jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Women, if your guy said a white lie, would you break up with him or not talk to him again? Let's say, he lied about his occupation. His reasoning was for the woman to like him for him, not for what he earns.
Thierro Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Don't be sorry for who you are. If a girl doesn't like YOU; good riddance. Especially when it's about something shallow like a job or income. Never lie about yourself; this only portraits a low self-confidence.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Don't be sorry for who you are. If a girl doesn't like YOU; good riddance. Especially when it's about something shallow like a job or income. Never lie about yourself; this only portraits a low self-confidence. Or issues. You can usually tell who are the gold diggers. Their eyes usually start glinting when you talk about how much you make. But some girls are not like like that. They may be curious about your job but they never hold it against you whether you're a janitor or a lawyer. The only thing they will ever hold against you is your tendency to lie.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 A guy who felt he needed to misrepresent himself for any reason would not be likely to interest me.
slownumbers81 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Yes, I would break up with someone that did that. You need trust, honesty, and good communication to build a relationship. If I couldn't trust someone to tell the truth about the small things, I wouldn't trust them in the big. P.S. White lies, black lies... really, a lie is just a lie period.
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Don't be sorry for who you are. If a girl doesn't like YOU; good riddance. Especially when it's about something shallow like a job or income. Never lie about yourself; this only portraits a low self-confidence. This.... Jimbo.. this white lie.. was it an omission or did you outright lie about what you do ? The reason I ask is that I always left out that I was the boss at work and owned the company when I would tell a prospective date what I did.. I would say that I work in Advertising or Graphic Arts.. 3d and Animation or some off shoot of that. So I never lied.. I just didn't tell them who I was at work till after we were dating and got to know each other better. There were a few people that I dated who knew up front but for the most part I always left out the business owner stuff till later on after they passed the sniff test..
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Women, if your guy said a white lie, would you break up with him or not talk to him again? Let's say, he lied about his occupation. His reasoning was for the woman to like him for him, not for what he earns. Jimbo... this is a really tough one. I think the women who have responded so far don't get it. They say stuff like "I want a man with ambition and drive, or success"... it's all just a codeword for money. If you don't make much money... I say just be yourself and be honest about it. Don't tell her that your a brain surgeon or some bullcrap. If you have a great career and lots of money... that's tougher. You hear the term Gold Digger thrown around like these women have it tattooed on their forehead. Those types of women come in varying degrees and it's really hard to pick them out... because there are just so many. I have personally struggled with this issue a lot. There really isn't a great answer. So far the best approach I've used to to be brutally honest about not wanting to talk about it. It's many times a date killer... I'm not sure why. I assume because most american women are "gold digger" types but refuse to admit it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Wow. In MY world (where most of you evidently don't live), how a person spends most of their waking hours is an integral part of them and a very interesting and valid topic for conversation. How a person feels about what he or she does with most of their time is super important. And, if someone prefers not to get involved with a person with a specific occupation which they might have problems with, that is perfectly valid as well ... isn't it? Lots of guys here don't want to date a stripper. There is a current thread where the OP is wary about firefighters. What is the big fear about golddiggers? If somebody takes advantage of you financially, you were a volunteer unless they were a bona fide criminal con. Don't buy people expensive gifts or pay their bills if you are so worried about that. It seems simple. I do agree with Art Critic that withholding some info about ones profession could be fine, like how much money you make or if you own the company, etc.
denise_xo Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Women, if your guy said a white lie, would you break up with him or not talk to him again? Let's say, he lied about his occupation. His reasoning was for the woman to like him for him, not for what he earns. Speaking for myself, it would be a big, red flag. I can confidently say I'm (consciously or subconsciously) not in the 'gold digger' category as I've always made more money than my partner.
Green Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 It's not really a white lie to misrepresent who you are and what you do for a living. A white lie is like when you tell some one you like their car or hair cut they are proud of..... Telling a girl you have a job you don't is more like a regular lie and its disrespectful and insulting. Just curious did you have a particular occupation in mind? were you going to tell girls you were a professional surfer?
O'Malley Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 The big issue for me? It would lend credence to the belief that you are also lying about other major aspects of your life. Not disclosing salary or what your full responsibilities entail is fine. I'm more concerned that someone is fiscally responsible and can support themselves.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Wow. In MY world (where most of you evidently don't live), how a person spends most of their waking hours is an integral part of them and a very interesting and valid topic for conversation. How a person feels about what he or she does with most of their time is super important. And, if someone prefers not to get involved with a person with a specific occupation which they might have problems with, that is perfectly valid as well ... isn't it? Lots of guys here don't want to date a stripper. There is a current thread where the OP is wary about firefighters. What is the big fear about golddiggers? If somebody takes advantage of you financially, you were a volunteer unless they were a bona fide criminal con. Don't buy people expensive gifts or pay their bills if you are so worried about that. It seems simple. I do agree with Art Critic that withholding some info about ones profession could be fine, like how much money you make or if you own the company, etc. Why? Why do you think gold digger type women wear giant sandwich boards advertising it? 9/10 a guy doesn't realize it until they are married... at which point he is screwed. Not everyone has the same ability like Art to talk about their career a bit without dollar signs flashing in her head. Also... in my personal opinion any woman who can't love me despite what I do is a gold digger. If she can't love me as a janitor... gold digger... if she can't love me as a sanitation worker... gold digger... ect. Now... What % of the female population would you guess that rules out?
Green Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Why? Why do you think gold digger type women wear giant sandwich boards advertising it? 9/10 a guy doesn't realize it until they are married... at which point he is screwed. Not everyone has the same ability like Art to talk about their career a bit without dollar signs flashing in her head. Also... in my personal opinion any woman who can't love me despite what I do is a gold digger. If she can't love me as a janitor... gold digger... if she can't love me as a sanitation worker... gold digger... ect. Now... What % of the female population would you guess that rules out? I heard sanitation workers make a good buck in most places in the USA although it ain't as impressive(sexy) as being a sucessful business owner or doctor ect.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Why? Why do you think gold digger type women wear giant sandwich boards advertising it? 9/10 a guy doesn't realize it until they are married... at which point he is screwed. All I can say to that is: I know dozens (maybe even hundreds) of married couples where this dynamic is not at play in any aspect. It appears to be a particular problem of yours. I'm sorry. Also... in my personal opinion any woman who can't love me despite what I do is a gold digger. If she can't love me as a janitor... gold digger... if she can't love me as a sanitation worker... gold digger... ect. Now... What % of the female population would you guess that rules out? Well, you're entitled to your opinion. In my own, a person has every right to want a mate with a profession that somehow fits with their own. If a woman is a lawyer, she might feel much more comfortable with another white collar worker than with a truck driver. It is an aspect of compatibility, for some people. Just like your own personal preference not to date strippers, or ex-strippers. For me personally, I don't care a bit. I have an advanced degree, owned a very successful sales company, have assets and resources and I'm deeply in love with a truck driver who has little materially. Takes all kinds, but if how a person spends 40+ hours per week is off bounds for conversation or grounds for lying, that would be an issue.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 All I can say to that is: I know dozens (maybe even hundreds) of married couples where this dynamic is not at play in any aspect. It appears to be a particular problem of yours. I'm sorry. I'm glad to hear some people move beyond this. Well, you're entitled to your opinion. In my own, a person has every right to want a mate with a profession that somehow fits with their own. If a woman is a lawyer, she might feel much more comfortable with another white collar worker than with a truck driver. It is an aspect of compatibility, for some people. Just like your own personal preference not to date strippers, or ex-strippers. For me personally, I don't care a bit. I have an advanced degree, owned a very successful sales company, have assets and resources and I'm deeply in love with a truck driver who has little materially. Takes all kinds, but if how a person spends 40+ hours per week is off bounds for conversation or grounds for lying, that would be an issue. If I worked in the sex industry... Im sure I would disclose that. Sure occupation is important to some degree. Which is why the topic is so hard... and I don't think it's reasonable to hold it against somebody if they downplay what they do. In fact I would go so far as to say it shows a lack of understanding and an inability to empathize with other peoples feelings or situation.
Mad Max Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I heard sanitation workers make a good buck in most places in the USA although it ain't as impressive(sexy) as being a sucessful business owner or doctor ect. Here in New York, they make about 70K a year, not including overtime. I work as a construction worker and in a few years, I'll be at about 80K. Just have to weed out the golddiggers.
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I'm an investment banker. So, I just tell them I work in finance regulation. So, same industry, just the pay scale is much lower. Myself and friends consistently have to look out for gold diggers and women who just want to be around money. I wasn't to be deceitful, it was to make sure money is not the reason why she was with me. Life got in the way of the relationship for both of us, so I suggested a break and she agreed. When I tried to reconnect with her, after I broke it off, she said I lied to her about that and did not want to talk or have anything to do with me again.
Star Gazer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 A guy who felt he needed to misrepresent himself for any reason would not be likely to interest me. This. I'd break up with him the moment I found out.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 [quote=Untouchable_Fire;3113575 In fact I would go so far as to say it shows a lack of understanding and an inability to empathize with other peoples feelings or situation. To believe that lying about ones occupation would be a deal breaker? Interesting perspective.
Chicago_Guy Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Women, if your guy said a white lie, would you break up with him or not talk to him again? Let's say, he lied about his occupation. His reasoning was for the woman to like him for him, not for what he earns. I am a guy, but I think that lying about your occupation to impress a woman is pathetic and really does reek of insecurity.
PrettyinInk Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 9/10 a guy doesn't realize it until they are married... at which point he is screwed. QUOTE] If this is true then you are also saying that 9/10 guys are dense. For those of you that fall into this category, let me help you out: http://m.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Gold-Digger
Mad Max Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I am a guy, but I think that lying about your occupation to impress a woman is pathetic and really does reek of insecurity. True, but guys that lie are more likely to boast about what they do, not downplay it.
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I'm an investment banker. So, I just tell them I work in finance regulation. So, same industry, just the pay scale is much lower. Myself and friends consistently have to look out for gold diggers and women who just want to be around money. I wasn't to be deceitful, it was to make sure money is not the reason why she was with me. Life got in the way of the relationship for both of us, so I suggested a break and she agreed. When I tried to reconnect with her, after I broke it off, she said I lied to her about that and did not want to talk or have anything to do with me again. Maybe she thought the finance regulator made more money That is a toughie.. I don't really know the difference between the careers you mentioned but it does sound like you misrepresented yourself somewhat. When I would leave out what I did to my dates I always did tell them what I really do on a day to day basis. That meant my dates were attracted to someone creative or worked in a creative industry.. I attracted many Graphic Designers as well.. ( my wife for example ). Now if I told them I worked in TV/Video, even though the basic same industry I wouldn't have been conveying who I really was during my work day right. The ownership stuff in my story never got bad reactions once I told them... Maybe the girl was looking for a way out and she just used what was easy and in front of her at the time.. If I were you though I would hone what you do better to not misrepresent yourself. Why not just say the finance industry.. banking and regulation...
Author jimbo Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I am a guy, but I think that lying about your occupation to impress a woman is pathetic and really does reek of insecurity. I was doing the OPPOSITE. LOWERING my occupation so the money I make is not the issue she is/was with me. Big difference in lifestyle when making 400k + a year to 75k a year. So, I thought, if she could have an interest in me earning a lower salary, then she was with me for me not for my high salary and the good lifestyle so many people see and read on tv and in magazines.
Chicago_Guy Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I am a guy, but I think that lying about your occupation to impress a woman is pathetic and really does reek of insecurity. I hadn't read the OP's second post before I replied. So he is clearly not lying to impress a woman, but to ward off gold-diggers? I think I understand why he would do that. I bet that some women would be excited to find out he made a lot more money than they originally thought, although I bet that some would be turned off by the fact that he probably works far longer hours as an investment banker than he would have if he really did have that lower-level job he lied about having.
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