Hey, you got my thoughts and prayers...too bad LS doesn't have a crying face...the LMAO one just doesn't cut it for this ....((((((((((hugs))))))))
Star82 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I am so sorry you're hurting. I am having a rough time with NC and had a breakdown today too since we were supposed to spend Thanksgiving together. Be strong
TigerCub Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 (((((Pokemon))))) I'm sorry you're hurting sweetie I completely understand how hard it is, but I do agree with the others that you need to stop looking at his phone records - it hurts you to see that he's contacting her even if a part of you hopes that he goes back to her just to get out of your life. But by looking & seeing it, it just pushes the dagger in your heart a little more. Don't add pain to your life. When you feel the urge to look at that douche's records, come here and post and we'll talk you out of it
SunsetRed Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 This isn't karma and you didn't bring this upon yourself. If I remember correctly, you believed that he was working on a divorce or in the process of ending the relationship. It's not like you stole a married man right from under his wife's nose and it's not like you caused his wife and kids to be homeless. You're doing the right thing by allowing him to go back to the person he is legally connected to. I think what we are experiencing is the logical consequences of allowing ourselves to believe in a man who is not completely single/divorced. From now on, if I meet a separated man I will RUN like crazy. I don't care if he's been separated for 10 years and she lives 3000 miles away, I'm still going to run. In fact, if he's been separated for 10 years and still hasn't gotten a divorce, that will be even more reason to run...not getting a divorce means he doesn't want one. Well, I'm sorry you are hurting. The pain will be so bad you'll feel it burning through your body. Break ups like this can cause you to lose 10-15lbs as well. I'd like to tell you it gets better but I'm still hurting. I think I'm just getting used to having the hurt be with me, so at least I'm getting off my sofa. Just be good to yourself and be proud that you let him go when you did.
fooled once Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Day 8 of NC and no urge to contact him still. I threw away his keys and garage opener so I won't keep driving by to see if he's parked at his apartment. But I can't stop checking his phone records.. (he still hasn't changed his passwords, it's almost as if he wants me to see it). * OR he doesn't remember that you have it and he would have assumed you would not be checking?? I know it does nothing good for me, but he's been calling and texting his wife today (they don't live together). It's what I want him to do, so he won't come back, but I broke down and cried. It hurts so much to see it, but I really want him to go to her. It's as if I'm cutting off an appendage to myself and I'm just feeling very low today. It feels like nobody really cares, and I'm not sure if anybody will. It feels like karma, that I brought it upon myself, so I have no right to ask for sympathy? * I care. I care because it is hurting YOU. Know what you need to do - purposefully mess up the password 3 times so it will send him an email to automatically reset OR click the box "password forgotten" so that you don't have access. You NEED to do this. It seems to be the only way you will stop checking. You do have self control you just aren't using it. REFOCUS -- tell me about your holiday plans with your family?
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