Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 To believe that lying about ones occupation would be a deal breaker? Interesting perspective. Yup. If she can't understand why the guy made that choice... and her only response is some emotional knee jerk.... "but he lied"... It means she isn't quality to begin with. Probably wont be a good mother or partner long term.
Chicago_Guy Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I was doing the OPPOSITE. LOWERING my occupation so the money I make is not the issue she is/was with me. Big difference in lifestyle when making 400k + a year to 75k a year. So, I thought, if she could have an interest in me earning a lower salary, then she was with me for me not for my high salary and the good lifestyle so many people see and read on tv and in magazines. I actually can see why you would do this. If you are surrounded by duplicitious women who would lie right to your face because they are only after your money, you might almost have to do what you are doing to ward off the gold-diggers.
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Maybe she thought the finance regulator made more money That is a toughie.. I don't really know the difference between the careers you mentioned but it does sound like you misrepresented yourself somewhat. When I would leave out what I did to my dates I always did tell them what I really do on a day to day basis. That meant my dates were attracted to someone creative or worked in a creative industry.. I attracted many Graphic Designers as well.. ( my wife for example ). Now if I told them I worked in TV/Video, even though the basic same industry I wouldn't have been conveying who I really was during my work day right. The ownership stuff in my story never got bad reactions once I told them... Maybe the girl was looking for a way out and she just used what was easy and in front of her at the time.. If I were you though I would hone what you do better to not misrepresent yourself. Why not just say the finance industry.. banking and regulation... That is what I said, finance industry and regulation. Same industry, just different job. You say investment banker in these areas, h it's like a witch hunt. It was not to hurt or misrepresent, but to like me for me, like I liked her for her. Though, you can see, maybe something was up with the extreme differences in living. Everything else I was crystal clear with. Though, the Ferrari in the garage may had thrown things off a bit.
Mad Max Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I have to admit; for women that make top money(I know one that's a lawyer), they would be doing the exact same thing. For any women here that make great money, they're really in no place to say anything because they're in the same position as the guy that's an investment banker.
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I actually can see why you would do this. If you are surrounded by duplicitious women who would lie right to your face because they are only after your money, you might almost have to do what you are doing to ward off the gold-diggers. Yea, I did not do it to hurt her, just to make sure she was with me for me. Then she had somethings happen in her life which she really could not handle well, so I suggested a break and she agreed. She said we'll still keep in touch cause I enjoy being with you. Never heard from her. So I called her, a few months later and she said you lied to me where I worked and she was such a moron for dating me. She also started dating someone a month after I left. I am just surprised on how things came about. Very sad and upset too.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 If this is true then you are also saying that 9/10 guys are dense. For those of you that fall into this category, let me help you out: http://m.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Gold-Digger While that is fairly helpful for catching the Anna Nicole-Smith types... I have run up against some that are much more normal acting. In fact my last GF made 100k/yr by herself. She still fits several points on this Wiki List.
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Jimbo.. Maybe she felt so out of place socially at the point she knew what you did and felt that she couldn't or didn't want to keep up in your arena or maybe she just felt that you devalued her in the fashion that your white lie was more a huge change in lifestyles.. It also might have made her feel cheap.. just a guess though... she might have thought you were looking for easy and cheap.. 75k-400k.. huge difference. Just throwing this stuff out there.. When I dated I never really gave much of an impression either way about my lifestyle.. not that I'm rich or anything. After we would start to date it would come out quicker.. the house in the mountains.. power boats.. that kind of stuff would give me away and the talk was right around the corner about my career. What about telling them quicker what you do.. say when they see the Ferrari ?
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Yup. If she can't understand why the guy made that choice... and her only response is some emotional knee jerk.... "but he lied"... It means she isn't quality to begin with. Probably wont be a good mother or partner long term. Haha! What a novel perspective! A woman who does not react to lying with "understanding" is not "QUALITY" and would not make a good mother or partner longterm? Hee! Well, I guess she would not make a good partner for a liar! I can understand why someone who is a liar would require a mate who was "understanding" of lying. That is certainly true! There's a whole other world out here though, where we DON'T have to be understanding about lying, because we hang out with honest people. I do so hope, UF, that your "understanding of liars" standard works the other way as well. I mean, if a guy is dating a woman who works as a stripper and she tells him that she is a bank teller ONLY because she knows that he will react poorly to her real job and probably dump her, he will be understanding about her reasons for lying and be fine with it. UF, I'm just pulling your leg. Of course you don't think that men should be understanding about women who lie to them. In fact, I have to believe that your post about women who don't accept lying to not be "QUALITY" was just supposed to be a funny.
PrettyinInk Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 i honestly would not even know the difference between the salaries of the two occupations you have stated... maybe the red flag should be when the woman know the salaries of all occupations
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 She saw it in the garage. This is when she started to sleep over. Just surprised at her reaction and that she moved on so quick to sleep another guy all for this? Or, was it because I suggested the break and then wanted to come back to her later? Unlike her, I did not date anyone between the break and then when I tried to reconnect.
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Haha! What a novel perspective! A woman who does not react to lying with "understanding" is not "QUALITY" and would not make a good mother or partner longterm? Hee! Well, I guess she would not make a good partner for a liar! I can understand why someone who is a liar would require a mate who was "understanding" of lying. That is certainly true! There's a whole other world out here though, where we DON'T have to be understanding about lying, because we hang out with honest people. I do so hope, UF, that your "understanding of liars" standard works the other way as well. I mean, if a guy is dating a woman who works as a stripper and she tells him that she is a bank teller ONLY because she knows that he will react poorly to her real job and probably dump her, he will be understanding about her reasons for lying and be fine with it. UF, I'm just pulling your leg. Of course you don't think that men should be understanding about women who lie to them. In fact, I have to believe that your post about women who don't accept lying to not be "QUALITY" was just supposed to be a funny. Big difference from bank teller and stripper. We are talking here finance regulation and investment banker. Mine was at least the same industry.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I have to admit; for women that make top money(I know one that's a lawyer), they would be doing the exact same thing. For any women here that make great money, they're really in no place to say anything because they're in the same position as the guy that's an investment banker. Did you miss my post? Me: Advanced education, former owner of very successful business, current owner of valuable assets. Him: Truck driver with no assets. No lying, no insecurities about this potential imbalance on either side. To the OP: You and she were probably not going to work out. Don't lie. No need to tell all - Art Critic gave good advice on that. Have enough confidence in yourself that you will be able to pass by women who don't want you for more than what you earn. Lying about your job can actually "reek" of insecurity, as another poster said - whether you are aggrandizing or minimizing. Reeking is never an attractive quality.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Big difference from bank teller and stripper. We are talking here finance regulation and investment banker. Mine was at least the same industry. I get that! Really! My contention is with the poster who said that a "quality" woman would "understand" a man's "reason" for lying. I wondered if such a standard worked both ways. I probably could have used a better example, like stripper claiming to be cocktail waitress? I do understand where you were coming from but I don't think you did the right thing. I DO agree with Art that you don't have to tell all. "Financial industry" would be fine until a time for fuller disclosure came around.
Mad Max Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Did you miss my post? Me: Advanced education, former owner of very successful business, current owner of valuable assets. Him: Truck driver with no assets. No lying, no insecurities about this potential imbalance on either side. To the OP: You and she were probably not going to work out. Don't lie. No need to tell all - Art Critic gave good advice on that. Have enough confidence in yourself that you will be able to pass by women who don't want you for more than what you earn. Lying about your job can actually "reek" of insecurity, as another poster said - whether you are aggrandizing or minimizing. Reeking is never an attractive quality. Women care more about money than men do. Not to say that there aren't male golddiggers, but this issue is more common with women.
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 If an when I get into another relationship, I know better. This has never been an issue before in previous ones.
denise_xo Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 That is what I said, finance industry and regulation. Same industry, just different job. You say investment banker in these areas, h it's like a witch hunt. It was not to hurt or misrepresent, but to like me for me, like I liked her for her. Though, you can see, maybe something was up with the extreme differences in living. Everything else I was crystal clear with. Though, the Ferrari in the garage may had thrown things off a bit. Well, I'm sure that logic works for some women, and I sympathise with your dilemma. But for me and others who have posted to the contrary, it won't - and it obviously didn't for this woman that you had met, either. I realise it might feel like a catch 22, but given diversity in human beings the idea that all women will be gold diggers won't always work out in practice. I am reluctant to accept the idea that it's impossible to find out before it's 'too late'. I myself have married into a relation where it would be natural (and arguably stupid and naive not) to suspect, from a pure structural point of view, that he might have wanted to marry me to get a different passport. I was capable of reading this person enough to know that this wasn't the case, and to know that he was genuine, before I took the decision to tie the knot. Years later, I can still very confidently say that I wasn't wrong.
O'Malley Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I don't think that your ex was content in the relationship for other reasons and simply wanted to move on when you broke up with her. She tossed out a left field comment to put the fault back on you. It had little to do with the downplaying of your career and finances. As others have said, just mention that you are in the finance industry when initially meeting new women. As you become better acquainted, tell them more about your job and gauge their response to it. Lying outright or giving off an continuous air of paranoia about having to fend off gold diggers (and I'm not saying that you do this) would be a turn off.
NoLongerSad Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Don't ever lie. If you don't want to talk about your job, just say: "Hey I don't like to talk about work when I'm relaxing."
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I have to admit; for women that make top money(I know one that's a lawyer), they would be doing the exact same thing. For any women here that make great money, they're really in no place to say anything because they're in the same position as the guy that's an investment banker. I fully disagree, one million times over. As an attorney, I've never lied about what I do for a living, or downplayed it. Neither have any of my attorney friends, male or female.
welikeincrowds Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 (edited) As an attorney No wonder you're so contentious. Edited November 23, 2010 by welikeincrowds added smiley to prevent litigation
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Last edited by welikeincrowds; Today at 5:26 PM.. Reason: added smiley to prevent litigation hahahaha.......
Crazy Magnet Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 What would make me angry about the lie is that at the point of SLEEPING AT YOUR HOUSE (and I presume having sex with you) you were STILL lying about your income/job. If you liked her enough to stick your dick in it you should have liked her enough to be honest about what you do. "So I like you enough to sleep with you but not enough to explain that really expensive car you just saw in my garage." I personally would have confronted you on it on the spot and if you still lied to me I would have left for good.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 No wonder you're so contentious. What's everyone else's (your) excuse? Back on topic... I don't think keeping it within the same industry even matters. It's like saying I was legal secretary when I was up for partnership. If you're concerned about details being bait for gold diggers, be vague until you know they're not into you for your money. Honest, but vague.
Titania22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I don't think it's anybodies business if you don't want to tell them what you do or how much you earn or how many assets you have. None of those things have anything to do with who you are as a person. Just because we live in a society that pushes full disclosure doesn't mean it is always a good thing. And I rather like the idea of being loved for who I am and not what I have. If someone I was with couldn't understand lies for that reason, then they are too small minded and petty for me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Haha! What a novel perspective! A woman who does not react to lying with "understanding" is not "QUALITY" and would not make a good mother or partner longterm? Hee! Well, I guess she would not make a good partner for a liar! I can understand why someone who is a liar would require a mate who was "understanding" of lying. That is certainly true! There's a whole other world out here though, where we DON'T have to be understanding about lying, because we hang out with honest people. I do so hope, UF, that your "understanding of liars" standard works the other way as well. I mean, if a guy is dating a woman who works as a stripper and she tells him that she is a bank teller ONLY because she knows that he will react poorly to her real job and probably dump her, he will be understanding about her reasons for lying and be fine with it. UF, I'm just pulling your leg. Of course you don't think that men should be understanding about women who lie to them. In fact, I have to believe that your post about women who don't accept lying to not be "QUALITY" was just supposed to be a funny. In my opinion a quality woman... would be able to understand the desire of a successful guy to take that out of the equation early in the dating process. Lying being the worst way to achieve that affect. Where a woman to do the same to me... lie or be intentionally vague early in the relationship to make sure I'm actually interested in her... then yes... I would similarly be forgiving. There is a difference between hiding a positive... and hiding a negative. Lieing about living with your parents is not the same as lieing about owning and living in a mansion. For that reason your stripper analogy does not fit this scenario. That is equivalent to the dbag that lies to make his job sound better. And yes... if you lack empathy and emotional IQ... you will struggle to be a good mother. These are qualities I think are must haves... I value them more than physical characteristics. I don't think it's anybodies business if you don't want to tell them what you do or how much you earn or how many assets you have. None of those things have anything to do with who you are as a person. Just because we live in a society that pushes full disclosure doesn't mean it is always a good thing. And I rather like the idea of being loved for who I am and not what I have. If someone I was with couldn't understand lies for that reason, then they are too small minded and petty for me. I think I agree... though I'm not 100% sure how to read that last sentence.
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