Gt.ooh Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I thought this might be an interesting thread.. I haven't seen one like it during my time with LS. As time passes, people grow, change, and improve themselves. Dumper, and dumpee (some dumpers aren't worth a second thought (cheated, lied))...But those of us who got let go because the other half wasn't feeling the same, or wanted space, all those lame excuses to be free... Now the question: DO they ever admit they made a mistake? My ex is one of those really stubborn girls, and I'm not so sure she'd ever admit to making a mistake. I wasn't perfect by any means, but I did treat her with love, we went through a lot together, and I do believe down the road we can open communication again as friends or second shot whichever may come up. I'm just interested on peoples experiences, thoughts and opinions.
EricaH329 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 In my experience, there have been a few ex's who have admitted to doing wrong, and others who refuse to believe that they are anything except Gods gift. My most recent ex, my ex fiance, has admitted many times that he has made a mistake. Many of them. But, as his actions show, he doesn't truly believe that. I think the better question is: Do they recognize it themselves? As opposed to admitting it to another person. It's so easy to tell when someone understands and recognizes that they have made mistakes. They take actions to prevent the same thing from happening again. I do believe that's along the same lines as being stubborn. Or, maybe, just idiotic. People in general have a very hard time looking at themselves and pointing out their flaws. I believe it takes a big person to be able to honestly admit to making a mistake, and doing what they can to make sure it doesn't happen again (whether in a relationship with myself, or in a relationship with others in their life).
Author Gt.ooh Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 That truly is an interesting thought: if they even realize themselves... I think a lot of people probably do, but as you stated..them actually admitting it probably wouldn't happen.
Surfer203 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My wife admits WHAT she did was wrong.. but not WHY she did it. Another hard headed woman who is NEVER wrong. She always has to be right and never admits defeat.. makes the chance of reconciling that much harder. No matter what you say you can never convince some people.
EricaH329 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 That truly is an interesting thought: if they even realize themselves... I think a lot of people probably do, but as you stated..them actually admitting it probably wouldn't happen. I think there are a lot of factors at play. I'm sure you've met someone who has been so stubborn that no matter what they do, they just are *not* wrong. They don't even hesitate to think about it. Then there are the people who know what they did was wrong, but still back up the belief that what they did was right. For example: If someone were to throw an object at another, they may admit that throwing the object was, in fact, wrong. But, they believe that their reasons for doing so were justified. These are some of the worst types of people, in my opinion. You know, the "I'm sorry for what I did, but i'm not sorry for why I did it." type. Then there are those that are only sorry because it upsets another, but they don't really believe that what they did was wrong. "I'm sorry it upset you, but i'm not sorry for what I did." There are so many different factors that play into why a person might feel as though they have made a mistake, but not actually truly believe it was a mistake. If that makes sense. But, no matter what, everyone has their own opinion. I may feel as though it was wrong on every level for you to throw that glass at me, while you may feel as though it was justified. I'm probably looking way more into this than necessary , but I find it appropriate considering the topic of discussion. I believe everyone admits to mistakes, but in their own 'way'. Except for the ones who are never wrong, of course.
sedgwick Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I'm almost 40, and no, I've never had one admit they made a mistake.
mgene15 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 see the way my ex girlfriend was, she's not gonna change for nobody, and certainly not overnight, i've spoke to my mother about this on numerous occasions, and she will change... but it will 3 to 5 to maybe even 10 years down the road that she really messed up, and by that time it will be two late. my mom and my ex girlfriend are scorpios, and act the exact same
Author Gt.ooh Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 Thats like my ex... you just can't get it out of them. I just find it selfish, the whole scenerio...like you say 3-7ish years then the &**& will hit the fan, and uh-oh I've made a mistake.. Some people i guess are just born that way..frustrating that u just cannot get through to them..
EricaH329 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Some people i guess are just born that way..frustrating that u just cannot get through to them.. I don't believe anyone is born a certain way. I think that's how they were taught to behave, or that it's something they have found suitable for themselves. It is very frustrating that you can't get through to those types of people. But instead of accumulating frustration, you should take pity on them because they don't know any other way. Have compassion for them. It's the only way to clear the negative emotions they cause you.
cerridwen Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 (edited) Yes. I had an ex contact me years later to say he made a big mistake. I dumped him after 2 yrs together. He treated me TERRIBLY. We were in our late 20s. I went NC after the breakup, wound up moving out of state. 3 years later he found me, said he'd driven subsequent gfs crazy talking about me. He admitted he was a terrible, terrible bf and regretted how he treated me. He asked if I was interested in re-kindling our relationship. My answer was a definitive NO. He understood. He said "I love you. I always did. I'll see you in the next life" and hung up. Never talked to him again. Edited November 24, 2010 by cerridwen
LuckyClover Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Yes. I had an ex contact me years later to say he made a big mistake. I dumped him after 2 yrs together. He treated me TERRIBLY. We were in our late 20s. I went NC after the breakup, wound up moving out of state. 3 years later he found me, said he'd driven subsequent gfs crazy talking about me. He admitted he was a terrible, terrible bf and regretted how he treated me. He asked if I was interested in re-kindling our relationship. My answer was a definitive NO. He understood. He said "I love you. I always did. I'll see you in the next life" and hung up. Never talked to him again. After saying NO, do you regret not giving it a go?
WTRanger Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 The thing is that by the time they may realize they made a mistake, the damage has been done. There's nothing left for the person being apologized to for they have already gone through Hell. Trust is almost impossible to rebuild, unless you are 100% certain the person is actually sorry for their actions. Unfortunately, most of the time the person apologizing is only doing it to fix their guilt, to make themselves feel better about looking into a mirror. It's more selfish than anything.
cerridwen Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 After saying NO, do you regret not giving it a go? There has never been a moment when I regretted saying "no". Had he called and apologized in the months following our breakup, I would have tried again. But when he finally called, I felt absolutely nothing for him. All the love and longing and pain I once had were gone. He had zero power over me and even I was amazed how it all had completely disappeared.
bestrong Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 It took my first ex 3 years to apologize when she got cheated on, but by that time I didn't care anymore. She mentioned things like "I wonder what would happen if.." well too bad lady, you made a wrong decision and I am not responsible to be waiting for you
Author Gt.ooh Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 lol, bestrong. I think a big factor is when you've moved on...if they come back..to me it would be like starting over. Obviously not if they cheated, or just threw u completely under the bus...but if they're doing their G.I.G.S, maybe it might be possible. I mean we're free too, we're allowed to date others. You go NC don't know or hear about them, it's just like before you started dating in a sense. I don't know, there's so many arguments back and forth. I talked to a lady the other day when getting truck insurance..and she asked me why I had ontario plates and now back to bc..etc. I told her a gist, and then she stated: I know exactly what your going through, and I wish u luck...my husband and I were off and on for 9 YEARS!!! 9 frickin' years. She said I was exactly like your gf, mad at things that aren't really necessary to be mad at. "just being young." SO anyways I don't want to open another can of worms...it all depends on YOU, and YOUR situation...I don't think there's really a right or wrong..cause in the end u can have 25 different opinions, and theories, but it's ultimately u who make's the decision. You control how fast you move on, how u feel later on..
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